Lately, my husband has been doing and saying things that make me feel very loved. Treasured and special.
This got me thinking, what have I done or said lately to make him feel respected? Valued and worthy?
So I issue a challenge to all the wives (myself included) out there. Do something today that makes your man's chest puff up with pride. Let him know how much you respect him.
Are you up for it?
Why not share what you plan to do?
Or come back later to fill us in on what you did? How did he react?
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Monday, November 1, 2010
Respect equals Love
My man was only gone for twelve days, but in that time it seems I found my groove. Apparently I don't like people messing with my groove.
Here are a few notes for myself, based on lessons I'm relearning this weekend.
1. Do not interrupt, interfere, or interject in any way when your husband is disciplining the children. Even if he's not doing it your way. Even if you think he's overreacting.
Your children will benefit more from seeing their parents as a united front than they will from you championing their cause.
2. Do not interrupt, interfere, or interject in any way when your husband is doing household tasks. Even if he's not doing it your way. Even if you think his way won't work.
Your man will not want to do things around the house if he feels criticised.
3. If you mess up and do either #1 or #2 (or both, repeatedly), do be quick to apologize and ask forgiveness. It never hurts to show how sorry you are by offering up a token of love (bring him a snack, watch hockey with him without complaining, give him hugs and kisses).
It is so easy to forget that the best way I can communicate my love to my man is by respecting him. This means trusting him to do things his way and then thanking him for taking care of it. This means practicing the fine art of keeping my mouth closed. This means remembering that we are a team, and he is the team captain.
I am so very glad that he is home! It is a relief to know that there is a partner here to share the burden of parenting and household maintenance. But I fear I did a crummy job of showing that appreciation this weekend. Perhaps I can erase a few of my foolish comments with a yummy dinner tonight. Probably one that does not contain any form of rice or beans.
What about you? Is there something you have done lately that speaks disrespect to your man? What can you do to show him that he is respected and appreciated?
Here are a few notes for myself, based on lessons I'm relearning this weekend.
1. Do not interrupt, interfere, or interject in any way when your husband is disciplining the children. Even if he's not doing it your way. Even if you think he's overreacting.
Your children will benefit more from seeing their parents as a united front than they will from you championing their cause.
2. Do not interrupt, interfere, or interject in any way when your husband is doing household tasks. Even if he's not doing it your way. Even if you think his way won't work.
Your man will not want to do things around the house if he feels criticised.
3. If you mess up and do either #1 or #2 (or both, repeatedly), do be quick to apologize and ask forgiveness. It never hurts to show how sorry you are by offering up a token of love (bring him a snack, watch hockey with him without complaining, give him hugs and kisses).
It is so easy to forget that the best way I can communicate my love to my man is by respecting him. This means trusting him to do things his way and then thanking him for taking care of it. This means practicing the fine art of keeping my mouth closed. This means remembering that we are a team, and he is the team captain.
I am so very glad that he is home! It is a relief to know that there is a partner here to share the burden of parenting and household maintenance. But I fear I did a crummy job of showing that appreciation this weekend. Perhaps I can erase a few of my foolish comments with a yummy dinner tonight. Probably one that does not contain any form of rice or beans.
...and the wife must respect her husband.
~ Ephesians 5:33b
What about you? Is there something you have done lately that speaks disrespect to your man? What can you do to show him that he is respected and appreciated?
Sunday, June 22, 2008
How NOT to Show Respect
I have another contribution to my bloggy carnival, so I figured - hey, why not put up another post?!
First, I must say that I'm already wiser! Bobbie taught me that I can show respect by cooking something special for my sweetheart. Or by doing a job that I might consider his, if he's busy doing an activity that's important to him (note: important to him, not me). Mary taught me that I can show respect by going to my husband for advice and help FIRST (even if he's not the family 'expert' on that topic). You girls rock! And I sure hope a few more awesome women join in with their suggestions. HINT HINT
A while ago, we added yet another baby to our family. Time passed and life got busy. Suddenly I realized that we were missing the ever-important 6-week old picture! The one I get done of all the kids. Oh dear! Whoa, hang on...this is sounding familiar. I'll be right back. Found it! I did post this story before. Click here to view it (you can scroll down to the final 2 paragraphs, right by the picture of said baby, and save yourself the time of reading the whole post). Interesting, though, that my 11th post ever is on the same topic as I'm on now...
First, I must say that I'm already wiser! Bobbie taught me that I can show respect by cooking something special for my sweetheart. Or by doing a job that I might consider his, if he's busy doing an activity that's important to him (note: important to him, not me). Mary taught me that I can show respect by going to my husband for advice and help FIRST (even if he's not the family 'expert' on that topic). You girls rock! And I sure hope a few more awesome women join in with their suggestions. HINT HINT
A while ago, we added yet another baby to our family. Time passed and life got busy. Suddenly I realized that we were missing the ever-important 6-week old picture! The one I get done of all the kids. Oh dear! Whoa, hang on...this is sounding familiar. I'll be right back. Found it! I did post this story before. Click here to view it (you can scroll down to the final 2 paragraphs, right by the picture of said baby, and save yourself the time of reading the whole post). Interesting, though, that my 11th post ever is on the same topic as I'm on now...
Friday, June 20, 2008
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - weekend (or longer) blog carnival
I promised a blog carnival on the 20th, and darn it - I'm going to deliver!
Let's start with the rules (because I'm a rule following kind-of gal).
1. Write a post on your blog about how you show respect to your husband (see below for some questions you can answer if you're stuck for material).
2. Link your blog to Mr. Linky down below by clicking on the Mr. Linky box (please link directly to that specific post rather than your blog main page, so that it's easy for everyone to find). Don't forget to leave me a comment, so I know you're participating!
3. Somewhere in your blog post, link back to this post (so people know where to find the carnival). And, send your friends over - the more the merrier!
4. If you don't blog, feel free to participate by posting a nice lengthy comment. :)
5. Men can participate, too! Just post about what your wife does that makes you feel respected.
6. Even if you're not married, you can join in. It's about the difference in communication for men and women - everyone has experienced this! (Share some wisdom from co-workers, a couple you've observed, kids, and so on.)
If you want some background on the concept, visit this post or this one. The purpose is to learn from one another; glean some wisdom. To find ways to honour our hubbies without being cheesy. To learn from the mistakes of our sisters. To offer and find some good, concrete ideas. Mr. Linky will stick around all weekend. Maybe longer if I (sadly) get no participants.
What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life?
How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic?
What mistakes have you made that made your loved one feel crummy, unimportant, and disrespected?
So here's my contribution for ya...
In the book (mentioned previously), they coin the term 'The Crazy Cycle.' I'm sure I don't need to elaborate, but for the sake of completing this post... She (or I) feels unloved --> she reacts by acting disrespectful --> he feels disrespected --> he reacts by acting unloving --> and so on. We've all been there. The tricky part is getting out of the crazy cycle. Years ago, when our arguing could go on for hours, with each of us prepared to fight to the death in order to prove a point and be right, Pat and I came up with a silly idea (perhaps the idea really originated in some book somewhere, but whatever). Why not break up the moment with a humorous code word? We chose "pickle." Even now, if we're bickering and feel as if it's going nowhere but round and round, one of us will say (or holler) "PICKLE!" And bump - we're off the crazy cycle once again. Phew.
Let's start with the rules (because I'm a rule following kind-of gal).
1. Write a post on your blog about how you show respect to your husband (see below for some questions you can answer if you're stuck for material).
2. Link your blog to Mr. Linky down below by clicking on the Mr. Linky box (please link directly to that specific post rather than your blog main page, so that it's easy for everyone to find). Don't forget to leave me a comment, so I know you're participating!
3. Somewhere in your blog post, link back to this post (so people know where to find the carnival). And, send your friends over - the more the merrier!
4. If you don't blog, feel free to participate by posting a nice lengthy comment. :)
5. Men can participate, too! Just post about what your wife does that makes you feel respected.
6. Even if you're not married, you can join in. It's about the difference in communication for men and women - everyone has experienced this! (Share some wisdom from co-workers, a couple you've observed, kids, and so on.)
If you want some background on the concept, visit this post or this one. The purpose is to learn from one another; glean some wisdom. To find ways to honour our hubbies without being cheesy. To learn from the mistakes of our sisters. To offer and find some good, concrete ideas. Mr. Linky will stick around all weekend. Maybe longer if I (sadly) get no participants.
What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life?
How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic?
What mistakes have you made that made your loved one feel crummy, unimportant, and disrespected?
So here's my contribution for ya...
In the book (mentioned previously), they coin the term 'The Crazy Cycle.' I'm sure I don't need to elaborate, but for the sake of completing this post... She (or I) feels unloved --> she reacts by acting disrespectful --> he feels disrespected --> he reacts by acting unloving --> and so on. We've all been there. The tricky part is getting out of the crazy cycle. Years ago, when our arguing could go on for hours, with each of us prepared to fight to the death in order to prove a point and be right, Pat and I came up with a silly idea (perhaps the idea really originated in some book somewhere, but whatever). Why not break up the moment with a humorous code word? We chose "pickle." Even now, if we're bickering and feel as if it's going nowhere but round and round, one of us will say (or holler) "PICKLE!" And bump - we're off the crazy cycle once again. Phew.
| 1. Bobbie 2. Mary@notbefore7 | 3. ME (heehee) 4. Snakes,Snails, and Puppydog Tails | 5. Lucille (in comments) 6. Pegsy@Sharing Life With Peggy |
Powered by... Mister Linky's Magical Widgets.
Monday, June 9, 2008
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (post 2)
To see the first post on this topic, click here.
Don't forget about the blog carnival, coming up on June 20 and through the weekend. Put a link to the first post in your sidebar and encourage others to pour out their wisdom for the benefit of us all!
We're talking about how men and women are different (men really are from Mars, I'm sure of it), and how God created us with these amazing differences. Because He created us, He knows the desires of our hearts and tells us the secret to meeting those desires in our spouses.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~Ephesians 5:33
In the same way that we need to feel loved unconditionally - that is, no matter how we look or what we do, but simply for who we are - our men need to feel respected unconditionally (yes, no matter how they look or what they do, or don't do) just for who they are. This is a tough one to wrap my mind around because I've always learned that 'you have to earn respect.' I just want to translate that concept into girl language for a moment...
Imagine being told that you had to earn love. If you do a good job, keep the house nice and clean, make healthy and hearty meals, dote on your children (who, by the way, are perfectly-behaved little gems), never lose your temper - if you do all of these things, then you are worthy of being loved. But if you are lazy, if you gain weight, if you lose your temper and say things you don't mean - well, you don't deserve to be loved. Imagine your husband saying to you, "Are you kidding?! I don't LOVE you. You don't do anything to deserve my love. After all, love is EARNED!"
Now, to save my fingers, re-read that portion (but imagine manly-type duties in there and pretend it's you speaking to him, and change the word love for respect). How many of us have ever told our husbands that they don't deserve our respect? Just read the part in quotation marks one more time - he's saying this to you - feel what that does to your heart. Anyone else falling under some heavy conviction for past hurtful words of disrespect we've dumped on our men? OUCH.
In addition to finding creative ways to show our husbands that we respect them, we also need to know what kinds of things (that we do or say) communicate disrespect to them - so that we can stop making those mistakes!
I've said it before, but this is where my understanding hits a snag. Again, this is why I so desperately need YOU! We wives need to be there for each other, learn from one another's mistakes. I really believe that God can use this internet world for GOOD in our lives - He's already given us each other for fellowship, love, and support. So let's be intentional about our internet friendships and help one another in our everyday stuff! Are you in, or what?!
Okay, so here's where you all come in! I want good, concrete ideas. What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life? How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic? Also, what mistakes have you made that made your loved one feel crummy, unimportant, and disrespected? (Please, if you can save my husband from the same heartache, I beg you - as I'm sure he does - to share your wisdom.) So start thinking about it now...I'll post a couple more times on this concept in the meantime...and I'll put Mr. Linky up on the 20th so we can all glean wisdom from one another's experience.
(Though I only know of 2 men who blog, if any men want to participate - feel free! Just post on the things you do to show your sweetheart that she's LOVED.) And if you're not a blogger, you can still participate by commenting on the carnival post, okay?
FYI - I know I'm speaking about this in reference to how it applies to marriage, but I believe that this information can change the way we communicate with our children, our co-workers, and so on.
If you think you'd like to participate in this (or even if you probably won't but you think it's a good idea and you know someone else who might need help - like me - in this area), would you consider putting a link to this post in your sidebar?
Don't forget about the blog carnival, coming up on June 20 and through the weekend. Put a link to the first post in your sidebar and encourage others to pour out their wisdom for the benefit of us all!
We're talking about how men and women are different (men really are from Mars, I'm sure of it), and how God created us with these amazing differences. Because He created us, He knows the desires of our hearts and tells us the secret to meeting those desires in our spouses.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~Ephesians 5:33
In the same way that we need to feel loved unconditionally - that is, no matter how we look or what we do, but simply for who we are - our men need to feel respected unconditionally (yes, no matter how they look or what they do, or don't do) just for who they are. This is a tough one to wrap my mind around because I've always learned that 'you have to earn respect.' I just want to translate that concept into girl language for a moment...
Imagine being told that you had to earn love. If you do a good job, keep the house nice and clean, make healthy and hearty meals, dote on your children (who, by the way, are perfectly-behaved little gems), never lose your temper - if you do all of these things, then you are worthy of being loved. But if you are lazy, if you gain weight, if you lose your temper and say things you don't mean - well, you don't deserve to be loved. Imagine your husband saying to you, "Are you kidding?! I don't LOVE you. You don't do anything to deserve my love. After all, love is EARNED!"
Now, to save my fingers, re-read that portion (but imagine manly-type duties in there and pretend it's you speaking to him, and change the word love for respect). How many of us have ever told our husbands that they don't deserve our respect? Just read the part in quotation marks one more time - he's saying this to you - feel what that does to your heart. Anyone else falling under some heavy conviction for past hurtful words of disrespect we've dumped on our men? OUCH.
In addition to finding creative ways to show our husbands that we respect them, we also need to know what kinds of things (that we do or say) communicate disrespect to them - so that we can stop making those mistakes!
I've said it before, but this is where my understanding hits a snag. Again, this is why I so desperately need YOU! We wives need to be there for each other, learn from one another's mistakes. I really believe that God can use this internet world for GOOD in our lives - He's already given us each other for fellowship, love, and support. So let's be intentional about our internet friendships and help one another in our everyday stuff! Are you in, or what?!
Okay, so here's where you all come in! I want good, concrete ideas. What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life? How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic? Also, what mistakes have you made that made your loved one feel crummy, unimportant, and disrespected? (Please, if you can save my husband from the same heartache, I beg you - as I'm sure he does - to share your wisdom.) So start thinking about it now...I'll post a couple more times on this concept in the meantime...and I'll put Mr. Linky up on the 20th so we can all glean wisdom from one another's experience.
(Though I only know of 2 men who blog, if any men want to participate - feel free! Just post on the things you do to show your sweetheart that she's LOVED.) And if you're not a blogger, you can still participate by commenting on the carnival post, okay?
FYI - I know I'm speaking about this in reference to how it applies to marriage, but I believe that this information can change the way we communicate with our children, our co-workers, and so on.
If you think you'd like to participate in this (or even if you probably won't but you think it's a good idea and you know someone else who might need help - like me - in this area), would you consider putting a link to this post in your sidebar?
Friday, June 6, 2008
R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (blog carnival coming up)
* Read this one through to get to 'the point' - I'll be hosting a blog carnival on this topic in 2 weeks (Mr. Linky will be up on Friday, June 20 and stay up over the weekend).
I'm one of those people who doesn't really learn a concept until I've taught it to someone else. Take math, for example. You know all of those 'solve for x' equations? Not to toot my own horn, but I'm awesome at them! The reason - I give all the credit to my grade 10 girlfriend, Chrissie. She didn't get it. Trying to find 'x' made her crazy and frustrated, and brought tears on more than one occasion. So we hung out in the back row of math class and I showed her how to do it. Now it's stuck in my brain. More years later than I will ever admit, I can solve algebraic equations (much to the amazement of my nephew, whom I helped home/cyber school when he was in grade 8-9).
There's a new concept I was introduced to a while back, and though I 'get it,' I'm just not getting it. Know what I mean? While it makes total sense, I cannot seem to master the concept. So if you'll humour me while I teach this concept to you, I will be eternally grateful. (As will my loving husband.)
Not long ago, Pat and I joined a group of couples at our Church and worked through the 'Love and Respect' conference on DVD by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (click here to watch a trailer for the conference). Throughout the video sessions, Eggerichs kept returning to this scripture.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~ Ephesians 5:33
It's interesting that (through Paul) God gave husbands the directive to LOVE and gave wives the directive to RESPECT. We all know that men and women speak totally different languages, right? So it makes sense that we would find our value through different means. We women understand the language of love: hugs, kisses, tender words, thoughtful gestures, small (or large) gifts. Feeling loved by our husbands makes us feel needed in our marriages. Because these acts of love speak to our hearts, we naturally try to communicate this same love to our husbands. But this does not make him feel needed! Nope. I guess that's why God figured He'd better put it right there in scripture for us. In order to communicate our love to our husbands, we need to use the language of respect.
Am I making sense so far? (I'm hoping that my synopsis of what Eggerichs spent 6 hours teaching is enough to do it justice.) I totally GET that my man needs respect, that when I show him that I respect him he will thrive. Honestly, it makes sense. If Pat showers me with little romantic gestures, I positively glow! But here is where I get all tangled up...what speaks unconditional respect to my man? I'm sure I could say "honey, I respect you" in the same way I warm up to hear him tell me he loves me. But really, could we find a way to communicate respect that is a little less, um, cheesy?!
Okay, so here's where you all come in! I want good, concrete ideas. What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life? How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic? So start thinking about it now...I'll post a couple more times on this concept in the meantime...and I'll put Mr. Linky up on the 20th so we can all glean wisdom from one another's experience. (Though I only know of 2 men who blog, if any men want to participate - feel free! Just post on the things you do to show your sweetheart that she's LOVED.) And if you're not a blogger, you can still participate by commenting on the carnival post, okay?
FYI - I know I'm speaking about this in reference to how it applies to marriage, but I believe that this information can change the way we communicate with our children, our co-workers, and so on.
If you think you'd like to participate in this (or even if you probably won't but you think it's a good idea and you know someone else who might need help - like me - in this area), would you consider putting a link to this post in your sidebar? (I'd love to have a nice graphic button for you to put there, but I'm technically impaired. Maybe my web design girlfriend Louise can make me a button this weekend? LOL.)
I'm one of those people who doesn't really learn a concept until I've taught it to someone else. Take math, for example. You know all of those 'solve for x' equations? Not to toot my own horn, but I'm awesome at them! The reason - I give all the credit to my grade 10 girlfriend, Chrissie. She didn't get it. Trying to find 'x' made her crazy and frustrated, and brought tears on more than one occasion. So we hung out in the back row of math class and I showed her how to do it. Now it's stuck in my brain. More years later than I will ever admit, I can solve algebraic equations (much to the amazement of my nephew, whom I helped home/cyber school when he was in grade 8-9).
There's a new concept I was introduced to a while back, and though I 'get it,' I'm just not getting it. Know what I mean? While it makes total sense, I cannot seem to master the concept. So if you'll humour me while I teach this concept to you, I will be eternally grateful. (As will my loving husband.)
Not long ago, Pat and I joined a group of couples at our Church and worked through the 'Love and Respect' conference on DVD by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (click here to watch a trailer for the conference). Throughout the video sessions, Eggerichs kept returning to this scripture.
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~ Ephesians 5:33
It's interesting that (through Paul) God gave husbands the directive to LOVE and gave wives the directive to RESPECT. We all know that men and women speak totally different languages, right? So it makes sense that we would find our value through different means. We women understand the language of love: hugs, kisses, tender words, thoughtful gestures, small (or large) gifts. Feeling loved by our husbands makes us feel needed in our marriages. Because these acts of love speak to our hearts, we naturally try to communicate this same love to our husbands. But this does not make him feel needed! Nope. I guess that's why God figured He'd better put it right there in scripture for us. In order to communicate our love to our husbands, we need to use the language of respect.
Am I making sense so far? (I'm hoping that my synopsis of what Eggerichs spent 6 hours teaching is enough to do it justice.) I totally GET that my man needs respect, that when I show him that I respect him he will thrive. Honestly, it makes sense. If Pat showers me with little romantic gestures, I positively glow! But here is where I get all tangled up...what speaks unconditional respect to my man? I'm sure I could say "honey, I respect you" in the same way I warm up to hear him tell me he loves me. But really, could we find a way to communicate respect that is a little less, um, cheesy?!
Okay, so here's where you all come in! I want good, concrete ideas. What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life? How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic? So start thinking about it now...I'll post a couple more times on this concept in the meantime...and I'll put Mr. Linky up on the 20th so we can all glean wisdom from one another's experience. (Though I only know of 2 men who blog, if any men want to participate - feel free! Just post on the things you do to show your sweetheart that she's LOVED.) And if you're not a blogger, you can still participate by commenting on the carnival post, okay?
FYI - I know I'm speaking about this in reference to how it applies to marriage, but I believe that this information can change the way we communicate with our children, our co-workers, and so on.
If you think you'd like to participate in this (or even if you probably won't but you think it's a good idea and you know someone else who might need help - like me - in this area), would you consider putting a link to this post in your sidebar? (I'd love to have a nice graphic button for you to put there, but I'm technically impaired. Maybe my web design girlfriend Louise can make me a button this weekend? LOL.)
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