Monday, June 1, 2009

His Call

Have you ever felt God call you to do something impossible? Something that you know in your heart you are so ill-equipped to do that you are certain you will mess it up?

He has been asking me to do something for quite some time, and I have resisted. First, I ignored Him. Then I argued with Him. Next I submitted to Him, but with conditions. Now, though, I have finally realised that there is no escaping it. His call is irrevocable. And He is just going to keep reminding me until I finally fully submit and obey.

One of the steps in my obedience is to allow myself to be held accountable. I need encouragement to keep going, challenge to not give up, and feedback to do my best for Him. Which is why I am mustering up the courage to post about it here...

God wants me to write a book. A book about one of my worst, most shameful struggles. It's about anger - about being an angry mother - and the journey of getting out from under the control of that anger and allowing God to control it (and me).

The thing is, I am not free from this struggle. This book won't be about 'been there, done that, moved on, this is how.' Nope. Rather, it will be 'stuck in the muck of this repeat cycle of sin-confess-repent, follow me as God and I dig through the muck together, hoping and praying to come out the other side transformed.'

I think this is why I have resisted so long (years, really). I can't imagine a more humbling experience than putting in writing how short I fall at my most important job. But God is relentless, and no matter how much I resist He keeps after me, calling me to follow Him straight through this quicksand, trusting that I won't sink and drown.

I am asking for your help in this monumental task. Feel free to touch base with me and ask if I've been writing. Definitely feel free to cheer me on and give me pep talks. Please, pray for me - not only that I will keep on writing, but for protection for my family as I do so (each time I start on this, the enemy comes out in full force attempting to stir up my anger and make me feel even more inadequate).

The other way you can help me is by sharing your stories. I have heard enough older women say, "I was an angry young mother" to know that I am not alone. Yet at times I am convinced that I must be the only one out there that is like this. It would bless me if you would jump into the muck with me by sharing your experiences in the comments of this post (you are more than welcome to post as 'anonymous'). And I would humbly ask that, if you feel called, you send some of your readers my way to share their stories.

Please know that I may (or may not) choose to use some of your experiences in my writing. If you do comment here, whether you choose to remain anonymous or not, would you please add your age and your number of children? (I have a theory that's it's not just those of us who have a group of kids, but that moms of any age and any size family can struggle with anger towards their children.)

I am going to put a link in my sidebar to this post, and continue to gather the experiences of other mothers as I write. I assure you that not one of you who shares with me will pass by without my prayers, and my deep appreciation for reminding me (and other moms) that I am not alone.

Bless you,


  1. Go, go, go! I'm cheering you on. I've said for years that you should write a book. And, one of these days, when I have more time, I will tell you about my anger. I was a very angry mother, although someone very wise and Godly actually told me that I was more hurt than angry. Hurt comes out in anger. But, today I'm on my way to Wpg to take grandma to her specialist appt (cataract surgery coming up). So, my story will have to wait.

    I'm so excited for you.
    Blessings and love,
    Lucille (aka Tante)

  2. As a young mom, "angry" could have been my middle name!!! When I had just four children and they were all born within 6 years of each other, I don't think I EVER made it through a day without some out burst of anger. I am SO totally ashamed of those years and SO glad that those years are over. I really don't know, if I changed so much or if it is just that the children have grown up, but anger is not my life any more. Don't get me wrong...I still get angry, but not nearly as often and not nearly as intensely as I did back then. An older mom once tried to encourage me many years ago, but I couldn't believe I do!! Here is what she told me. She too was an angry mom when her children were younger, but now that they are grown they do not remember those years and they see her as a wonderful, calm mom!! I cried when she told me that. I so wanted to believe that my children would not hate me when they grew up. That I would not be angry the rest of my life. That my children would not remember those years. That I would one day go to bed that night guilt free, because I didn't yell at my kids that day. I wanted to believe those things, but I just couldn't!! Years have passed and I now 100% believe those things!! I have not arrived, but I have great hope for our future. Most nights now I go to bed guilt free. My youngest son has never even seen the anger that my youngest four lived with everyday. Honestly...I can just handle things so much better, when I am not NEEDED 24/7! The children can do so much on their own, so they do not demand so much from me. Even though my life has gotten so much easier, I know that a big part of the anger change is my relationship with Jesus. He is all I need!!
    If you ever want to ask specific questions, feel free. I would love to help in any way possible.

  3. What "MYLIFE" said, "that was going to be part of my story". Robin, my son, who should remember my anger, doesn't remember it. In fact, he has really honored me and blessed me by telling me he felt he had a very uneventful and stable childhood, and that I was the most accepting mom he has ever met! Wow! I was a single parent, and felt so ashamed of my inadequacies/impatience/frustration/anger...I was certain I was scarring him for life. His not remembering does not justify my behaviour in any way, but it reminds me that "God redeems the empty years the locusts have eaten", and He turns our complete failures into beauty!

  4. I wished my heart had not been in this place...but I too was an angry mommy with one specific child...It was hard for me to see myself this way and hoped and pray as other have written that the little heart of this child was no scared for life...but that is in God's hand...
    Overall I have never been much of an angry mommy and I know your book is about mommy/ child relationship right?...but I have been an angry wife!! if your book has any sections on this...I will elaborate at a later time...but angry wife is what I have been and what I am working on not is a journey that God is bringing me through and showing me that I have been and still am at times an angry/hurting wife...
    so there you confession of sort...may be you already!
    Good luck...I support you on this..

    Much love

  5. There are so many emotions that we encounter as Moms. Motherhood is truly a difficult task.

    I think EVERY Mom has a "child" that pushes her buttons.

    It is so easy to lose your temper on those very long and no one is listening days. It is so easy to become angry.

    My Mom has cried over times when she "lost it" when we were growing up. She too had that "One" child that pushed her buttons.

    Love your blog.

  6. I am a young, angry mother now. I feel like I can't get through a day without some outburst of anger towards my children. It is so hard. It seems like they are constantly demanding and needing things every second of every day and I just can't keep up. I am so frustrated and annoyed and overwhelmed by the constant needs, questions, wants, chatter and noise that never seems to stop! Today was another day that I failed miserably in being a good mom. I only have two kids, ages 23 months and 3 1/2 years. I don't even want to imagine what I would be like with more.
    Please, please write your book quickly! I would love to read it. It is encouraging just to know that I am not the only mom that struggles with anger.

  7. Thank you for posting on this issue. I found your blog because of a reference to prodromal labor (I have a blog about P.L., and its incidence intrigues me) and saw on your sidebar something about being an angry mom and I just had to click! I just touched on this subject on a post last night!

    I am a 33 year old mom of 3 little girls born in a little over three years. They are now 4 1/2, 3, and 14 months. "Angry Mommy" can describe me several times a day most days, and some days, that may be the most accurate classification for me for the entire day.

    I am with you--the reality of anger in motherhood is somehow not talked about much. Like you, I feel as though I am alone in my struggle. Even though I feel completely alone among my peers, I readily admit to being angry to anyone who wants to know how my life really is: it is not helpful to hide such things--for me or for others.

    Admitting that I'm this way helps me remember that it is wrong and that it grieves my Heavenly Father and my children, and even my husband and me. It is so easy at the end of a really rough day--kids asleep--to lie awake, wracked with guilt about how I ahem . . . "spoke" to my children, yet the very next day, I find myself doing it again when in the middle of a challenge and begin to see that it seems to be turning into a habit. Aaagh! I DO NOT want my children to grow up this way!

    I don't want to be this mommy!!! I want to be the easy-going, patient Mommy. I see the reflection in my children's attitudes and it saddens me what an example I am to them. In correcting them, I must admit that I do not do what is right, either. A couple months ago, I ordered Lou Priolo's book, Heart of Anger, but I am not yet reading it (I am pursuing a certification that requires a lot of other reading).

    Anyway, it heartens me to know there is someone else out there who has difficulty with the same issue and is willing to be real about her struggle. Why do we (Christian women especially) feel the need to put the best foot forward? I'd love for blogs to be more real.

    I have found encouragement through an older woman (72 years, mom of 3 grown kids) who urges me to call out to the Lord aloud when I am "mad as a wet hen:)", saying it will be helpful for my girls to witness. My pastor has also encouraged me in pointing out that though it may FEEL like I am getting more and more sinful in this area, it is actually that I have an ever-increasing weight out of which these sins are "squeezed" and manifested. I am ashamed of the mom I am many times. Is that weird? If not, why is it so seldom talked of?

    Now I'm off to check your blog out! Thanks so much for sharing! (And sorry so long!)

  8. I just happened upon your blog the other day. It has so blessed me.
    I struggle w/ anger, too. You are not alone. And I aspire to be the wife, mom, daughter of God that you state. I believe I've found a like-minded sister-in-Christ! I'd love to encourage one another. Would you consider following my blog? I would love your "company".
    It's at:

    And, I'd love to communicate w/ you via email or Facebook.
    My email is: I'll email you my FB info. if you're on FB.
    Have a wonder-filled day,

  9. I'm working on an anger series on my blog. I came across your site and look forward to reading your thoughts!


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