TV Makes Your Brains Fall Out

courtesty of cartoonstock.com

In my third year of University, I was thrilled to be enrolled in a course called The Psychology of Media and its Effects on Children's Development. I had no doubts about my ability to get an A in that course. I mean really, we all know that kids who watch too much TV grow up to be sociopaths and serial killers! Right?

At that time, my first born child was a little over a year old. He was in daycare 30-40 hours per week while I went to school. He wasn't all that into TV yet.

Fast forward a few years... I had a five-year-old with special needs, a one-year-old whose constant fussiness had our neighbours concerned, and a newborn. Oh, did I mention post-partum depression? Television became my friend - especially during the dreaded after school dinner-prep hour.

I rolled my eyes at all the idealistic parents who bought into the psychobabble about the dangers of TV and video games.

Fast forward a few more years...

We have a teenager now, and four others younger than him. That teenager has the typical teen response to video games - complete and utter obsession. We cracked jokes about it, and we eventually began limiting his gaming time, but mostly viewed it as a normal teen thing. While the other four kids aren't too heavy into the games, they can vegetate in front of the screen for hours, soaking up episode after episode of Hannah Montana, Suite Life on Deck, and the like.

Due to a long series of incidents and their consequences that aren't worth explaining on thishereblog, we've implemented a couple changes. One is that the TV no longer gets turned on during the school week. The other is that all video games (with the exception of hand-held ones that are kept in my possession) are gone.

Initially, these changes were intended to serve as punishment. And I expected to be punished just as badly as the kids. What in the world would they do?! They would surely make me crazy!!!

Those changes have now become permanent decisions. Not because I think TV is evil. Not because I think it makes kids mean or dumb or violent or lazy. But because I know...that too much time watching TV and playing video games was having an effect on my kids' attitudes. I know that we needed to make a change for the benefit of our family. And I know that this change has had a positive impact on everyone in our family, including the parents.

In University, I was sure I knew it all. As a young mom, I made a total 180 and was still sure I knew it all. In both cases, I was prideful and judgemental. And wrong.

That's what I love about God. He's not content to let us stay the way we are. God knows I'm so much better at serving Him when I'm humble and too busy changing and growing to be looking at what others are doing.

You know what makes your brains fall out? Thinking you know it all, that you've got it right and everyone else has it wrong, and that your way is the only way.

Thankfully, humbling yourself before God, being willing to learn and change, and doing things that other people may not "get" or agree with will help get your brain firmly back in place.


(Thought you might like to know... That "easy A" course? Not so easy at all! In fact, after the midterm I was failing. Turns out we actually had to learn the details of the research, not just the general concept that "TV makes your brains fall out." Don't worry, I pulled it off! *wink*)

Hypocrisy

One of the biggest criticisms that other folks have of church folks is that we are hypocrites. I have two things to say in response to that assertion:

1. They're right.

Unfortunately, there are many Christians who don't act very...Christian. Have you ever accidentally upset another driver, had them wave their hands (or flip the bird) angrily at you and whiz past, only to see a Jesus fish on their rear bumper? Or maybe that fish-toting vehicle is yours (or mine, *cough*)? This is just one small example, but I'm sure we can all name hundreds more.

Sadly, when some Christians demonstrate actions that oppose what they claim to believe, they give the whole lot of us a bad name. Worse, they give God a bad name. Worst, I'm pretty sure I'm one of those someones all too often.

As followers of Christ, we have a responsibility to do our best to live like Him in all aspects of our lives. If we preach the gospel of love and forgiveness, we should actually love and forgive others. Our walk should match our talk.

2. They're wrong.

Often, people who aren't familiar with faith in Christ get the (incorrect) impression that all Christians think they (we) are perfect. Thus, when we fail to behave as perfect people, we prove their case. We're no better than them, our faith is no better than theirs, but because we think we are and it is - we are hypocrites. But this reasoning is false.

I don't know about you, but I don't claim to be perfect. I don't require the people around me to be perfect either. What I do claim is that Jesus Christ is perfect, and with my whole heart I want to be as like Him as I possibly can. Messing up doesn't necessarily mean I'm a hypocrite; it just means I'm human.

I love how James M. Reeves, author of Refuge: how "hospital church" ministry can change your church forever and founder/pastor of Celebration Fellowship puts it, "The church has to be a safe place for people to tell their secrets and have a safe process for people to experience spiritual and emotional healing." Reeves asserts that, rather than holding to the popular view of church as a place for "good, Christian people," we need to begin to view church as a hospital, where people of varying levels of illness and disease come to receive care.

Huh?

So what are we to do? How can we, as followers of Christ, show the wold that the church isn't full of judgemental hypocrites?

I think we can:

1. Be real. We don't need pretend to be perfect, flawless, or sinless to the church crowd. We don't need to pretend to be important and successful to the world crowd. We need to be who we are - the same person - with everyone we encounter, both in front of others and behind closed doors.

Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than to pretend to be somebody and have no food. ~ Proverbs 12:9

2. Be holy. Jesus is perfect. He is holy and righteous, and His ways are true and right. We are not and cannot be as perfect as Jesus, but we can try to be like Him in as many ways as possible (and not just at church!).

Anybody can observe the Sabbath, but making it holy surely takes the rest of the week. ~ Alive Walker

3. Be honest. When we mess up and don't act like Jesus at all, the most Christ-like thing we can do is to confess and seek forgiveness.

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. ~ James5:16a

4. Be love. We need to love people. Loving others means being kind to them, welcoming them, accepting them without trying to change them. Our job is not to point out for others their sinful ways. Our job is to point them to Christ. He'll take care of their hearts.

"Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself." ~ Tolstoy

Basically, we need to be people of integrity. What we do should live up to what we say. And if when it doesn't, we need to be truthful about how who we are doesn't always match up with Who we want to be like.

What do you think?

The Perfect Mom - part 2

If you haven't read it yet, you may want to check out part 1 first.

Okay, I did promise to help throw the monkey of guilt off our backs, didn't I? So let's get started.

Am I a bad/neglectful mom if I work outside of the home?

Me - No, that's ridiculous! First, some moms don't have a choice. Family finances dictate that mom needs to bring in some income (especially in single-parent homes). Second, while quantity of time certainly does matter, I do believe the old adage that quality is more important. If your time with your child(ren) is limited, you may need to be more intentional about how your time together is spent to feel that you are engaging with and training up your kids, but the fact is you are MOM. Especially in the younger years, your influence has the most impact (regardless of how much or little time you have).

In fact, dare I say that many working moms are better at engaging with their kids than us SAHMs?! Being a SAHM gets you into a particular routine with the household and the kids, and I (maybe you, too?) frequently find myself saying things like, "Not now/ later/ soon/ I just have to get this done first." I tend to think that working moms are less inclined to "put off" their kids in this way.

God's Word - I wonder if, like me, you've read about the Proverbs 31 woman and secretly hated her? She's got it all together! Here are a few things I've noticed about her lately:
- In verse 15, it says she gets up really, ridiculously early to provide food for her family and servants. We often assume that means she's doing the day's cooking in the wee hours. But could it mean that she is out working? Or out in the fields? Or at the market? She may be working outside of the home, while her servant girls are there to tend the children. Maybe not, I'm just sayin'.
- Verse 16 refers to earnings. How does a woman earn money? By working, I presume.
- In verse 17 it says "she sets about her work vigorously." It doesn't say that she sets about her housework, or cooking, or child-rearing.
- While many people use P31 to make their case for being a SAHM, I believe that may be a case of using the Scripture to suit your own agenda. In fact, throughout God's Word, when I search for the word "mother" I cannot find any absolute direction that states, "a good mother must stay home all day long with her children and should never find work outside the home."

Must I homeschool my children in order to fulfill God's parenting requirements?

Me - First, let me say that I have nothing but admiration for parents who homeschool their kids! You gals (and some guys) rock my socks! And I am aware that many of you may disagree with MHO, which is totally cool with me. I welcome your thoughts on the matter!

Of course, you know I am going to say, "no, i don't think God requires us to homeschool our children." If I did, I would be. I know that many homeschooling parents do so because they feel that HS is how God intended children to learn. But there are also many HS parents who do so because they believe it's a matter of personal preference, gifting, and calling. I tend to be from the same camp. Some parents are definitely called to educate their children at home! Some are not. While I admire HS parents (and somewhat envy their ability to do what they do), I want to state clearly that I do NOT believe that either way is the only right way. Neither method is superior, preferable, or without its issues. Both options come with big, fat lists of pros and cons. Good mothers homeschool. Good mothers send their children to public school. Good mothers send their children to private school.

God's Word - One of my favourite passages, Deuteronomy 6:7, is often quoted to encourage parents that they are solely responsible for the education of their children...and for ensuring that all aspects of that education include God. What the Lord is referring to in Deut 6 are the 10 Commandments He laid out for His people in Deut 5.

Can you impress the importance of following God's Commandments on the hearts of your children while they attend a public school? Surely you can! The fact is, our children learn much more about our faith and morals by observing how we live than they do by what we tell them. So we can spend 3-6 hours per day incorporating God's truths into our children's school curriculum, or we can spend every moment we have with our children living out our faith (even if they are spending 6-8 hours of their day, 5 days per week, out of our care).

Research has shown that, regardless of where children spend the majority of their time, their parents remain the #1 influence on their attitudes and actions. There is also substantial evidence to support the assertion found in Proverbs 22:6, Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Faith Begins at Home, Mark Holmen)

Does every good mom bake and cook like Betty Crocker?

Well, I think you get the point...

Here is the thing: God's Word does not tell us the specifics of how to live out our lives. He has given us The Ten Commandments, The Greatest Commandment, and The Way of Salvation. For all the rest (such as how to be the best mom you can be, or rather - how to be the best mom God wants you to be), He has given us the Holy Spirit to guide and direct our paths. You cannot look in the Bible to find answers to questions like: Which job should I take? Should I go on a missions trip to Kalamzoo? Am I supposed to be a stay-at-home mother?

Want to be the perfect mom? Here's my suggestion.... Love God. Let your kids see how much you love God. Love your kids. (If loving your kids is easier for you (as it is for me) when you have something fulfilling to do - such as work or ministry - do it.) Do your best in all the things to do with being a wife, mother, homemaker, friend, servant of God. Sometimes that means getting help - having a housekeeper or a babysitter is NOT unscriptural! And if you've got tough decisions to make, pray and seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

The most important thing we can all do to be the mothers that God wants us to be is to ABIDE in Christ, wage battle against the enemy, and not let guilt or pride influence our decisions or our relationships. Oh, and for goodness sake, get some other mom friends! Nothing brings more freedom than knowing that we are not alone.

In case you are still looking at your list and tallying your points, know this: God chose YOU to be the mother to YOUR children for a REASON. Trust His judgement.

See ya, monkey!

On a side note, I know that I've got a few friends who read here who do not have children or whose kids are no longer kids living at home. From me to you - there are a lot of mothers out there who need help, love, friendship, encouragement, and maybe a little babysitting! ;) We love it when our community backs us up in raising our children to love the Lord! And if you see one of us in the grocery store with an armload of children, you have no idea how much a smile and a kind word blesses us! God has a special plan for you, too - and if that plan means you are out of the child-rearing phase or you do not have kiddos, know this - God chose YOU for the exact role you are in, around the very people who's lives you have influence in, for a REASON, too!

The Perfect Mom

Do you have a picture in your mind of who the perfect mom is? Perhaps she's a real person that you know. Maybe she's a proto-type that fits a list of characteristics and qualities. Have you found, over the years, that your image of what makes a perfect mom is changing?

Us women, we are all about perfection, aren't we? It's not okay to just be a good mom (or even a great mom). Nope, the goal is Super Mom! Unfortunately, when we fall short of our perfect goals, we carry around a big backpack of guilt. After all, if so-and-so can handle this and do it that way, why can't I?

I am here today to throw that monkey off my (and your) back! Get lost, guilt!

Here is my image of the Super Mom:
- She stays home with her children (probably a dozen of them).
- Her house is usually immaculate.
- She bakes yummy goodies for her family all the time.
- She provides colourful and well-balanced meals three times per day.
- She has a set snack time, where her children eat at the table.
- Her laundry is virtually always caught-up.
- She probably home-schools her children.
- Her kids are incredibly well-mannered.
- She leads the children in Bible study and prayer time every single morning (and/or evening).
- She dresses nicely and wears make-up every day.
- Her children are the recipients of utterly consistent discipline (though they rarely need it).
- She wears nice shoes.
- Her kids don't really fight with one another (not even at home).
- Her cupboards don't contain sugary cereals or potato chips.
- She is always patient with her children.
- She never raises her voice.
- Her husband is greeted with a hug, a kiss, and a hot meal the moment he walks in the door each day.
- She always has a smile on her face.
- Her children seldom watch television or play video games, unless there is educational or spiritual merit to it.
- She never swears, even if she stubs her toe really, really hard.

If you know me, and you're keeping score, I get 1 point for staying home with my children (but maybe it's only half a point, because there are only 5 of them...and I was in university and then worked until the birth of the third). I'm curious, what would be on your list and how many points would you get?

Here is something I think we all need to remember - there is an enemy, and his goal is bring death and destruction to our families. And he will start his nasty work right at the family's heart - the mother. He's got two dirty little strategies that manage to catch all of us at one time or another: the "I'm not good enough" and the "I've got it right."

I think that the enemy likes to lure us into the trap of "all-or-nothing" thinking. He wants us to believe that we must be everything on our list to be good enough. And if he can't wear us down with guilt, he'll fill our heads with a sense of superiority. If we are doing all (or many) of the things we think are right, we are certain that our way is the only way and those who don't do what we do are falling short.

Before we go one step further, I just want to name the devil's tricks for what they are - PRIDE. The latter is obvious, but keep in mind that thinking badly of yourself is still simply "thinking all about yourself." Whether we think we're awesome or pathetic, we are caught in the trap of being solely focused on ourselves (aka: prideful).

Here are some questions that wander through my mind (and maybe yours) a lot. Do I have to be a full-time stay at home mother to be a good mom? If I work outside of the home, am I a bad or neglectful mom? Must I homeschool my children in order to truly fulfill God's parenting requirements? Is sending my children to school a cop-out (or even detrimental)? Does every mom really bake and cook like Betty Crocker?!

This post is getting long. My four younger children are being cared for by the "electronic babysitter" and Hannah Montana. My eldest has been sent away for the week. My house is dirty. The laundry pile is enormous. And I haven't brushed my teeth yet. So given my multiple failings (according to my list of perfection), I better get to work! But tomorrow, I'd like to tackle the answers to some of those questions. (Said tongue in cheek.) ;)

Disclaimer: Lots of what I have to say on this here blog spot is solely my personal opinion. But I don't say much on here without hitting God's Word to see what He has to say on the matters I think about, and I seldom click the "publish" button without praying. I pray that my words will not offend, but will encourage (and I pray the same for your thoughts posted in the comments - so if you disagree, don't be mean, okay?! *grin).

Get Serious

In church yesterday I was amazed to learn that Muslim children memorize the entire Koran at the age of 6! I imagine that their parents spend countless hours reciting passages to the children, diligently training them in the tenets of their faith.

It got me reflecting on how diligent (or not) I am at instilling faith in Jesus Christ in my kids. We say a prayer of thanks before meals (most of the time). We say prayers at bedtime (usually). I help them practice their school memory verses (sometimes).

But do they really know the Word of God? Do they think of what the Word tells them to do when they encounter difficulty? Is it imprinted, permanently etched in their hearts and minds?

Heck, do I set aside time 5 times per day to focus solely on prayer or worship? I'm lucky if I get in one good session in the early morning hours (generally).

I wonder how many of us give our religious practices the same consideration as Muslims give theirs...

No wonder the rest of the world doesn't take Christians and Christianity seriously - tossing prayer out of schools, using the Lord's Name in vain as common language, perverting Scripture to suit immoral agendas.

Isn't it time we get serious?

His Name

On my blog, I try not to tackle too many "controversial issues." I want this to be a place of encouragement for other women (not a place for controversy or debate), and my hope is to draw more readers (not scare them away with overbearing opinions). But there is something happening in Christian circles that I cannot remain silent about.

Have you watched any television lately? Any movies? I am disturbed by how using the Lord's Name in vain has become normalized. Movies with a "G" rating (for example, "Hotel for Dogs") have children speaking God's Holy Name in vain! Programming on the Family channel - it's called Family channel, people - same thing. I will give credit to Disney, as I have NEVER heard the Lord's name used in vain on any of their shows (ie., Hannah Montana, Cory in the House) nor their movies.

Honestly, it is getting frustrating! You think you can take your kids to a movie rated "G" and expect that there will be little in that movie that would not be appropriate for the children's eyes and ears... I am learning to check out each movie and show we are considering viewing on pluggedin before we view (but sometimes I still forget and am disappointed). I try to use these disappointing experiences as an opportunity to teach my kids about the holiness of God's name, so that they grasp the importance of not doing as they do in the movies.

Though it makes my heart heavy, this misuse of God's name doesn't surprise me. After all, we know that the world is a sinful place and the things of this world are not the things of God. What I find completely shocking, though, is when I hear our Father's name used in this manner by Christian people! Hearing those who love God speak his name with anything but reverence knocks the wind out of my chest and crushes my spirit. I can only imagine what it does to the heart of God.

Recently, I have heard our Abba's name used as an exclamation point (as in, "Oh my goodness!") by Christian leaders - in large public forums. Just yesterday, by a Christian woman teaching a seminar to other Christian women. A few months back, from the pulpit of a large, well-known church. To say that I was shocked is a gross understatement! I wonder if this makes God weep...or rage?

There is a part of me that says, “just ignore it…so many people say it…movies and TV shows that are rated “G” use it…it’s not surprising that even Christian people are beginning to talk this way.” But I just keep hearing the Lord speak to my heart and tell me, “Take a stand for My Name! It is Holy! It will not be misused! You shall not misuse the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not hold anyone guiltless who misuses his name.” (Exodus 20:7)

So many people in my life casually use His name as an exclamation point, or even as a swear word, and it pierces me (I can’t imagine how deeply it pierces Him). For many of them, there is no understanding of what they are doing because they don’t Him, and my saying something would likely only turn them off of the Jesus I love. But to hear others who love Jesus use His name – the most majestic name in all the earth (Psalm 8:9) - as an expletive…I feel completely weighed down with the burden of reminding them of Whom they serve.

So here is a question for you: What do you say or do (what should I say or do) when hearing people use the Lord's name in vain? Should our response vary depending on whether that person is a believer or not?

And a challenge for you (and me): Take one day's quiet time and dedicate it to digging through the Bible and finding references to God's name - how it should or shouldn't be used, the holiness of it, how He wants it glorified, etc.

And if you love Jesus, but find yourself unthinkingly using any variation of His name with anything other than awe and reverence, I would ask you why?

Glorify the LORD with me; let us exalt his name together. ~Psalm 34:3 (emphasis mine)