Family Funnies

Our family has been telling each other jokes for years. Dinner time last night was spent practicing our humour on one another. I thought I'd share a few of our favourites and see if you can add any good ones to the mix.

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, floating in the water?
Bob.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say banana again?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, laying at the front door?
Matt.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Ya.
Ya who?

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs, hanging on the wall?
Art.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh...
MOO!

Of course, I always love the classics that the little kids come up with when they're first learning how to joke. Here's Kai's new funny:

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Elephant.
Elephant who?
Heavy elephant.
(This one is faithfully followed by gales of laughter from the rest of the family.)

As you can see, we've got a few standard jokes kicking around. Do you have any favourite family-approved jokes we can borrow?

* This post has been linked up to Tiny Talk Tuesday at Not Before 7.

Family Funnies

Our family had a fantastic long weekend in the mountains! We drove, we hiked, we toured a town of days gone by, we hot tubbed, we rode a train, we visited the world's largest cuckoo clock, we toured a mine, we swam, we ate too much and slept too little. (At this juncture, I would like to post some pictures of our family fun. Unfortunately, my computer's card reader is not in the mood to read my camera's memory card and the USB cord for my camera is playing hide-n-seek. You'll have to settle for a cute little story instead.)

Shea: Dad! Look at that mountain! It's so big! The trees are higher than the sky!

Abbey: Sometimes, when the trees are waving in the wind, it kinda looks like they are worshipping God.

Mom: I bet they are! It says in the Bible that even the rocks cry out to worship the Lord.

Megan: Mom, what about the rocks that aren't Christians?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Malakai, at age 2 1/2, is really becoming a talker! Here are our two favourite sayings of his:

Shake a booty! (said in a sing-songy way while bopping his head up and down)

I nu no. (I don't know. His standard reply to any question beginning in "Where is....")

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

This post is linked up to Tiny Talk Tuesday.

Tiny Talk Tuesday - 04/27/10

One of my lovely children to me:



Mom, you have a HUGE zit on your cheek!



Gee, I didn't notice. Thanks for pointing that out!

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Megan is an eighty-year-old woman in a six-year-old's body. I know this, because only old women talk like she does.

Last night, as we drove home, she opened her window. It was +12C - unseasonably warm for January in Alberta. Enjoying the warm breeze on her face, Megan leaned her head back and sighed.

"Mom," she said, "This warm weather is so fabulous! Tomorrow, after school, we should all go for a nice walk. Wouldn't that be lovely?"

Sure, Grandma, that would be just lovely. ;)

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Mary likes to encourage us to record those cute things our kids say. If you want to see what other kids are saying, go to Not Before 7 and visit the links.

--------------------------------------------

Megan (5) is a bit of a drama queen. She often picks up little sayings she's heard on movies, or from who knows where.

Lately, when speaking to someone and wanting their full attention, she will walk up, hold their face in her hands, and say "my darling, listen to me."

Her newest exclamation is, "oh my goodness to glory!"

No idea where she comes up with this stuff!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We have two wonderful childcare providers, who are both adult women. One of them is expecting - twins! The kids have all been quite thrilled to discover this.

Abbey (6) was informing us that C is "getting two babies." So Pat asked, "where's she getting them from?" (Smart alec.)

Abbey says, "in her tummy," with a 'duh, you should know this' tone in her voice.

Shea (3) pipes in, "No, I think it's from her mouth."

Killing. Me. With. Laughter.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Shea had her first day of playschool this week. Meg, Kai and I dropped her off and headed back home. Meg (5) asked me if it would be just her and Kai at home for the morning.

Thinking the prospect of some 'Mommy time' would be pleasing to her, I respond "Yes! And we'll put Kai down for a nap, so it will be just you and Mom!"

Meg's response was an unenthused, "Oh, that will be sooooooo booooooring."

One of the signs you were born into a large family.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Abbey (6) has started grade 1 this year. Last year, with full-day Kindergarten two days per week (and a third day on alternate weeks), she was a very tired and emotional girl until mid-October. So I haven't been expecting anything different this year...

The other morning she was quite certain that she needed to stay home from school because she was sick. I shared my theory that she was simply tired and needed to go to bed a bit earlier until she got used to being in school full time. But she insited - she was really sick!

Long story short, after some rest, some debate about television (and how it's not allowed if you're sick, because you should be resting), and some Q & A... "Mom, why can't you just let me sleep in bed longer in the mornings?!" Which brought us back to the whole tired and needing to go to bed earlier conversation. Resulting in a tearful and heartfelt, "BUT I'M NOT TIRED!!!!"

Sure kid, whatever you say.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We had guests for dinner this weekend (which was really fun, by the way). The girls nibbled from their plates and asked to be excused from the table. Braeden (10) ate 3 generous helpings as quickly as humanly possible. But he decided to stay at the table with the grown-ups.

Our guests asked him a few questions about school and racing... Twenty minutes later, after none of us were able to get a word in edgewise, Pat and I were giggling about the tougher aspects of a large family - some kids obviously don't get to talk (and listened to) nearly enough.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Shea (3), telling me about how much fun her first day of playschool was. "And we did a painting, and I played with babies, and I like my teachers, and I rode a car, and I ate all my snack, and I made a friend." Breath. I jumped in to ask her friend's name. "Ummmm, I 'get. But I played with blocks, and I did a puzzle, and I singed a song, and I...."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

For a couple months, Kai (almost 1) has been making certain sounds in certain situations that make me think he's talking. But I don't want to be one of those moms who acts like her kids is the most brilliant. I know, I know.

Anyway, I have now decided that he is DEFINITELY saying "hi." Anytime anyone enters a room, he says "eye!"

Other things I suspect he is saying (though few of these words sound quite like the actual words)...

Braeden - Baaaaaa!
Daisy - Day
Dad - DA!
Mom - Mamama
Off (command we say to the dog, loudly and often) - Ah

And a two-word phrase that he's been saying for a couple months - "eye DA!" Every day at about 5:15pm...

You know, he really is the most brilliant baby out there...





Click the picture for more Tiny Talk.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Thanks to Mary for hosting Tiny Talk Tuesday each week, without fail.

Driving in a vehicle with five kids for eight days gets you really listening to the things they say...

Megan (5) about the brand-new portable DVD player with 2 screens - "That is OFF THE HOOK!!!" Seriously, where do they come up with this stuff?!

Shea (3), broken-hearted that the girls in the row behind her wouldn't play with her, "They not be my buddy." Aw, I would've even felt bad for her had it not been for the wailing that followed.

Abbey (6) really bonded with one of her cousins, A. She may have a slight crush, as it seems she thinks he hung the moon. All we heard her say, for the whole three days driving home, "A says this...A says that." If anyone disagreed (including parents), she would grow quite insistent. We finally just gave up. If A says it's true, then it must be so... I also noticed this phenomenon with the Kindergarten teacher. When did everyone else become the expert and I became the 'dumb mom?'

And my personal favourite...

Braeden (10) discussing driving. Braeden asks Dad if he can have a Mustang when he's old enough to drive. A teasing debate ensues about whether Mustangs really are 'just for girls' as Dad insists, or the 'coolest cars ever' in Braeden's humble opinion. When the goofiness settled down, Dad (referring to an old rusty Ford pick-up parked behind our garage) tells Braeden he can have his truck when he turns 16. Braeden responds with more excitement than we could have imagined, shrieking and 'woohoo'ing and bouncing up and down. He says, "Dad, you rock! Can I have your job, too?!" About an hour later, once Pat and I had wiped the tears from our eyes and caught our breath, he explained to Braeden that he wasn't referring to that truck (his work truck). Braeden's disappointment was palpable, "Bummer, dude."

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Yay! I finally have something to post for TTT.

Shea (3) has gymnastics class this week - their called "Jumping Beans," isn't that just the cutest?! After her class yesterday, Shea decided she was starving and simply would not survive all the way home. I scrounged and found $1.25 in change, so we wandered over to the vending machines.

She pondered the array of junk for two long, slow minutes before pointing to the "red chips" (those would be the Nacho Cheese flavoured Doritos). I start plunking coins in, and once I've deposited about $1.05, Shea shouts, "STOP, MOMMY!"

I jump (as do all the people within 10 feet of us) and whisper, "what is it, Sweetheart?" in hopes of convincing her to speak in like tones.

Still at the top of her lungs, she informs me of her change of heart. "MAMA, I WANT DICKLE-DICKLE PICKLE CHIPS!!!!!"

Oh. My. Goodness. I nearly died (or peed) - I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Apparently, neither had all those people within earshot.

For more Tiny Talk Tuesday, visit Not Before 7.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Abbey (6, in Kindergarten) is apparently self-learning math. Because I assure you, I have nothing to do with any learning she has experienced!

She called Pat and I over to look at the notebook she was writing in. I was expecting to see a lovely picture of a butterfly or a girl. Abbey points down at the page and says, "ten take away five plus three is eight." So I quickly think (10-5=5+3=8) - ohmygoodness! I laughed and asked her where she's seen that before and she tells me, "I didn't. I just KNOW."

To prove her point, a few minutes later she tells me that "one-hundred take away one-hundred equals zero." And when I exclaim that she's right again she giggles and says, "I thought that was right. It makes sense." Cute, smart, and humble - that's my girl!

-------------------------------------------------------------

Meg (5) was in the back yard gardening with Grandma. Grandma, not really expecting an answer, asks Meg where her dad keeps the spade. "Do you want the blue one or the green one?" asks Meg.

Surprised, Grandma asks Meg if she knows what a spade is. "No!" giggles Megan as she runs off across the yard. 'I don't know what the object is that you're looking for, but I'm sure you can find it in any colour you wish...'

For more Tiny Talk, stop over and see Mary at Not Before 7.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Abbey (6) recently got 'spring pictures' taken at school. (What's with that, anyway? They don't gouge us enough in fall? Twice a year is better, I guess. I can't believe that they send the pictures home whether you want them or not. Then you must either send them all back, in tact, or keep and pay for them. Lesson learned the hard way.) Anyway, back to the story... In the package of pictures, there was a cool sheet of stickers. The kids were all thrilled with these and everybody wanted one. Abbey proceeded to hand out the stickers, one by one. She approached each family member, patted the sticker onto their chest, and said, "Abbey fan." Later, we found a sticker on the bathroom mirror and Abbey informed me, "Look, the bathroom's an Abbey fan, too!" Kids.


--------------------------------------------------------------


Megan (5) hopped in the van and scooped up a Magic Bag that was tucked under the seat (left there so I would hopefully remember to return it to the friend I borrowed it from). She draped it over her shoulders, leaned her head back, and said, "Ah. I need to relax!"


-------------------------------------------------------------


Meg was full of funniness this week. One day she comes walking into the front door, kicks off her shoes, and exclaims, "My feet are killing me!"



For more Tiny Talk, check out Mary's site.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Mary's hosting TTT every week at Not Before 7. Yay!

Our family likes to tease. Pat is a smart-alec, so our kids learn at a young age the difference between teasing and being unkind.

Our latest joke is calling Braeden (10) 'the vacuum.' The boy must be growing! He eats, and eats, and eats - clearing off every dish on the table (including his sisters' leftovers).

Yesterday, we were waiting for Braeden to finish his 9th taco so that we could enjoy Meg's birthday cake. Abbey (6) informs me in her most matter-of-fact voice, "I'm ready for cake now, but I guess we have to wait for the vacuum to clean up." I was concerned that Pat might wet his pants, he was laughing so hard.

Then Shea (3), our little parrot pipes in, "vacuum cleaning up!" Giggles.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

I'm joining in at Not Before 7 again this week, for my favorite bloggy carnival. If you want to read more tiny talk stories, or if you'd like to join in, just click the picture to the left.

TTT is a place for us to share the cute, brilliant, funny, and wise-beyond their years things that our kids say throughout the week. This week (Mary, forgive my departure from tradition), rather than sharing the JOYS of parenting 5 adorable rugrats, I am looking for some tips in dealing with the not-so-cute things they sometimes say. Comments much appreciated!!!

Here's what I have heard an awful lot of this week...
"I hate you!"
"I don't like you!"
"You're stupid!"
"You're a mean lady!"

No, this isn't the first time I've heard such things shouted (directed to one another AND/OR to me). And no, we didn't have a terrible, horrible, no good, really bad week. Overall, our last week was actually quite fun. Except when certain people got angry, then things were not so much fun.

I have, of course, attempted my own feeble methods of nipping this in the bud. And if I'm consistent, perhaps it will work. That being said, I'd really like to have a back-up plan or six. So please - share your Mommy wisdom! What would you do if your kiddos were talking this way? Or what have you done to deal with it in the past (please tell me that I'm not the only one)?

Thanks, girls. God bless you all.

Aw, I couldn't end on such a bummer. So here's a cute little tidbit for ya...
Our littlest one is 7 months old now - today, actually (and crawling like a maniac, yikes!), and his big brother is still pretty darn pleased that he finally got another boy in the family. So pleased, in fact, that he only refers to him by the name "Little Brother." I realized today, listening in on big boy entertaining little boy, that I cannot think of a single occasion in the past 7 months where Braeden has referred to the baby (Malakai, or Kai) as anything other than Little Brother. Oh, and he's already making plans to give Little Brother his race car bed as soon as he's big enough for it. Phew, what a relief for me because I was concerned that he'd still be sleeping in that silly race car at the age of 20! And if you were wondering, it's a twin sized race car, not one of those itty-bitty toddler ones - it would be really funny to see a 10-year-old squish himself into one of those, lol.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Megan (almost 5) is a fan of big words. If she hears me use a big word on some occasion, you can be guaranteed she'll try it out, too. Overheard as she was playing with her sisters this week: "Oh my, it is simply gorgeous!" (She pronouced the word with a lovely 'fancy lady' voice, so it came out more like gohahgeous.)

Shea (almost 3) is the 4th of 5 children. I am beginning to suspect that she has no ability to play alone. The other day, everyone was a school and the baby was napping, but I could hear Shea talking away. In fact, she was bossing (something she never gets to do with her big sisters), "You get over here, NOW!" A while later as we load into the van I hear her saying, "You sit here, and you sit here." When asked who she was talking to (also asked on another occasion by Grandma) she replied, "I'm talkin' to my girlfriends" (her emphasis made it sound more like GIRLfriends). Through further investigation I have discovered that there are 2 girlfriends who remain unnamed. At least we don't need to worry about Shea being bored or lonely next year when Meg goes to kindergarten - she'll just fabricate her own playmates!

One thing that I've never mentioned here because it's so normal to hear is one of Braeden's (10) favorite things to say. It occurred to me that it really is quite funny. Braeden is famous for getting distracted. If he has to walk past the television in order to complete a task, you can expect that the task will get overlooked or abandoned. As we often do, we hollered down the stairs for him to 'turn off the TV and do his job' (his room is downstairs, through the family room). He comes rushing up carrying an odd assortment of clothes that clearly won't work as an outfit for the next day. We asked what he was thinking... Braeden's reply, "My brain is soooo lazy! I can't control it!" Goofball!

TTT is a blog carnival hosted by Mary @ Not Before 7. Visit her page to see all the participants, or even link up yourself!

Ten Things & Tiny Talk Tuesday

1. This family that God has blessed me with (it would probably be cheating to list each member individually b/c then I'd only need to think of 4 more things).

2. Tiny Talk Tuesday, which always gives me a smile and a giggle, and has got me thinking about the cute and profound things my kids say each day (thus, taking the focus off the not-so-cute and frustrating moments). This leads me to my submission for Tiny Talk, which is not so much talking this week...









4. My children can and will dress themselves! Meet Shea, almost 3. :) (Don't you just love how she's coordinated the many variations of stripes?! LOL!)

"Look Mom, I Do it My OWN Self!"

5. On that note, I am so very thankful for the new computer. It is a miraculous experience to post on my blog without the computer freezing and losing all my words! It is so fun to have 14 different applications open at once and still be able to navigate through cyberspace. Oh, the joy!

6. The sun is shining and the sky is clear blue! Oh, how I love spring (well, really I LOVE summer, but spring means that 30 degree weather is on it's way)!!!

7. My husband booked his summer vacation time. We get to drive down to Reno to visit his brother, sister-in-law, and 3 great kids - for 2 weeks! Yay!!! Which leads to several other things I'm thankful for, one of which is that...

8. Pat is a hard-working man who provides all that we need and many things we want. I love him more as each anniversary goes by (how is this even possible?).

9. In case you missed it this weekend - Jesus is risen! This isn't some event that happened in history, but a truth of TODAY. Christ lives, and the same power that God unleashed to resurrect His Son is within each of us who call ourselves His.

10. The other part of this weekend - the candy is almost all gone. Which means I can get focussed on my post-baby weight-loss regime, again.

And, since counting has never really been my forte (lol, okay, okay - I simply must add this very important thing I'm thankful for)...

11. I am soooo enjoying this week of no school. The kids and I are just hangin' out, relaxing, having fun. I typically enter into school breaks with an "oh no" attitude, and I am so thankful to the God who answers prayers that He changed my attitude to "I can't wait!" What a joy to have a new perspective.

I am blessed, and I could go on (obviously), but I'll save some for next time!

Tiny Talk Tuesday

My kids are pretty darn funny sometimes. If you want to hear what other cuties are saying, visit Mr. Linky over at Mary's - Not Before 7.

Heard early this morning, as I called Abbey upstairs to get ready for school...
Megan (4 1/2): Abbey! Mom is calling you to get dressed for school. NOW GO!
Abbey (6), very tired and whiney today: I wannna watch the moooovieeeee....
Meg: Abbey - obey your mother!

The 3 girls (A & M mentioned above and Shea - 2 1/2) were playing out in our green, hauling all kinds of kiddie-sized lawn chairs out there. I watched them set them in a circle, sit in them for a while, then haul them all back to our yard. I asked Abbey (well, I think it was her, but to be honest, some days the girls all blur together) what they were doing out there with the chairs.
Abbey: We were having a meeting, Mom!

Braeden (almost 10): Mom, you're pretty.
Mom: Thanks, sweetheart. You just made me feel so good!
Braeden, blushing: Awwww, Mo-om!

I'm sure there are a million smart and funny things I could share, but I'm still under the fog of daylight savings time and can't recall a thing!

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Link up to share your tiny talker's tidbits on Mary's site.

Thanks to the lovely springish weather, the kids have spent many hours out-of-doors this week! Yay! For those not here in Red Deer, you wouldn't know that we live in a large close with a huge grassy space and several little groves of trees - it's about the size of 2 football fields - called a green (in these parts). So, the 3 girls are out in the green gathering fallen branches and dragging them across the road to our front yard (don't worry about the road, it's a close and everyone who drives on it lives in it, and everyone who lives in it knows we've got a gaggle of kids over here, lol). They proceeded to stick the branches in the pile of snow on our front yard. Grandma pulls up and chats with the girls to see what kind of fun they're up to. Meg (4 1/2) tells Grandma, "We're planting the trees. That means we're taking care of God's world, doesn't it?" I just LOVE it when they take the things of God to heart!

Sweet little Shea (2 1/2) is definitely two, with a vengeance! The child cries and screams with hysteria about practically everything. Her feelings are going through a very tender phase. Early this morning (ridiculously) I hear her shrieks from downstairs in Abbey & Meg's room. I run, imagining the worst (dresser fell on her, someone is trying to murder her, etc.). Arriving downstairs, I see no blood or broken bones - a good sign - and ask Shea what's wrong. "Abbey, Meggie, no be my friend! Waaaaaaaa!" Oh. My. Goodness. I am going to lose my ever-living mind if this craziness doesn't end soon!!!

Everything that Braeden (almost 10) had to say this week involved a scowl and a growl. Bad mood, bad attitude. No fun at all. Suggestions? Yes Mom, I know I need to look for the positive, and I'm sure there were some great and funny things (because Braeden is the funniest kid I've ever met), but I just can't recall anything but the grouchy mood that dominated.

Abbey (6) is in Kindergarten at our local Christian school. Their most recent class project was to adopt a polar bear. While we were praying at bedtime one night this week, Abbey pipes in, "please take care of the bears that live in the icy lands, because soon there will be no more."

Kai (almost 6 months) has been learning to shriek lately, which is both hilarious and painful on the eardrums. Hopefully I can catch him on video for next week. Oh, and can I just ask - how old were your kids when they started crawling? The girls all started around 8-9 months, Braeden was obviously later - 2 1/2 - due to cerebral palsy, but this little man is totally trying to crawl already! Is this normal? Or insane???

Tiny Talk Tuesday

A bunch of women (including myself) were busy making packages for the craft at our upcoming women's retreat. Megan (4) enters the rooms and wonders what we're doing. I tell her that we're putting together a craft for the ladies to do on the retreat. Incredulous, she exclaims, "But adults don't do crafts!" (Note to self: make an effor to 'appear' slightly more interested in crafty things for the sake of the children.)

Shea (2) has 2 favorites lately. Instead of aruging by saying 'no,' she prefers "actually..." (pronounced ak-chu-leeee). Miss independent also likes to insist, "I do it my OWN self!"

This past weekend, Braeden (9) had the opportunity to attend Snow Camp - sponsored by our local radio station and Tim Horton's (which, for you Americans out there, is kinda like Starbucks only better, lol). The poor boy was not pleased about boarding the bus; when they returned I learned that he cried for an hour :(. Saying prayers on Sunday night, Braeden wants to thank God for Snow Camp and all the fun and friends...Amen. As I'm closing his bedroom door I hear, "Mom?"
Me: "Yes, Braeden?"
B: "I go to Snow Camp again?"
Me: "Well, maybe someday, sweetheart" (sha, not likely kiddo!).
B: "I go on Friday?"
Me: "Um, no bud, let's give it some time okay."
LOL - kids!

To see what other people's kids are saying, check out Mary's page.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Driving along one day, Meg (4) asked why the snow on the road looks dirty. Thinking I should jump on this learning opportunity, I delve into an explanation of road gravel, traction, and so on... In spite of Meg's less than enthusiastic participation, I quietly hope that she's grasping the concept. Later, to test her comprehension, I ask if she remembers the big word we talked about earlier. With a slightly irritated look on her face, Meg demands, "Why are you trying to teach me?!" LOL! This, people, is why God has not called me to home school.

Abbey (6) to her dad, "Dad, William - not William in my class, but William on the bus, you know...the one who's in grade 2, he's 7-years-old -" (deep breath) "he said he has a crush on me." Dad asks, "Do you know what that means?" "No" (giggling). Dad, "Well, what did you say to him?" Abbey, "I laughed." How straightforward...

Braeden (9) to dad, "Dad - you took Mom for a date? Where'd you go?" Dad, "Sure did buddy. We went to see Riverdance." "Aw Dad, that's so cute! I'm proud of you!" Really, how does a 9-year-old know that watching people dance around for 2 hours is less than fantastic to most men?!

To see what other little ones are saying, check out Mary's blog.

Tiny Talk Tuesday

Megan, 4 - "That cake is soooooo stylish!" and later, about the very stylish cake ('Bratz' themed, thank-you Safeway) "Mmmmmmm, it's delicious!" (We were celebrating Abbey's birthday last week...)

Shea, 2 - (admiring Ashley Tisdale in a music video) "I lub that gul. Pwetty." - translation: I love that girl, pretty.

I know everyone had something cute, funny, or precious to say this week...unfortunately, I forgot to document it!



Want to see what other little ones are saying?
Visit Mary's page for the TTT carnival.