Dinner Table Chatter

At the supper table last night, Pat was asking each of the kids about their day. He came up with the idea of asking them if they had done something loving for someone else.

A couple of the kids named things like playing with the new student in class and sharing a toy. A couple of them couldn't think of anything.

Tables turned, and the kids asked us if we had done anything loving during the day. Pat replied that he hadn't, but he would work on it.

I was about to voice the same sentiment. I worked, I came home, but I wasn't especially kind or thoughtful to anyone.

But before I finished speaking, Shea piped up, "You got me a drink!"

Megan shouted (if you know Meg, you know that nothing she says is particularly subdued), "You made supper!"

Abbey, Braeden, and Kai all named things, too. They spoke at the same time, so all I heard was, "You clean/laundry/help/dishes/cook/bathrooms [garbledegook]!"

They were mostly naming my jobs around the house, so I felt compelled to correct them. I think it was the guilt - because I do all those things, but not necessarily with love in my heart.

But when Shea proclaimed, "Wow, Mom! You sure do a lot of stuff!" everyone's laughter would have drowned out my objections.

Don't you just love those family moments filled with laughter?

Cravings, Talking to God, and Bathrooms

* Hold on! You may not care to read about my weight loss challenges, and that's cool. But before you just skip over this post, I thought you should know that there's some important info about our new series at the end of this post. Just this very moment I named the new series Forty Questions for Jesus. *

I don't know what week I'm on, and I've not been doing my best. I haven't gained, but I'm not really losing. I'm not thinking about what I put in my mouth, nor am I particularly motivated to exercise. Sigh.

Tomorrow, a friend and I are going to begin studying Made to Crave together. We have both been reading it on our own and finding it so encouraging and helpful...when we are consistent. Our hope is that working on it together will hold us both accountable to stay consistent, not only in working through the study, but in tracking our food and getting enough exercise.

We both feel that our "issues" with food are getting in the way of our relationship with God, and our hope is that by getting our habits under control, we will grow closer in our walk with the Lord together.

All that to say, this little series of posts will be retiring. But I will keep you updated on my progress and share little tidbits of encouragement for others on this journey. Mkay?

In more exciting news, our new Lent series, Forty Questions for Jesus is going to be starting up on Thursday and running for seven weeks! Starting this Wednesday (Ash Wed), I am going to take a pause during my morning quiet time for listening. I'm going to blog about what I learn, and of course I hope that you will join in.

Given that Thursday is our first post, and we're only beginning Wednesday, I thought I'd offer some inspiration. How about we all begin this week with three questions?

Wednesday - Lord, what do You think/feel about me?
Thursday - Lord, what are Your plans and purposes for my life?
Friday - Jesus, if we could play a game together, what game would You play with me and why?
(These questions are from Donna Jordan's Listening to God curriculum.)

I find it helpful to journal the response I "hear" in my heart when I ask God questions, that way I'm not adding my own thoughts into the mix. And it's always nice to save those answers and re-read them from time to time.

If you and God take a different direction in your time of listening prayer, that's fine too! It is less about asking Him the "right" questions than it is about simply learning to ask and listen. I can't wait to go deeper with Him and with you!

I also just had to tell you...I spent over an hour this morning cleaning one shower stall! Crazy, eh? I am proud to announce that every bit of layered soap scum has been obliterated and you can once again see through the glass doors. (Us homemakers need to share the little accomplishments some days. *grin*)

Distracted

I had thoughts to share this morning, things I was contemplating during my quiet time. But they've evaporated into thin air.

You see, I started some laundry. Then making a meal plan and shopping list. Next I reviewed my calendar for the week. And balanced the budget.

Oh wait, the dryer just finished.

Now, where was I?

Distracted...right. I also spent a few minutes daydreaming about shopping for some new clothes because I have so few that fit. Which led to fantasizing about losing weight. And then I began to wonder if I'd ever find time to exercise. Which reminded me of the multitude of unfinished projects in my life (photo albums, painting the house, etc.).

I believe I have a case of writing ADD. If I don't stay focused and get my thoughts down first thing (read: by 7am), they are forever lost. But that's not actually the point of all this rambling...

The point of my rambling - I need a list. (Yes, I know what you're thinking! Pat always says I spend so much time making my lists that I run out of time to actually complete tasks.) The fact is, I find great satisfaction in crossing items off a list. So rather than merely thinking about all that I want to do (and yet putting it off for another year), I am going to create a "top project" list for 2011. My goal: Complete at least one project each month for the entire year.

I have been avoiding some projects like the plague, because I fear they will never truly be finished. But maybe they can be, if only I were focused. Because you see, my ADD issue carries over into other parts of my life, too. For example, I'll start uploading photos from 2003 (yes, that far back, people!) only to realize I really ought to defragment the hard drive. I'll pull out the painter's tape to begin staining the windowsills only to discover how badly the windows need to be cleaned.

Am I the only one who struggles with this?! Or do you have home project ADD as well? And if you don't - for goodness sake, tell us your secret!!!

The Dot System

If you've been visiting here for a while, the following information may be familiar. If so (and you don't need the review), why not go check out some of the very first posts I wrote? Procrastination (I do believe I've made some progress in this area!), Out of Control (If this is my report card - almost 3 years later - I definitely get an F.), and A Day in the Life (Just reading this makes me laugh! Life seems a bit calmer now, but I guess I'd have to write it all out to know for sure. Maybe I'm just used to insanity.) are a few of my favourite "oldies."

Every now and then, a stroke of brilliance enters my brain. Since these occurrences are few and far between, I must not let a single genius idea pass without sharing it.

For years (about 3 or 4), laundry has been the bane of my existence. One factor that contributes to my overall frustration level is the sorting. Not pre-wash sorting, but the sorting of little pieces of clothing belonging to three girls who are far too close in size! The sorting is particularly difficult when it comes to those itty-bitty undergarments and socks!

About two years ago, I began writing the initial of the owner on the tag or seam of most items (mainly panties and socks, but every now and then on a shirt that I repeatedly found myself mis-sorting). While slightly genius, there was one flaw in the system - what happened when the item was handed down to the next child in line?!

Recently, another problem cropped up. There is no longer any size distinction in tops, pants, skirts (what few they have), sweaters, shoes, coats, and so on between the two older girls! While some styles clearly belong to one girl, there are others that could belong to either. Argh!

Today, I invented the dot system. The eldest girl gets one dot on every single item she owns. (Yes, a bit time-consuming. BUT, since we are doing our typical pre-school year sort, I am already emptying drawers and re-folding all items that still fit.) The middle girl - two dots. The third - three. (While she doesn't necessarily need every single piece of clothing marked the way the other two do, I've decided to dot to completion - it will still come in handy for when other people are folding and putting away laundry. You can thank me later, Grandma!)

The dot system also solves my problem of what to do with hand-me-downs. Just add a dot! Or two.

For the record, if you decide to employ the dot system, you'll need a permanent marker (Sharpie). And you'll want to be careful to put the dots on tags or on thick seams (like at the collar of the t-shirt or top edge of a sock) to avoid bleeding through. Eight-year-old girls are not too fond of having random dots on their clothing that all their friends can see.

I'd have posted a few pictures for you, but I am also sure that girls of any age do not like their undies displayed on the Internet for all to see!

How to be Superwoman (or not), part two

I'm still answering a question posed to me last week. If you haven't yet, go ahead and read part one. Then when you hop back here it won't seem as though I'm starting in the middle of a thought.

Step Three: Make time.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. ~Ecclesiastes 3:1

We've all heard it said that people make time for what's important to them. It's true. Writing is important to me, so I tackle it early in the morning before doing much of anything else (besides getting the kids off to school). I won't even start a load of laundry before writing on my blog, because I know that I am far too easily distracted.

I used to give myself "Facebook time" while I ate my lunch, until I realized that I was allowing myself to waste an hour (or more) every day doing nothing! Instead, I now watch BLAST* teaching videos while I eat my lunch. (Just a note, on weekdays I don't eat lunch with the kids. I feed them, and once they're done and into quiet time/nap I sit down for mine.)

Not only do we need to make time for the important stuff and get rid of the time killers, we really need to allow ourselves to become okay with leaving some things undone (whether for today or forever). There are times when my house looks like a sty and I make the kids pull out the "cleanest" jeans from the dirty laundry pile. There are times when my desk looks like a hurricane victim and I will actually choose to throw away some things that could/should be done. I have only been parent helper at school once so far this year, and probably only two or three times last year (whereas some moms - the really good ones who I want to be like when I grow up - are there twice a month). And I have not placed a photo in an album since Megan's birth more than seven years ago. So yeah, I don't do it all! Not at all.

Step Four: Find your own super power.

Each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ~1 Corinthians 7:7b
Do not neglect your gift... ~1 Timothy 4:14a

I just need to say one more thing about how I get done all that I need to... It's all about personality and giftings! I like to be busy, I thrive on a full schedule, and I function best with my hands full. It's a fine balance between really busy and too busy, but I'd like to think I'm self-aware enough that I usually pick up on the signals that I'm doing too much fairly quickly.

The fact is, I'm a deadline girl and I always have been. Homework assignments, exams, pumping gas, waitressing - all were done best when I was under pressure. Recently, as my schedule began to fill up with Heart to Heart stuff and Logos society things, Pat told me he was excited - excited for me to finally be busy because he knew he'd be fed yummier meals in a tidier house, all while I was actually (finally) getting to work on my book.

Maybe it's not even that I thrive on being busy so much as I am too lazy to be allowed to be idle.

If you're not built like me, then you'll never be the kind of non-Superwoman I am. Each of us needs to find our own super powers. If you do best with the slow and steady method, that is your super power. Work with it. Embrace it. And for goodness sake, tell me how you always seem to be so calm, cool, and collected!

Lynne, Bobbie, does this answer your question? I know I didn't include a daily schedule for you Bobbie, but I'm hoping this gives a pretty clear picture. Does it? Thanks for asking! (I can feel my brain beginning to click again.)


* If you are pursuing a ministry in speaking and writing, and BLAST catches your interest - definitely DO IT! The learning has been invaluable. And if you register, make sure you let Shannon (Ethridge) know I sent you, and she'll give me a bit of a discount on my tuition. ;)

How to be Superwoman (or not), part one

In my Just Ask post last week, Lynne posed the question:
How do you get everything done for your family, not neglect your relationship with God, and find time to write too?

Bobbie's question was similar:
I have a general question but want specific answers.... How do you do it all? I mean, really, HOW do you do it all? What practical things do you do every day to fit in all that you've got going on? What does a few of your daily schedules look like? Do you use the crock pot to cook dinner a lot? Are you super organized? I need tips to be more productive in my own life!

So I figured it would be helpful share my four-step tutorial on How to be Superwoman (or not). Because I prefer to use more words than necessary, I'll split this into two posts. You'll thank me later.

Step One: Never neglect time with God.

I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your Word. ~Psalm 119:16
Okay, that's not to say that I never neglect time with God. But I shouldn't. And neither should you. Know what I mean?

In my world, experiencing quiet time cannot occur if children are awake. And given my bent toward complete and utter couch vegetation after they're tucked in for the evening, the twilight hours are ruled out. By process of elimination, I've found that my relationship with God is best fostered in the wee hours of the morning.

A number of years ago I started rising an hour before the kids so that I would have enough time for coffee, prayer, listening, Bible study, Bible reading, Scripture memory, and worship. No, I don't do all of those things every morning! But I do probably tackle each of them once or twice over a two-week period.

I also don't view my quiet time as my only time of day to be in relationship with the Lord. He and I converse throughout the day. If I'm unsure about making a certain purchase while out grocery shopping, I ask God. If I am running late for an appointment but make it on time anyway thanks to low traffic and lots of green lights, I thank Him. If I have six million things on my "to do" list that day, I ask God where to start, and what to do next all day. Whatever doesn't get done, I trust is something that He didn't need me to take care of that day.

If you ever hear me being frazzled, flustered, or stressed, you can pretty much be assured that I've forgotten step one. The tough thing for me is that all of my secrets are revealed in my writing. Although, the knowledge that you will be able to tell when I'm not in close fellowship with my Abba is a pretty good accountability tool!

Step Two: Schedule, schedule, schedule.

She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ~Proverbs 31:27
I like to feel organized. I didn't say that I am organized, but I like to feel as though I am. One thing that helps me is to schedule everything that I can.

Social life - While building friendships is very important to me (and also one thing God has called me to do), I tend to be very particular about how I make and take time to do so. If we're going to have coffee and a visit together, we will often email back and forth a few times to schedule a date and time - frequently up to two weeks away. But when I make these dates, I commit to myself to keep them (I really, really try not to cancel). Things like girls' night out, home parties, and so on only happen for me a couple times a year. It's worth saying that I have great friends who understand my priorities and my calling. I pray that they can say the same of me.

Marriage - I book a date night roughly every second weekend (on paydays). This has been an integral part of our marriage for several years. I also try to schedule my "work" during the day, so that my evenings are free to hang out with my man. I like to sit on the couch reading a good book next to him as he watches the hockey game. (Really, there is only so much hockey a girl can take! Even a Canadian one.)

Household duties - I used to try to get all my housework done on one day of the week. A grueling five-hour day of utter exhaustion. This house is too big for that, and the laundry far too demanding! We've recently begun doing the house cleaning as a family on the weekends, and I am really enjoying it! We tend to be homebodies on the weekends anyway, so it's not cutting into anything, and everyone seems to enjoy working together. I haven't fine-tuned the laundry thing yet, but so far it seems to be working well to simply toss in a load whenever I pass by the machines. The kids all put away their own laundry (well, put away is used very loosely).

When it comes to meals, I do best with a meal plan. Having a monthly meal plan helps me know what are the essential purchases, what meat to pull out of the freezer in the morning (or the night before), and how much prep time I'll need. Planning meals means I can decide which days require crock pot cooking in advance (activity nights) and which days I can do something bigger. I must confess that I have been lacking a meal plan for months now. The unfortunate solution has been too much eating out and too many dinners of kid fare (mini pizzas, grilled cheese sandwiches, etc.).

Family time - Busy or not, it's hard to get quality time together with a family of seven. So we try to get our time where we can... Family movie night, swimming, skating, walking the dog, going to the playground (neither of those last two really happens for 8 months of the year).

Pat and I also try to take individual dates with each child once or twice over the course of the school year. What works for me is to "blitz" them - I email Pat with four occasions (we don't really need to take Kai out yet) that all occur within two weeks. I try to combine our date nights with things that need to get done anyway. For example, I'll take someone for dinner and then we'll grocery shop together.

--------------------------
Pop back here tomorrow, and I'll conclude my answer to Lynne and Bobbie's question with steps three and four on How to be Superwoman (or not).

A Couple Life Lessons I'm Learning

To be a good leader: Lead in such a way that those you are leading become empowered and equipped; do your job in such a way that it can be taken over with ease. In other words, work yourself out of a job.

To be a good friend: Love in such a way that shows you are willing to sacrifice personal selfishness for your friends; make yourself indispensable. In other words, work yourself into a lifelong job.

Ministry: When God calls you to a ministry, it becomes etched in your heart. Even without a formal "ministry," you will find yourself ministering. Even if you try, you cannot turn away from the group of people whom God has given you a passion for. Also, ministry should fill you up. If you feel drained, perhaps you and God should have a chat about where you're supposed to be serving. For example, serving in the church nursery is not where I'm supposed to be (the babies and I have all learned that one together!).

Marriage: No matter how long you've been at it, it is always work. It is a constant battle between selfishness and self-sacrifice. Having a good marriage is not easy, you have to invest lots of time and energy to make it good and even more to keep it that way.

Parenting: The only rule that matters is consistency. Love and cuddle consistently, regardless of behaviour. Discipline firmly and consistently for any and all wrong behaviours. Have a consistent schedule, no matter how busy life is. Our kids are programmed to watch for weakness, and they will attack if they see any break in consistency. Also, yelling never really works (each time you yell, you have get louder in order for the little darlings to respond; this equals way too much wasted energy). FYI, parenting makes you tired. I think it's supposed to be that way.

Homemaking: Housework is no fun, but a messy house causes stress and makes it hard to show hospitality. Figure out one or two tasks that make the house look clean and make you feel calm, without having to do the whole cleaning routine. For me, clean floors and an empty sink help me relax and keep me chill if unexpected guests show up.

I'm no expert. In fact, most of the time I find myself failing in several of these areas at once. That's where the lessons get learned - in the failures. Hopefully, I will eventually remember these lessons and be able to stop learning them over and over again.

Do Something Small

There are some days when my "to do" list gets so long that I don't even know where to start. This usually happens because I skip a day or two of doing the regularly scheduled tasks. Last week, I pretended that I didn't need to do housework. This week, I looked at my house, looked at my list, and felt frazzled.

I spent my morning running errands (read: avoiding housework), but when I arrived home the disaster was still here to greet me. I still wasn't sure where to start. Laundry was logical, because there's always laundry to be done. But making the decision between bathrooms and vacuuming froze me in my tracks. I did neither.

I decided instead to start with something small. The shoes at the back door had been getting on my nerves, as they were randomly tossed into a huge 60-shoe pile. They were not paired up, they were not in rows, and there was no sense of order. I spent less than 5 minutes putting the shoes in order and instantly felt less frazzled.

I still wasn't ready to tackle an hour-or-longer job, so I headed to the kitchen. I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher. I tidied the counters. I took out the garbage and recycling. This took me about 15 minutes. I looked around and smiled. The sense of urgency and the weight of an overwhelming "to do" list had disappeared.

I even managed to get a couple more tasks done, with no small thanks to my blessing of a childcare provider who also doubles as a laundry putter-awayer.

Yesterday I remembered a few important things about myself. If I feel stressed inside, I need to take a look around me for the source of the chaos. If I don't know where to start, I should do something small but satisfying. Hard work is always easier with a little help. And I don't need to accomplish everything in order to feel that I've accomplished something.

These same truths can be carried into our spiritual lives.

Feeling stressed or anxious? Look around to find the source of the chaos. Is there a Bible sitting on a table covered in dust? Is the TV constantly tuned in? How long has it been since a prayer was uttered?

Don't even know where to start? Start small - say a prayer, open that dusty Bible, read a verse or two, think about what the words mean for you today.

Wondering if it will be too hard to get back on track? Find help! Join a Bible study group so you don't have to go it alone.

Then enemy loves to make us feel too busy. He knows that if we become overwhelmed we will lose sight of the small things. Many of us have a tendency toward "all or nothing" thinking - if I can't get it all done, if I can't do it all right, I may as well not bother. Just remember, you don't have to accomplish everything in order to feel that you've accomplished something. Choose just one small thing, and maybe another. That little accomplishment will be enough to push back the enemy and draw you toward God's peace.