We've all heard it said, "We can't pour out until we're filled up."
It's our way of saying that, unless we're close to God ourselves, we can't really bring His love into the lives of others.
Or perhaps it's our excuse to delay sharing His love with the world until we feel perfectly prepared and equipped.
Here is a statement that I believe to be more accurate...
Until we empty ourselves, pouring out in service of others, there's no room for God to pour into us.
Think of mixing a pitcher of juice. The pitcher starts out empty and is filled. But even before that initial filling up, the goal is to empty the pitcher. The juice is poured out, cup after cup, until the pitcher is empty. We don't try to keep the pitcher in a perpetually full state. And if we try to refill it when it's only partially empty, the result is often juice that is either too sweet or too weak. But if we fill up cups until the pitcher is empty, it is in the perfect state to be refilled with fresh, cold, perfectly-mixed fruity goodness.
Perhaps we just need to begin emptying ourselves and loving others, regardless of how "filled up" we feel. And through the act of pouring ourselves out, we will discover the true refreshment that comes when God fills us back up.
What do you think?
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Showing posts with label writing. Show all posts
Monday, September 26, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
The Job/Ministry
...continued from yesterday's post, The Email...
I do apologize for leaving you hanging two days in a row like that (not, heehee). I will now fulfill your curiosity about the details. Unless you're not curious, in which case you may not want to read this post. But don't do that! Just read it anyway, okay? I'll return the favor. {grin}
The Ministry:
Break Forth Canada - A large (15,000 attendees) annual conference for the growth and encouragement of Christians across the country, hosted in Alberta's capital city, Edmonton. The place is teeming with top-notch speakers and worship artists, ready to share what God has put on their hearts.
I have had the privilege of attending Break Forth three (or is it four?) years in a row. Each year I showed up expecting God to speak to me personally, to change my heart, and to move in my life. I have not been disappointed.
So when I saw the position posted on their Facebook page, I could not resist the thought of being a part of something that has played such a significant role in my walk with the Lord.
The Job:
Facility and Exhibit Coordinator - The conference offers over 150 workshops, each requiring space, equipment, and volunteers. Those workshops are taught by various speakers, teachers, and musicians who will have specific needs, from accommodations to the room set-up. That's the "facility" part of the job. The conference also hosts a large 'trade fair' style exhibitors centre, where roughly 100 ministries can set up a table and share what they do. The exhibit hall also requires space, equipment, and volunteers. That's the "exhibit" part of the job.
Thankfully, this position was held by the same highly organized person for the past six years, so there will be a clear template for me to follow. And from what I hear, she also really loved lists!
The Hours:
The position is, overall, part-time. The number of hours per day and the number of days per week vary month-by-month, depending on how close we're approaching to Break Forth. The month of the conference (January) will be full-time. But the summer months - two, five-hour days per week. Pretty ideal for a mom.
The Childcare:
The more I talk to God about having my "baby" in care, the more calm I am about the whole idea. With the exception of January, it won't be full-time, so I will still have my time with him and he with me. And frankly, he is a wee bit clingy (understatement of the year); he could benefit from some time away from his Mama.
The Start Date:
I'll be going in next week for a few afternoons, just to get the lay of the land. I'll spend a few hours reading manuals and being shown around. My first "official" day will be September 6.
The Peace:
You might wonder, how do I know that now is the time (as opposed to years earlier or later)?
I don't know. But I trust God and His plan completely.
I have a sense of confirmation about how this door opened so easily when many other doors slammed in my face. I have a sense of confirmation about how the little details seem to be working out with ease. I have a sense of confirmation through my communications with the ministry founders and leaders, as I know that they are seeking God fervently and constantly.
But if I'm wrong, I still trust God and His plan completely.
I trust that God will work in my life, my family, and the ministry of Break Forth. I trust that He can take things that are wrong, misdirected, or even bad and use them for good. I trust that His desire is for all of His children to grow more like Him, and He can use all situations for our growth. And I trust that His plan is for our hope and future, not for our harm.
The Ministry:
And what of the ministry I've felt called to? The writing and speaking stuff?
I don't have a sense that any of that has changed. But in case you hadn't noticed {tongue in cheek}, the growth and progress of those areas has beenglacial fairly slow.
While I could invest hundreds of hours into efforts to grow things, I truly believe that my ministry cannot grow any faster than God's pace. And He's taking it slow with me.
Perhaps because I have more to learn. Perhaps my family needs more time. Perhaps He has a certain time in mind that just hasn't come to pass yet. Perhaps because time spent serving is the most fertile garden for growing a Godly leader.
So for now, I will serve. I will wait. I will write. I will speak. And I will grow.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow, fun and random summer vacation pictures.
I do apologize for leaving you hanging two days in a row like that (not, heehee). I will now fulfill your curiosity about the details. Unless you're not curious, in which case you may not want to read this post. But don't do that! Just read it anyway, okay? I'll return the favor. {grin}
The Ministry:
Break Forth Canada - A large (15,000 attendees) annual conference for the growth and encouragement of Christians across the country, hosted in Alberta's capital city, Edmonton. The place is teeming with top-notch speakers and worship artists, ready to share what God has put on their hearts.
I have had the privilege of attending Break Forth three (or is it four?) years in a row. Each year I showed up expecting God to speak to me personally, to change my heart, and to move in my life. I have not been disappointed.
So when I saw the position posted on their Facebook page, I could not resist the thought of being a part of something that has played such a significant role in my walk with the Lord.
The Job:
Facility and Exhibit Coordinator - The conference offers over 150 workshops, each requiring space, equipment, and volunteers. Those workshops are taught by various speakers, teachers, and musicians who will have specific needs, from accommodations to the room set-up. That's the "facility" part of the job. The conference also hosts a large 'trade fair' style exhibitors centre, where roughly 100 ministries can set up a table and share what they do. The exhibit hall also requires space, equipment, and volunteers. That's the "exhibit" part of the job.
Thankfully, this position was held by the same highly organized person for the past six years, so there will be a clear template for me to follow. And from what I hear, she also really loved lists!
The Hours:
The position is, overall, part-time. The number of hours per day and the number of days per week vary month-by-month, depending on how close we're approaching to Break Forth. The month of the conference (January) will be full-time. But the summer months - two, five-hour days per week. Pretty ideal for a mom.
The Childcare:
The more I talk to God about having my "baby" in care, the more calm I am about the whole idea. With the exception of January, it won't be full-time, so I will still have my time with him and he with me. And frankly, he is a wee bit clingy (understatement of the year); he could benefit from some time away from his Mama.
The Start Date:
I'll be going in next week for a few afternoons, just to get the lay of the land. I'll spend a few hours reading manuals and being shown around. My first "official" day will be September 6.
The Peace:
You might wonder, how do I know that now is the time (as opposed to years earlier or later)?
I don't know. But I trust God and His plan completely.
I have a sense of confirmation about how this door opened so easily when many other doors slammed in my face. I have a sense of confirmation about how the little details seem to be working out with ease. I have a sense of confirmation through my communications with the ministry founders and leaders, as I know that they are seeking God fervently and constantly.
But if I'm wrong, I still trust God and His plan completely.
I trust that God will work in my life, my family, and the ministry of Break Forth. I trust that He can take things that are wrong, misdirected, or even bad and use them for good. I trust that His desire is for all of His children to grow more like Him, and He can use all situations for our growth. And I trust that His plan is for our hope and future, not for our harm.
The Ministry:
And what of the ministry I've felt called to? The writing and speaking stuff?
I don't have a sense that any of that has changed. But in case you hadn't noticed {tongue in cheek}, the growth and progress of those areas has been
While I could invest hundreds of hours into efforts to grow things, I truly believe that my ministry cannot grow any faster than God's pace. And He's taking it slow with me.
Perhaps because I have more to learn. Perhaps my family needs more time. Perhaps He has a certain time in mind that just hasn't come to pass yet. Perhaps because time spent serving is the most fertile garden for growing a Godly leader.
So for now, I will serve. I will wait. I will write. I will speak. And I will grow.
----------------------------------------------------------
Tomorrow, fun and random summer vacation pictures.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Just a Mom, part six - Q & A
A curious thing has happened this week, as each post for this series went up... My stats counter tells me that you're reading the posts; in fact, that more people than usual are reading. Yet the comments are barren.
What does that mean?! Do you disagree with me, but don't want to tell me? (Of course, my mind goes straight to the negative! lol)
Really, though, I want to know... Has this series raised any questions? Anything I can help with? Anything you'd like me to clarify? A specific situation you'd like some suggestions for? A point you'd like to raise for some healthydebate discussion?
Today, I need your comments. Without them, I'll be left with nothing to post next week. Then I'll have to think. And that can be a dangerous thing over summer vacation. So help a sister out!
Fill up these comments with your Qs so I can A them (via video) next week!
Part one - it's okay to want more
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Part five - finding your calling
What does that mean?! Do you disagree with me, but don't want to tell me? (Of course, my mind goes straight to the negative! lol)
Really, though, I want to know... Has this series raised any questions? Anything I can help with? Anything you'd like me to clarify? A specific situation you'd like some suggestions for? A point you'd like to raise for some healthy
Today, I need your comments. Without them, I'll be left with nothing to post next week. Then I'll have to think. And that can be a dangerous thing over summer vacation. So help a sister out!
Fill up these comments with your Qs so I can A them (via video) next week!
Part one - it's okay to want more
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Part five - finding your calling
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Just a Mom, part five - Finding Your Calling
Part one - it's okay to want more
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Today - finding your calling
Tomorrow - q & a (to be answered via video next week)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me start by asking you a question. Do you know what it is that God is calling you to do for His Kingdom?
If you don't, or if you're not sure, may I suggest four questions to ask yourself that will help you figure it out?
1. What am I good at that I also enjoy doing?
Seriously, it begins as simply as that! Ask yourself what you do well and also love to do.
As moms, we sometimes lose sight of our other skills and abilities. You may need to think back a ways to something you used to do that brought you pleasure.
Before kids, were you artistic, painting or creating things of beauty? Do you miss it? Is it possible that you could create art as a means of bringing God glory and sharing His love with others?
Before kids, did you have plans of being a social worker, helping families heal and repair? Do you miss it? Is there a way that you can help families now, even if you're not working in the social work field?
Another possibility is that you can't think of anything that gave you great pleasure until you became a mom. Perhaps you are absolutely gifted as a mother or a homemaker, and you find your joy in creating a beautiful home and teaching your children. Can I ask you, then, why you're keeping those skills to yourself? There are millions of us out there who are desperate for a patient mom to mentor us in the fine art of discipline, for example. How can you use your mothering skills to help others for His glory?
2. What am I passionate about?
Is there a certain topic that, when it comes up in conversation, you are utterly unable to resist voicing your opinion? Do you worry that you come across too strongly, simply because you feel so passionately about it?
Some examples... When teen sexuality comes up, do you go wild about the importance of teaching abstinence? If folks are talking politics and it turns to foreign aid, do you lose yourself in ideas of how to help impoverished countries? Are you gripped by the plight of a certain people group - either at home (homeless, abused, drug addicts...) or abroad (the Delits in India, the restavecs in Haiti, the child prostitutes in Thailand)?
Whatever puts a fire in your belly is probably related to your calling. Maybe you can't fly over to Amsterdam and hand out tracts to the drug dealers, but if you're passionate about it you can do something. Learn all you can, educate others, raise funds, send funds, PRAY.
3. What are my spiritual gifts?
Spiritual gifts are special gifts give by the Holy Spirit to believers when they accept Christ. These gifts don't necessarily manifest themselves immediately, though. Sometimes they take years to develop and grow in you.
There are a lot of gifts (I can't give you definite number), but some include: hospitality, healing, prophecy, administration, leadership, speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, giving, music, writing, encouragement.
If you feel clueless about your spiritual gifts, I suggest taking a survey to help you get a clearer picture. Two of my favorites are: Finding Your Spiritual Gifts (a printed inventory by C. Peter Wagner) and Spiritual Gifts Test (an online tool).
4. What difficult things have I experienced in life?
You didn't think those hard things in life happened for no reason, did you? No way! We walk through hardship for two reasons: our own spiritual growth and to offer hope and encouragement to others.
When you've suffered the loss of a child, who brought you the most comfort? Likely someone else who had experienced the same thing. Depression? Abuse? Divorce? Teen pregnancy? Ask yourself which of your life experiences may have happened so that you could minister to others.
The hard part is being willing to share openly, so ask God for the courage to share what He wants you to and the wisdom to know how much or little to reveal for each situation.
After you've answered these four questions for yourself, you should have an idea of where God is calling you to serve. If you're still feeling clueless, just jump in and try something! Sometimes you don't know what you're good at until you've experienced it.
I once said those words to my mom, so she decided to try leading a women's Bible study. She's been doing it for at least five years now, leading one group and assisting three or four other leaders as they also facilitate groups!
On a final note, I also want to encourage you to re-evaluate periodically. Maybe every 3 years or so. While your spiritual gifts will never change, over time you may find certain gifts developing more strongly. And though we're all called and commissioned to bring the message of Christ to the ends of the earth, our individual specific roles in that commission may change over time. Sometimes a calling is for but a season...
In 2003, I wrote that I felt called to minister to young women and teens experiencing unplanned pregnancy. I served in various capacities at our local Pregnancy Care Centre for a number of years. More recently, I wrote that I feel called to be an encourager of women, drawing them into a deeper relationship with Christ using my gifts in writing, speaking, and mentoring. Pretty big shift, eh?
So tell me, do you know what you're called to do for this season of your life? If not, what steps are you going to take to figure it out?
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Today - finding your calling
Tomorrow - q & a (to be answered via video next week)
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Let me start by asking you a question. Do you know what it is that God is calling you to do for His Kingdom?
If you don't, or if you're not sure, may I suggest four questions to ask yourself that will help you figure it out?
1. What am I good at that I also enjoy doing?
Seriously, it begins as simply as that! Ask yourself what you do well and also love to do.
As moms, we sometimes lose sight of our other skills and abilities. You may need to think back a ways to something you used to do that brought you pleasure.
Before kids, were you artistic, painting or creating things of beauty? Do you miss it? Is it possible that you could create art as a means of bringing God glory and sharing His love with others?
Before kids, did you have plans of being a social worker, helping families heal and repair? Do you miss it? Is there a way that you can help families now, even if you're not working in the social work field?
Another possibility is that you can't think of anything that gave you great pleasure until you became a mom. Perhaps you are absolutely gifted as a mother or a homemaker, and you find your joy in creating a beautiful home and teaching your children. Can I ask you, then, why you're keeping those skills to yourself? There are millions of us out there who are desperate for a patient mom to mentor us in the fine art of discipline, for example. How can you use your mothering skills to help others for His glory?
2. What am I passionate about?
Is there a certain topic that, when it comes up in conversation, you are utterly unable to resist voicing your opinion? Do you worry that you come across too strongly, simply because you feel so passionately about it?
Some examples... When teen sexuality comes up, do you go wild about the importance of teaching abstinence? If folks are talking politics and it turns to foreign aid, do you lose yourself in ideas of how to help impoverished countries? Are you gripped by the plight of a certain people group - either at home (homeless, abused, drug addicts...) or abroad (the Delits in India, the restavecs in Haiti, the child prostitutes in Thailand)?
Whatever puts a fire in your belly is probably related to your calling. Maybe you can't fly over to Amsterdam and hand out tracts to the drug dealers, but if you're passionate about it you can do something. Learn all you can, educate others, raise funds, send funds, PRAY.
3. What are my spiritual gifts?
Spiritual gifts are special gifts give by the Holy Spirit to believers when they accept Christ. These gifts don't necessarily manifest themselves immediately, though. Sometimes they take years to develop and grow in you.
There are a lot of gifts (I can't give you definite number), but some include: hospitality, healing, prophecy, administration, leadership, speaking in tongues, interpreting tongues, giving, music, writing, encouragement.
If you feel clueless about your spiritual gifts, I suggest taking a survey to help you get a clearer picture. Two of my favorites are: Finding Your Spiritual Gifts (a printed inventory by C. Peter Wagner) and Spiritual Gifts Test (an online tool).
4. What difficult things have I experienced in life?
You didn't think those hard things in life happened for no reason, did you? No way! We walk through hardship for two reasons: our own spiritual growth and to offer hope and encouragement to others.
When you've suffered the loss of a child, who brought you the most comfort? Likely someone else who had experienced the same thing. Depression? Abuse? Divorce? Teen pregnancy? Ask yourself which of your life experiences may have happened so that you could minister to others.
The hard part is being willing to share openly, so ask God for the courage to share what He wants you to and the wisdom to know how much or little to reveal for each situation.
After you've answered these four questions for yourself, you should have an idea of where God is calling you to serve. If you're still feeling clueless, just jump in and try something! Sometimes you don't know what you're good at until you've experienced it.
I once said those words to my mom, so she decided to try leading a women's Bible study. She's been doing it for at least five years now, leading one group and assisting three or four other leaders as they also facilitate groups!
On a final note, I also want to encourage you to re-evaluate periodically. Maybe every 3 years or so. While your spiritual gifts will never change, over time you may find certain gifts developing more strongly. And though we're all called and commissioned to bring the message of Christ to the ends of the earth, our individual specific roles in that commission may change over time. Sometimes a calling is for but a season...
In 2003, I wrote that I felt called to minister to young women and teens experiencing unplanned pregnancy. I served in various capacities at our local Pregnancy Care Centre for a number of years. More recently, I wrote that I feel called to be an encourager of women, drawing them into a deeper relationship with Christ using my gifts in writing, speaking, and mentoring. Pretty big shift, eh?
So tell me, do you know what you're called to do for this season of your life? If not, what steps are you going to take to figure it out?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Just a Mom, part four - It's Not About You
Part One - it's okay to want more
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Part Three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Today - it's not about you
Tomorrow - finding your calling
That feeling of wanting more than being just a mom was put in you by the One who created you. But He didn't place that longing inside your spirit for you; He put it there for Him.
You were created to serve God with your life. Each and every one of us was. Yes, everyone. Not just the Christians.
If you're not a Christ-follower, just consider this for a moment... Have you ever asked yourself what the purpose of life is? Have you ever wondered why you're here? Have you ever felt like there's more to it? Like something is missing? Just a little fyi, sweet friends, that empty hole was left in you by the God who created you, and it will only ever feel full and complete and satisfied once you know Him and serve Him.
If you are a Jesus girl, but you still feel that achy emptiness, might I suggest that you've only got one piece of the satisfaction formula? Fulfillment comes from both knowing Him and serving Him.
We are healed to help others. We are blessed to be a blessing. We are saved to serve. (Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?, pp. 229)
Warren describes two different ways of serving God, and says that each of us has both: a ministry and a mission.
Your ministry is simply serving others. Ministry is asking, "Whose needs can I meet?" and then meeting them.
Your mission is your specific, unique, God-given way of serving. Your mission is the combination of your skills, abilities, gifts, talents and personality with the people group that you have a love and a passion for.
For example, when I "do ministry" it may look like: delivering a meal to a new mom, offering to watch a friend's little ones, joining the women's ministry team in our church, signing up for a Sunday of helping in Sunday school, turning my husband's socks right-side-out when I do laundry (I assure you, that is ministry).
When I think of my mission - the specific thing God created me to do - I see women. A sea of beautiful faces, looking for hope and encouragement, desperate to experience the reality of Jesus in their everyday lives.
Too often, we make excuses to avoid being stretched. We don't want to be too busy (and most of us already feel too busy in filling our roles at home), to deal with the challenges of childcare, to try something new and fail... So we say things like, "I'll start serving at the church when my children are a bit older," or "I would have like to help that person out, but I just can't afford it right now," or "For this season, I need to put all my focus on my children."
Here's what God's Word says on the matter:
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of making excuses.
What's holding you back from serving God?
Head's up! On Friday, I'm going to be asking for your questions. What haven't I addressed in this series? Is there something you want me to elaborate on? Are you looking for more practical tips? Fill up my comments with your questions! I aim to answer them next week via video.
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Part Three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Today - it's not about you
Tomorrow - finding your calling
That feeling of wanting more than being just a mom was put in you by the One who created you. But He didn't place that longing inside your spirit for you; He put it there for Him.
You were created to serve God with your life. Each and every one of us was. Yes, everyone. Not just the Christians.
If you're not a Christ-follower, just consider this for a moment... Have you ever asked yourself what the purpose of life is? Have you ever wondered why you're here? Have you ever felt like there's more to it? Like something is missing? Just a little fyi, sweet friends, that empty hole was left in you by the God who created you, and it will only ever feel full and complete and satisfied once you know Him and serve Him.
If you are a Jesus girl, but you still feel that achy emptiness, might I suggest that you've only got one piece of the satisfaction formula? Fulfillment comes from both knowing Him and serving Him.
We are healed to help others. We are blessed to be a blessing. We are saved to serve. (Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?, pp. 229)
Warren describes two different ways of serving God, and says that each of us has both: a ministry and a mission.
Your ministry is simply serving others. Ministry is asking, "Whose needs can I meet?" and then meeting them.
Your mission is your specific, unique, God-given way of serving. Your mission is the combination of your skills, abilities, gifts, talents and personality with the people group that you have a love and a passion for.
For example, when I "do ministry" it may look like: delivering a meal to a new mom, offering to watch a friend's little ones, joining the women's ministry team in our church, signing up for a Sunday of helping in Sunday school, turning my husband's socks right-side-out when I do laundry (I assure you, that is ministry).
When I think of my mission - the specific thing God created me to do - I see women. A sea of beautiful faces, looking for hope and encouragement, desperate to experience the reality of Jesus in their everyday lives.
Too often, we make excuses to avoid being stretched. We don't want to be too busy (and most of us already feel too busy in filling our roles at home), to deal with the challenges of childcare, to try something new and fail... So we say things like, "I'll start serving at the church when my children are a bit older," or "I would have like to help that person out, but I just can't afford it right now," or "For this season, I need to put all my focus on my children."
Here's what God's Word says on the matter:
Now you belong to Him...in order that we might be useful in the service of God.
Romans 7:4 (TEV)
Because of God's great mercy...Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to His service.
Romans 12:1 (TEV)
Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve and to give My life.
Matthew 20:28 (LB)
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of making excuses.
What's holding you back from serving God?
Head's up! On Friday, I'm going to be asking for your questions. What haven't I addressed in this series? Is there something you want me to elaborate on? Are you looking for more practical tips? Fill up my comments with your questions! I aim to answer them next week via video.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Just a Mom, part three - Practical Tips for Getting Out of the Slump
Part One - it's okay to want more
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Us moms are not often known for our busy social lives. In fact, once we have children, many of us abandon all attempts at a social life. It feels too impossible to get out for the necessities (like grocery shopping), let alone for our own pleasure.
Those of us who get all cooped up, though, discover a few truths. First, being a socially isolated mom is lonely. Second, being a socially isolated mom is hard on our husbands. Third, we were made for community; there is something within us that craves fellowship.
If you are weary of feeling like "just a mom" and desperate to get out and get connected, here are a few things you can try that will help you get out and about:
1. Make friends with other moms.
Nothing is more enjoyable and chaotic than a visit over coffee and the cacophony of children playing together. So next time you spend even a few minutes chatting with another mom and you think to yourself, "I think I like her," just invite her over.
And please, do yourself (and her) a favor by not cleaning your house before she comes over. She will be more comfortable if you're real from the get-go. Why waste time pretending? Just be the real you in your real house with your real children.
2. Help out your mom friends.
Hear a friend mention she's got a doctor's appointment later in the week? Offer to babysit for her! (I know, you're wondering, "How in the world can I add two more children to my day?! I can barely survive with this one!") Here's the deal, though. In order to have good girlfriends, you need to be a good girlfriend. A few busy hours could result in both a lifelong friendship and a girlfriend who offers to watch your kids.
3. Hire a sitter.
I know how tight finances can be after a new baby arrives. And I know it's not easy to leave your precious little one in the hands of a teenager. But you need to do this! Here's why:
- If you take your time with a new sitter, teaching her how you want things done and letting her get to know your child(ren), you will have someone you know and trust to babysit.
- If you never take time away from your little ones, they will object (painfully, dramatically, and loudly) at the age of two and a half when you try to leave.
- If you and your hubby don't leave the house for dates every now and then, he will begin to feel like he's playing second fiddle to the kids.
If there are no creative ways for you to set aside funds for a sitter, go back to #2 and try doing a childcare swap with a friend.
4. Boss your feelings around.
Sometimes, us moms feel guilty for enjoying time away from our kids. We see other mommies who can't bear to be apart from their progeny, and we think perhaps something is wrong with us for not missing them. Can I tell you something about those mommies? They are either: 1. lying, or 2. unhealthily attached.
It is not healthy for mother or child to never experience periods of separation. It can be damaging to your marriage and it totally ties your identity to your child(ren). But that is not who you are! Who you are is:
- a child of God
- a daughter of the King
- a princess and heir in the most royal of families
- a woman with a calling (only part of which is being a mother)
- a woman with needs, dreams, and desires
- a women created by God to have needs, dreams, and desires
So if you feel guilty for leaving the kids, tell your guilt to take a hike. If you feel guilty for wanting and enjoying time away from the kids, give your guilt the boot. The enemy is called the accuser for a reason - he twists everything into an accusation, hoping to cause feelings of guilt, and expecting us to let those feelings dictate our actions.
But you've got victory on your side! Resist the devil (and his accusations) and he will flee!
It is okay for you to want more. In fact, God designed you to want more. He created you in His own image; He created you for fellowship and companionship and relationship. Yes, He created you to mother children, too. But not at the exclusion of all else.
There's one more facet to address in this series - ministry (or service) as a mom. We'll tackle that one tomorrow.
So hey, do you struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time away from the kids? How do you deal with it?
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Us moms are not often known for our busy social lives. In fact, once we have children, many of us abandon all attempts at a social life. It feels too impossible to get out for the necessities (like grocery shopping), let alone for our own pleasure.
Those of us who get all cooped up, though, discover a few truths. First, being a socially isolated mom is lonely. Second, being a socially isolated mom is hard on our husbands. Third, we were made for community; there is something within us that craves fellowship.
If you are weary of feeling like "just a mom" and desperate to get out and get connected, here are a few things you can try that will help you get out and about:
1. Make friends with other moms.
Nothing is more enjoyable and chaotic than a visit over coffee and the cacophony of children playing together. So next time you spend even a few minutes chatting with another mom and you think to yourself, "I think I like her," just invite her over.
And please, do yourself (and her) a favor by not cleaning your house before she comes over. She will be more comfortable if you're real from the get-go. Why waste time pretending? Just be the real you in your real house with your real children.
2. Help out your mom friends.
Hear a friend mention she's got a doctor's appointment later in the week? Offer to babysit for her! (I know, you're wondering, "How in the world can I add two more children to my day?! I can barely survive with this one!") Here's the deal, though. In order to have good girlfriends, you need to be a good girlfriend. A few busy hours could result in both a lifelong friendship and a girlfriend who offers to watch your kids.
3. Hire a sitter.
I know how tight finances can be after a new baby arrives. And I know it's not easy to leave your precious little one in the hands of a teenager. But you need to do this! Here's why:
- If you take your time with a new sitter, teaching her how you want things done and letting her get to know your child(ren), you will have someone you know and trust to babysit.
- If you never take time away from your little ones, they will object (painfully, dramatically, and loudly) at the age of two and a half when you try to leave.
- If you and your hubby don't leave the house for dates every now and then, he will begin to feel like he's playing second fiddle to the kids.
If there are no creative ways for you to set aside funds for a sitter, go back to #2 and try doing a childcare swap with a friend.
4. Boss your feelings around.
Sometimes, us moms feel guilty for enjoying time away from our kids. We see other mommies who can't bear to be apart from their progeny, and we think perhaps something is wrong with us for not missing them. Can I tell you something about those mommies? They are either: 1. lying, or 2. unhealthily attached.
It is not healthy for mother or child to never experience periods of separation. It can be damaging to your marriage and it totally ties your identity to your child(ren). But that is not who you are! Who you are is:
- a child of God
- a daughter of the King
- a princess and heir in the most royal of families
- a woman with a calling (only part of which is being a mother)
- a woman with needs, dreams, and desires
- a women created by God to have needs, dreams, and desires
So if you feel guilty for leaving the kids, tell your guilt to take a hike. If you feel guilty for wanting and enjoying time away from the kids, give your guilt the boot. The enemy is called the accuser for a reason - he twists everything into an accusation, hoping to cause feelings of guilt, and expecting us to let those feelings dictate our actions.
But you've got victory on your side! Resist the devil (and his accusations) and he will flee!
It is okay for you to want more. In fact, God designed you to want more. He created you in His own image; He created you for fellowship and companionship and relationship. Yes, He created you to mother children, too. But not at the exclusion of all else.
There's one more facet to address in this series - ministry (or service) as a mom. We'll tackle that one tomorrow.
So hey, do you struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time away from the kids? How do you deal with it?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Just a Mom, part two - 5 Key Principles to Getting Started
Last week I shared some thoughts on why it's good for us to strive for more than being "just a mom" (part one - it's okay to want more).
Today, I'll offer some principles that will help turn our desire into a reality. Tomorrow, I'll pull out some practical tips on making it happen.
1. Make a list.
Are you surprised that my first suggestion involves list making? Really, though, the list is the most important step.
List all the things you wish you could do but don't have the time for. List all the things you used to do but felt you had to give up. List your personal hobbies, interests, dreams, and goals. Write it all down!
Once your list is written, begin sorting the items on the list according to a few categories: no longer important to me, something for later (whether a different phase in your life or your kids' lives), and important for today. If your 'important for today' list is fairly long, you'll need to rank the items by priority.
On my list of things I'd like to start doing today: writing, building friendships, regular dates with my husband, being involved in my church. For lots of women fitness makes it way onto the list, or a crafty hobby like scrapbooking, or volunteering at the kids' school.
2. Start small.
For most of us, going on a diet doesn't work if we attempt to revamp our entire lives in one day. It's the gradual, consistent implementation of changes that convert our lifestyles and our waistlines. The same is true of finding time for ourselves apart from our children. Slow and gradual just works better.
Choose one item from your list that you'd like to fit into your life and only focus on that item.
When we first moved (nearly two years ago now), building friendships ranked number one. Little by little, I saw that beginning to happen. So then I bumped writing to the top. I'm still working on building friendships, but have reassigned some of my attention to writing.
3. Search for windows.
Windows of time, I mean. In every mom's day, there are little chunks of time that are not filled with motherly duties. Others refer to these as pockets of time or margins. Whatever you call them - they're there. Your job is to identify them.
Not only do you need to find those windows, you need to figure out what's filling them right now. Then decide which matters more to you - the thing you're currently doing that uses up your chunks of time, or the thing you wish you were doing.
Building friendships - I decided that this was something I could incorporate into daily living. I didn't need to set aside a special time or make crazy childcare arrangements. I could invite a new friend and her kids over virtually any day. It just meant that sometimes I had to plan ahead as far as housework. Just because it was cleaning day didn't mean I couldn't have coffee, it simply meant I needed to clean around the coffee date - either before, after, or on a different day that week.
4. Schedule.
If it's important to you, schedule it in. Most moms these days have a day planner or a smart phone or something to keep track of appointments on. Use that same tool for allowing yourself time to add that one thing.
If it's in the calendar, it feels less like wasting time or stealing time (from the ever-present housekeeping needs) and more like time well-spent. Scheduling things, even fun things like singing lessons - if that made the top of your list - makes it feel more intentional and less frivolous. It's a mind-set thing.
Writing - I realized that I spent a lot of time on Facebook and reading blogs. Hours spent entertaining myself that could be spent crafting words. So I gave myself a rule - no reading until after the writing. The first thing I do in the mornings (following my quiet time) is write my blog post. Then I reward myself with a quick skim of FB status updates. After lunch, I try to do a bit more writing-related stuff, then I get to read up on other people's blogs.
5. Don't live by the schedule.
Yes, I did just contradict myself. The thing is, you can't be so married to your schedule that you become inflexible. It's okay to skip a day of knitting - if that's what made your list - in order to babysit a friend's child. Life happens, children get sick, emergencies come up, time gets away from us... The best way to handle life's interruptions is to be flexible.
For example, read Friday's blog post. I was busy packing for a two events - a boy's week at camp and a wedding that our whole family was attending. I realized that writing this post simply could not fit into my morning without me turning into a stressed-out shrew.
So go ahead. Make your list. What's stopping you?
What activity (or activities) make top priority on your list for today?
Today, I'll offer some principles that will help turn our desire into a reality. Tomorrow, I'll pull out some practical tips on making it happen.
1. Make a list.
Are you surprised that my first suggestion involves list making? Really, though, the list is the most important step.
List all the things you wish you could do but don't have the time for. List all the things you used to do but felt you had to give up. List your personal hobbies, interests, dreams, and goals. Write it all down!
Once your list is written, begin sorting the items on the list according to a few categories: no longer important to me, something for later (whether a different phase in your life or your kids' lives), and important for today. If your 'important for today' list is fairly long, you'll need to rank the items by priority.
On my list of things I'd like to start doing today: writing, building friendships, regular dates with my husband, being involved in my church. For lots of women fitness makes it way onto the list, or a crafty hobby like scrapbooking, or volunteering at the kids' school.
2. Start small.
For most of us, going on a diet doesn't work if we attempt to revamp our entire lives in one day. It's the gradual, consistent implementation of changes that convert our lifestyles and our waistlines. The same is true of finding time for ourselves apart from our children. Slow and gradual just works better.
Choose one item from your list that you'd like to fit into your life and only focus on that item.
When we first moved (nearly two years ago now), building friendships ranked number one. Little by little, I saw that beginning to happen. So then I bumped writing to the top. I'm still working on building friendships, but have reassigned some of my attention to writing.
3. Search for windows.
Windows of time, I mean. In every mom's day, there are little chunks of time that are not filled with motherly duties. Others refer to these as pockets of time or margins. Whatever you call them - they're there. Your job is to identify them.
Not only do you need to find those windows, you need to figure out what's filling them right now. Then decide which matters more to you - the thing you're currently doing that uses up your chunks of time, or the thing you wish you were doing.
Building friendships - I decided that this was something I could incorporate into daily living. I didn't need to set aside a special time or make crazy childcare arrangements. I could invite a new friend and her kids over virtually any day. It just meant that sometimes I had to plan ahead as far as housework. Just because it was cleaning day didn't mean I couldn't have coffee, it simply meant I needed to clean around the coffee date - either before, after, or on a different day that week.
4. Schedule.
If it's important to you, schedule it in. Most moms these days have a day planner or a smart phone or something to keep track of appointments on. Use that same tool for allowing yourself time to add that one thing.
If it's in the calendar, it feels less like wasting time or stealing time (from the ever-present housekeeping needs) and more like time well-spent. Scheduling things, even fun things like singing lessons - if that made the top of your list - makes it feel more intentional and less frivolous. It's a mind-set thing.
Writing - I realized that I spent a lot of time on Facebook and reading blogs. Hours spent entertaining myself that could be spent crafting words. So I gave myself a rule - no reading until after the writing. The first thing I do in the mornings (following my quiet time) is write my blog post. Then I reward myself with a quick skim of FB status updates. After lunch, I try to do a bit more writing-related stuff, then I get to read up on other people's blogs.
5. Don't live by the schedule.
Yes, I did just contradict myself. The thing is, you can't be so married to your schedule that you become inflexible. It's okay to skip a day of knitting - if that's what made your list - in order to babysit a friend's child. Life happens, children get sick, emergencies come up, time gets away from us... The best way to handle life's interruptions is to be flexible.
For example, read Friday's blog post. I was busy packing for a two events - a boy's week at camp and a wedding that our whole family was attending. I realized that writing this post simply could not fit into my morning without me turning into a stressed-out shrew.
So go ahead. Make your list. What's stopping you?
What activity (or activities) make top priority on your list for today?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Just a Mom, part one - It's Okay to Want More
A question I often hear, especially from young moms with one or two little (busy) ones, is some variation of "How do you do it all?" What they mean is, "How can you possibly be involved in other things, like ministry or writing or a small group or (fill in the blank) when you've got five kids? I can't imagine being able to do anything else. It's so busy with these little people!"
When I'm asked that, my heart fills with a mixture of compassion and excitement. Compassion... because the long, lonely, overwhelming days of being a new mom are never far from my memory. Excitement... because I love watching the thrill overtaking the face of a new mom who discovers she is not (and was not meant to be) just a mom.
I realize that what I just said may ruffle some feathers, but before anyone gets too worked up let me add this... I do believe that motherhood is one of the most important, profound, blessed callings. I also believe that many of us have a tendency to fill our lives with other stuff and neglect the importance of interactive, intentional parenting. What I'm saying is not to oppose the importance of mothering, but to enhance it.
For many of us, those first years of motherhood are a time of isolation and loss. We begin to question... Who am I? What is my purpose in life? Will the rest of my days be marked by an endless cycle of changing diapers and sweeping floors? In my experience, even a woman who's always dreamed of becoming a mother experiences some level of identity crisis when her child(ren) are young.
So when a mom of young children asks me how I do it, I try to encourage her with these five thoughts:
1. It is less a matter of how I do these other things than how I could survive without them.
There's is nothing more refreshing to an overwhelmed mom than hearing someone honestly say to them, "It's okay to want more. Don't feel guilty. I want more, too."
2. Grandma always said, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
In twenty or so years, these children of mine won't need me (at least not the way they do right now), and if they are my everything, I will eventually be left with nothing.
3. Doing things other than being a mom helps me be a better mother.
Spending a couple hours in a committee meeting with six other women as we plan our church's women's retreat, for example, fills me up. I feel energized and rejuvenated, both by the fellowship and the sense of purpose. So when I come home to my family, my joy spills over into how I interact with them.
4. Being a mom doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't serve in my church and my community.
In His Word, God calls us to show a special love to fellow believers and to take care of widows and orphans. Nowhere does it add, "unless you're busy being a mother." Having small children changes how we do ministry, but it does not make it impossible.
5. Being involved in other things is a beautiful example to my children.
It is good for my children to see me serving God and others. Seeing that the world doesn't revolve around them helps to tame their selfish nature. Sacrificing a small amount of time with mom teaches them that it's better to give than to receive. Observing my passion in ministry inspires them to ask God how He's calling them to serve.
Ultimately, we all make time for things that matter to us. We find time to go on Facebook, read blogs, and watch our favorite TV shows. We shuffle our schedules in order to get to the gym, create scrapbooks, or even attend appointments. It's not impossible or insurmountable to get out of the house and get involved in something. But it does require making a choice, making a plan, and being a little creative.
Tomorrow, I hope to share a few creative ways to get out of the house and allow yourself to be more than just a mom.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
The Pitch
In the wanna-be author world, there are three things of utmost importance:
1. Great writing
2. A growing platform
3. A fantastic pitch.
I'm working on #s 1 and 2 daily, but #3 is one that only gets used when you actually have the opportunity to meet with Agents and Publishers. Since my last meeting with anyone in the publishing world was at She Speaks nearly a year ago, my pitch has gotten a little rusty.
Thankfully, Brooke McGlothin is having alittle big contest that's making me brush-up my elevator pitch! (An elevator pitch is the short version of your pitch - about 1-2 minutes in length - that you can use when you bump into an Agent, Editor, or Publisher in public. Except not in the bathroom. That is a big no-no!) And how handy is it that Rachelle Gardner outlined a good pitch for us in her blog today?!
Imagine the put-together me standing next to you as we ride an elevator to the 15th floor, with one or two stops along the way. Here I am...
(Cue music to Aerosmith's Love in an Elevator, because that's the song in my head as I write this.)
Tell me what you think - really, honestly, tell me! Does it catch your interest? Do you want to hear more? Is there anything you'd change/delete/add? (To answer your unspoken question - yes, the book title really does appear in red, even when I'm speaking.)
And just in case you happen to know someone in the publishing industry, please be assured that you are more than welcome to pass my elevator pitch along! In fact, I encourage it. There may even be chocolate or wine in it for you...
1. Great writing
2. A growing platform
3. A fantastic pitch.
I'm working on #s 1 and 2 daily, but #3 is one that only gets used when you actually have the opportunity to meet with Agents and Publishers. Since my last meeting with anyone in the publishing world was at She Speaks nearly a year ago, my pitch has gotten a little rusty.
Thankfully, Brooke McGlothin is having a
Imagine the put-together me standing next to you as we ride an elevator to the 15th floor, with one or two stops along the way. Here I am...
(Cue music to Aerosmith's Love in an Elevator, because that's the song in my head as I write this.)
Hi, my name is Tyler Rowan, and I am so glad I bumped into you because I am seeking an agent to represent me.
I'm writing a Christian non-fiction book that I'd love to tell you about. Do you mind if I walk with you for just a minute?
My book is called Mommy, Why Are You Angry?: Breaking Free From Anger, One Mother To Another.
By transparently sharing my own battle as a (former) angry mother to five, I hope to convey two truths every woman needs to hear: “You are not alone!” and “You can have victory over your anger!” With a Christ-centred and practical approach, Mommy, Why Are You Angry? will provide women with both spiritual and hands-on strategies to help them find freedom from their anger and become the mothers God intended them to be.
I've been blogging since 2008 and have a steadily growing platform that I'm very committed to. One of my articles was recently published in P31 Woman magazine, I have a number of articles pending with other magazines (including MOMSense, a MOPS publication), and my writing is being regularly featured on Family Life Canada's website (a division of Power to Change). I was also published in a psychological journal while pursuing my Bachelor of Arts in University.
May I leave you a copy of my one-sheet?
Thank you for taking the time to hear me. I hope that I've caught your interest and will hear from you in the near future!
Tell me what you think - really, honestly, tell me! Does it catch your interest? Do you want to hear more? Is there anything you'd change/delete/add? (To answer your unspoken question - yes, the book title really does appear in red, even when I'm speaking.)
And just in case you happen to know someone in the publishing industry, please be assured that you are more than welcome to pass my elevator pitch along! In fact, I encourage it. There may even be chocolate or wine in it for you...
Monday, July 11, 2011
Helping our Kids Experience a Living and Active Relationship with Jesus Christ
Being a parent can often feel like being a referee. Or a cat herder. Or a paramedic. Or a prison warden.
Parenting is a game of reaction. Something happens, then we react. We pray our reactions stop bad behavior, encourage good behavior, and help our children to grow into good and Godly adults.
I've been using this method for years with generally good results. At times, if I think my current reactions aren't getting the above results, I'll experiment with different types of reactions (aka new methods of discipline). Most things I try seem to produce the three results mentioned above.
The other evening, after a long, late-night conversation with one of my children about some stuff that child is struggling with (fitting in, bullying, lying, swearing, over-emotional reactions), I wrote these words:
My children are desperate to experience God as a reality in their lives. They need to see that Jesus works and He can truly help them in life's struggles.
With those words, my parenting goals shifted. I'm no longer solely focused on increasing good behavior and decreasing bad behavior, hoping that we all survive until they reach adulthood. My number one priority as a parent must be helping my kids experience a true and personal relationship with Jesus Christ in their everyday lives.
Sure, I'll still need to react and run interference. Discipline and encouragement cannot be abandoned. But there's a new element that needs to take precedence, and it cannot just be reactionary. I need to turn in my striped referee shirt and whistle for a t-shirt labelled "Coach."
We can't help our children experience Jesus personally with phrases like, "Do you think that Jesus would like the way you're treating your sibling right now?" That makes Jesus look like us - reactionary. We don't want Him to be a "watchdog" over our kids' behaviors; we want Him to be a resident of their hearts.
Teaching Jesus - at a heart level - needs to be proactive, planned, and interactive.
Proactive - Acting in advance rather than reacting.
Planned - Regularly scheduled.
Interactive - A dialogue or conversation rather than a monologue (commonly referred to as a lecture).
Here are three things we're going to try at home to help our children experience the reality of Jesus working in their lives:
1. Learning together. This week we will begin working through the Kids of Integrity curriculum (by Focus on the Family) together. Our first lesson (chosen by the earlier mentioned child) - honesty.
* On a little side-note, KOI is giving away an iPad 2 to those who sign up! Use my link to enter the contest, and you help increase my chances of winning. :)
2. Visioning together. Anyone who has ever led a team knows how much stronger the team becomes if everyone "buys into" the organization's vision. I think the same is true of a family (is there any team more important than family?). So I would like us to develop a family vision, mission statement, values, etc. based in Scripture.
How will this look in practical terms? We'll start with a family meeting, do some brainstorming, and go from there.
3. Following the Holy Spirit together. If I had to name one single thing that grew my faith, it would be the experience of "hearing" the Holy Spirit, listening, and then experiencing the results of that obedience. I want to be more intentional about sharing our obedience with our children, and inviting them to participate in it.
For example, the next time one of my kids wants to give away their favorite toy, I will not suggest they take some time to think about it. Instead, I will praise them for listening to God and help them obey immediately. Or when Pat and I feel led to do something for someone, we'll share the story with the kids over dinner. And when we're in need of provision, and God provides, our whole family will praise the Lord together.
What do you do to help your kids (or the kids you have influence on) experience a living and active relationship with Jesus Christ?
Or, like me, have you been stuck in reaction mode for too long? If so, what is one thing you could begin to do that would take you from reactive to being proactive, planned, and interactive?
Parenting is a game of reaction. Something happens, then we react. We pray our reactions stop bad behavior, encourage good behavior, and help our children to grow into good and Godly adults.
I've been using this method for years with generally good results. At times, if I think my current reactions aren't getting the above results, I'll experiment with different types of reactions (aka new methods of discipline). Most things I try seem to produce the three results mentioned above.
The other evening, after a long, late-night conversation with one of my children about some stuff that child is struggling with (fitting in, bullying, lying, swearing, over-emotional reactions), I wrote these words:
My children are desperate to experience God as a reality in their lives. They need to see that Jesus works and He can truly help them in life's struggles.
With those words, my parenting goals shifted. I'm no longer solely focused on increasing good behavior and decreasing bad behavior, hoping that we all survive until they reach adulthood. My number one priority as a parent must be helping my kids experience a true and personal relationship with Jesus Christ in their everyday lives.
Sure, I'll still need to react and run interference. Discipline and encouragement cannot be abandoned. But there's a new element that needs to take precedence, and it cannot just be reactionary. I need to turn in my striped referee shirt and whistle for a t-shirt labelled "Coach."
We can't help our children experience Jesus personally with phrases like, "Do you think that Jesus would like the way you're treating your sibling right now?" That makes Jesus look like us - reactionary. We don't want Him to be a "watchdog" over our kids' behaviors; we want Him to be a resident of their hearts.
Teaching Jesus - at a heart level - needs to be proactive, planned, and interactive.
Proactive - Acting in advance rather than reacting.
Planned - Regularly scheduled.
Interactive - A dialogue or conversation rather than a monologue (commonly referred to as a lecture).
Here are three things we're going to try at home to help our children experience the reality of Jesus working in their lives:
1. Learning together. This week we will begin working through the Kids of Integrity curriculum (by Focus on the Family) together. Our first lesson (chosen by the earlier mentioned child) - honesty.
* On a little side-note, KOI is giving away an iPad 2 to those who sign up! Use my link to enter the contest, and you help increase my chances of winning. :)
2. Visioning together. Anyone who has ever led a team knows how much stronger the team becomes if everyone "buys into" the organization's vision. I think the same is true of a family (is there any team more important than family?). So I would like us to develop a family vision, mission statement, values, etc. based in Scripture.
How will this look in practical terms? We'll start with a family meeting, do some brainstorming, and go from there.
3. Following the Holy Spirit together. If I had to name one single thing that grew my faith, it would be the experience of "hearing" the Holy Spirit, listening, and then experiencing the results of that obedience. I want to be more intentional about sharing our obedience with our children, and inviting them to participate in it.
For example, the next time one of my kids wants to give away their favorite toy, I will not suggest they take some time to think about it. Instead, I will praise them for listening to God and help them obey immediately. Or when Pat and I feel led to do something for someone, we'll share the story with the kids over dinner. And when we're in need of provision, and God provides, our whole family will praise the Lord together.
What do you do to help your kids (or the kids you have influence on) experience a living and active relationship with Jesus Christ?
Or, like me, have you been stuck in reaction mode for too long? If so, what is one thing you could begin to do that would take you from reactive to being proactive, planned, and interactive?
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Confessions of a Conditional Forgiver
I am a confronter.
I am not one to let problems sit and simmer until I feel ready to blow. I am not one to push issues aside and pretend they don't exist. I prefer to deal with stuff head-on.
On the other hand, I am also very quick to forgive. Once something is out on the table and has been discussed, I'm ready to let go and move forward.
Recently, I've been feeling like God keeps telling me to skip step one and move right to step two. Forgive, let go, and move forward - no confrontation. But my human nature fights against that, telling me that in doing so, I'm avoiding the issue and letting those who hurt me off the hook.
It's not like I think they need to be punished, but that if someone causes a hurt they need to be made aware. After all, if they don't know they've hurt me, what's to stop them from doing it again?
The family member whose neglect of both me and my kids ought to know that we feel ignored, right?
The family member who has nothing to say to me on Facebook when I share my life, but insists on commenting when I post anything that is not agreeable - that person should at least know that all negative and no positive hurts, right?
The friend(s) who don't seem to be as interested as putting in the effort as I am to maintain our friendship need to be told that my feelings are hurt, right?
The friend who inadvertently betrayed my confidence and shared a private hurt publicly - that friend doesn't deserve to be shamed or anything, but really should know that I feel betrayed, right?
I mean, if people never even know that they've hurt someone, how can they prevent it from happening again? Right? Am I right, here?
Some folks won't forgive until they believe a person has truly changed. Some people won't forgive unless there's restitution. Some won't forgive until they get an apology.
I've always prided myself on my forgiving nature. I don't require changed people, restitution, or even an apology. I just want the person to know how I feel. Then I can forgive, no problem!
I've always been told that being willing to confront, in a loving way, is a good thing...Especially as compared to being non-confrontational or an avoider. In fact, learning to confront others in a way that does not leave them feeling hurt or attacked but provides them with new awareness and insight is a skill! At least, that's what I've been told. And that's what I've believed.
But in God's eyes, unforgiveness is unforgiveness. In His Kingdom, forgiveness is not supposed to be conditional.
I realize that I've been using my skills in confrontation as a means of putting conditions on my forgiveness.
So how do I move into free forgiveness? The kind of forgiveness that is offered without any conditions? Without any confrontation? Without any "letting people know" anything?
Here are three truths I'm trying to remind myself of, as I bite my tongue (and hold my fingers) and learn to unconditionally forgive:
1. Offering forgiveness does not let someone off the hook. My job is not justice or even creating awareness. Those are God's jobs. He will convict when someone does wrong. He will ensure that justice - His way - is served. Whether I forgive or not, He will deal with each person how He sees fit.
2. Offering forgiveness does set me free. The only person held captive by my unforgiveness is me. My emotions are tangled up. My tension level is high. My stomach is in knots. The unaware offender is, well, blissfully unaware. And those who offend knowingly are fooled into believing that they feel better for it. I'm the only one here who is stuck, hurting.
3. I have been commanded to forgive. Not everyone knows and loves God, which - in some ways - makes their hurtfulness less wrong. But I do know and love God. And if I choose to wallow in unforgiveness, I am wrong. Wrong with people and wrong with Him. If I want to be right with my God, I must forgive without conditions.
Forgiveness is not like writing a blank cheque, allowing someone the opportunity to take whatever they want. Forgiveness is more like taking someone's IOU and stamping it "paid in full," releasing them of the debt they owe. And if we refuse to forgive the debts owed to us by others, how can we expect our debt to be forgiven by the One who paid for us?
So for today, as I wrestle with my desire to confront, I will take my confrontations to God. I will remind Him of His job - to convict, to serve justice. I will pour out my hurt feelings and frustrations to Him and allow His awareness of my feelings to be my comfort. And I will try to let go - not to forget or avoid or pretend, but to just forgive.
Is there a hurt that you're struggling to forgive today? I would love to pray for you.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Get Out of the Way
This morning, I was emailing back and forth with a friend about some current struggles in my life. Nothing serious, so don't worry, but stuff that needs dealing with.
I shared with her how I try to do the things I feel God has told me to do, but when the results don't seem to be coming I get frustrated and discouraged. I tell myself, "Why bother? Just give up."
Maybe it's not really me saying those words. They sound a lot more like lies from the enemy of my soul. (Hang on while I ponder this light bulb moment.)
Anyway, she wrote some words that I needed to hear:
God can use your obedience better when you obey and stay out of His way.
Obey. Then get out of the way.
Simple yet profound. Another light bulb moment in my day. Her words remind me of the words of one of my mentors, Shannon Ethridge (Author, Speaker, Life Coach, and BLAST mentor)...
Your job is obedience. God's job is results.
I keep getting hung up on results. I see that I don't have any more speaking engagements this year than I had last year, and I feel discouraged. I see that, in spite of a lot of effort with our kids, they still prefer to bicker almost constantly, and I feel frustrated. I see my credit card balance going down, down, down, then back up again, and I feel trapped. I see the number on the scale creep down by 6 lbs only to go back up by 8, and I feel defeated.
The problem with thinking this way is that anything that can be viewed as failure results in feeling discouraged, frustrated, trapped and defeated.
How I needed the reminder today that God is not an all-or-nothing God. He doesn't say, "Give me perfection or just give up." No, He just wants me to keep moving forward in faith. Trusting His promises, obeying His commands, and waiting on Him for the results.
Obey, then get out of the way, so He can do His job.
Sometimes the fruit of that obedience may result in internal change, or have impact for someone else I'll never know about. Those times when He chooses to let me experience successful results in a tangible way are a gift.
My success or failure is not defined by the tangible results. If I obey my Father, that is success.
Maybe some of you are experiencing a similar struggle right now, where you keep on doing what you feel Him asking you to do, but it just doesn't seem to be making a difference. Might I allow my friend's words to encourage you today?
Just obey.
Then get out of the way.
Your job is obedience.
God's job is results.
I shared with her how I try to do the things I feel God has told me to do, but when the results don't seem to be coming I get frustrated and discouraged. I tell myself, "Why bother? Just give up."
Maybe it's not really me saying those words. They sound a lot more like lies from the enemy of my soul. (Hang on while I ponder this light bulb moment.)
Anyway, she wrote some words that I needed to hear:
God can use your obedience better when you obey and stay out of His way.
Obey. Then get out of the way.
Simple yet profound. Another light bulb moment in my day. Her words remind me of the words of one of my mentors, Shannon Ethridge (Author, Speaker, Life Coach, and BLAST mentor)...
Your job is obedience. God's job is results.
I keep getting hung up on results. I see that I don't have any more speaking engagements this year than I had last year, and I feel discouraged. I see that, in spite of a lot of effort with our kids, they still prefer to bicker almost constantly, and I feel frustrated. I see my credit card balance going down, down, down, then back up again, and I feel trapped. I see the number on the scale creep down by 6 lbs only to go back up by 8, and I feel defeated.
The problem with thinking this way is that anything that can be viewed as failure results in feeling discouraged, frustrated, trapped and defeated.
How I needed the reminder today that God is not an all-or-nothing God. He doesn't say, "Give me perfection or just give up." No, He just wants me to keep moving forward in faith. Trusting His promises, obeying His commands, and waiting on Him for the results.
Obey, then get out of the way, so He can do His job.
Sometimes the fruit of that obedience may result in internal change, or have impact for someone else I'll never know about. Those times when He chooses to let me experience successful results in a tangible way are a gift.
My success or failure is not defined by the tangible results. If I obey my Father, that is success.
Maybe some of you are experiencing a similar struggle right now, where you keep on doing what you feel Him asking you to do, but it just doesn't seem to be making a difference. Might I allow my friend's words to encourage you today?
Just obey.
Then get out of the way.
Your job is obedience.
God's job is results.
Monday, June 27, 2011
To Protect or Prepare?
For a number of years, I've been a fairly protective parent. I wouldn't go so far as to say I've been a "helicopter parent," but I've certainly tried to guard my children's innocence.
When they were small and would ask where babies came from, I'd explain that God designed us so that Mommies and Daddies would fall in love, get married, and then make babies because of their love.
I set parameters around their behavior that I felt would help them to learn and understand a Godly definition of morality. For example, I've long had a rule about not wearing clothing that I consider too grown-up for their age (you know, those clothes that are designed to dress up little girls as women).
There are certain books or movies that, on occasion, I've deemed off-limits.
As my children get older, though, I am beginning to see the need to do more than merely protect them. I need to prepare them.
It's not unlike immunizing my kids... I could keep them home to prevent them from ever contracting dangerous diseases like measles, but as they get older they would push back against my protection. If I don't want it to get to that point, I need to make sure they have their shots. That way, when they are ready to head out into the world on their own, I can rest in confidence that I have prepared their bodies to withstand an attack of the measles virus.
I need to prepare them to live out Godly lives in the context of the realities of this fallen world.
You see, as they get older and gain more experience in this world, they're coming home with questions that cannot be answered like their younger baby-making questions.
How can someone have a baby when they're not married?
What does "gay" mean?
What's a step-dad?
My friend's mom just had a baby, but the daddy is different than her daddy. How can that happen?
What's french kissing?
What is a virgin?
What does rape mean?
Of course, I still want to teach them the Biblical standards. I want them to aspire for that in their own lives (and hopefully see it in my life). But I cannot sugar-coat the realities, or when they begin to understand those realities for themselves they will be unprepared to deal with them.
The true preparation lies even deeper, though. I can't simply prepare them for the reality of this world as it compares to God's plan. No, I must teach them how to love others. Others whose moral choices may be completely opposite to ours. And sometimes that feels like a contradiction for us adults, so how can we teach it to our children?
The fact is, people are not won to Christ by being convicted of their sin. Really, in a world where right and wrong is relative - depending on circumstances - people no longer see what is sinful. And if we (Christians) are focused on their sin, we're seen as judgemental and hypocritical. Actually, if we're focusing on the sins of others we are judgemental and hypocritical.
People are won to Christ by feeling loved and accepted. People are won to Christ by seeing that there is "more to life than this" lived out in the lives of Christ-followers.
So the challenge I face as a parent is to teach my children to love people - all people, any people - while still seeking to honor God's commandments in their own lives.
Or, as Mary DeMuth puts it in her book You Can Raise Courageous and Confident Kids: Preparing Your Children for the World they Live In, "...to engage as a family in people's lives in a way that beckons them to Jesus Christ without sacrificing our family to the world system."
Here are some Scriptures I've been pondering as I consider how to prepare my children rather than just protecting them.
James 1:27
1 Corinthians 5:9-10
John 17:14-15
2 Corinthians 1:12
Q4U: What are you doing to prepare your children to live Godly lives in the context of the realities of this fallen world?
When they were small and would ask where babies came from, I'd explain that God designed us so that Mommies and Daddies would fall in love, get married, and then make babies because of their love.
I set parameters around their behavior that I felt would help them to learn and understand a Godly definition of morality. For example, I've long had a rule about not wearing clothing that I consider too grown-up for their age (you know, those clothes that are designed to dress up little girls as women).
There are certain books or movies that, on occasion, I've deemed off-limits.
As my children get older, though, I am beginning to see the need to do more than merely protect them. I need to prepare them.
It's not unlike immunizing my kids... I could keep them home to prevent them from ever contracting dangerous diseases like measles, but as they get older they would push back against my protection. If I don't want it to get to that point, I need to make sure they have their shots. That way, when they are ready to head out into the world on their own, I can rest in confidence that I have prepared their bodies to withstand an attack of the measles virus.
I need to prepare them to live out Godly lives in the context of the realities of this fallen world.
You see, as they get older and gain more experience in this world, they're coming home with questions that cannot be answered like their younger baby-making questions.
How can someone have a baby when they're not married?
What does "gay" mean?
What's a step-dad?
My friend's mom just had a baby, but the daddy is different than her daddy. How can that happen?
What's french kissing?
What is a virgin?
What does rape mean?
Of course, I still want to teach them the Biblical standards. I want them to aspire for that in their own lives (and hopefully see it in my life). But I cannot sugar-coat the realities, or when they begin to understand those realities for themselves they will be unprepared to deal with them.
The true preparation lies even deeper, though. I can't simply prepare them for the reality of this world as it compares to God's plan. No, I must teach them how to love others. Others whose moral choices may be completely opposite to ours. And sometimes that feels like a contradiction for us adults, so how can we teach it to our children?
The fact is, people are not won to Christ by being convicted of their sin. Really, in a world where right and wrong is relative - depending on circumstances - people no longer see what is sinful. And if we (Christians) are focused on their sin, we're seen as judgemental and hypocritical. Actually, if we're focusing on the sins of others we are judgemental and hypocritical.
People are won to Christ by feeling loved and accepted. People are won to Christ by seeing that there is "more to life than this" lived out in the lives of Christ-followers.
So the challenge I face as a parent is to teach my children to love people - all people, any people - while still seeking to honor God's commandments in their own lives.
Or, as Mary DeMuth puts it in her book You Can Raise Courageous and Confident Kids: Preparing Your Children for the World they Live In, "...to engage as a family in people's lives in a way that beckons them to Jesus Christ without sacrificing our family to the world system."
Here are some Scriptures I've been pondering as I consider how to prepare my children rather than just protecting them.
James 1:27
1 Corinthians 5:9-10
John 17:14-15
2 Corinthians 1:12
Q4U: What are you doing to prepare your children to live Godly lives in the context of the realities of this fallen world?
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
How to Thrive
In the past couple of years, we've spent time in a number of churches. Two stood out to me as churches that are "thriving."
Thrive:
- grow vigorously
- make steady progress
- to flourish
- grow fast and stay healthy
Others appeared to be merely surviving. They weren't dying, by any means, but they were just plugging along doing what they had always been doing.
I find myself in plain old surviving mode periodically. Okay, that was a lie. I spend most of my time in that mode. Not dying, but definitely not thriving, just surviving.
I'll think of my marriage and say, "It's good. It's way better now than it was a few years ago. Sure, it could probably be better. But we're okay."
The same can often be said of my walk with God, family, finances, and ministry... "I'm fine." Not great, not amazing, not fantastic, but fine.
Surviving = fine. Thriving = better.
So here's what I noticed at those two churches that are thriving - the one thing that stood out as different about them. They were (and are) changing. Always changing. Constantly tweaking. Willing to try new things, welcoming to new people and ideas, open to allowing God's direction - even if it meant making the occasional U-turn.
So how does one move beyond surviving to thriving?
Do something new. Try something different. Accept suggestions. Be open and willing to change direction, even if it means heading in the opposite way from which you were going.
Yep, change can be scary. Terrifying, even. But things that are static, unchanging, immovable - they cannot grow. Eventually their resistance to change will lead to death.
A marriage that is okay for too long, without new inspiration or true investment in growing together, becomes one with difficult patches. The ministry that keeps the same old six people in charge for years at a time, without the introduction of new people with fresh ideas, becomes stale. The faith walk that coasts with God, without going out on a limb to try doing something truly sacrificial for Him, becomes stagnant.
In order to thrive, we need to be brave. Brave enough to stop doing the same old stuff and try something new.
What are of your life are you simply surviving in right now? What change can you implement so that you might begin to thrive?
A re-post from the archives.
Thrive:
- grow vigorously
- make steady progress
- to flourish
- grow fast and stay healthy
Others appeared to be merely surviving. They weren't dying, by any means, but they were just plugging along doing what they had always been doing.
I find myself in plain old surviving mode periodically. Okay, that was a lie. I spend most of my time in that mode. Not dying, but definitely not thriving, just surviving.
I'll think of my marriage and say, "It's good. It's way better now than it was a few years ago. Sure, it could probably be better. But we're okay."
The same can often be said of my walk with God, family, finances, and ministry... "I'm fine." Not great, not amazing, not fantastic, but fine.
Surviving = fine. Thriving = better.
So here's what I noticed at those two churches that are thriving - the one thing that stood out as different about them. They were (and are) changing. Always changing. Constantly tweaking. Willing to try new things, welcoming to new people and ideas, open to allowing God's direction - even if it meant making the occasional U-turn.
So how does one move beyond surviving to thriving?
Do something new. Try something different. Accept suggestions. Be open and willing to change direction, even if it means heading in the opposite way from which you were going.
Yep, change can be scary. Terrifying, even. But things that are static, unchanging, immovable - they cannot grow. Eventually their resistance to change will lead to death.
A marriage that is okay for too long, without new inspiration or true investment in growing together, becomes one with difficult patches. The ministry that keeps the same old six people in charge for years at a time, without the introduction of new people with fresh ideas, becomes stale. The faith walk that coasts with God, without going out on a limb to try doing something truly sacrificial for Him, becomes stagnant.
In order to thrive, we need to be brave. Brave enough to stop doing the same old stuff and try something new.
But forget all that —
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
~ Isaiah 43:18-19 (NLT, emphasis mine)
What are of your life are you simply surviving in right now? What change can you implement so that you might begin to thrive?
A re-post from the archives.
Monday, June 20, 2011
Tiny Glimpses of Big Dreams
Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was an everyday, ordinary girl. She had lots of flaws and issues, but one thing she got right - she loved God with her whole heart.
This girl who loved God had a dream. A big dream. An impossible dream. Lots of people would listen to her dream, politely smiling, with a look in their eyes that said, "That'll never happen." But a few people encouraged this girl to go for her dream.
One of those encouragers was once a dreamer herself. Fourteen or so years ago she had a dream. Some people told her that she was foolish to dream so big. But others told her to press on. When her dream came true, she knew that she needed to help other girls like her. So she began investing in lives of other Jesus-lovin' dreamer girls.
This past weekend, the lives of the dreamer girl and her encourager intersected for a few precious moments. Those moments were made especially precious when the encourager was able to hand over one tiny glimpse of that dream to the dreamer girl.
A Jesus-lovin' dreamer girl...one step closer to her dream, her calling. Encouraged to keep running after her dream, but especially encouraged to keep running after her God - the Dream-Giver.
What is the dream hidden in your heart? Might I pray for you today, that you will be encouraged to press on after your dream and after the Dream-Giver?
This girl who loved God had a dream. A big dream. An impossible dream. Lots of people would listen to her dream, politely smiling, with a look in their eyes that said, "That'll never happen." But a few people encouraged this girl to go for her dream.
One of those encouragers was once a dreamer herself. Fourteen or so years ago she had a dream. Some people told her that she was foolish to dream so big. But others told her to press on. When her dream came true, she knew that she needed to help other girls like her. So she began investing in lives of other Jesus-lovin' dreamer girls.
This past weekend, the lives of the dreamer girl and her encourager intersected for a few precious moments. Those moments were made especially precious when the encourager was able to hand over one tiny glimpse of that dream to the dreamer girl.
 |
| From left to right: Lysa TerKeurst, Tyler Rowan, Holly Good. (Featured, P31 Woman magazine, July 2011 edition.) |
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| A closer look...one small article published in that magazine. |
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| Closer still...the author of that little article (and an autograph from her encouraging friend). |
What is the dream hidden in your heart? Might I pray for you today, that you will be encouraged to press on after your dream and after the Dream-Giver?
Friday, June 17, 2011
Wrestling with God for my Broken Marriage
When folks ask about my marriage, I usually tell them, “I’ve been married nearly twelve years, the last five or so happily.”
Lest you think it’s all rainbows and puppy dogs around here – happily does not mean blissfully. We’ve still got our issues. But those first five years…the only word that truly captures their essence is miserable. (Now, you’re thinking that five plus five only equals ten; those two years in-between are what I fondly refer to as the wrestling years.)
Here’s a little background for you:
I accepted Christ as a little girl, and renewed my commitment to Him each summer at Bible camp, but I lived through the school year no different than my unbelieving classmates and friends.
Living my life as I did, it’s not really a surprise that I found myself pregnant at nineteen. Unlike many teen moms, I was lucky to be dating a guy that planned to stick by my side. As most of you parents probably know, there’s nothing like having a child to bring someone back to their faith.
Enter five years of misery…
My husband tried to be supportive of my faith. He didn’t complain about me taking our son to church. In fact, I think he appreciated the silent morning of sleeping in each week. We had a church wedding. He agreed to it because it was important to me. My faith was okay, as long as it didn’t affect him.
Honestly, I think that he tried to be a good husband to me. I know he wanted to please me and make me happy. But I couldn’t be pleased. Instead, I picked and prodded, begged and cajoled, fighting for him to join us at church on Sunday mornings. And as I grew in my walk with the Lord and was convicted of my sin, I decided to act as the Holy Spirit in my husband’s life, convicting him of all his sinful ways.
They say that women go into marriage thinking of all the ways they can change their men, and men go into marriage hoping that their wives never change at all.
The change in me was probably a frightening sight to observe. I shifted from liberal thinking to deeply black-and-white conservative. I jumped from wild and free living to rigid, rule-driven, legalistic, and judgemental. And all this with a husband who was raised to believe that Christians are all brainwashed, and their goal in life is to brainwash others.
The turning point for me was the day my husband packed his bags. He had overheard me praying on the phone with a friend. The praying was, let’s say, a little bit charismatic. He was freaked out! Who can blame him?
I had an epiphany in that moment. I knew, without a doubt, that there was no way I could change my husband. There was no way I could make him happy. There was no way he could bring me satisfaction. I could not change him or fix him or save him. I could not save my marriage.
All of those things were under God’s area of responsibility. The only tasks placed under my care were: love my husband and obey God.
In an instant, I was released from my misery. My husband was released from my tyranny. I stopped wrestling within my marriage and began wrestling with God.
I would grab on tight and cry out, Lord, save my marriage!
He assured me, Trust me, your marriage is in My hands.I dug in hard and prayed, God, reveal Yourself to my husband!
He soothed me, I will, I am, through you and your obedience.
When I felt pinned, I would ask God, Why don’t you change him?
He replied, Why don’t you let Me change you?
When I felt like I was being attacked by a tag-team I would wail, But God, it’s not fair! I deserve to be treated better. I deserve to be happy!
He answered, Find your happiness in Me.
I would be mad and storm around the house, thinking to myself how I was NOT going to do his laundry. And God would tell me to serve my husband.
I would be hurt and determined that I had to speak my mind. And God would tell me to shut my mouth. (I cannot count the number of times God had to tell me to shut up!)
I would be lonely and depressed, entertaining fantasies of divorce or death, and then doing things the right way with a Christian husband. And God would tell me that the right way was to honor the husband I was given.
I wrestled and struggled, crying out, I will not let go until You bless me!
My husband began to attend church with us occasionally. Then more regularly. He agreed to attend a church-led marriage retreat. He agreed to join a home group through the church.
He was baptized on February 29th, 2004. He went on short-term missions trips to Haiti
My husband is the Christian husband I prayed for. He is a man of prayer. He is man of integrity. He is a man of faith. He is the spiritual leader in our home.
In a little over two weeks, I will be celebrating my twelfth anniversary. Twelve years married, the last five or so happily. Every single moment held in the hands of a loving Father.
* This post was originally published as a guest post for Angela Mackey's Wrestling with God series on Rethinking My Thinking.
* This post was originally published as a guest post for Angela Mackey's Wrestling with God series on Rethinking My Thinking.
This post has been linked up to Sheila Wray Gregoire's Wifey Wednesday series on To Love, Honor, and Vacuum.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
An Ordinary Offering
Take your everyday, ordinary life - your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life - and place it before God as an offering.
~ Romans 12:1 (Msg)
It's easy to give our big offerings and life situations to God.
Look, Lord, I tithed!
Check this out, God, I'm going on a missions trip.
I place this life or death situation in your hands, Lord, because it's out of my control.
But the regular, ordinary, boring day-to-day stuff... That's not so easy.
Lord, I will scrub the toilet cheerfully because it's the work You've called me to today.
Father, I trust You with my child's poor grades.
I will have coffee with my neighbour as a way of giving You worship, God.
That's a little more weird, isn't it? Yet I'm convinced that this is exactly what Paul is referring to in Romans. The everyday offering.
Put into action, what might an everyday offering look like?
For me, I think it means that I need to pause and do an attitude check. Am I engaging in an activity with joy, as an act of service for God and others? Or am I moving ahead with an attitude of obligation?
It applies not only to my actual "service" things (such as volunteering with women's ministry and the Logos Society), but my day-to-day "duties" like cooking dinner, helping the kids fill their juice cups, dealing with the news that my husband has to work late...
Practically speaking, what does this verse mean to you?
Monday, June 13, 2011
A Formula for Spirtual Growth
A question that today's Christian women frequently ask is:
How do I incorporate regular time with God/devotional/Bible reading/prayer time/etc. into my busy days?
I wish I could help you find daily time with God by giving you three easy steps. It would make a great book, wouldn't it? Three Easy Steps to Spiritual Growth for Today's Busy Woman. I have a confessionn to make - there is no formula for spirtual growth.
I'll be honest, the reason I can't give you a nice formula to follow is because I don't fully have it figured out, either. While I am now in a season where I usually do spend daily time doing one or another of the above-listed things, I know that this is just that - a season. Figuring out how to make time for spiritual growth is different for each of us. What works for me may not work for you. What worked well during one season of life may not be feasible for another season.
The secret to growing in relationship with the Lord isn't so much what you do or how you do it as it is the intent of your heart.
If you desire a deeper relationship with Him, and you are continually trying to find ways to make that happen, you will find Him close to you.
If, on the other hand, you say that you desire a deeper relationship with Him, but you are continually making excuses not to try new ways to make that happen, you will feel distance.
So, if the desire of your heart is to know God more, here are some things you can try. If something doesn't work for you, whether due to personality or your season of life, that's okay. Just try something else.
1. Start your day with God.
When you wake up, before you roll yourself out of bed, take a moment to focus your heart on God. Ask Him to go with you wherever you are throughout your day; ask for His guidance and intervention; ask that you feel His presence; and ask that your thoughts and actions that day be pleasing to Him. If you're a morning shower-er, that's also a great time for prayer.
You'll find that the focus of your day is different when you begin this way.
2. Spend your whole day with God.
At each juncture of your day, each pause, each interruption, each transition, take a moment to talk to God. Tell Him how something made you feel. Ask for His help. Thank Him for the beauty you see. Praise Him for the things that go smoothly.
We tend to compartmentalize our lives, keeping work and God in different drawers. Bringing God to work with you (whether it be in the marketplace or at home) will change your perspective.
3. Spend your stolen moments with God.
In each week, we can be presented with countless moments of time-killing. Waiting rooms, in the bathroom, standing in line, "watching" our kids' activities... Instead of reading a magazine or playing on your phone, read a small snippet of Scripture. Ask God to show you how that verse (or passage) can make a difference in your life.
While we often say we're too busy for Bible reading or prayer time, the fact is that we all have time in our days for Facebook or Twitter, reading a novel, playing Angry Birds, catching up on the latest Brangelina gossip. Instead of thinking, "I have to make time for God," try thinking, "I need to choose to use some of my leisure time for God."
What about the spiritual disciplines?
* Bible reading
* intercessory prayer
* Scripture memorization
* private worship
* corporate worship
* Bible studies
* tithing
* ministry
* missions
* community outreach
Each one of these spiritual disciplines is a vital part of our walk with God. But our relationship with Him is not conditional upon these disciplines.
Let me say it again, because it is so important...
Spiritual disciplines are a vital part of our walk with God, but our relationship with Him is not conditional upon them.
The moment we begin to view those disciplines as a checklist, we betray the true character of God.
God doesn't say "I'll love you when/if/because." No, He loves us with an everlasting love.
He doesn't promise to answer us only if we do this, that, and the other thing. No, He says that if we call to Him He will answer us.
God knows you. He knows your heart. He knows your schedule. And every bit of time you dedicate to knowing Him better puts a smile on His face.
Give Him your heart, ask Him to work in your schedule, and seek Him at the start of your day, throughout your day, and in the stolen moments of your day... I promise you, you will grow and your relationship with God will become more intimate.
In time and in season, the other disciplines will follow.
How do I incorporate regular time with God/devotional/Bible reading/prayer time/etc. into my busy days?
 |
| courtesy of 3-b-c.eu |
I wish I could help you find daily time with God by giving you three easy steps. It would make a great book, wouldn't it? Three Easy Steps to Spiritual Growth for Today's Busy Woman. I have a confessionn to make - there is no formula for spirtual growth.
I'll be honest, the reason I can't give you a nice formula to follow is because I don't fully have it figured out, either. While I am now in a season where I usually do spend daily time doing one or another of the above-listed things, I know that this is just that - a season. Figuring out how to make time for spiritual growth is different for each of us. What works for me may not work for you. What worked well during one season of life may not be feasible for another season.
The secret to growing in relationship with the Lord isn't so much what you do or how you do it as it is the intent of your heart.
If you desire a deeper relationship with Him, and you are continually trying to find ways to make that happen, you will find Him close to you.
If, on the other hand, you say that you desire a deeper relationship with Him, but you are continually making excuses not to try new ways to make that happen, you will feel distance.
So, if the desire of your heart is to know God more, here are some things you can try. If something doesn't work for you, whether due to personality or your season of life, that's okay. Just try something else.
1. Start your day with God.
When you wake up, before you roll yourself out of bed, take a moment to focus your heart on God. Ask Him to go with you wherever you are throughout your day; ask for His guidance and intervention; ask that you feel His presence; and ask that your thoughts and actions that day be pleasing to Him. If you're a morning shower-er, that's also a great time for prayer.
You'll find that the focus of your day is different when you begin this way.
2. Spend your whole day with God.
At each juncture of your day, each pause, each interruption, each transition, take a moment to talk to God. Tell Him how something made you feel. Ask for His help. Thank Him for the beauty you see. Praise Him for the things that go smoothly.
We tend to compartmentalize our lives, keeping work and God in different drawers. Bringing God to work with you (whether it be in the marketplace or at home) will change your perspective.
3. Spend your stolen moments with God.
In each week, we can be presented with countless moments of time-killing. Waiting rooms, in the bathroom, standing in line, "watching" our kids' activities... Instead of reading a magazine or playing on your phone, read a small snippet of Scripture. Ask God to show you how that verse (or passage) can make a difference in your life.
While we often say we're too busy for Bible reading or prayer time, the fact is that we all have time in our days for Facebook or Twitter, reading a novel, playing Angry Birds, catching up on the latest Brangelina gossip. Instead of thinking, "I have to make time for God," try thinking, "I need to choose to use some of my leisure time for God."
What about the spiritual disciplines?
* Bible reading
* intercessory prayer
* Scripture memorization
* private worship
* corporate worship
* Bible studies
* tithing
* ministry
* missions
* community outreach
Each one of these spiritual disciplines is a vital part of our walk with God. But our relationship with Him is not conditional upon these disciplines.
Let me say it again, because it is so important...
Spiritual disciplines are a vital part of our walk with God, but our relationship with Him is not conditional upon them.
The moment we begin to view those disciplines as a checklist, we betray the true character of God.
God doesn't say "I'll love you when/if/because." No, He loves us with an everlasting love.
He doesn't promise to answer us only if we do this, that, and the other thing. No, He says that if we call to Him He will answer us.
God knows you. He knows your heart. He knows your schedule. And every bit of time you dedicate to knowing Him better puts a smile on His face.
Give Him your heart, ask Him to work in your schedule, and seek Him at the start of your day, throughout your day, and in the stolen moments of your day... I promise you, you will grow and your relationship with God will become more intimate.
In time and in season, the other disciplines will follow.
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
I Have an Eating Disorder
Actually, I have two.
Anorexia...of the soul
Many times, I starve myself of the very sustenance that I require for survival. My very spirit is cramped up with hunger pains, yet I do not eat the Bread of Life. Malnourishment sets in.
Binge Eating...of the flesh
Other times, I indulge and overindulge until I am bloated. My flesh devours all that it desires until no room remains for the Living Water. Disease sets in.
I waste away when I believe the lie that can make it through the day without first dining on good food. My anorexia is rooted in self-sufficiency. Pride. I swell and fester when I believe the lie that the things of this life can fill me up. My binge eating is rooted in selfishness. Lust.
The only cure for my disorders is a lifestyle change.
The only cure for pride is humility. On my knees, humbly acknowledging that I cannot survive one single minute without the Bread of Life. For lustful cravings, rejection and replacement. I must reject that which I crave, replacing it with a longing to fill up on the Living Water.
The only path to this lifestyle change is a daily feast. Not a feast reserved for certain days of the week. Not a feast in only hard times or good times. A daily feast. Every day, devouring the soul nutrients contained in the Word of God, quenching my thirst on His Word alone, dining at His banquet table.
Do you need a lifestyle change, too?
* a re-post from the archives
Anorexia...of the soul
Many times, I starve myself of the very sustenance that I require for survival. My very spirit is cramped up with hunger pains, yet I do not eat the Bread of Life. Malnourishment sets in.
Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."
~ John 6:35
Binge Eating...of the flesh
Other times, I indulge and overindulge until I am bloated. My flesh devours all that it desires until no room remains for the Living Water. Disease sets in.
Jesus answered her, "If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water."
~ John 4:10
I waste away when I believe the lie that can make it through the day without first dining on good food. My anorexia is rooted in self-sufficiency. Pride. I swell and fester when I believe the lie that the things of this life can fill me up. My binge eating is rooted in selfishness. Lust.
The only cure for my disorders is a lifestyle change.
The only cure for pride is humility. On my knees, humbly acknowledging that I cannot survive one single minute without the Bread of Life. For lustful cravings, rejection and replacement. I must reject that which I crave, replacing it with a longing to fill up on the Living Water.
The only path to this lifestyle change is a daily feast. Not a feast reserved for certain days of the week. Not a feast in only hard times or good times. A daily feast. Every day, devouring the soul nutrients contained in the Word of God, quenching my thirst on His Word alone, dining at His banquet table.
Here I am! I stand at the door and know. if anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him, and he with me.
~ Revelation 3:20
Do you need a lifestyle change, too?
* a re-post from the archives
Thursday, June 2, 2011
On Hold
Do you ever feel stuck?
You have big dreams, hopes, and plans...but nothing's happening.
You have aspirations for advancement at work...but no raise or promotion are in sight.
You have a vision of your marriage and how it should/could/would be...but it's mediocre.
You have a mental picture of how your kids will act, what they will become, who they will be...but they're the same old bickering bunch of monkeys day after day.
You have a commission from God to do mighty things for His Kingdom...but no one seems to be seeking you out.
You have a financial freedom plan outlined...but the cycle of debt seems endless.
Your passions, ideas, and wishes all seem to be in a perpetual state of on hold. (cue elevator music version of the classic 80s rock genre)
You find yourself wondering...
Is anything ever going to happen?!
Did I hear wrong?
Do I need to adjust my goals?
Maybe it's time to just give up and move on.
-----------------------------------------------
Three failed adoption attempts leave a couple discouraged, defeated, and hopeless that they'll ever have the family they've dreamed of.
Fifteen years of prayer and enduring a marriage to an alcoholic, a husband wonders if he heard wrong when he thought God promised restoration.
Years of emptiness, loneliness, and the demands of being the only one, a single mother loses hope that God can do anything in her life but simply get her through.
Passed over for a raise...again...he loses hope that he'll ever be more than just a labourer.
-----------------------------------------------
When you're on hold, this is the time that you must let go.
Let go of that which ties you down to this world. Let go of the lie that happiness can only be found in earthly success. Let go of the idea that you are in control.
When you're on hold, this is the time that you must hold on.
Hold on to the One who holds your dreams in His hands. Hold on to the only Source of hope and joy. Hold on and don't let go.
When life is stuck on hold, and you're haunted by what could have been but is not and never appears to be - let go. And then hold on.
Is there something that you need to let go of today? Are you holding on to the right thing?
You have big dreams, hopes, and plans...but nothing's happening.
You have aspirations for advancement at work...but no raise or promotion are in sight.
You have a vision of your marriage and how it should/could/would be...but it's mediocre.
You have a mental picture of how your kids will act, what they will become, who they will be...but they're the same old bickering bunch of monkeys day after day.
You have a commission from God to do mighty things for His Kingdom...but no one seems to be seeking you out.
You have a financial freedom plan outlined...but the cycle of debt seems endless.
Your passions, ideas, and wishes all seem to be in a perpetual state of on hold. (cue elevator music version of the classic 80s rock genre)
You find yourself wondering...
Is anything ever going to happen?!
Did I hear wrong?
Do I need to adjust my goals?
Maybe it's time to just give up and move on.
-----------------------------------------------
Three failed adoption attempts leave a couple discouraged, defeated, and hopeless that they'll ever have the family they've dreamed of.
Fifteen years of prayer and enduring a marriage to an alcoholic, a husband wonders if he heard wrong when he thought God promised restoration.
Years of emptiness, loneliness, and the demands of being the only one, a single mother loses hope that God can do anything in her life but simply get her through.
Passed over for a raise...again...he loses hope that he'll ever be more than just a labourer.
-----------------------------------------------
When you're on hold, this is the time that you must let go.
Let go of that which ties you down to this world. Let go of the lie that happiness can only be found in earthly success. Let go of the idea that you are in control.
A man stopped Jesus and asked, "Teacher, what good thing must I do to get eternal life?"
"If you want to give it all you've got," Jesus replied, "go sell your possessions; give everything to the poor. All your wealth will then be in heaven. Then come follow me."
That was the last thing the young man expected to hear. And so, crest-fallen, he walked away. He was holding on tight to a lot of things, and he couldn't bear to let go.
~ Matthew 19:16, 21-22 (Msg)
When you're on hold, this is the time that you must hold on.
Jesus said, "I am the Bread of Life. The person who aligns with me hungers no more and thirsts no more, ever. I have told you this explicitly because even though you have seen me in action, you don't really believe me.
Every person the Father gives me eventually comes running to me. And once that person is with me, I hold on and don't let go. I came down from heaven not to follow my own whim but to accomplish the will of the One who sent me.
~ John 6:35-38 (Msg)
Hold on to the One who holds your dreams in His hands. Hold on to the only Source of hope and joy. Hold on and don't let go.
When life is stuck on hold, and you're haunted by what could have been but is not and never appears to be - let go. And then hold on.
Is there something that you need to let go of today? Are you holding on to the right thing?
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