Reviving

I expected to return home from my weekend at She Speaks full of excitement, wisdom, knowledge, ideas, and the like. I anticipated calling a ministry meeting and sharing what I've learned in hopes of inspiring each of the women on my team to pursue a deeper relationship with her Jesus. I hoped to come back to this place and be on fire for writing my book with confidence and purpose. These were just some of my plans. I had big plans... As my new friend Lysa so aptly puts it,

But God.

In her heart a woman plans her course, but the LORD determines her steps. ~Proverbs 16:9

I sure did write down a lot of ideas on my list of "Action Steps" throughout the weekend. And I do believe that someday God will call me to take those steps. But for today, I choose to accept His plans as my plans.

Lysa shared with us a personal journey the Lord has been taking her on. She has been sharing about it on her blog for a couple months. When she writes about it, I can feel God nudging me. And I have been putting my fingers in my ears and singing, "la, la, la, la, I can't hear you!"

You see, my struggle with weight loss has not been a weight loss issue. It has been an obedience issue - rather, an issue of disobedience. God has been calling me to submit to Him, and I have been resisting. I have been comfortable with eating anything and everything I enjoy; what God was calling me to do was going to be very uncomfortable. Very unsettling.

Beginning this morning, my Jesus and I are walking out onto some deep waters. I can't see the bottom, and it's terrifying. But I know that if I keep my gaze fixed on Him, He will not let me drown. In fact, He won't even let my feet get wet. So if you see me beginning to sink down into the icy cold waters, I give you permission to ask me if my eyes are still focused on my One and Only.

I went to the cross Sunday morning, and picked up a paper with a promise from the Lord. One that had been prayed over by a faithful group of servant women, one that I knew was just for me the moment I read it.

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations. ~Psalm 33:11

I've been asking Him, Jesus, what are Your plans for me? What are Your purposes?

He answered, My plans and purposes have never changed from the beginning of time. I want My Name to be glorified through the obedience of My people.

I dared to ask the question, Lord, where is there disobedience in my life? What do You want me to submit to You?

Even as I asked it, my weak heart was scrambling to pull the thought back in! That was a very dangerous question to ask. The moment the question was formed I was brought back to this prayer I prayed. And I knew.

Jesus asked me, Tyler, what do you love more - junk food or Me? Do you love Me enough to give up your precious snacks?

I do, I do, Jesus help me, I do! But it is going to be so HARD!

I don't know exactly what I can eat and what I can't. Meats, vegetables, fruits, and whole grains - for sure. As for the things that may or may not fit (like my Honey Nut Cheerios in the morning, or dressings and toppings), I'll take those one at a time, asking Him as we go. For forty days (longer if He asks), I'm going to spend time in the hot, dusty, lonely desert with my Jesus. And when the struggle feels overwhelming, the pangs of my flesh crying out for self-satisfaction, I will get down on my knees (and sometimes my face).

I went to She Speaks anticipating revival. I just didn't realize how very personal this reviving process would be.