I am an Orphan

I was conceived, and the boy-child God chose to be my father made his own choice. He left. Discarded. Leaving my mother, barely more than a girl, to be both mother and father, nurturer and provider. Once in my growing years and twice in my grown years, I implored him to accept me, acknowledge me. I was told that he did not need a reminder of his sinful past. Despised.

There was a "Dad" in my world for a short hiccup in time. At least that was the name I called him. But a name does not a father make. My childhood memories of him are laced with the lingering sting of disappointment. Unloved. As a woman-child with baby growing inside, I pleaded with him to love me more than he loved his whiskey. That baby, now 12, knows nothing of this man I once called "Dad." Unwanted.

I was a teenager, and he tried to be "Dad." But in my heart I knew the truth about men. He would leave me, too. He didn't have a chance. Rather than risk more heartbreak and rejection, I turned away first. He gained the disdainful title of "step-dad" and his efforts were met with sneers and defiance. I already bore the names Discarded, Despised, Unloved, and Unwanted; I would not take the name Rejected. Instead, I gave it to him.

Time passed, life's pages turned. In the irony of this world, I chose a man who was destined to leave me. We started out a mess, did everything backwards and upside-down, we believed differently and lived as polar opposites. He didn't leave, and today he is Dad with a capital "D" and husband with a capital "L-O-V-E." But that is a story in its own right.

Time passed, life's pages turned, and he (the "step-dad") remained. I was a broken and bitter orphan, and his mistakes were repeated assurance to me that he would leave. But he did not leave. Though I named him Rejected and even Hated at times, he remained, he endured, he waited, he loved.

In my children, as all good grandparents do, he grasped onto the opportunity to rewrite his mistakes. He has laid on the floor smiling and chatting with each of my babes. He has driven remote control cars, put on pretend make-up, danced in the living room, built bird houses and sandboxes, cuddled, and wrestled. In those twelve years of seeing him be Grandpa to my brood, I watched and realized two things:

1. He will not leave me.
2. He is Dad.

I wasted many years keeping my distance, not trusting, being afraid. But the Lord is true to His Word, and He says, "I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten." (Joel 2:25) A swarm of locusts came in and devoured my trust in men, yet God gave me Step-Dad to restore that devastation.

For those of us left orphaned, God is Father to the Fatherless. (Psalm 68:5) We can (and along the way I did) find our strength, love, and hope in His paternity. He renames us: Indispensable, Esteemed, Loved, Wanted, Accepted. But every now and then, He sees us in our hopeless state and determines to go to great lengths to show His love. In my case, He did that by giving me the desire of my broken heart - an earthly Dad.

While I may still call him Lee, his very name writes the word "Father" on my heart. He chose to be the Dad he didn't have to be.

Kids Say the Darndest Things

Not long ago, while Malakai and Shea were spending the week at Grandma and Grandpa's house, I had the pleasure of overhearing the following conversation while on the phone with my mom.

Grandma was getting the kids into the bath, and just moments after she helped Kai get in we both heard him tell her, "Gama, I peed! Gama, pee!"

Before Grandma could say a word, Shea chimed in to reassure Kai, "It's okay, Kai. I do that all the time."

Needless to say, our telephone conversation was effectively over. It would have been impossible to talk over our hysterical gales of laughter.

Note to self: Make sure little people go pee before climbing in the bathtub.

Secrets to Make a Marriage Last

We are coming up on 11 years of marriage next month and the past 5 have been great! So what secrets did we unearth along the way to make things go from unbearable to enjoyable?

1. Grow up. Arguments went unresolved for days, issues were brought up over and again, and the goal was not to find unity, but to win. Eventually, we both realized that it could not always be about who was right.

2. Communicate. A little-known fact about communication: it is a two-way conversation. And the hearing part is much more important than the speaking part. I always thought communicating well was about presenting my argument better, convincing him of the superiority of my perspective. We learned that it is okay to let disagreements rest unresolved, as long as we both felt that we had been "heard."

3. Learn to speak Klingon. We all know men are from another planet, so why do we expect them to speak the same language as us? I may say "I love you" by doing his laundry or making his favorite dinner and thus expect him to say he loves me in the same way. But he prefers to say "I love you" by asking me to sit by his side and watch hockey with him. Learn what makes him understand your love, and try showing it that way. It is also okay to ask him to do the same for you.

4. Assume the best. My emotions tend to get the best of me, especially during a particular week of the month. My emotional response to careless words is, "He hurt me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't know me. He never did." My entire world shifted on its axis when I began to tell myself, "He didn't mean to hurt me. He loves me. It was not intentional. I should just forgive this and move on."

5. Laugh. We struggled with keeping our emotional cool during arguments. Things would move from heated to inferno with two misplaced words delivered on a raised voice. It was a cycle we couldn't break. So if things began to feel out-of-control, one of us would shout "Pickle!" in the midst of it. We would laugh, realize we needed to take a break, and schedule a time to revisit the issue. Annoyed by his bad habit of dropping dirty laundry on the floor, but knowing (through trial and error) that nagging would not change his habits, I offered him an apology. "Honey, I am sorry that I constantly put the laundry basket just three feet away from the spot where you'd like your dirty laundry to go." He laughed. Interestingly, the laundry is in the hamper at least 90% of the time.

6. Date. I've said it before - never underestimate the power of having time alone together doing something fun! Our dates nights help us remember that we actually like each other.

7. Absence does make the heart grow fonder! Spend time with friends. Encourage him to do the same. Same-sex friends provide an outlet that is completely different from the marriage relationship. We have found that we enjoy our time together more after having some time with friends. (As long as the time of absence is not greater than the time of being present, which is generally not very helpful for the marriage.)

8. Bless him. Recently, Pat was beyond busy at work and he was stressed. I knew that I couldn't do anything about his work, but I could reduce his stress here at home. So for those couple months, I took over the "blue" job of doing the garbages. Pat knows that I hate cooking, so on days when I'm particularly tired he frequently takes over for me.

9. Pray. For him to be the husband God wants him to be. For you to be the wife the God wants you to be. For a strong marriage. Together, if possible. We are still growing in the whole praying together thing, but I am certain that I can feel God's pleasure when we step out of our comfort zone and do it.

10. Don't neglect your "ministry." (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) If that was a bit too vague, perhaps it will help to know that this is the only ministry you will ever do fully un-clothed. (No personal examples here.)

I can't guarantee that using our secrets will work a miracle for you, but I wouldn't be surprised. After all, the fact that we are still married and happy is an absolute miracle for us!

M & M with me?

Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. ~Romans 12:11 (NIV)

Last weekend, while visiting the church my Aunt and Uncle attend, a banner sporting this verse caught my eye. I thought to myself, "Yes! That is what I want! I want to have zeal and fervor!"

When I come across a verse that resonates with me as this one did, I like to spend a few days meditating on it. This helps me take God's Word to heart and apply it to my life. This morning, as I begin meditating on Romans 12:11, I'm bringing you along for the ride. I am unsure if there is any proper theological basis in my method, but it works for me (and maybe it will work for you).

First, I like to look up the verse on biblegateway.com to see if there is a particular translation that I prefer. I love the word usage in the NIV for this verse - zeal and fervor are awesome words, but I gain new understanding of those words from the NIRV ("Never let the fire in your heart go out.") and the WE ("Do not hold back.") translations.

Next, I write out the verse on an index card. I stick the card in my pocket, so it's handy wherever I am. I will read and re-read the verse over the course of a few days - nothing passes the time waiting in lines better than rolling the Words of Scripture through your mind.

My usual third step is to take the key words from the passage and define them. Zeal is defined at thefreedictionary.com as: Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance. My shorthand interpretation: Enthusiastic devotion coupled with tireless diligence. Fervor (also at thefreedictionary.com) is: 1. Great warmth and intensity of emotion, and/or 2. Intense heat. My version: On fire for the Lord.

My fourth step is to meditate (or reflect) on the passage. Like I said, my preference is to take the verse with me. Other things I've tried include posting the index card somewhere I know I will see it (computer, fridge), tucking it in the book I'm currently reading, sticking it on the sun visor of my car. Sometimes, if I feel as though I'm just not "getting" what the Lord is trying to tell me in a passage, I will write out numerous copies and do all of the above.

One of the keys to meditation is not simply to read the verse over and over. I need to ask myself (and the Lord) questions about the verse. I'll give you a few examples. How would zeal look in my life? Are there areas where I am currently serving the Lord with passion? Are there areas I am serving but lacking in passion? Do I have spiritual fervor? If not, how can I gain it? What is God trying to say to me through this verse?

The final step I take is to memorize the verse. I generally stick to reciting the verse, out loud, over and over during my morning quiet time. As the words flow from my mouth more easily, I look at the index card less. My brain isn't as quick as it once was (yes, I am getting old!), so I find that it will take me a good two weeks of daily practice to feel confident that I am quoting one verse of Scripture correctly without looking.

As instructed by Beth Moore, I keep all of my verses for the year together (she uses a little spiral-bound index card pad, I use a big ring clip thingy) and once I'm done practicing my current verse I will go back through all my previous verses for the year. This keeps them fresh in my memory, and because I have also spent time meditating on most of them their meaning stays fresh in my heart each time I review.

If you don't generally do any Scripture meditation and memorization, I'd encourage you to give this simple method a try. In fact, I have a summer-time challenge for you! If you would like to join me in 3 months of m & m, there will be prizes on September 15th for those who push through! (Okay, if there are a few of you. If, by some strange act of God moving in lots of hearts, there are more than 5 girlfriends joining in, we'll have to have a draw or something.)

I realize it's short-notice (which is almost insurmountable for a planner like me), but let's start today! If you want to join me, just stick your name in the comments of this post to let me know. Then, pick a verse (it would be handy if you posted that in the comments as well), work on it for two weeks, and we'll gather again on Wednesday, June 30th with our next verse. Don't be discouraged if it's not coming easily! Persevere. If you need to work on one verse for a month to get it deep into your heart and memory - go ahead! The important thing is that God's Word will be "alive and active" in you!*

Even if you are already in the habit of m & m, I'd love for you to join me this summer. (Keeps me accountable!) And if you currently do m & m or have in the past - do you have any special tips that work for you?


* from Believing God, Beth Moore

Because Lists Make Me Happy

As if you didn't already know that!

1. For the life of me, I cannot seem to get through "If You Want to Walk on Water You've Got to Get Out of the Boat." It's good, yet I am not getting into it!

2. I am missing all the good TV shows. Good-bye Jack Bauer, good-bye Jack Shepherd, see ya later Jethro Gibbs, congratulations Daris.

3. My family is going on their first camping trip in our new travel trailer without me this weekend. I'm a bit jealous. I may be also just a wee bit concerned (the two-year-old is FAST).

4. Totally the best post I've read this week:

5. If you are interested in helping my friends Andrew and Deborah financially as they weather the next many months, we have set up a trust fund in their name. Email me for details.

6. My Grandma is 85-years-old! And she's as spry as she was at 65.

7. I have not managed to get myself to bed before midnight since May 28.

You got any totally random things to share?

Tribe

Do you have a tribe?

Imagine if you were in need, think of the people who would rally around you. Those people are your tribe.

I've always thought I had a tribe that consisted of certain people, but I wonder which ones would really be there and stick with me through the worst that life can dish out. I might be surprised to find that my tribe is made up of different people than I expect.

What if you don't have a tribe?

Look at the people around you. God has put you in proximity and relationship with each one of those people for a reason. Take time to get to know those people. Do nice things for them. Listen. Build your own tribe.

Seeing the many people caring for my friends reminded me of the importance of having a tribe. It's amazing to me - their tribe is made up of some people they've only recently met and some who were friends 10 years ago. Men, women, family, friends, co-workers, pastors. They are deeply loved by many. They are loved because they have loved others. They have invested time, energy, prayers, finances, and more into fostering relationships. I don't know if they've ever had an acquaintance - everyone they meet is a friend.

I always tell Deb that I want to be like her when I grow up. Even more so now. To have invested wisely and reap the benefits of all the seeds of love sown - that is what some may call the good life. Relationships make life's hardships bearable. And there is an absolute guarantee that those hardships will come. Your tribe will help you survive.

Do you have a tribe?

The Writing, It's In My Blood!

About a year ago, I was telling someone about the book I've been (ever so slowly) working on. She said to me, "So, you want to be a writer, eh?" I smiled and said, "I hope so." But inside my heart was pounding in my ears and I knew something I had never acknowledged before: I already am a writer, I always have been. The only difference was that I had begun pursuing becoming a published writer.

From the moment I was able to identify words on a page, I was obsessed with reading. I would devour book after book and in-between books I would weave together stories in my head. I fancied myself an aspiring novelist - probably a romance novelist. For a sixth grade writing project I submitted a 10-page short story complete with switching back-and-forth between simultaneous scenes (at least I learned something from all the after school soap opera watching). I journalled, I made up songs, I played with poetry. Toying with words was an addiction.

Somewhere along the road of life I learned that writers don't really make any money. Kinda like artists. And in my pursuit of an actual career where a predictable income was earned I went to university for my psychology degree. I did school and work and motherhood, eventually "settling" on motherhood for a season. I re-discovered God, began living my life with Him in mind, and found myself called to ministry. All the while, this writing gene lay dormant.

A few years back, a trendy and innovative friend (thanks Louise!) introduced me to a crazy thing called "blogging." My inner rebel (the one who refuses to join into anything that's "in") wanted to resist, but I was helpless against the siren song of the written word.

My old blog started out as a G (maybe PG) rated version of an online journal, but it wasn't long before I knew I wanted to write words that had purpose. Because if - ohmygoodness - there were actually people reading my words, it mattered to me that my words would somehow point them to Jesus.

I don't know if this book in my heart will ever make it onto a publisher's desk. I don't know if I will ever be able to build a platform large enough to satisfy the publishing world's requirements. I don't even know if, when it's all down on paper, the words will make any sense whatsoever. But I do know this - writers write. It's what we do. Not necessarily because we have a project to finish or a deadline to meet. We write because it's part of us.

My hope and prayer is that the message God has placed in my heart will get out there, that it will help others, change lives, and draw women closer to God. So I will pursue that dream. (But even if it doesn't come to pass, I will keep on writing.)

As one small part of the work toward the goal of getting published, I have registered for She Speaks - a conference that offers equipping for writers, speakers, and women's ministry leaders - for the second year in a row, this time with the focus of learning how to build my platform (though I have still requested publisher meetings because, well, you never know!). While I know there are bigger things going on in the world, I would like to humbly ask for your prayers. I registered for this conference, feeling the nudge by God to do so, but knowing that we did not have the means to cover all the costs involved. Right now I sit in a place of waiting on the Lord, believing that if I really should be there He will provide. So I ask that you pray for me to be patient, to have peace, and to trust. Because I tell ya, waiting is hard!

By the way, if any publishing people out there are reading this post, I would like to assure you that my sentence structure is much more correct in book format. :)

In the Trenches Together

Do you have a friend that you would move heaven and earth for if she needed it?

I have a couple people I love so deeply that when they hurt, I hurt.

Last week I spent every waking hour with one of those special women. My home was the ICU waiting room, her friends and family became mine. I fought a few battles on her behalf and dried a few tears. I cracked inappropriate jokes to make her laugh and said curse words to share in her anger and frustration. We spent a week in the trenches together, and it was sad and beautiful all in one breath.

Lots of people are telling me that I'm so great, so sacrificial, such a good friend. But the truth is, I'm not any of those things.

I am not great, I am weak. I offered my weak efforts of encouragement, prayer, grief, and laughter. But so many others came into that place strong - warriors ready to stand and fight, intercede, and more. I was just sitting beside my girlfriend.

I am not sacrificial, I am selfish. I wanted to feel like I was doing something - needed to feel it - so I went. I certainly missed my family this week, but the greater sacrifice was offered by all those who cared for them while I was away. My husband and his dad held down the fort here with 3 school-aged kids and a dog. A kind friend served them dinner one evening. My mom and dad took care of the two little kids, as did two blessed friends during the daytime hours. My father-in-law stood in the school gym watching one child receive an award at school. My parents held down a wailing child as a doctor wove two stitches of thread through a head-gash. While I spend hours in the company of a dear friend, they did all the hard stuff.

I am not a good friend, I am a pathetic friend. So pathetic that I needed to be by her side just as much as she may have needed me there (maybe more). I took my comfort in being there, hands-on, "in the loop." In fact, there are these tiny twinges of feeling as though I'm missing out on something very special now that I am no longer having girlfriend sleepovers every night.

I can't possibly be considered great, sacrificial, or a good friend when I gained so much more than I gave. I gained a deeper, truer, realer (I know, not a word) friendship. I gained a brother and a whole bunch of extended family. I gained perspective on what and who is important. I gained wisdom about planning for the future and protecting our family in the event of crisis. I had the joy of fellowshipping (another non-word) with my old church family. I saw and heard of hundreds of miracles. I got the warm, fuzzy feeling that comes from being appreciated and needed.

It was a blessing to me, this past week. I felt so loved, so needed, so special. I thank you, Deb, for the privilege of being your friend. I am honored that you trusted me to be there with you and advocate for you. Seeing so many people love you and your family made my heart grow. And seeing your husband look at you and your kids with love in his eyes (following several days of unconsciousness) was an exceptional moment in my life. Our God is so big that I cannot possibly fathom it, but by allowing me to share in your first week of a long, long journey you allowed me a glimpse of the Miracle Worker at work. I miss you!

Going on His Strength

I'm sure lots of people haven't noticed my absence this week, but for those few friends who have I thought I'd let you know where I've been.

I am spending my time in an ICU waiting room. My friend's husband was in a serious accident, and I am here with her. Days are long and emotional. Nights are short and restless. The food is, well, hospital food. But the fellowship is blessed, the prayers are anointed, and the humour is bordering on ridiculous.

I have a thousand blog posts stirring in my mind, but limited computer access on a 15-year-old computer. (The above paragraphs took me 8 minutes to type on this sticky, old keyboard.) So they will have to wait until next week to move from my brain to my fingertips.

I ask that you be in prayer for my beautiful friend, Deborah and her family. Andrew's injuries are extensive and he has not yet regained consciousness (accident was Sat AM). The children - 5 of them - are worried and waiting. If you would like to pray specifically and be updated you can become a fan of the facebook page "Pray for Andrew Carpenter" or send me an email to be added to the distribution list. If you want to help the family, you will also find information (on facebook) about how to contribute financially and help keep things afloat for the many months of recovery and rehabilitation.

I'll be back later. Thanks for hanging out on this here blog space with me. Each and every one of you readers is a blessing and an encouragement to me. I love you like I know you!

Toothless Wonders

Megan - age 7 yrs, 1 mo; teeth lost = 7

Abbey - age 8 yrs, 4 mo; teeth lost = 5 (Finally!)

Our new favourite family pastime is to make them say words with lots of "s"es and giggle.

Something Beautiful

Hey now, this is my desire
Consume me like a fire
'Cause I just want
Something Beautiful
To touch me

I know that I'm in reach
'Cause I am down on my knees
Waiting for
Something Beautiful

~written and performed by Need to Breathe

Maturity, does it equal boredom?

Do you ever wonder what happens to us when we become "mature" Christians? What changes? How do we get there? How did others get there?

A few things come to my mind when I think "mature" Christian:
- long walk with God
- enduring in faith through life's ups and downs
- in the Word every day
- praying for hours at a time
- faith that is calm (in contrast to the "fiery" and exuberant faith of a new believer)
- serene
- bored and boring (yes, I said it!).

There is a part of me that admires and aspires to be like the women I know who have walked with God for what seems like forever. But there is this tiny part of me that whispers, "Please Lord, don't let it be boring!"

Maybe you remember my prayers for the year of 2009? I prayed for God to unsettle me. I asked Him not to let me get too comfortable. He answered, and answered, and answered, and answered again!

This year, I began praying that the Lord would consecrate me (make me holy and set apart for His purposes). I didn't want to settle for a faith that was simply "good enough." But in the back of my mind I was also reminding Him that I didn't want to be bored (or boring).

For a short time, I let my heart drift away from His. I was bored AND boring. I had created my own little self-fulfilling prophecy (think that it will be lackluster and you will surely end up disinterested). But I was not, as I feared, uninspired because of maturity. I grew apathetic because I was slowly emptying of that which fills me - His Spirit. What little of Him I had inside of me was seeping out through my many cracks. As those cracks are pieced back together, and I feel the filling up happening again, things* are happening.

Guess what - deciding to be a "grown up" in the faith is far from humdrum! No, I sense that I am about to embark on an escapade of God-sized proportions!

I suspect that maturity is not tedious at all, but that it comes from maintaining a sense of peace, faith, and trust while riding life's ups and downs, over and over again. I am beginning to realize that the quest to become established and settled is probably one of the most adventurous journeys we can embark on!

No one is ever bored on a roller coaster! Some people - those familiar with its nausea-inducing motion - may appear a bit blase as they take their hundredth loop-de-loop, but we must be careful not to mistake their composure for apathy. If we were to hook them up to a biometrics machine, the heart rates of the experienced rider would be no slower than the shrieking 13-year-old boy's in the front row. Their composure is gained by holding fast, practicing lots, and the total faith (that comes with much experience) of knowing that they will not fall.

* things defined: life's ups and downs; stretching; growing; finding oneself in need of God's amazing provision; praying; seeking; obeying in spite of obstacles and doubt

In other words, not a single prayer said on our behalf would be wasted right now!

Family Funnies

Our family had a fantastic long weekend in the mountains! We drove, we hiked, we toured a town of days gone by, we hot tubbed, we rode a train, we visited the world's largest cuckoo clock, we toured a mine, we swam, we ate too much and slept too little. (At this juncture, I would like to post some pictures of our family fun. Unfortunately, my computer's card reader is not in the mood to read my camera's memory card and the USB cord for my camera is playing hide-n-seek. You'll have to settle for a cute little story instead.)

Shea: Dad! Look at that mountain! It's so big! The trees are higher than the sky!

Abbey: Sometimes, when the trees are waving in the wind, it kinda looks like they are worshipping God.

Mom: I bet they are! It says in the Bible that even the rocks cry out to worship the Lord.

Megan: Mom, what about the rocks that aren't Christians?

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Malakai, at age 2 1/2, is really becoming a talker! Here are our two favourite sayings of his:

Shake a booty! (said in a sing-songy way while bopping his head up and down)

I nu no. (I don't know. His standard reply to any question beginning in "Where is....")

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This post is linked up to Tiny Talk Tuesday.

The Tragedy of the Unopened Gift

In his book If You Want To Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat, John Ortberg speaks of those people who stop growing and allow themselves to become stagnant "boat potatoes." He quotes Gregg Levoy's description of the "common cold of the soul."

To sinful patterns of behavior that never get confronted and changed,
Abilities and gifts that never get cultivated and deployed -
Until weeks become months
And months turn into years,
And one day you're looking back on a life of
Deep intimate gut-wrenchingly honest conversations you never had;
Great bold prayers you never prayed,
Exhilarating risks you never took,
Sacrificial gifts you never offered,
Lives you never touched,
And you're sitting in a recliner with a shriveled soul,
And forgotten dreams,
And you realize there was a world of desperate need,
And a great God calling you to be part of something bigger than yourself -
You see the person you could have become but did not;
You never followed your calling.
You never got out of the boat

Ortberg goes on to say, "there is no tragedy like the tragedy of the unopened gift."

Are You Burying Your Talents? Or Do You Even Know What They Are?

I am surprised by the number of Christians who have no idea what their spiritual gifts are! (This is coming from a girl who LOVES to fill out quizzes, personality tests, and so on. I mean, don't we all love to do those? Or is it just me?) We all seem to be aware that God gives us certain gifts when we accept Christ, but many believers (even many long-time believers) don't seem to be too interested in finding out what they are. Or perhaps we are interested, but no one has given us the tools to figure it out!

I believe that it is vital for us to try to understand our gifts (to the best that we can in our limited human knowledge), so that we can ensure we are using them to serve in Kingdom purposes.

To that end, I have a link to a spiritual gifts inventory for you. :) As far as I can tell, this online one seems to be the most similar to the paper one that is typically used in evangelical churches. If you do go complete this inventory (whether to discover some of your gifts for the first time, or to re-evaluate after a few years and see which ones are showing up stronger over time), I'd love for you to post your top few (or several) in the comments.

In fitting with my series on Building Your Ministry, I would also strongly recommend you have everyone on your team do a spiritual gifts inventory of some sort! You will find that your team will be empowered by the knowledge of their gifts, and both you and they will be able to evaluate if they are serving in the right area. Nothing is worse than working outside of your area of gifting - that kind of experience makes a girl feel utterly discouraged and worn down by her ministry. Wait, one thing is worse - that would be not using those gifts for the glory of God at all!

Before you complete the survey, here are a few things to think about:

- In school, how did you BEST complete multiple choice exams? Did you do best going quickly and with your gut instinct, or slowly and thoughtfully? It’s best to view this in the same way. (I told one friend to go with her gut – like I tend to – and her results were fairly skewed, but when she went back and did it her way – methodically – the results made much more sense for her!)

- Are you an “all or nothing” girl? Or do you tend to be more “middle of the road?” (Some of us will have a few gifts that we score VERY high on and a few that are VERY low, while others will see less of a range between the top and bottom numbers. For example, if I recall correctly my top score was 29 or something ridiculous! My best friend’s top score was 15. The score does not measure the strength or intensity of the gift! The actual number does not matter as it compares to others; only use the numbers to gauge which of your gifts appears to be strongest and which are weakest. What matters is – which gifts come in the top half of your scoring?)

- Over time, our spiritual gifts may appear to change. The truth is that God imparts every spiritual gift He intends for us the moment we accept Christ. Our gifts remain for our lifetime. BUT, we may not discover some of our gifts at first. It is through relationship with God and serving Him that we grow spiritually and develop the gifts He has given to us. (An example from my life: Six years ago I completed a spiritual gifts inventory and found exhortation and pastoring to be smack dab in the middle. This led me to think I wasn’t really gifted in those areas. Now, they are among my top few. I believe that God gave those gifts to me, but until I spent some time in ministry using those gifts and developing them, they didn’t show up as strongly. You might find that evangelism sits in the middle for you, and if you’re like me you’ll breathe a sigh of relief! LOL! But then God may put a few people in your path who need to know God… Do the questionnaire again in a few years and you may find that evangelism is higher.)

Well, go ahead! What are you waiting for? I assure you, reading the list of spiritual gifts beside your name will be encouraging, inspiring, and FUN!

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ~James 1:17

Building Your Ministry, part two (continued) - How to Love on Your Team

If it feels like we're starting in the middle of a post, it's because we are! A really, really long time ago, I addressed point #1 - invest time. As promised, we'll tackle points #2 and #3 here (if I can remember what they are!).

Part 1
Part 2a

In developing a new ministry or in building up a ministry that's already running, a team of committed volunteers (and/or staff) are needed to make things happen. Finding people to join your team may not be as difficult as you think (but that's for another post on another day); but keeping people committed to the team, the ministry, you (their leader), and of course to the work God is doing through the ministry - well that task, it takes hard work!

How to make your team feel loved...

#2 - Pay Attention:

If you are a wife, you already know how important this is. Because the first time your husband does NOT pay attention to the details of life, it hurts! Has your man ever forgotten your wedding anniversary or your birthday? Ouch! Women like to know that they matter. Don't we?

One quick and easy way to show your team that you are paying attention to their needs is to spend five minutes putting their important dates into your calendar - birthdays, anniversaries, vacation days, surgeries, kids' milestones (such as weddings or graduations). Then, let your team know you remember these dates. It only takes a minute to send a greeting card by email. Sometimes, you may want to do something a little "bigger" and get your team in on purchasing a joint gift or throwing a party (big # birthdays and anniversaries, baby showers, etc.).

It's also important to pay attention to what's happening in the lives of your team. At the end of the meeting, when you take prayer requests (isn't that always the way?!), and someone on your team asks for prayer for a sick child or marital struggles, don't just pray for it and forget about it. Check in with her in a few days or a couple weeks (depending on how long-term the need may be) and ask how it's going. Let her know you've been praying. That small act of remembering her needs will make her feel absolutely treasured by you!

As a leader, it's also vital to learn specifics about the women on your team. What is her love language (in other words, what's the best way you can encourage her in her own language)? What are her spiritual gifts (and do you have her serving in a role that's using them)? What are her strengths, skills, and abilities (how can you help her develop these further)? What are her limitations (and how can you help her overcome them or work around them)?

#3 - Listen AND Hear

A new friend of mine is involved with the women's ministry of her church. She is passionate about meeting the needs of the women and drawing them to Christ, and she is chalk full of fantastic ideas on how to make that happen in the particular area of ministry that she serves in. God has called her to this ministry, of that I have no doubt!

My friend, though, is dangerously close to calling it quits and stepping away for good.

You see, when she voices her ideas in meetings, she is discouraged by the "old hats" on the team. They always have a reason why her idea just won't work. Half the time they won't even let her get the whole idea out before they shut her down and move on. When she sends an email, IF she actually receives a reply from her team lead (it's about a 50-50 split), the standard reply is, "Thanks for your input."

How to listen:
- Make eye contact.
- Let the person complete their thought.
- Even if your gut reaction is to reject the idea, take time to consider it.
- Reply to emails promptly.
- Use more words than necessary (while many of us are "get to the point" kinda gals, more often than not our team feels shut down and/or rejected by brief and abrupt conversations or emails).
- Always thank people for being willing to share ideas.
- Remember to whom the credit goes for a great suggestion (record it in your meeting minutes, so everyone knows who is responsible for innovative thinking).

How to HEAR:
- Always follow-up! If you have said you will consider an idea, make sure you get back to your team member once you've made a decision.
- Ask, "What do you think?" Then actually pay attention to what she thinks.
- Wherever possible, allow your team members the freedom to make their own decisions in ministry. (Experiencing our own successes builds confidence. Experiencing our own struggles builds character.)
- Remember that ministry is not just about the women in the congregation and community. As a ministry leader, your greatest ministry is to your team. Your job is to meet their need for validation, mentoring, and encouragement!
- Don't forget that God placed each woman on your team with you for your growth, too! Each of them is there to bring wisdom and discernment. Overlooking their thoughts, feelings, and ideas could just as easily be ignoring where God is leading you!

Want to build a leadership team for your ministry that endures? A team that sticks together? A team that is sold out for your ministry's vision? A team that is loyal and steadfast? Invest time in each member of your team, pay attention to the small details, and learn to listen AND hear what they have to say.

Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other. ~Romans 12:10 (NLT)

Coming next in the series - part three, A Leader's Heart.

For Your Viewing Pleasure (or at the very least, a five-minute diversion from housework)

My first video submission for the BLAST course is officially complete! I submitted it last month, and for 30 whole days my fellow cyber-classmates viewed it and offered me their encouragement and suggestions. I am now going to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and share it with you...

The entire taping took almost 3 hours. Several times I stopped taping partway in because I ran into a mind block and just stopped talking. Then I discovered my webcam had an annoying audio delay, so my mouth was not working with my voice. I started again on our hand-held video camera, and did the same stop-and-start thing as when I first began taping. On the taping that I thought would be my final time through, when I had but two sentences left to speak, my office door swung open and a little voice asked, "Mom, can you get me a drink?" Ack! Taping was complete and (slowly) loading on youtube just minutes before the bus brought kids home from school!

I Did It!

I did it! I'm going!

Random Excuses for Neglecting my Blog

- It has been warm and sunny. Given our long Alberta winters (and the fact that we had snow AGAIN just last week), I'd rather be sitting out in the sunshine.

- I have been earnestly seeking God in my mornings, but still sleeping in later than I'd like, so after my God time I have no blog time left.

- We have been RV shopping, both online and in person. I never realized what a stressful decision this would be!

- We have been busy moving a new (to us) play centre and playhouse into our yard, and then busy watching the kids make it worth every single penny. (I use the term "we" loosely. Several strong men did the heavy lifting, but I was a darn good supervisor!)

- My mom has been making me do yard work. (ugh)

- I spent the entire day yesterday having Bible study with friends followed by coffee with friends. We were having the best visit ever, and I even forgot to take Malakai home to nap!

- Pat and I have been completing application forms to go to Haiti with our "old" church (October, 2010).

- I've been planning our family getaway to beautiful British Columbia, researching things to do while we're there. And yes, I have been mapping out the drive and planning all of our stops. It's a disease!

- I have been enjoying some darn good reading:

* This Present Darkness (Frank Peretti) - For years, I have heard friends rave about this book. I avoided it, though, because I wasn't too sure how my imagination would handle a novel about the battle between the spiritual forces of good and evil (angels and demons). All I can say is WOW! What a fantastic story!

* If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to Get Out of the Boat (John Ortberg) - Another one I've been putting off, but was assigned to read for my BLAST course. I'm not finished yet, but Ortberg grabbed my attention from the first paragraph. What a call out for Christians to get moving in their faith!

* Take Three (Karen Kingsbury) - I have never read a Kingsbury novel that hasn't left me with a huge lump in my throat. Somehow she is able to weave together story after story of brokenness and reconciliation and make each one completely unique. I've been following the Baxter family for years (like my own little soap opera, but with God and without the mass adultery). I don't know what I'll do when/if the Baxter family stories end.

What have you been busy with in the past week or two?

Good Girls Like Tough Guys

All the ladies are going to love this one. Cute and tough.

For inquiring minds - Kai's shiner is totally self-inflicted. He stole the grate/cover off the bottom of my fridge, then ran away. While running from one room to the next, he tripped over the floor edging (from lino to hardwood). Unfortunately, he was holding the grate thingie back-side-up, with the little, metal clips pointing right at his face. Fortunately, the clip caught him under the eye and not in the eyeball. As an added side-benefit, he hasn't touched my fridge since!

Afraid to Fail?

Help Me Rediscover You

This song is speaking to me right now. And it's always nice to hear a Canadian group come out with a few big hits. ;)

How to Repair a Cracked Vase

The fall was a time of some major highs and lows in our family.

Pat gets offered a promotion - high.
We need to move - low.
Asking God to provide and seeing it happen - high.
Settling into new everything - low.
There were, of course, many others, but you get the picture.

Through the entire roller-coaster ride, we leaned hard on God. It was a new thing in our marriage - to pray together - but we pushed through our discomfort and did it, daily. Regardless of my emotions, I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit over every moment of every day.

We are settled into our new life and its routines. The kids seem to be comfortable at their new schools. We have decided to make our new church our "home" church. Along the way we've even had a few free moments to make some friends.

But there's an underlying sense of...something. Sadness? Emptiness? Unfulfilled-ness? (Yes, I do realize that's not a word!) There's this thing that's nagging at me. God feels far away. I know that He didn't take a step back from me, which means I'm the one that moved.

Last year (2009) I memorized 24 Scripture verses; this year, zilch. Last fall our family was a family of prayer - Pat and I prayed together, we prayed with the kids, we prayed with friends, we prayed over every single decision; this year, at least we still pray at mealtimes and bedtimes with the kids. Last year I committed to getting up at 5:30am for my quiet time with the Lord and I rarely missed a morning; this year I rise a little bit early on random days and try to squeeze in a few minutes. I used to be responsible for mentoring many other women in their walk with the Lord, and I took that calling seriously; without that level of accountability I have allowed myself to slack off.

Just as it is no surprise that I gained back all my lost weight when I decided to "take a break" from exercising and eating well, I shouldn't be surprised that taking a break from vital spiritual habits has placed distance between me and God.

So here I am, working to piece together the fragments of my faith. I am like a vase that developed a hairline crack, and as time wore on little shards of clay fell out here and there. Not broken, not destroyed, but fractured and in need of repair.

How to Repair a Cracked Vase:

Step one: Pick up the section of the vase that seems easiest to fit back into place. For me, this means returning to the basics of Scripture memory.

Step two: Be generous with the crazy glue and hold it there until it dries. I need to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work settling the Word of God in my heart and mind.

Repeat steps one and two until each segment and sliver of clay is picked up off the floor. A few of the larger chunks I can see are morning time, praise, and prayer. It's the smaller fragments, though, that will take great concentration to fit back into place. Things like a hunger for God's Word, peace in my soul, and sensing those little nudges from the Holy Spirit.

While the vase may never be restored to its original beauty, it will be whole again. The shadow of those cracked places will forever be a reminder of what caused the vase to crack and the hard work invested in its repair. And those cracks, they will serve to let the Light shine through a little bit more than it did before the fracture happened.

Do Something Small

There are some days when my "to do" list gets so long that I don't even know where to start. This usually happens because I skip a day or two of doing the regularly scheduled tasks. Last week, I pretended that I didn't need to do housework. This week, I looked at my house, looked at my list, and felt frazzled.

I spent my morning running errands (read: avoiding housework), but when I arrived home the disaster was still here to greet me. I still wasn't sure where to start. Laundry was logical, because there's always laundry to be done. But making the decision between bathrooms and vacuuming froze me in my tracks. I did neither.

I decided instead to start with something small. The shoes at the back door had been getting on my nerves, as they were randomly tossed into a huge 60-shoe pile. They were not paired up, they were not in rows, and there was no sense of order. I spent less than 5 minutes putting the shoes in order and instantly felt less frazzled.

I still wasn't ready to tackle an hour-or-longer job, so I headed to the kitchen. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I tidied the counters. I took out the garbage and recycling. This took me about 15 minutes. I looked around and smiled. The sense of urgency and the weight of an overwhelming "to do" list had disappeared.

I even managed to get a couple more tasks done, with no small thanks to my blessing of a childcare provider who also doubles as a laundry putter-awayer.

Yesterday I remembered a few important things about myself. If I feel stressed inside, I need to take a look around me for the source of the chaos. If I don't know where to start, I should do something small but satisfying. Hard work is always easier with a little help. And I don't need to accomplish everything in order to feel that I've accomplished something.

These same truths can be carried into our spiritual lives.

Feeling stressed or anxious? Look around to find the source of the chaos. Is there a Bible sitting on a table covered in dust? Is the TV constantly tuned in? How long has it been since a prayer was uttered?

Don't even know where to start? Start small - say a prayer, open that dusty Bible, read a verse or two, think about what the words mean for you today.

Wondering if it will be too hard to get back on track? Find help! Join a Bible study group so you don't have to go it alone.

Then enemy loves to make us feel too busy. He knows that if we become overwhelmed we will lose sight of the small things. Many of us have a tendency toward "all or nothing" thinking - if I can't get it all done, if I can't do it all right, I may as well not bother. Just remember, you don't have to accomplish everything in order to feel that you've accomplished something. Choose just one small thing, and maybe another. That little accomplishment will be enough to push back the enemy and draw you toward God's peace.

Just Me

Before reading this post... If you haven't seen them yet, two posts went up yesterday to commemorate our two April birthday girls - Megan and Shea.

Now, I would just like to clear the air a bit. My friend, Bobbie, was certain that Shea's birthday post was going to double as a pregnancy announcement. Let it be said, on the record, that I do not ever expect to be making such an announcement again.

I am fully aware that God can do whatever He chooses, and He may choose to heal the 2nd surgical procedure just as He did the first. But the more time that passes the less likely it seems. And I am beginning to be okay with that. Once we're done with diapers, I am fairly certain I won't want to return to that stage in our lives.

Real life right now is busy, bordering on hectic. Pat's hours of work have been beyond ridiculous - not that I'm complaining, because it's only for a short season in our lives and only once every 4 years or so. Regardless, that is leaving me as the sole caregiver, housekeeper, chauffeur, affection provider, and disciplinarian. There are moments where I might just be feeling a little overwhelmed. (Yes, you can feel free to pray for us!)

Therefore, five is enough. Especially when one has special needs, one has oppositional defiant disorder (Mom-diagnosed only, not professionally), and one has mischief running through every vein. If you're counting, that only leaves two children NOT making Mommy insane!

I realize that this post was mostly me venting. Not at all inspirational, not well-written, not fun or funny. Thanks for being here and listening reading. Sometimes it's really good to just spill it all out to a girlfriend. ;)

Unexpected Blessings are the Best Kind

This is a story about a big surprise. Now, some people don't like to be caught unaware - but that's not me! I LOVE to be astonished! Surprises are unexpected blessings, things of joy, miracles, full of excitement, extra special, and they make my heart happy. (Yes, feel free to throw me a surprise party. Just make sure lots of people show up.)

Not quite seven years ago (October of 2003, to be exact), we thought our family was complete. It wasn't a difficult decision for Pat to get the surgery because I was struggling with post-partum depression and we both believed that we were maxed out. But then my medication kicked in, family pitched in, and life felt closer to normal. And that decision that had seemed so easy became a burning regret deep in my heart. I was too ashamed to tell Pat of my regret (I mean, he had a sharp knife cut things down there!), but I did take it to God in prayer. Fervent prayer!

To my great joy (and Pat's), I came to him in August of 2004 with the news that our family was not complete after all! On April 13, 2005 we greeted the baby I had spent 10 months praying for - our beautiful fourth child and third daughter.

I consider Shea to be our miracle baby, a gift from God, an answer to prayer. The Hebrew version of her name, Shai, means gift. I chose her name before knowing the meaning, then searched and searched for a middle name that meant gift or blessing - until I stumbled across the meaning of her first name. God knew her name before I did!

I cannot imagine our family without Shea's big, blue eyes and infectious giggle. I praise the Lord that His plans prevail over ours (Proverbs 19:21). Whenever I fear that I may have messed things up, I need only to look at my precious Shea to be reminded that God can redeem any mistake.

As Shea grows up, I am so thankful that she isn't "growing into" her eyes. They continue to be breath-taking blue and so wide. When I look into the depths of those gigantic blue pools, I always think of the Precious Moments figurines, and I know that Shea is our precious one! Five years ago, God answered our prayers with the gift of a real, live precious moment that would last a lifetime...



* While this birthday post may have arrived a couple weeks late, rest assured that I did not - not for one moment - forget about the day and the moment of Shea's birth.

Another Landmark

Megan, today you are seven. Some days, I am amazed that either you or I have made it this far! You are so like me, with your fiery personality and your tendency to react before fully processing things. Girl, you and I are experts at pushing one another's buttons!

In honour of your 7th birthday (and your great love of Miley's "7 Things" song), I want to tell you 7 things I love about you:

1. You are so expressive! There is never any question as to what you are feeling. You get your face, your voice, and your whole body into it. Once you get over your stage fright, you are going to be one fantastic actress!

2. When given a special job to do, you are not satisfied with anything less than your best! You are so cheerful when helping, and often you are my most willing helper.

3. I love listening to you talk with the adorable little lisp that comes from missing your two front teeth.

4. When you smile, your eyes smile. They turn into glittering half-moons that clearly show everyone you are happy.

5. You are fiercely loyal. No one better mess with your baby brother, your sisters, or even your older brother - or they will experience your fury! I just love how strongly you stick with your family.

6. You hold a special name for a special friend, and I often see glimpses of her in you, Megan Christine.

7. One example of #6: I love the way you make your bed - blankets perfectly lined up and smooth, each teddy bear stacked and aligned according to size, pillow in just the right spot... It surely wasn't me who inspired that in you!

You are my sunshine girl. I thank God for placing you smack dab in the middle of our family, because that spot could never be filled by anyone else. Happy birthday, Sunshine!

* I discovered a big mistake today while scrolling through recent birthday posts - somehow I missed a post commemorating Shea's birthday from earlier this month! You will find it posted in just a couple hours.

Tiny Talk Tuesday - 04/27/10

One of my lovely children to me:



Mom, you have a HUGE zit on your cheek!



Gee, I didn't notice. Thanks for pointing that out!

Parenting is Tough

Have you ever heard the saying, "You can deal with it now, or you can deal with it when she's 16?"

We had one of those "its" to deal with this weekend.

Megan (almost 7) is a leader. You know how I know this? Because she will not allow anyone to boss her! Nope, not a soul. Not even her parents. When she's older, and if she's received proper training and encouragement, she will be an amazing leader. Her charismatic personality draws friends like flies. Once she develops the skills to tamp down her short fuse and her tendency to be oppositional, there is no telling what the girl will do for the Kingdom!

As parents, we (meaning Pat and I - hopefully you are better at this than us!) tend to operate in a cyclical manner. For a while we are strict and firm, offering clear guidelines and distinct consequences. As we see troublesome behaviours easing up, our strictness eases up in kind. We float along effortlessly for a time. Then the behaviour of concern creeps up again. We then take a deep breath and tighten up our parenting belts once again.

You think we'd learn to just always be consistent! But consistency is hard work and requires superhuman effort (on rough days), so the allure of taking a break is difficult to resist. I think it's fair to say that we have been on a little consistency break these days. Sigh.

Back to the "it..." While I don't think it's fair for me to give out specifics of Megan's struggles, I will tell you this much - they were plentiful, and they involved more people than just the parents. There have been issues - while small in and of themselves - that, once stacked up, amount to a very big pile of disrespect. Very Big.

To us, disrespect is a heart issue. One that must be dealt with swiftly and with unflinching firmness. And while it broke our hearts to make this decision, we informed our almost-birthday-girl that the big sleepover/movie-going party she had planned to celebrate her upcoming special day would not take place.*

Seeing Megan's tears nearly undid me. After all, who wants to break their own child's heart? But through all our discussion and prayer on how to deal with a situation that appeared to be getting out of control, Pat and I had two verses resonating in our minds...

Proverbs 22:6 Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 13:24 He who spares the rod hates his child, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.

I do acknowledge our own responsibility in this big "it." If we consistently adhered to the first passage, it is unlikely that we'd have run into a pile up of disrespect. If we consistently trained our children, without taking little breaks, I am certain that heart issues would be dealt with before they ballooned this way. I pray that God gives us the strength, wisdom, and patience required to truly train our children.

But, I also recognize that, regardless of where the trail of responsibility tracks back to, failing to discipline at this point is as much as telling our child that we hate her. Harsh words, I know. Our love for her is so great, though, that we cannot risk allowing this character issue to take root. Which is exactly what would happen if we were to allow our compassion to overrule our discipline.

Man alive, this parenting thing is tough with a capital "T!"

* Before I get all sorts of flak for being a "mean mom" (ahem, Grandma) I would like to clarify that the birthday party will still take place, but has been revamped to no longer include going to a movie or friends sleeping over. The revised party will be the basic hot dogs, cake, presents, home kinda party. We felt that this compromise of sorts would send a clear message about our expectations, while still showing love and compassion.

Of course, I welcome your thoughts on the matter and/or stories of how you've dealt with parenting issues. Just don't beat me up and call me mean! :)

Things that Make Me Happy

1. Clean floors.
2. An empty email inbox.
3. Sorted papers.
4. Sunshine.
5. The sound of children playing (and not fighting).
6. Taco night. *
7. Family movie night. *
8. Laundry clean, folded, and put away. *
9. Tired puppies.
10. Clean bathrooms.

Today was a productive day. :)

* Will happen shortly.

Incoherent

I have a million post ideas in my head. I have been sitting here for 40 minutes, starting and deleting posts on several topics. Fact is, my brain is so very full right now that I can't find a way to pull out something coherent.

So I have decided it's best to direct you toward some other writer's thoughts - people who are able to be coherent. Okay? I promise to try harder tomorrow. ;)

Katie is a young woman who was called by God to do something unimaginable. Her story inspires me, breaks my heart, frightens me, and convicts me. I recommend scrolling down to the post dated Tuesday, February 23. If you let it, that post will change your life!

Having trouble knowing what God's will for your life is? Can't "hear" His voice? Walking through some big storms that you don't understand? Sandy is teaching a series that you don't want to miss!

Our Greatest Weakness is NOT Knowing Our Own Strengths

For my BLAST course, I have been reading Now, Discover Your Strengths (Buckingham & Clifton). The premise of the book is based around two core assumptions:
1. Each person's talents are enduring and unique.
2. Each person's greatest room for growth is in the areas of the person's greatest strength.

Is it going too far for me to say that I think EVERYONE should read this book?!

So often we focus on all the things we need to "fix" in ourselves that we lose sight of the fact that God has placed unique talents, abilities, and passions in each one of us. There is nothing more affirming or empowering than to spend a few minutes reading true words about what you're good at.

An added bonus (especially for a girl who loves doing surveys, inventories, and assessments) is that the book comes with a code for an online Strengths Finder evaluation, which helps to identify your top 5 strengths.

Since you already know way too much about me, you are probably dying to hear what they are. Right? ;) Here they are, all changed to first person since I'm talking about myself. Okee-dokey?

1. Relator - I am pulled toward people I already know. I don't necessarily shy away from meeting new people, but I do derive a great deal of pleasure and strength from being around my close friends. I am comfortable with intimacy. For me, a relationship has value only if it is genuine. And the only way to know that is to entrust myself to that person and share openly (even if it means I risk being taken advantage of).

2. Strategic - This perspective allows me to see patterns where others may simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, I play out alternative scenarios, always asking, "What if this happened?" This helps me to see around the next corner, discarding paths that lead nowhere, that lead to resistance, and that lead to confusion until I arrive at the chosen path - my strategy. Armed with my strategy, I strike forward.

3. Arranger - I am a conductor.When faced with a complex situation involving many factors, I enjoy managing all of the variables, aligning and realigning them until I am sure I have arranged them in the most productive configuration possible. I spend time mulling over just the right combination of people and resources to accomplish a new project.

4. Empathy - I can sense the emotions of those around me and feel what they are feeling. Intuitively, I am able to see the world through their eyes. I do not necessarily agree with each person's perspective, nor do I necessarily feel pity for their predicament. I do not necessarily condone the choices each person makes, but I do understand. People tend to be drawn to confide in me.

5. Communication - I like to explain, to describe, to host, to speak in public, and to write. I want my information to survive, to divert other's attention toward my idea and then capture it and lock it in. This is what drives my hunt for the perfect phrase.

Now, didn't that make you want to run out and discover your own strengths?!

Wanna meet my friend, Deb, whose strengths are so different from mine that it's shocking?

P.S. This review was completely unpaid and unsolicited, done of my own free will on a book I paid for. Just so ya know. :)

My Will or His?

What is God's will?

In decision-making time your greatest difficulty may not be choosing between good and bad but choosing between good and best. You may have several options that appear to be equally attractive. At a time like this, begin by saying with all your heart, "Lord, whatever I know to be Your will, I will do it. Regardless of the cost and regardless of the adjustment, I commit myself ahead of time to follow Your will. Lord, no matter what that will looks like, I will do it!"

What if God's will isn't convenient?

If you cannot say that [above] when you begin to seek God's will, you do not mean "Thy will be done" (Matt. 6:10 KJV). Instead, you mean "Thy will be done as long as it does not conflict with my will." Two words in a Christian's language cannot go together: "No, Lord." If you say no to God, He is not your Lord. If He really is your Lord, your answer must always be yes, Lord. in decision making, always begin at this point. Do not proceed until you can honestly say, "Whatever You want of me, Lord, I will do it..."

What if I cannot seem to discern His will?

...When God gets ready for you to take a new step or direction in His activity, it will always be in sequence with what He has already been doing in your life...

What if I just can't do what he's asking of me?

...Truth stands...to say, "Believe Me. I will never give you an order without releasing My power to enable it to happen. Trust Me and obey me, and it will happen."

~ all quotes from: Experiencing God: Knowing and Doing the Will of God, study guide (pp. 123, Blackaby & King) ~

Get Serious

In church yesterday I was amazed to learn that Muslim children memorize the entire Koran at the age of 6! I imagine that their parents spend countless hours reciting passages to the children, diligently training them in the tenets of their faith.

It got me reflecting on how diligent (or not) I am at instilling faith in Jesus Christ in my kids. We say a prayer of thanks before meals (most of the time). We say prayers at bedtime (usually). I help them practice their school memory verses (sometimes).

But do they really know the Word of God? Do they think of what the Word tells them to do when they encounter difficulty? Is it imprinted, permanently etched in their hearts and minds?

Heck, do I set aside time 5 times per day to focus solely on prayer or worship? I'm lucky if I get in one good session in the early morning hours (generally).

I wonder how many of us give our religious practices the same consideration as Muslims give theirs...

No wonder the rest of the world doesn't take Christians and Christianity seriously - tossing prayer out of schools, using the Lord's Name in vain as common language, perverting Scripture to suit immoral agendas.

Isn't it time we get serious?

Two Dogs are Badder than One

Bad idea to set puppy's pillow out on the deck to dry. Insane puppy pillow fight is inevitable. Much raking of the yard to follow. Ugh.

Oh, To Be on a Tropical Island...

I realize that my blogging this week has been erratic. The only excuse I have to offer is giddy excitement on behalf of my parents. In about two hours from now, they will be high in the skies above Canada, making their way West to the ultimate destination...


I have barely been able to sleep! Can you imagine what a mess I'll be if when I get to go there?!

Have fun, parents! We can't wait to see you, your suntans, your photos, and our gifts! ;)

P.S. Don't worry about your puppy. We'll take good care of her while you're away. Hehehe.

Would You Brush an Old Man's Hair?

I heard this story on video recently, via Beth Moore's Loving Well retreat in a box. I woke up thinking of it this morning, and thinking of my dream, asking myself how many hair brush experiences I've missed out on and how many of my neighbours I have not helped. I'm still asking God about that dream, "Who is my neighbour, Lord? What are you trying to tell me????" Now, with this story on my mind, I can't help but wonder if I would step out and brush an old man's hair. Or would I refuse, ignore the voice of God, and sit in my fear?

What would you do?

For those of you who do not know Beth Moore, she is an outstanding Bible teacher, writer of Bible studies, and is a married mother of two daughters.

This is one of her experiences:

"April 20, 2005, at the Airport in Knoxville , waiting to board the plane, I had the Bible on my lap and was very intent upon what I was doing. I'd had a marvelous morning with the Lord. I say this because I want to tell you it is a scary thing to have the Spirit of God really working in you. You could end up doing some things you never would have done otherwise. Life in the Spirit can be dangerous for a thousand reasons not the least of which is your ego.

I tried to keep from staring, but he was such a strange sight. Humped over in a wheelchair, he was skin and bones, dressed in clothes that obviously fit when he was at least twenty pounds heavier. His knees protruded from his trousers, and his shoulders looked like the coat hanger was still in his shirt. His hands looked like tangled masses of veins and bones.

The strangest part of him was his hair and nails. Stringy, gray hair hung well over his shoulders and down part of his back. His fingernails were long, clean but strangely out of place on an old man.

I looked down at my Bible as fast as I could, discomfort burning my face. As I tried to imagine what his story might have been, I found myself wondering if I'd just had a Howard Hughes sighting.

Then, I remembered that he was dead. So this man in the airport...

An impersonator maybe? Was a camera on us somewhere? There I sat; trying to concentrate on the Word to keep from being concerned about a thin slice of humanity served up on a wheelchair only a few seats from me. All the while, my heart was growing more and more overwhelmed with a feeling for him.

Let's admit it. Curiosity is a heap more comfortable than true concern, and suddenly I was awash with aching emotion for this bizarre-looking old man...

I had walked with God long enough to see the handwriting on the wall. I've learned that when I begin to feel what God feels, something so contrary to my natural feelings, something dramatic is bound to happen. And it may be embarrassing.

I immediately began to resist because I could feel God working on my spirit and I started arguing with God in my mind. 'Oh, no, God, please, no.' I looked up at the ceiling as if I could stare straight through it into heaven and said, 'don’t make me witness to this man. Not right here and now. Please. I'll do anything. Put me on the same plane, but don't make me get up here and witness to this man in front of this gawking audience. Please, Lord!'

There I sat in the blue vinyl chair begging His Highness, 'Please don't make me witness to this man. Not now. I'll do it on the plane.' Then I heard it...'I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to brush his hair.'

The words were so clear, my heart leap into my throat, and my thoughts spun like a top. Do I witness to the man or brush his hair? No-brainier. I looked straight back up at the ceiling and said, 'God, as I live and breathe, I want you to know I am ready to witness to this man. I'm on this Lord. I'm your girl! You've never seen a woman witness to a man faster in your life. What difference does it make if his hair is a mess if he is not redeemed? I am going to witness to this man.'

Again as clearly as I've ever heard an audible word, God seemed to write this statement across the wall of my mind. 'That is not what I said, Beth.

I don't want you to witness to him. I want you to go brush his hair.'

I looked up at God and quipped, 'I don't have a hairbrush.. It's in my suitcase on the plane. How am I supposed to brush his hair without a hairbrush?' God was so insistent that I almost involuntarily began to walk toward him as these thoughts came to me from God's word: 'I will thoroughly furnish you unto all good works...' (2 Timothy 3:17)

I stumbled over to the wheelchair thinking I could use one myself. Even as I retell this story, my pulse quickens and I feel those same butterflies. I knelt down in front of the man and asked as demurely as possible, 'Sir, may I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'

He looked back at me and said, 'What did you say?'

'May I have the pleasure of brushing your hair?'

To which he responded in volume ten, 'Little lady, if you expect me to hear you, you're going to have to talk louder than that.'

At this point, I took a deep breath and blurted out, 'SIR, MAY I HAVE THE PLEASURE OF BRUSHING YOUR HAIR?' At which point every eye in the place darted right at me. I was the only thing in the room looking more peculiar than old Mr. Long Locks. Face crimson and forehead breaking out in a sweat, I watched him look up at me with absolute shock on his face, and say, 'If you really want to.'

Are you kidding? Of course I didn't want to. But God didn't seem interested in my personal preference right about then. He pressed on my heart until I could utter the words, 'Yes, sir, I would be pleased. But I have one little problem. I don't have a hairbrush.'

'I have one in my bag,' he responded.

I went around to the back of that wheelchair, and I got on my hands and knees and unzipped the stranger's old carry-on, hardly believing what I was doing. I stood up and started brushing the old man's hair. It was perfectly clean, but it was tangled and matted.

I don't do many things well, but must admit I've had notable experience untangling knotted hair mothering two little girls. Like I'd done with either Amanda or Melissa in such a condition, I began brushing at the very bottom of the strands, remembering to take my time not to pull.

A miraculous thing happened to me as I started brushing that old man's hair.

Everybody else in the room disappeared. There was no one alive for those moments except that old man and me. I brushed and I brushed and I brushed until every tangle was out of that hair. I know this sounds so strange, but I've never felt that kind of love for another soul in my entire life. I believe with all my heart, I - for that few minutes - felt a portion of the very love of God. That He had overtaken my heart for a little while like someone renting a room and making Himself at home for a short while.

The emotions were so strong and so pure that I knew they had to be God's.

His hair was finally as soft and smooth as an infant's.

I slipped the brush back in the bag and went around the chair to face him.

I got back down on my knees, put my hands on his knee and said, 'Sir, do you know my Jesus?'

He said, 'Yes, I do'

Well, that figures, I thought.

He explained, 'I've known Him since I married my bride. She wouldn't marry me until I got to know the Savior.' He said, 'You see, the problem is, I haven't seen my bride in months. I've had open-heart surgery, and she's been too ill to come see me. I was sitting here thinking to myself, what a mess I must be for my bride.'

Only God knows how often He allows us to be part of a divine moment when we're completely unaware of the significance. This, on the other hand, was one of those rare encounters when I knew God had intervened in details only He could have known. It was a God moment, and I'll never forget it.

Our time came to board, and we were not on the same plane. I was deeply ashamed of how I'd acted earlier and would have been so proud to have accompanied him on that aircraft.

I still had a few minutes, and as I gathered my things to board, the airline hostess returned from the corridor, tears streaming down her cheeks.

She said, 'That old man's sitting on the plane, sobbing.

Why did you do that? What made you do that?'

I said, 'Do you know Jesus? He can be the bossiest thing!' And we got to share.

I learned something about God that day. He knows if you're exhausted, you're hungry, you're serving in the wrong place or it is time to move on but you feel too responsible to budge. He knows if you're hurting or feeling rejected. He knows if you're sick or drowning under a wave of temptation. Or He knows if you just need your hair brushed. He sees you as an individual. Tell Him your need!

I got on my own flight, sobs choking my throat, wondering how many opportunities just like that one had I missed along the way ... all because I didn't want people to think I was strange. God didn't send me to that old man. He sent that old man to me.

John 1:14 'The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us.

We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth'

Life shouldn't be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather, to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly shouting, 'Wow! What a ride! Thank You, Lord!' "

-Beth Moore

Can't Afford to Tithe? Try This...

Remember this post about tithing? An anonymous friend left the following comment:

I desperately want to get into this habit, I just don't know how to break the cycle. Every week we are short money to buy food and gas. We can never "catch up" we can never "Keep up". I'm at my wits end. I don't know what to do.

Ever since, her struggle has been on my mind. I hope that you are here, friend, and that some of the ideas I have may help you to take this step of obedience. But my advice comes with a warning label:

WARNING: Taking steps to obey God will require faith. Our faith is not built when it is not tested, so you need to know that this will not be easy. But you can also be completely assured that by taking steps in obedience, through faith, you will feel God's pleasure (which frequently results in untold blessings - both spiritual and sometimes right here in the physical).

My friend, I have 3 tips that will help you find a way to tithe when finances are tight:

#1 - Do you have a budget? I'm talking about an actual, practical, written plan for where your money goes. Because having a budget is a MUST.

Start by making a list on paper of all of your income and every expense. Make the list as exhaustive as possible - include things like home improvements and car repairs (even if you allocate $0 to them in your budget, you need to know that they are a possibility) and don't forget stuff like hair cuts and cleaning supplies.

If you are comfortable working in Excel, it's fairly simple to do up a spreadsheet that will help you track your income and expenses. If not, you can find many budgeting programs as free downloads online or you can even keep track on paper.

The important thing is to add a line for "tithing" to your expenses. For now, you can leave that line blank while you tweak the budget.

The goal of having the budget on paper is to help you see if there is a shortfall or a surplus. For the first month of your budget, get a receipt for every single thing you spend money on so that you will have a complete and accurate tally. At the end of the month, you will be able to see a few areas where your spending was higher than you expected; looking through the receipts with a highlighter will help you find purchases that were not necessities. (When my friend, Christine, taught me about budgeting - tip #1 is totally hers, by the way - she showed me that some areas that caught me were impulse purchases at the grocery store, using the convenience store for snacks instead of the grocery store, and late fees on movie rentals.)

If you don't have a budget and would like some help getting it set up, go ahead and contact me via email and I'd be more than happy to help. :)

#2 - Plan to tithe. Don't just think about it. Make a plan, commit to it, and stick to it.

In this context, I use the word "tithe" loosely. If you are currently not giving to your church or other areas where God is working (or are giving intermittently and randomly), the thought of jumping straight to 10% might make you nauseous. Find a number that doesn't make you feel like you're going to hurl, but is significant enough to make you tense. Perhaps $50 per pay cheque is that number for you. Maybe it's $100. Whatever the number, I encourage you to push it just a little bit higher than "comfortable." The fact is, being comfortable does not grow our faith. And tithing is not just about giving to God what is His (Matthew 22:21), it is also about walking in obedience and developing faith that doesn't waver when things look a little scary.

A couple things to help you stick to your plan. First, consider your tithe a part of your fixed expenses - like mortgage/rent, insurance, etc. One thing we did to help with this was to set up automatic withdrawal. Many churches now have the technology to directly debit your bank account for the amount you tell them, on the dates you tell them to take it. What I'm saying is this: pay God first, yourself second (that means groceries, gas, entertainment, etc. all come from whatever is remaining AFTER you have paid your fixed expenses).

Second, increase your tithe incrementally. If you start at $50 twice per month, for example, after two or three months push it up to $75. Keep going until you've reached an actual 10% - even if it takes a year or two to work your way up there.

#3 - Go ahead and ask God to show up!

When God gives us His directive to tithe, He actually tells us that it's okay to do it as a test. He tells us, "Test Me in this...and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it!" (Malachi 3:10)

By taking this huge step of faith, you are telling God that you trust Him to provide for your needs. Ask Him to take care of those areas in your budget that are not looking so good, and when you ask - expect Him to deliver! I assure you that God is just as concerned with your financial well-being as you are. (Matthew 10:29-32)

I believe that you (and I) will never experience true financial freedom - that we will never be out from under the heavy yoke of greed and debt - until we are tithing. God calls His people to radical obedience, often when it doesn't make sense (Abraham and Noah are my two favourite examples of that), so that His Name will be glorified. One of the greatest ways for us to bring honour to His Name is to share how He transformed our finances once we began to walk in obedience with our (His) money.

One of the greatest traps that Satan catches us in is the one of our own "need." We believe that we cannot give regularly and generously to the needs of others - the church, sponsor children, missionaries, door-to-door canvassers - because we are not even meeting our own "needs." I have learned that the opposite is true. Our own needs (spiritual and financial) will NEVER be met until we learn to pour out generosity towards the work of God all over our world. (Luke 12:15-25)

May God bless you as you seek to act in obedience to His will!