Last week I mentioned a couple difficult situations that my children (and I) are walking through...
I've been thinking and praying about those things on behalf of my kids. A lot.
God's been answering me, speaking to my heart about life's struggles. What He's been saying surprised me. For example...
I asked Him for help for Malakai. I prayed that drop off time at daycare wouldn't be so difficult for him, that he would be less sad and afraid. I asked God to be with him, protect him, and comfort him. I asked God to turn Kai's experience around, so that he would be excited about the fun days he would have.
At first, I heard what I expected to hear from the Lord...
Tyler, I love your little boy even more than you do. I have his best interests at heart. I am always with him, protecting and comforting him. You can trust Me with him.
But then, God started saying (not out loud, but into my heart) things that took me by surprise.
Just as I use every situation - especially the difficult ones - to shape you to serve Me, I will use this trial in Malakai's life for My Kingdom purposes.
Do not think that your children will be exempt from hardship simply because you love and serve Me. If their faith and strength and character are "by default," they will be weak. But a faith in Me that comes from truly needing Me will be their own. Yes, daughter, even in their preschool years I am already shaping them for My service.
Imagine the great things that a child named "Messenger of God" can do for My Kingdom. Then multiply that by 1,000. Those are the kind of plans I have for Malakai...and for each of your children.
But just as you needed to walk through hardships, grow in faith, allow yourself to lean into My strength, and become mature in character in order to serve Me - so will they. If I protect them from these trials that come their way, they will miss out on something greater I have for them.
Trust Me.
As God and I had this conversation, and I wanted to argue with Him about what was best for my children, I was reminded of how Beth Moore prays for her daughters... She has often mentioned praying along the lines of, "Lord, please do not protect these children from that which will bring them into Your Presence." (Not a direct quote. But if someone has her exact words handy, please share!)
I've often thought how wildly brave that prayer is, and how cowardly my own prayers for my children seem in comparison. I ask for His protection for them, but fail to ask for them to experience the reality of His presence in their lives.
And that begs the question... What would I rather have for my children - His protection or His presence?
Have you ever prayed that wildly brave prayer for your children?
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Showing posts with label motherhood. Show all posts
Monday, September 12, 2011
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
I Love My Kids, But Do I Like Them?
I recently listened to a commentary on Titus 2 that honed in on the phrase, "teach the younger women to love their husbands and children." I heard something new, something that I had never considered...
The word "love" in that passage is translated to the Greek word "philos." Philos refers to friendship.
As I listened, I wrote a note to myself, "Am I a friend to my kids? Do they feel as though I like them?"
My kids know I love them. I have no doubt of that. But do they feel liked by me? Do they feel as though I enjoy spending time with them? Do we have fun together? Do I tell them that I like them for who they are? Do I treat them with the same care and respect I do a friend, or even an acquaintance?
Sadly, I can't be sure.
But this is something I need to be sure about. So here are a few things I think I can do to let my kids know I really like them:
- Really listen and respond when they have something to tell me. Look at them and pay attention.
- Be willing to set aside my duties in order to do something fun.
- Say yes more often than no.
- Laugh more.
- Smile more.
- Tell them the things I like about them. Every day.
On the first day of school, the kids and I played a board game together when they got home. We had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and the dog hair never got swept up, but I'm pretty sure everyone crawled into bed with a smile that night.
And you know what I realized? I really do like my kids!
What do you do (or could you start doing) to help your kids (or husband, or parents...) see that you really do like them?
The word "love" in that passage is translated to the Greek word "philos." Philos refers to friendship.
As I listened, I wrote a note to myself, "Am I a friend to my kids? Do they feel as though I like them?"
My kids know I love them. I have no doubt of that. But do they feel liked by me? Do they feel as though I enjoy spending time with them? Do we have fun together? Do I tell them that I like them for who they are? Do I treat them with the same care and respect I do a friend, or even an acquaintance?
Sadly, I can't be sure.
But this is something I need to be sure about. So here are a few things I think I can do to let my kids know I really like them:
- Really listen and respond when they have something to tell me. Look at them and pay attention.
- Be willing to set aside my duties in order to do something fun.
- Say yes more often than no.
- Laugh more.
- Smile more.
- Tell them the things I like about them. Every day.
On the first day of school, the kids and I played a board game together when they got home. We had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and the dog hair never got swept up, but I'm pretty sure everyone crawled into bed with a smile that night.
And you know what I realized? I really do like my kids!
What do you do (or could you start doing) to help your kids (or husband, or parents...) see that you really do like them?
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Upside-Down
Back in my college days, after the arrival of my firstborn, I could often be heard speaking these words, "Oh, I could never be a stay at home mom! I'm just not wired that way. I'll be a better mom if I've got something for me."
Add a few years and two more babies. My story changed to, "One day I'll go back to work...when they're in school. I just can't afford to work right now. Childcare would eat up my whole pay cheque."
Add a couple more babies, more years, and a closer relationship with Jesus. "I'm not sure if I'll ever work again. Somewhere along the way, I learned not only to be content in my role as a homemaker, but to find joy in it. If we can afford for me to stay home forever, volunteering in ministry, that's what I'll do."
As a young, idealistic, opinionated twenty-year-old, I was certain that my life would be dull and lifeless if I were home with my kids 24/7. As a slightly older, slightly less opinionated, and just as idealistic thirty-year-old, I was convinced that being home 24/7 would be best for my family.
Today, I am a thirty-three (and a half) year old working mom. Here are three lessons God has been teaching me about His upside-down Kingdom over the years.
1. Never say never.
God's plan doesn't usually fit within our ideals. While sometimes our ideals are formed based on God speaking to us and teaching us, it's important to remember that the plan He has for each of us is not a "one and only" thing. God's plan (and our lives) cycle through seasons.
There will be years of quiet, times of service, days of stretching, and moments of storms. And we do not get to dictate the ebb and flow - God Almighty is the commander of the seasons of life.
2. Comfortable doesn't last.
We all enjoy times of peace, quiet, and routine. There is something wonderful about feeling "settled." The thing is, as we are settling in we can also begin settling for. We settle for a faith journey that is mediocre, at best.
God knows, though, that we can serve Him better, our lives can give Him more glory, our families can better reflect His love in our communities, when we are stretched outside that little comfort bubble we live in.
3. It's not about me.
Of course I believe that God has a special purpose and plan that is specific to me and my life. But sometimes, His plan for my life is not necessarily specifically for my benefit.
God created us to serve Him, to worship Him, and to share His Good News throughout the world. He did not create us to be happy and content. (I'm sorry if that comes as a disappointment to anyone.) God is far more concerned with the salvation of the world than he is with our happiness.
The great thing is, if we embrace His plan with abandon, He will overflow our lives with joy and blessings! So the less we think of "me, me, me" the more likely we are to actually experience joy and satisfaction in this life.
I'd love to hear your stories! Here are a few prompting questions to help dig those stories out of you. Feel free to answer one or all...or something totally different, for that matter.
Have you ever said "never" to something only to have God change your plans?
Has He been asking you to let go of your comfortable so that your life can better reflect His glory?
What ways are you learning that it's not about you?
Add a few years and two more babies. My story changed to, "One day I'll go back to work...when they're in school. I just can't afford to work right now. Childcare would eat up my whole pay cheque."
Add a couple more babies, more years, and a closer relationship with Jesus. "I'm not sure if I'll ever work again. Somewhere along the way, I learned not only to be content in my role as a homemaker, but to find joy in it. If we can afford for me to stay home forever, volunteering in ministry, that's what I'll do."
As a young, idealistic, opinionated twenty-year-old, I was certain that my life would be dull and lifeless if I were home with my kids 24/7. As a slightly older, slightly less opinionated, and just as idealistic thirty-year-old, I was convinced that being home 24/7 would be best for my family.
Today, I am a thirty-three (and a half) year old working mom. Here are three lessons God has been teaching me about His upside-down Kingdom over the years.
1. Never say never.
God's plan doesn't usually fit within our ideals. While sometimes our ideals are formed based on God speaking to us and teaching us, it's important to remember that the plan He has for each of us is not a "one and only" thing. God's plan (and our lives) cycle through seasons.
There will be years of quiet, times of service, days of stretching, and moments of storms. And we do not get to dictate the ebb and flow - God Almighty is the commander of the seasons of life.
2. Comfortable doesn't last.
We all enjoy times of peace, quiet, and routine. There is something wonderful about feeling "settled." The thing is, as we are settling in we can also begin settling for. We settle for a faith journey that is mediocre, at best.
God knows, though, that we can serve Him better, our lives can give Him more glory, our families can better reflect His love in our communities, when we are stretched outside that little comfort bubble we live in.
3. It's not about me.
Of course I believe that God has a special purpose and plan that is specific to me and my life. But sometimes, His plan for my life is not necessarily specifically for my benefit.
God created us to serve Him, to worship Him, and to share His Good News throughout the world. He did not create us to be happy and content. (I'm sorry if that comes as a disappointment to anyone.) God is far more concerned with the salvation of the world than he is with our happiness.
The great thing is, if we embrace His plan with abandon, He will overflow our lives with joy and blessings! So the less we think of "me, me, me" the more likely we are to actually experience joy and satisfaction in this life.
I'd love to hear your stories! Here are a few prompting questions to help dig those stories out of you. Feel free to answer one or all...or something totally different, for that matter.
Have you ever said "never" to something only to have God change your plans?
Has He been asking you to let go of your comfortable so that your life can better reflect His glory?
What ways are you learning that it's not about you?
Monday, August 22, 2011
Can My Husand Really Be Mr. Mom?
Today is the last in a series of great posts written by eight fantastic and inspiring women. A bittersweet moment - the conclusion of my two week vacation and my return to the online vortex of blogging. How I've missed you! I do hope you've been blessed by what these super cool ladies had to share, and I trust that you've been encourging them with some comment love. {wink} See ya tomorrow!
I tend to consider myself not much of an organized person. However, when I need to pull out the stops on organizing I can carry my own. So as this week approached I had some heavy organizing to do.
I had a business trip to make and three children to find a place for if my husband would not be able to get off work for the days I would need to be gone.
I registered Aaron, my 12 yr old and Joel my 9 yr old for Circle Square Ranch which was to start Sunday, the day after I was to leave for my trip. My 3 yr old Gabriel was excited to find out that he was to be spending his first sleepover at Grandma and Grandpas. My husband Evan could take care of the pets and hold down the fort.
This left me packing 4 different suitcases going in 4 different locations. Now I am not sure if you have ever had to do this, but it gets quite complicated. For example, does your family share toothpaste? Mine does! So we needed more tubes!!
I masterminded a plan and everything looked to be in place. Now all it needed was to go off without a hitch. Problem? I was leaving BEFORE the plan was to be in motion. This meant my husband had to step into my shoes and fulfill the script I had written. I wrote notes and talked...a lot even though I knew half the time I probably sounded like Charlie Browns teacher! I stressed a bit as I just wanted everything to go well. I was counting on my family to make mommy being gone as painless as possible. I am not sure how many times I said 'and this note is for...”
As I tried to cover every base I could think of to make sure my husband would be as close to what I would do as possible, something hit me.
Jesus wants us to be just like Him. He wants us to do what He would do. God gave us His word to make sure that we could do just that. He reminds us we need to read it. He nudges us we have not looked at His “notes” for awhile. When Jesus left He told us He was going home to prepare a place for us, but He sent us a helper to make sure we can put His plan in motion. He went before us and it is up to us to do the work He asks us to do. We just need to keep referring to Gods Word, the “notes” He left for us.
That left me with two huge lessons. Number One, Jesus wants me to keep studying His Word and to be more like Him, and Number two, I can worry and stress all I want about leaving my family, but it is not going to make it go any smoother. I cannot do anything about it once I am 4000 Kilometers away so I might as well just pray about it and ask for peace as HE takes care of my precious kids and husband!
John 14:23-27 is an excellent reminder of this, but my favorite part is verse 27.
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
Jesus trusted me to do what He asked me to do. I think I am going to have to trust my Hubby to pull off a Mr. Mom (even though I sometimes believe I am irreplaceable!).
Have a glorious blessed Day!
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April Klippenstein is married to her husband Evan and and is a mother of three amazing boys ages 12, 9 and 3. She homeschools her children and manages to balance a career with Mary Kay Cosmetics as a Independent Sales Director and Beauty Consultant. She is also a writer and speaker when she can fit it in.
April resides in Eckville, Alberta and dreams of one day being able to complete her first novel, even if she has to wait until the children fly the coop!!
Thursday, August 18, 2011
#Jesusandlife
Stay tuned for more great posts written by two fantastic and inspiring women. Two weeks of vacation for me means two weeks of fresh content for you. Enjoy! (And don't forget to comment and let these ladies know that what they write matters.) See ya soon.
Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.(Titus 2:3-5)
I'm sort of a social media nut.
I love Facebook and I've forayed into Google+; Blogging makes me giddy, but Twitter has my heart.
I have a bazillion and one reasons why this is true, but it really comes down to the hashtags.
Man, I love hashtags.
Imagine if everything in our lives could be that easily categorized?
#dinnerrecipes
#dinnerfail
#billstopay
#peopletoprayfor
#thingsImustabsolutelydoinordertokeepmyfamilyfunctioning
The same day that I learned of the opportunity to guest post here, before I knew that this would be the topic of my post, I was giggling to myself {hubby doesn't "get" Twitter} and silently categorizing everything I could with hashtags.
Then I stopped, and thinking with honesty back on that day, realized that my actions with my son that day would probably be categorized as a #momfail.
#Anger #harshwords #unneccessarysarcasm #frustraion
There was very little of the Fruit of the Spirit in my speech towards him.
There was little to no #joy #peace #patience #kindness #goodness #self-control.
Sure, there was #love, but would my son recognize that?
Oh how I cried with the tears of that piercing conviction.
"Lord!" I cried. "How can I do this? You know my heart. You know that I love my son with all of my heart. You know that I am so horribly sinful, that aside from You there is nothing good in me. I need You. I need You to intervene, to fill me up, to clean me out. I can't have another day like today."
As a first generation believer, I confess to you, blog friends, that one of my greatest fears is that my son or daughter will not continue our legacy of faith; that they will reject the faith that has knit my family together; that one day someone will ask them, "Why?" and they will answer that their mom talked the talk, but didn't live it at home.
I do have perspective. I understand that a bad day with a loss of patience is not the same as a lifetime of hypocrisy, but this fear has motivated me to search my heart, to ask God to cleanse me so that I will be so filled with His love that my children will not be able to deny that I loved God passionately, and my love for Him abundantly overflowed into love for them, into love for their Daddy.
O, Lord. Thank You that Your mercies are new every morning, that You forgive so completely and never hold back wisdom and love from us. Fill each of us with such an overwhelming love for You that it overflows in our homes, in our jobs, in our marriages, and into our children's lives. Replace our anger with patience, give us what we need to choose joy. Intervene mightily Lord, that we, sinful moms and wives, will reflect You. Turn our #momfails into #spiritwins. Thank You in advance. Amen.
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Heatherly Lane Sylvia is a mom, wife, homeschooler, speaker, aspiring writer, and apprentice grace-giver. Her greatest desire is to live a life following after God with abandon, and she hopes to be a blessing to as many people as she can while she figures out exactly how to do that. Het is passionate, loud, addicted to books, and loves her friends, old and new. She adores the blogosphere and would love to “meet” you there. She’s also pretty sure that blog comments and tweets are her love language. Check out her blog A Pinkdaisy Life or follow her on Twitter.Wednesday, August 3, 2011
Just a Mom, Q & A - installment 2
I received a question for the Just a Mom series via my Facebook page...
I agree with the things in this series......a lot of it has echoed what God has been teaching me.
Once you embrace being more than just a mom, how do you make sure you don't cross over into becoming neglectful of your family? I know moms who are so busy doing good things they love, but their family, no their husbands, suffer. He's the one who ends up being just a dad who works.
Wow, what a great question! To be honest, I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer this question. Remember, I'm an over-committer. But I'll give it a shot.
As a chronic over-committer, I've come to learn a few things about taking on too much. Generally, I can detect the warning signs and slow down before it hits crisis point. Sometimes...not.
Warning Signs:
1. You're a "yes" woman.
Does it pain you to tell someone, "No, I'm sorry. I can't help out with that."??? If you were to measure your response ratio, do the "yes"es outweigh the "no"s? Do you find yourself constantly worrying about letting someone down?
2. You're frozen.
You know that feeling when you have so much to do that you just don't know where to start? So you do nothing (except maybe mindlessly surf Facebook)? Yeah, that usually means you've got too much on your plate.
3. You're crabby.
Sometimes crabby just means overtired or PMS. But sometimes it can mean too busy. If crabby happens and you catch yourself saying, "I'm never going to get all this done!" it's the second reason.
4. You're told.
Has someone from your inner circle recently told you that you're too busy? Has someone you loved complained that you're too busy? Has your husband been inexplicably grumpy with you, especially when you're leaving the house?
An Ounce of Prevention:
A. Learn to be a "no" woman.
Your default response should be "no." Or at the very least, "Let me take some time to think and pray about it."
Remember that you are not responsible for meeting everyone's needs - you are responsible for meeting your family's needs and for obeying God. And if you agree to do everything, you may actually be stealing someone else's blessing. That's right, because by taking on things you're not called to you are essentially stepping into a calling that belongs to someone else. Stealing from them the blessing of serving.
B. Submit to your husband.
Ouch! That one pinches a bit, doesn't it? God gave your husband the overwhelming responsibility of leading your family. God asked you to be his helper. If your man needs more help, asks for more help, or shows signs that he's feeling overloaded - that's your #1 calling.
I try not to agree to taking on new things without talking to Pat first. (If I'm honest, sometimes I say yes and ask later. But when I do so, I try to start out with an apology for not talking to him first.) If your husband is a part of the decision-making, he's more likely to feel supportive of the things you're taking on.
C. Be in tune with the Spirit.
This is the ultimate way of assuring that you don't take on too much. Being in tune with the Spirit works two ways.
First, the Holy Spirit guides our paths (Proverbs 3:6) and tells us whether to turn to the right or the left (Isaiah 30:21). That way, we sense Him leading us toward a "yes" for certain things.
Second, the Holy Spirit gives us strength (Philippians 4:13), so that when it might seem we have a lot going on - as long as they are things ordained by Him - He can keep us moving forward.
A Pound of Cure:
Though you didn't ask this question, I'm sure you were thinking it (I know I would be)...
What should I do or say if I see a friend who has become too busy and is neglecting her family?
I. Pray.
I know it "feels" like doing nothing, but prayer is the absolute most important thing you can ever do for anyone.
II. Speak the truth in love.
If the right opportunity arises, and if your friendship is such that you can do so without causing permanent damage, and if you have a definite sense that God is nudging you to do so - speak the truth in love.
Love, grace, and understanding must permeate the whole conversation, or your words will fall on deaf ears and a hard heart.
III. Help.
Sure, her busy-ness is of her own making, as are the consequences. But true friends don't judge the motives of others to determine whether or not we should help. True friends help regardless of the motives, decisions, and consequences.
IV. Know when to step away.
True friends try and try beyond the point of exhaustion. But wise women also know when it's time to step back, remove yourself from a situation (or even a relationship), and leave things in God's hands.
You are not responsible for saving her family. You are only responsible to do the things God has called you to do for her and her family. Sometimes, we need to get out of God's way. Sometimes, He isn't able to do the work He needs to in a person's heart until they are alone with only Him for help.
Are you at risk of being "too busy?" Or do you see it in someone you love?
Related Posts:
When You Want to Help Everyone
When You Don't Agree with Your Husband
For the Overworked and Overwhelmed Woman, part one
For the Overworked and Overwhelmed Woman, part two
I agree with the things in this series......a lot of it has echoed what God has been teaching me.
Once you embrace being more than just a mom, how do you make sure you don't cross over into becoming neglectful of your family? I know moms who are so busy doing good things they love, but their family, no their husbands, suffer. He's the one who ends up being just a dad who works.
Wow, what a great question! To be honest, I'm not sure I'm the best person to answer this question. Remember, I'm an over-committer. But I'll give it a shot.
As a chronic over-committer, I've come to learn a few things about taking on too much. Generally, I can detect the warning signs and slow down before it hits crisis point. Sometimes...not.
Warning Signs:
1. You're a "yes" woman.
Does it pain you to tell someone, "No, I'm sorry. I can't help out with that."??? If you were to measure your response ratio, do the "yes"es outweigh the "no"s? Do you find yourself constantly worrying about letting someone down?
2. You're frozen.
You know that feeling when you have so much to do that you just don't know where to start? So you do nothing (except maybe mindlessly surf Facebook)? Yeah, that usually means you've got too much on your plate.
3. You're crabby.
Sometimes crabby just means overtired or PMS. But sometimes it can mean too busy. If crabby happens and you catch yourself saying, "I'm never going to get all this done!" it's the second reason.
4. You're told.
Has someone from your inner circle recently told you that you're too busy? Has someone you loved complained that you're too busy? Has your husband been inexplicably grumpy with you, especially when you're leaving the house?
An Ounce of Prevention:
A. Learn to be a "no" woman.
Your default response should be "no." Or at the very least, "Let me take some time to think and pray about it."
Remember that you are not responsible for meeting everyone's needs - you are responsible for meeting your family's needs and for obeying God. And if you agree to do everything, you may actually be stealing someone else's blessing. That's right, because by taking on things you're not called to you are essentially stepping into a calling that belongs to someone else. Stealing from them the blessing of serving.
B. Submit to your husband.
Ouch! That one pinches a bit, doesn't it? God gave your husband the overwhelming responsibility of leading your family. God asked you to be his helper. If your man needs more help, asks for more help, or shows signs that he's feeling overloaded - that's your #1 calling.
I try not to agree to taking on new things without talking to Pat first. (If I'm honest, sometimes I say yes and ask later. But when I do so, I try to start out with an apology for not talking to him first.) If your husband is a part of the decision-making, he's more likely to feel supportive of the things you're taking on.
C. Be in tune with the Spirit.
This is the ultimate way of assuring that you don't take on too much. Being in tune with the Spirit works two ways.
First, the Holy Spirit guides our paths (Proverbs 3:6) and tells us whether to turn to the right or the left (Isaiah 30:21). That way, we sense Him leading us toward a "yes" for certain things.
Second, the Holy Spirit gives us strength (Philippians 4:13), so that when it might seem we have a lot going on - as long as they are things ordained by Him - He can keep us moving forward.
A Pound of Cure:
Though you didn't ask this question, I'm sure you were thinking it (I know I would be)...
What should I do or say if I see a friend who has become too busy and is neglecting her family?
I. Pray.
I know it "feels" like doing nothing, but prayer is the absolute most important thing you can ever do for anyone.
II. Speak the truth in love.
If the right opportunity arises, and if your friendship is such that you can do so without causing permanent damage, and if you have a definite sense that God is nudging you to do so - speak the truth in love.
Love, grace, and understanding must permeate the whole conversation, or your words will fall on deaf ears and a hard heart.
III. Help.
Sure, her busy-ness is of her own making, as are the consequences. But true friends don't judge the motives of others to determine whether or not we should help. True friends help regardless of the motives, decisions, and consequences.
IV. Know when to step away.
True friends try and try beyond the point of exhaustion. But wise women also know when it's time to step back, remove yourself from a situation (or even a relationship), and leave things in God's hands.
You are not responsible for saving her family. You are only responsible to do the things God has called you to do for her and her family. Sometimes, we need to get out of God's way. Sometimes, He isn't able to do the work He needs to in a person's heart until they are alone with only Him for help.
Are you at risk of being "too busy?" Or do you see it in someone you love?
Related Posts:
When You Want to Help Everyone
When You Don't Agree with Your Husband
For the Overworked and Overwhelmed Woman, part one
For the Overworked and Overwhelmed Woman, part two
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Just a Mom - Q & A, installment 1
Let me take a moment to re-introduce myself.
Hi, I'm Tyler. I'm a chronic over-committer.
You see, my girls are getting ready to go to camp. I'm getting ready for a family vacation. I've got shopping and packing to do, articles to write, errands to run, and kids to keep alive. So it's kinda not a good week for my first venture into vlogging.
I know, excuses, excuses. You should actually thank me, though. It's a really bad (read: gross, greasy, unshowered) hair day today. You didn't want to see that on video.
I will, however, answer some questions for you.
The first question I’ll answer in my Just a Mom series was left by Jen (aka Daddy’s Girl):
I have enjoyed reading this series Tyler, but I guess at this point in life, I am super hungry for how your advice ties into Scripture…
Thanks for asking, Jen!
I try to be cautious in my writing, that I’m not saying anything that is not backed up in Scripture. But I don’t always include those Scripture references in my blog posts.
There are a few reasons for this:
- Sometimes inserting a Biblical reference just won’t fit with the tone and style of the writing.
- Sometimes it’s a word count issue.
- If I’m totally honest, there are times I’m either too rushed or too lazy. (Just keepin' it real, people.)
- But most often it’s because I hope that you will be intrigued and pull out your Bible to see if it backs up what I’m saying.
I want to encourage you to continually check what you hear against the Word of God. Never, ever take anything any teacher tells you at face value! (Not even what I say.) If you want your relationship with God to be personal, you need to ask Him to speak to you personally by giving revelation from His Word.
First, I’ll share with you the particular passage that inspired this whole series. Then, I’ll give you a list of passages to look up on your own.
My favourite verse, the one that has motivated me to serve God beyond my role as a mother, is a clear, Biblical command to women:
Titus 2:3-5 (NLT) says, “Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”
While there are some clear directions to us women about how we should live our lives, I don't believe that is the intended focus of this passage. Rather, the key point is the fact that the older women are supposed to train the younger women.
As a young mother, I was tempted to brush off this passage as “not applicable” to me. I was the younger woman. (Heck, I’m still pretty young! Right?) Maybe you’re like me, thinking that this passage doesn’t apply. However, there is always a woman younger than you. She could be physically younger, spiritually younger, or in a younger stage of family-raising.
In other words, you are the older woman!
Your job, as the older woman, is to pass along the things that you learn. And not just the things about raising kids, keeping the house, and being a good wife. It says “teach what is good, to live wisely, to be pure, to do good.”
When I look up the word “good” in Strong’s concordance, I see that the Greek word is agathos. Agathos means: of good constitution or nature; useful, salutary; good, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy; excellent, distinguished; upright, honorable.
This same word – agathos – is paired with the word “do” and/or the word “works” throughout the New Testament. Some examples are:
- Matthew 19:16-17
- Galatians 6:10
- Ephesians 2:10
- Colossians 1:10
- 1 Timothy 2:10 and 5:10 (which, incidentally, are verses directed toward women)
- 2 Timothy 2:21 and 3:17
- Titus 3:1
- Hebrews 13:21
- 1 Peter 3:10-11
All that to say… We – women – are commanded to do good works, aka service or ministry, in addition to being keepers of the home, Godly wives, and loving mothers.
Now I’ll give you a few Scripture references to search out on your own. And I’d like to suggest that you look each passage up in a few different translations of the Bible. Some words lose their meaning in translation, but reading them in a different translation may provide you with a greater understanding of their meaning.
1. You were created to serve – Jeremiah 1:5 (NCV).
2. You were saved so that you could serve – 2 Timothy 1:9 (LB)
3. You belong to God, therefore you should serve – Romans 7:4 (TEV)
4. You were gifted by God so that you would contribute your unique gifts in service. Your contribution is vital. – 1 Corinthians 12:4-27 (NIV)
Hi, I'm Tyler. I'm a chronic over-committer.
You see, my girls are getting ready to go to camp. I'm getting ready for a family vacation. I've got shopping and packing to do, articles to write, errands to run, and kids to keep alive. So it's kinda not a good week for my first venture into vlogging.
I know, excuses, excuses. You should actually thank me, though. It's a really bad (read: gross, greasy, unshowered) hair day today. You didn't want to see that on video.
I will, however, answer some questions for you.
The first question I’ll answer in my Just a Mom series was left by Jen (aka Daddy’s Girl):
I have enjoyed reading this series Tyler, but I guess at this point in life, I am super hungry for how your advice ties into Scripture…
Thanks for asking, Jen!
I try to be cautious in my writing, that I’m not saying anything that is not backed up in Scripture. But I don’t always include those Scripture references in my blog posts.
There are a few reasons for this:
- Sometimes inserting a Biblical reference just won’t fit with the tone and style of the writing.
- Sometimes it’s a word count issue.
- If I’m totally honest, there are times I’m either too rushed or too lazy. (Just keepin' it real, people.)
- But most often it’s because I hope that you will be intrigued and pull out your Bible to see if it backs up what I’m saying.
I want to encourage you to continually check what you hear against the Word of God. Never, ever take anything any teacher tells you at face value! (Not even what I say.) If you want your relationship with God to be personal, you need to ask Him to speak to you personally by giving revelation from His Word.
First, I’ll share with you the particular passage that inspired this whole series. Then, I’ll give you a list of passages to look up on your own.
My favourite verse, the one that has motivated me to serve God beyond my role as a mother, is a clear, Biblical command to women:
Titus 2:3-5 (NLT) says, “Similarly, teach the older women to live in a way that honors God. They must not slander others or be heavy drinkers. Instead, they should teach others what is good. These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children, to live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands. Then they will not bring shame on the word of God.”
While there are some clear directions to us women about how we should live our lives, I don't believe that is the intended focus of this passage. Rather, the key point is the fact that the older women are supposed to train the younger women.
As a young mother, I was tempted to brush off this passage as “not applicable” to me. I was the younger woman. (Heck, I’m still pretty young! Right?) Maybe you’re like me, thinking that this passage doesn’t apply. However, there is always a woman younger than you. She could be physically younger, spiritually younger, or in a younger stage of family-raising.
In other words, you are the older woman!
Your job, as the older woman, is to pass along the things that you learn. And not just the things about raising kids, keeping the house, and being a good wife. It says “teach what is good, to live wisely, to be pure, to do good.”
When I look up the word “good” in Strong’s concordance, I see that the Greek word is agathos. Agathos means: of good constitution or nature; useful, salutary; good, pleasant, agreeable, joyful, happy; excellent, distinguished; upright, honorable.
This same word – agathos – is paired with the word “do” and/or the word “works” throughout the New Testament. Some examples are:
- Matthew 19:16-17
- Galatians 6:10
- Ephesians 2:10
- Colossians 1:10
- 1 Timothy 2:10 and 5:10 (which, incidentally, are verses directed toward women)
- 2 Timothy 2:21 and 3:17
- Titus 3:1
- Hebrews 13:21
- 1 Peter 3:10-11
All that to say… We – women – are commanded to do good works, aka service or ministry, in addition to being keepers of the home, Godly wives, and loving mothers.
Now I’ll give you a few Scripture references to search out on your own. And I’d like to suggest that you look each passage up in a few different translations of the Bible. Some words lose their meaning in translation, but reading them in a different translation may provide you with a greater understanding of their meaning.
1. You were created to serve – Jeremiah 1:5 (NCV).
2. You were saved so that you could serve – 2 Timothy 1:9 (LB)
3. You belong to God, therefore you should serve – Romans 7:4 (TEV)
4. You were gifted by God so that you would contribute your unique gifts in service. Your contribution is vital. – 1 Corinthians 12:4-27 (NIV)
Friday, July 29, 2011
Just a Mom, part six - Q & A
A curious thing has happened this week, as each post for this series went up... My stats counter tells me that you're reading the posts; in fact, that more people than usual are reading. Yet the comments are barren.
What does that mean?! Do you disagree with me, but don't want to tell me? (Of course, my mind goes straight to the negative! lol)
Really, though, I want to know... Has this series raised any questions? Anything I can help with? Anything you'd like me to clarify? A specific situation you'd like some suggestions for? A point you'd like to raise for some healthydebate discussion?
Today, I need your comments. Without them, I'll be left with nothing to post next week. Then I'll have to think. And that can be a dangerous thing over summer vacation. So help a sister out!
Fill up these comments with your Qs so I can A them (via video) next week!
Part one - it's okay to want more
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Part five - finding your calling
What does that mean?! Do you disagree with me, but don't want to tell me? (Of course, my mind goes straight to the negative! lol)
Really, though, I want to know... Has this series raised any questions? Anything I can help with? Anything you'd like me to clarify? A specific situation you'd like some suggestions for? A point you'd like to raise for some healthy
Today, I need your comments. Without them, I'll be left with nothing to post next week. Then I'll have to think. And that can be a dangerous thing over summer vacation. So help a sister out!
Fill up these comments with your Qs so I can A them (via video) next week!
Part one - it's okay to want more
Part two - 5 key principles for getting started
Part three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Part four - it's not about you
Part five - finding your calling
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Just a Mom, part four - It's Not About You
Part One - it's okay to want more
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Part Three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Today - it's not about you
Tomorrow - finding your calling
That feeling of wanting more than being just a mom was put in you by the One who created you. But He didn't place that longing inside your spirit for you; He put it there for Him.
You were created to serve God with your life. Each and every one of us was. Yes, everyone. Not just the Christians.
If you're not a Christ-follower, just consider this for a moment... Have you ever asked yourself what the purpose of life is? Have you ever wondered why you're here? Have you ever felt like there's more to it? Like something is missing? Just a little fyi, sweet friends, that empty hole was left in you by the God who created you, and it will only ever feel full and complete and satisfied once you know Him and serve Him.
If you are a Jesus girl, but you still feel that achy emptiness, might I suggest that you've only got one piece of the satisfaction formula? Fulfillment comes from both knowing Him and serving Him.
We are healed to help others. We are blessed to be a blessing. We are saved to serve. (Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?, pp. 229)
Warren describes two different ways of serving God, and says that each of us has both: a ministry and a mission.
Your ministry is simply serving others. Ministry is asking, "Whose needs can I meet?" and then meeting them.
Your mission is your specific, unique, God-given way of serving. Your mission is the combination of your skills, abilities, gifts, talents and personality with the people group that you have a love and a passion for.
For example, when I "do ministry" it may look like: delivering a meal to a new mom, offering to watch a friend's little ones, joining the women's ministry team in our church, signing up for a Sunday of helping in Sunday school, turning my husband's socks right-side-out when I do laundry (I assure you, that is ministry).
When I think of my mission - the specific thing God created me to do - I see women. A sea of beautiful faces, looking for hope and encouragement, desperate to experience the reality of Jesus in their everyday lives.
Too often, we make excuses to avoid being stretched. We don't want to be too busy (and most of us already feel too busy in filling our roles at home), to deal with the challenges of childcare, to try something new and fail... So we say things like, "I'll start serving at the church when my children are a bit older," or "I would have like to help that person out, but I just can't afford it right now," or "For this season, I need to put all my focus on my children."
Here's what God's Word says on the matter:
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of making excuses.
What's holding you back from serving God?
Head's up! On Friday, I'm going to be asking for your questions. What haven't I addressed in this series? Is there something you want me to elaborate on? Are you looking for more practical tips? Fill up my comments with your questions! I aim to answer them next week via video.
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Part Three - practical tips for getting out of the slump
Today - it's not about you
Tomorrow - finding your calling
That feeling of wanting more than being just a mom was put in you by the One who created you. But He didn't place that longing inside your spirit for you; He put it there for Him.
You were created to serve God with your life. Each and every one of us was. Yes, everyone. Not just the Christians.
If you're not a Christ-follower, just consider this for a moment... Have you ever asked yourself what the purpose of life is? Have you ever wondered why you're here? Have you ever felt like there's more to it? Like something is missing? Just a little fyi, sweet friends, that empty hole was left in you by the God who created you, and it will only ever feel full and complete and satisfied once you know Him and serve Him.
If you are a Jesus girl, but you still feel that achy emptiness, might I suggest that you've only got one piece of the satisfaction formula? Fulfillment comes from both knowing Him and serving Him.
We are healed to help others. We are blessed to be a blessing. We are saved to serve. (Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life: What on Earth am I Here For?, pp. 229)
Warren describes two different ways of serving God, and says that each of us has both: a ministry and a mission.
Your ministry is simply serving others. Ministry is asking, "Whose needs can I meet?" and then meeting them.
Your mission is your specific, unique, God-given way of serving. Your mission is the combination of your skills, abilities, gifts, talents and personality with the people group that you have a love and a passion for.
For example, when I "do ministry" it may look like: delivering a meal to a new mom, offering to watch a friend's little ones, joining the women's ministry team in our church, signing up for a Sunday of helping in Sunday school, turning my husband's socks right-side-out when I do laundry (I assure you, that is ministry).
When I think of my mission - the specific thing God created me to do - I see women. A sea of beautiful faces, looking for hope and encouragement, desperate to experience the reality of Jesus in their everyday lives.
Too often, we make excuses to avoid being stretched. We don't want to be too busy (and most of us already feel too busy in filling our roles at home), to deal with the challenges of childcare, to try something new and fail... So we say things like, "I'll start serving at the church when my children are a bit older," or "I would have like to help that person out, but I just can't afford it right now," or "For this season, I need to put all my focus on my children."
Here's what God's Word says on the matter:
Now you belong to Him...in order that we might be useful in the service of God.
Romans 7:4 (TEV)
Because of God's great mercy...Offer yourselves as a living sacrifice to God, dedicated to His service.
Romans 12:1 (TEV)
Your attitude must be like my own, for I, the Messiah, did not come to be served, but to serve and to give My life.
Matthew 20:28 (LB)
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)
I don't know about you, but I'm tired of making excuses.
What's holding you back from serving God?
Head's up! On Friday, I'm going to be asking for your questions. What haven't I addressed in this series? Is there something you want me to elaborate on? Are you looking for more practical tips? Fill up my comments with your questions! I aim to answer them next week via video.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Just a Mom, part three - Practical Tips for Getting Out of the Slump
Part One - it's okay to want more
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Us moms are not often known for our busy social lives. In fact, once we have children, many of us abandon all attempts at a social life. It feels too impossible to get out for the necessities (like grocery shopping), let alone for our own pleasure.
Those of us who get all cooped up, though, discover a few truths. First, being a socially isolated mom is lonely. Second, being a socially isolated mom is hard on our husbands. Third, we were made for community; there is something within us that craves fellowship.
If you are weary of feeling like "just a mom" and desperate to get out and get connected, here are a few things you can try that will help you get out and about:
1. Make friends with other moms.
Nothing is more enjoyable and chaotic than a visit over coffee and the cacophony of children playing together. So next time you spend even a few minutes chatting with another mom and you think to yourself, "I think I like her," just invite her over.
And please, do yourself (and her) a favor by not cleaning your house before she comes over. She will be more comfortable if you're real from the get-go. Why waste time pretending? Just be the real you in your real house with your real children.
2. Help out your mom friends.
Hear a friend mention she's got a doctor's appointment later in the week? Offer to babysit for her! (I know, you're wondering, "How in the world can I add two more children to my day?! I can barely survive with this one!") Here's the deal, though. In order to have good girlfriends, you need to be a good girlfriend. A few busy hours could result in both a lifelong friendship and a girlfriend who offers to watch your kids.
3. Hire a sitter.
I know how tight finances can be after a new baby arrives. And I know it's not easy to leave your precious little one in the hands of a teenager. But you need to do this! Here's why:
- If you take your time with a new sitter, teaching her how you want things done and letting her get to know your child(ren), you will have someone you know and trust to babysit.
- If you never take time away from your little ones, they will object (painfully, dramatically, and loudly) at the age of two and a half when you try to leave.
- If you and your hubby don't leave the house for dates every now and then, he will begin to feel like he's playing second fiddle to the kids.
If there are no creative ways for you to set aside funds for a sitter, go back to #2 and try doing a childcare swap with a friend.
4. Boss your feelings around.
Sometimes, us moms feel guilty for enjoying time away from our kids. We see other mommies who can't bear to be apart from their progeny, and we think perhaps something is wrong with us for not missing them. Can I tell you something about those mommies? They are either: 1. lying, or 2. unhealthily attached.
It is not healthy for mother or child to never experience periods of separation. It can be damaging to your marriage and it totally ties your identity to your child(ren). But that is not who you are! Who you are is:
- a child of God
- a daughter of the King
- a princess and heir in the most royal of families
- a woman with a calling (only part of which is being a mother)
- a woman with needs, dreams, and desires
- a women created by God to have needs, dreams, and desires
So if you feel guilty for leaving the kids, tell your guilt to take a hike. If you feel guilty for wanting and enjoying time away from the kids, give your guilt the boot. The enemy is called the accuser for a reason - he twists everything into an accusation, hoping to cause feelings of guilt, and expecting us to let those feelings dictate our actions.
But you've got victory on your side! Resist the devil (and his accusations) and he will flee!
It is okay for you to want more. In fact, God designed you to want more. He created you in His own image; He created you for fellowship and companionship and relationship. Yes, He created you to mother children, too. But not at the exclusion of all else.
There's one more facet to address in this series - ministry (or service) as a mom. We'll tackle that one tomorrow.
So hey, do you struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time away from the kids? How do you deal with it?
Part Two - 5 key principles to getting started
Us moms are not often known for our busy social lives. In fact, once we have children, many of us abandon all attempts at a social life. It feels too impossible to get out for the necessities (like grocery shopping), let alone for our own pleasure.
Those of us who get all cooped up, though, discover a few truths. First, being a socially isolated mom is lonely. Second, being a socially isolated mom is hard on our husbands. Third, we were made for community; there is something within us that craves fellowship.
If you are weary of feeling like "just a mom" and desperate to get out and get connected, here are a few things you can try that will help you get out and about:
1. Make friends with other moms.
Nothing is more enjoyable and chaotic than a visit over coffee and the cacophony of children playing together. So next time you spend even a few minutes chatting with another mom and you think to yourself, "I think I like her," just invite her over.
And please, do yourself (and her) a favor by not cleaning your house before she comes over. She will be more comfortable if you're real from the get-go. Why waste time pretending? Just be the real you in your real house with your real children.
2. Help out your mom friends.
Hear a friend mention she's got a doctor's appointment later in the week? Offer to babysit for her! (I know, you're wondering, "How in the world can I add two more children to my day?! I can barely survive with this one!") Here's the deal, though. In order to have good girlfriends, you need to be a good girlfriend. A few busy hours could result in both a lifelong friendship and a girlfriend who offers to watch your kids.
3. Hire a sitter.
I know how tight finances can be after a new baby arrives. And I know it's not easy to leave your precious little one in the hands of a teenager. But you need to do this! Here's why:
- If you take your time with a new sitter, teaching her how you want things done and letting her get to know your child(ren), you will have someone you know and trust to babysit.
- If you never take time away from your little ones, they will object (painfully, dramatically, and loudly) at the age of two and a half when you try to leave.
- If you and your hubby don't leave the house for dates every now and then, he will begin to feel like he's playing second fiddle to the kids.
If there are no creative ways for you to set aside funds for a sitter, go back to #2 and try doing a childcare swap with a friend.
4. Boss your feelings around.
Sometimes, us moms feel guilty for enjoying time away from our kids. We see other mommies who can't bear to be apart from their progeny, and we think perhaps something is wrong with us for not missing them. Can I tell you something about those mommies? They are either: 1. lying, or 2. unhealthily attached.
It is not healthy for mother or child to never experience periods of separation. It can be damaging to your marriage and it totally ties your identity to your child(ren). But that is not who you are! Who you are is:
- a child of God
- a daughter of the King
- a princess and heir in the most royal of families
- a woman with a calling (only part of which is being a mother)
- a woman with needs, dreams, and desires
- a women created by God to have needs, dreams, and desires
So if you feel guilty for leaving the kids, tell your guilt to take a hike. If you feel guilty for wanting and enjoying time away from the kids, give your guilt the boot. The enemy is called the accuser for a reason - he twists everything into an accusation, hoping to cause feelings of guilt, and expecting us to let those feelings dictate our actions.
But you've got victory on your side! Resist the devil (and his accusations) and he will flee!
It is okay for you to want more. In fact, God designed you to want more. He created you in His own image; He created you for fellowship and companionship and relationship. Yes, He created you to mother children, too. But not at the exclusion of all else.
There's one more facet to address in this series - ministry (or service) as a mom. We'll tackle that one tomorrow.
So hey, do you struggle with feelings of guilt when it comes to taking time away from the kids? How do you deal with it?
Monday, July 25, 2011
Just a Mom, part two - 5 Key Principles to Getting Started
Last week I shared some thoughts on why it's good for us to strive for more than being "just a mom" (part one - it's okay to want more).
Today, I'll offer some principles that will help turn our desire into a reality. Tomorrow, I'll pull out some practical tips on making it happen.
1. Make a list.
Are you surprised that my first suggestion involves list making? Really, though, the list is the most important step.
List all the things you wish you could do but don't have the time for. List all the things you used to do but felt you had to give up. List your personal hobbies, interests, dreams, and goals. Write it all down!
Once your list is written, begin sorting the items on the list according to a few categories: no longer important to me, something for later (whether a different phase in your life or your kids' lives), and important for today. If your 'important for today' list is fairly long, you'll need to rank the items by priority.
On my list of things I'd like to start doing today: writing, building friendships, regular dates with my husband, being involved in my church. For lots of women fitness makes it way onto the list, or a crafty hobby like scrapbooking, or volunteering at the kids' school.
2. Start small.
For most of us, going on a diet doesn't work if we attempt to revamp our entire lives in one day. It's the gradual, consistent implementation of changes that convert our lifestyles and our waistlines. The same is true of finding time for ourselves apart from our children. Slow and gradual just works better.
Choose one item from your list that you'd like to fit into your life and only focus on that item.
When we first moved (nearly two years ago now), building friendships ranked number one. Little by little, I saw that beginning to happen. So then I bumped writing to the top. I'm still working on building friendships, but have reassigned some of my attention to writing.
3. Search for windows.
Windows of time, I mean. In every mom's day, there are little chunks of time that are not filled with motherly duties. Others refer to these as pockets of time or margins. Whatever you call them - they're there. Your job is to identify them.
Not only do you need to find those windows, you need to figure out what's filling them right now. Then decide which matters more to you - the thing you're currently doing that uses up your chunks of time, or the thing you wish you were doing.
Building friendships - I decided that this was something I could incorporate into daily living. I didn't need to set aside a special time or make crazy childcare arrangements. I could invite a new friend and her kids over virtually any day. It just meant that sometimes I had to plan ahead as far as housework. Just because it was cleaning day didn't mean I couldn't have coffee, it simply meant I needed to clean around the coffee date - either before, after, or on a different day that week.
4. Schedule.
If it's important to you, schedule it in. Most moms these days have a day planner or a smart phone or something to keep track of appointments on. Use that same tool for allowing yourself time to add that one thing.
If it's in the calendar, it feels less like wasting time or stealing time (from the ever-present housekeeping needs) and more like time well-spent. Scheduling things, even fun things like singing lessons - if that made the top of your list - makes it feel more intentional and less frivolous. It's a mind-set thing.
Writing - I realized that I spent a lot of time on Facebook and reading blogs. Hours spent entertaining myself that could be spent crafting words. So I gave myself a rule - no reading until after the writing. The first thing I do in the mornings (following my quiet time) is write my blog post. Then I reward myself with a quick skim of FB status updates. After lunch, I try to do a bit more writing-related stuff, then I get to read up on other people's blogs.
5. Don't live by the schedule.
Yes, I did just contradict myself. The thing is, you can't be so married to your schedule that you become inflexible. It's okay to skip a day of knitting - if that's what made your list - in order to babysit a friend's child. Life happens, children get sick, emergencies come up, time gets away from us... The best way to handle life's interruptions is to be flexible.
For example, read Friday's blog post. I was busy packing for a two events - a boy's week at camp and a wedding that our whole family was attending. I realized that writing this post simply could not fit into my morning without me turning into a stressed-out shrew.
So go ahead. Make your list. What's stopping you?
What activity (or activities) make top priority on your list for today?
Today, I'll offer some principles that will help turn our desire into a reality. Tomorrow, I'll pull out some practical tips on making it happen.
1. Make a list.
Are you surprised that my first suggestion involves list making? Really, though, the list is the most important step.
List all the things you wish you could do but don't have the time for. List all the things you used to do but felt you had to give up. List your personal hobbies, interests, dreams, and goals. Write it all down!
Once your list is written, begin sorting the items on the list according to a few categories: no longer important to me, something for later (whether a different phase in your life or your kids' lives), and important for today. If your 'important for today' list is fairly long, you'll need to rank the items by priority.
On my list of things I'd like to start doing today: writing, building friendships, regular dates with my husband, being involved in my church. For lots of women fitness makes it way onto the list, or a crafty hobby like scrapbooking, or volunteering at the kids' school.
2. Start small.
For most of us, going on a diet doesn't work if we attempt to revamp our entire lives in one day. It's the gradual, consistent implementation of changes that convert our lifestyles and our waistlines. The same is true of finding time for ourselves apart from our children. Slow and gradual just works better.
Choose one item from your list that you'd like to fit into your life and only focus on that item.
When we first moved (nearly two years ago now), building friendships ranked number one. Little by little, I saw that beginning to happen. So then I bumped writing to the top. I'm still working on building friendships, but have reassigned some of my attention to writing.
3. Search for windows.
Windows of time, I mean. In every mom's day, there are little chunks of time that are not filled with motherly duties. Others refer to these as pockets of time or margins. Whatever you call them - they're there. Your job is to identify them.
Not only do you need to find those windows, you need to figure out what's filling them right now. Then decide which matters more to you - the thing you're currently doing that uses up your chunks of time, or the thing you wish you were doing.
Building friendships - I decided that this was something I could incorporate into daily living. I didn't need to set aside a special time or make crazy childcare arrangements. I could invite a new friend and her kids over virtually any day. It just meant that sometimes I had to plan ahead as far as housework. Just because it was cleaning day didn't mean I couldn't have coffee, it simply meant I needed to clean around the coffee date - either before, after, or on a different day that week.
4. Schedule.
If it's important to you, schedule it in. Most moms these days have a day planner or a smart phone or something to keep track of appointments on. Use that same tool for allowing yourself time to add that one thing.
If it's in the calendar, it feels less like wasting time or stealing time (from the ever-present housekeeping needs) and more like time well-spent. Scheduling things, even fun things like singing lessons - if that made the top of your list - makes it feel more intentional and less frivolous. It's a mind-set thing.
Writing - I realized that I spent a lot of time on Facebook and reading blogs. Hours spent entertaining myself that could be spent crafting words. So I gave myself a rule - no reading until after the writing. The first thing I do in the mornings (following my quiet time) is write my blog post. Then I reward myself with a quick skim of FB status updates. After lunch, I try to do a bit more writing-related stuff, then I get to read up on other people's blogs.
5. Don't live by the schedule.
Yes, I did just contradict myself. The thing is, you can't be so married to your schedule that you become inflexible. It's okay to skip a day of knitting - if that's what made your list - in order to babysit a friend's child. Life happens, children get sick, emergencies come up, time gets away from us... The best way to handle life's interruptions is to be flexible.
For example, read Friday's blog post. I was busy packing for a two events - a boy's week at camp and a wedding that our whole family was attending. I realized that writing this post simply could not fit into my morning without me turning into a stressed-out shrew.
So go ahead. Make your list. What's stopping you?
What activity (or activities) make top priority on your list for today?
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Just a Mom, part one - It's Okay to Want More
A question I often hear, especially from young moms with one or two little (busy) ones, is some variation of "How do you do it all?" What they mean is, "How can you possibly be involved in other things, like ministry or writing or a small group or (fill in the blank) when you've got five kids? I can't imagine being able to do anything else. It's so busy with these little people!"
When I'm asked that, my heart fills with a mixture of compassion and excitement. Compassion... because the long, lonely, overwhelming days of being a new mom are never far from my memory. Excitement... because I love watching the thrill overtaking the face of a new mom who discovers she is not (and was not meant to be) just a mom.
I realize that what I just said may ruffle some feathers, but before anyone gets too worked up let me add this... I do believe that motherhood is one of the most important, profound, blessed callings. I also believe that many of us have a tendency to fill our lives with other stuff and neglect the importance of interactive, intentional parenting. What I'm saying is not to oppose the importance of mothering, but to enhance it.
For many of us, those first years of motherhood are a time of isolation and loss. We begin to question... Who am I? What is my purpose in life? Will the rest of my days be marked by an endless cycle of changing diapers and sweeping floors? In my experience, even a woman who's always dreamed of becoming a mother experiences some level of identity crisis when her child(ren) are young.
So when a mom of young children asks me how I do it, I try to encourage her with these five thoughts:
1. It is less a matter of how I do these other things than how I could survive without them.
There's is nothing more refreshing to an overwhelmed mom than hearing someone honestly say to them, "It's okay to want more. Don't feel guilty. I want more, too."
2. Grandma always said, "Don't put all your eggs in one basket!"
In twenty or so years, these children of mine won't need me (at least not the way they do right now), and if they are my everything, I will eventually be left with nothing.
3. Doing things other than being a mom helps me be a better mother.
Spending a couple hours in a committee meeting with six other women as we plan our church's women's retreat, for example, fills me up. I feel energized and rejuvenated, both by the fellowship and the sense of purpose. So when I come home to my family, my joy spills over into how I interact with them.
4. Being a mom doesn't mean I can't or shouldn't serve in my church and my community.
In His Word, God calls us to show a special love to fellow believers and to take care of widows and orphans. Nowhere does it add, "unless you're busy being a mother." Having small children changes how we do ministry, but it does not make it impossible.
5. Being involved in other things is a beautiful example to my children.
It is good for my children to see me serving God and others. Seeing that the world doesn't revolve around them helps to tame their selfish nature. Sacrificing a small amount of time with mom teaches them that it's better to give than to receive. Observing my passion in ministry inspires them to ask God how He's calling them to serve.
Ultimately, we all make time for things that matter to us. We find time to go on Facebook, read blogs, and watch our favorite TV shows. We shuffle our schedules in order to get to the gym, create scrapbooks, or even attend appointments. It's not impossible or insurmountable to get out of the house and get involved in something. But it does require making a choice, making a plan, and being a little creative.
Tomorrow, I hope to share a few creative ways to get out of the house and allow yourself to be more than just a mom.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Getting Over Myself
I was feeling a bit sorry for myself yesterday.
You see, my ideal Mother's Day involves a big, fancy breakfast, maybe a bouquet of spring flowers, children working hard to get along all day, others cleaning my house for me, and either family time or Mommy time.
My Mother's Day reality looked a little more like this:
- The children wake me at 6:30 with their bickering over what to watch on TV.
- My hard-working husband stumbles, bleary-eyed into the house at 7am after a night shift.
- Everyone says the obligatory "Happy Mother's Day."
- Pat tries to get everyone to list the things they love about me; they ignore him.
- Sleepy man heads to bed. Mommy gets kids ready for church.
- Half an hour before we need to leave, two children engage in an all-out blow-out, screaming "I hate you"s at one another and going to their rooms until we left.
- Church. Home. Make lunch. Kids fight. Kids are disciplined. Repeat...
Granted, I did get a nice, little nap on the couch. And when Pat woke up he took the kids and dog to the playground to let me continue my nap in peace.
I know I don't have it all that bad. I wasn't ignored on Mother's Day. I wasn't treated badly. I wasn't alone. But when reality doesn't quite line up with fantasy, disappointment still comes.
Once the kiddos were in bed and my man was back at work, I decided to release my pent-up tears by watching a good chick flick. The thing is, as I tried to let them flow, the tears tasted bitter. Selfish. Self-centred. Ridiculous.
So I hung out on Facebook instead. As I read through status updates, I noticed a couple friends in my list who probably hadn't had a very good Mother's Day either. They're single Moms, working hard to fill the roles of two parents each day. Few have actual, practical support. Some don't even receive financial support. And I can't imagine how lonely these kinds of days must feel to them.
I couldn't let the day go by without each one of them feeling a small bit of appreciation and recognition for the work they do, tirelessly, day in and day out, on their own.
As I poured through my list of friends, praying that not one would be overlooked, I discovered that out of more than 300 people (probably 200 or so women), thirteen of them are single Moms. Nearly 7% of the women I know on Facebook are raising their kids alone.
My little pity party ended with a healthy dose of shame at my attitude. And as I worked through that list of thirteen, jotting words of love and encouragement on their walls, I forgot all about my ideal Mother's Day. I have my Mother's Day dream all year round.
Do you sometimes feel sorry for yourself when you know it's not really justified?
What do you do to get over it?
Is there someone in your life that could use an encouraging word today?
Related: Why be you, when you can be me?
You see, my ideal Mother's Day involves a big, fancy breakfast, maybe a bouquet of spring flowers, children working hard to get along all day, others cleaning my house for me, and either family time or Mommy time.
My Mother's Day reality looked a little more like this:
- The children wake me at 6:30 with their bickering over what to watch on TV.
- My hard-working husband stumbles, bleary-eyed into the house at 7am after a night shift.
- Everyone says the obligatory "Happy Mother's Day."
- Pat tries to get everyone to list the things they love about me; they ignore him.
- Sleepy man heads to bed. Mommy gets kids ready for church.
- Half an hour before we need to leave, two children engage in an all-out blow-out, screaming "I hate you"s at one another and going to their rooms until we left.
- Church. Home. Make lunch. Kids fight. Kids are disciplined. Repeat...
Granted, I did get a nice, little nap on the couch. And when Pat woke up he took the kids and dog to the playground to let me continue my nap in peace.
I know I don't have it all that bad. I wasn't ignored on Mother's Day. I wasn't treated badly. I wasn't alone. But when reality doesn't quite line up with fantasy, disappointment still comes.
Once the kiddos were in bed and my man was back at work, I decided to release my pent-up tears by watching a good chick flick. The thing is, as I tried to let them flow, the tears tasted bitter. Selfish. Self-centred. Ridiculous.
So I hung out on Facebook instead. As I read through status updates, I noticed a couple friends in my list who probably hadn't had a very good Mother's Day either. They're single Moms, working hard to fill the roles of two parents each day. Few have actual, practical support. Some don't even receive financial support. And I can't imagine how lonely these kinds of days must feel to them.
I couldn't let the day go by without each one of them feeling a small bit of appreciation and recognition for the work they do, tirelessly, day in and day out, on their own.
As I poured through my list of friends, praying that not one would be overlooked, I discovered that out of more than 300 people (probably 200 or so women), thirteen of them are single Moms. Nearly 7% of the women I know on Facebook are raising their kids alone.
My little pity party ended with a healthy dose of shame at my attitude. And as I worked through that list of thirteen, jotting words of love and encouragement on their walls, I forgot all about my ideal Mother's Day. I have my Mother's Day dream all year round.
Do you sometimes feel sorry for yourself when you know it's not really justified?
What do you do to get over it?
Is there someone in your life that could use an encouraging word today?
Related: Why be you, when you can be me?
Monday, April 4, 2011
Why be you, when you can be me?
Some moms cry when they drop their babies off at Kindergarten. They mourn the "lasts" in life: the last baby, the last snuggles, the last one in a crib... I've never been particularly sentimental about the whole growing up process. I have to resist the urge to throw a party over the last diaper change, the last time we need to haul a stroller, the first day of school, or the first bus ride.
I used to think there was something wrong with me.
I'm a cryer when it comes to other strong emotions, though. If my man and I disagree, even in the most gentle of ways, he's almost always guaranteed a waterworks show. I think, when it comes to wives, I tend to fall into the category of "high maintenance."
I really used to think there was something wrong with me.
The other moms all seemed better than me. The other wives easier. What is wrong with me?! Why do I have to be this way?! Why can't I just be like her???
Did you ever see that commercial with the machine that transformed young girls? As they waited in line for their transformation, a sultry voice would repeat, "Why be you when you can be me?" That supermodel's voice was my life's soundtrack.
But somewhere along the way I learned something... God made me just the way I am for a purpose.
Periodically, I need to remind myself that I am okay just as I am. So I figured that maybe you might need a reminder, too.
----------------------------------------------------
If you're a mom, you may experience feelings of guilt and inadequacy when you see other mothers.
If you're a wife, perhaps you struggle with feeling "less than" and "too much" all at the same time. You feel guilty for not being the wife you think you should be.
If you're a career woman, maybe you look around you and think you need to be different. You compare wardrobe, skills, popularity, and more, and feel as though you fall short.
If you're a Christian woman, add in feelings of not being as good or Godly as other Christian women.
You know what? Those feelings are lies! Your feelings cannot be trusted, for they will deceive you. Instead, trust in God's true Word.
There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing broken in you, and you do not need to be like anyone else.
God created you to be YOU, not anyone else.
Your personality is the perfect personality for you and for those you spend your time with. You have the body shape you do because He designed you to look a certain way. Your skills, gifts, and talents were given by Him to build His kingdom and bless those around you. Your shortcomings and struggles, too.
You are a child of God, and there is no measuring stick for who you are versus who you should be. There is no "right" kind of woman. God calls us to relationship with Him and others, not rules.
My friend, don't allow yourself to get caught in the snare of comparison. You are you, and the woman beside you is her - neither of you is supposed to try to be like the other.
God loves you the way you are. In fact, He intended you be the way you are for a purpose. So, instead of trying to be like her, just be the best you.
I used to think there was something wrong with me.
I'm a cryer when it comes to other strong emotions, though. If my man and I disagree, even in the most gentle of ways, he's almost always guaranteed a waterworks show. I think, when it comes to wives, I tend to fall into the category of "high maintenance."
I really used to think there was something wrong with me.
The other moms all seemed better than me. The other wives easier. What is wrong with me?! Why do I have to be this way?! Why can't I just be like her???
Did you ever see that commercial with the machine that transformed young girls? As they waited in line for their transformation, a sultry voice would repeat, "Why be you when you can be me?" That supermodel's voice was my life's soundtrack.
But somewhere along the way I learned something... God made me just the way I am for a purpose.
Periodically, I need to remind myself that I am okay just as I am. So I figured that maybe you might need a reminder, too.
----------------------------------------------------
If you're a mom, you may experience feelings of guilt and inadequacy when you see other mothers.
If you're a wife, perhaps you struggle with feeling "less than" and "too much" all at the same time. You feel guilty for not being the wife you think you should be.
If you're a career woman, maybe you look around you and think you need to be different. You compare wardrobe, skills, popularity, and more, and feel as though you fall short.
If you're a Christian woman, add in feelings of not being as good or Godly as other Christian women.
You know what? Those feelings are lies! Your feelings cannot be trusted, for they will deceive you. Instead, trust in God's true Word.
Friend, you are exactly the woman you are for a reason.For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.~ Psalm 139:13-16
There is nothing wrong with you, there is nothing broken in you, and you do not need to be like anyone else.
God created you to be YOU, not anyone else.
Your personality is the perfect personality for you and for those you spend your time with. You have the body shape you do because He designed you to look a certain way. Your skills, gifts, and talents were given by Him to build His kingdom and bless those around you. Your shortcomings and struggles, too.
You are a child of God, and there is no measuring stick for who you are versus who you should be. There is no "right" kind of woman. God calls us to relationship with Him and others, not rules.
My friend, don't allow yourself to get caught in the snare of comparison. You are you, and the woman beside you is her - neither of you is supposed to try to be like the other.
God loves you the way you are. In fact, He intended you be the way you are for a purpose. So, instead of trying to be like her, just be the best you.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
I'm Just a Yeller
My kids are home from school while their teachers send a couple days on professional development. I come into these extra long weekends and holiday weeks with a mix of anticipation and trepidation. The thought of tossing routine to the wind brings a smile to my face. I mean, I love routine, but every now and then it's nice to just "hang" without a list of tasks to attend to before bedtime. The potential result of breaking routine with five kids, though, is a day (or four) filled with bickering and boredom.
On this four-day weekend, I have a plan to keep the latter at bay. The plan requires a mom who actually participates in activities with the kids, who enacts swift discipline when things even look like they'll head sideways, and who is not hiding out in the office "working" all day. ("Working" is a general term I use for pretty much any time I'm on the computer, lol.)
That said, I do hope you enjoy this re-post from the archives...
----------------------------
Here's a question I've heard more than once: When and how did you discover that you were angry, and not just doing what Moms have to do - yell at our kids to get them to do anything?
Can I be to-the-gut point-blank honest here? For me as much as for you? Thanks...
The fact of the matter is, we moms do NOT have to yell at our kids to get them to listen to us. While certain circumstances will require a raised voice (safety concerns, a massive brawl of 14 children that needs to be stopped, a generally loud situation), if it seems as though every circumstance is one of those, we need to take that as our first clue that something is amiss. A raised voice should be the exception, not the rule. If we are yelling regularly, we have a problem.
If you were a fly on my wall, you would likely listen in on the odd conversation between Pat and I where one of us is asking, "Why do we have to yell at the kids to get them to listen and obey?" It's one that we revisit more regularly than I'd like. Really, though, we both know the answer... If we need to yell at our kids to make them listen and obey, it is because we have taught them that they don't have to listen or obey until/unless we are yelling.
I assure you, I am the last person who will ever pass judgement on another mother! I know how hopeless it feels, how impossible it looks. I am the queen of yelling and swearing, and I often catch myself thinking, "I am never going to be able to NOT yell!" So as you read my gut-honest words, do not feel condemned. Everyone has their issues...anger happens to be ours.
If you think you may have anger issues but are not totally sure, here are seven questions you can ask yourself:
1. Have I ever told myself or someone else, "I'm a yeller. That's just who I am."?
2. Have I ever had the urge to hurl an object across the room in frustration?
3. Whether or not I speak them, do I think curse words in my head when I'm frustrated?
4. If my child(ren) does thinks like slamming doors and shouting, "I hate you!" am I tempted to respond with those same words and reactions?
5. Do I frequently find myself feeling annoyed with my children's constant interruptions and requests?
6. Do I sometimes react in ways that are disproportionate to the situation? (For example, feeling truly angry about a spilled cup of juice.)
7. Am I a different mother behind closed doors than I am out in public?
There's no magic formula, no points system, but if you found yourself answering "yes" to a few of those questions, it's probably time to get alone with God and ask Him if you have a problem with mommy anger.
And you know that hopeless, impossible thing? For the record, that's a lie. It's a big, fat, ugly lie that Satan wants us to believe so that we don't even try to overcome this struggle. Victory is possible. I believe it with everything in me. If I didn't, I wouldn't be out here on the World Wide Web (and hopefully, eventually in book format) publishing all my shortcomings for the world to see. The only way it's hopeless and impossible is if we try to do it on our own.
Related posts:
Seven Steps to Stop Anger in its Tracks
How to Help an Angry Mom
What to do When You Mess up
Why I'm Writing About my Anger
And if you happen to be a publisher, editor, agent, or friend of someone who is (*wink), check out the book proposal...
On this four-day weekend, I have a plan to keep the latter at bay. The plan requires a mom who actually participates in activities with the kids, who enacts swift discipline when things even look like they'll head sideways, and who is not hiding out in the office "working" all day. ("Working" is a general term I use for pretty much any time I'm on the computer, lol.)
That said, I do hope you enjoy this re-post from the archives...
----------------------------
Here's a question I've heard more than once: When and how did you discover that you were angry, and not just doing what Moms have to do - yell at our kids to get them to do anything?
Can I be to-the-gut point-blank honest here? For me as much as for you? Thanks...
The fact of the matter is, we moms do NOT have to yell at our kids to get them to listen to us. While certain circumstances will require a raised voice (safety concerns, a massive brawl of 14 children that needs to be stopped, a generally loud situation), if it seems as though every circumstance is one of those, we need to take that as our first clue that something is amiss. A raised voice should be the exception, not the rule. If we are yelling regularly, we have a problem.
If you were a fly on my wall, you would likely listen in on the odd conversation between Pat and I where one of us is asking, "Why do we have to yell at the kids to get them to listen and obey?" It's one that we revisit more regularly than I'd like. Really, though, we both know the answer... If we need to yell at our kids to make them listen and obey, it is because we have taught them that they don't have to listen or obey until/unless we are yelling.
I assure you, I am the last person who will ever pass judgement on another mother! I know how hopeless it feels, how impossible it looks. I am the queen of yelling and swearing, and I often catch myself thinking, "I am never going to be able to NOT yell!" So as you read my gut-honest words, do not feel condemned. Everyone has their issues...anger happens to be ours.
If you think you may have anger issues but are not totally sure, here are seven questions you can ask yourself:
1. Have I ever told myself or someone else, "I'm a yeller. That's just who I am."?
2. Have I ever had the urge to hurl an object across the room in frustration?
3. Whether or not I speak them, do I think curse words in my head when I'm frustrated?
4. If my child(ren) does thinks like slamming doors and shouting, "I hate you!" am I tempted to respond with those same words and reactions?
5. Do I frequently find myself feeling annoyed with my children's constant interruptions and requests?
6. Do I sometimes react in ways that are disproportionate to the situation? (For example, feeling truly angry about a spilled cup of juice.)
7. Am I a different mother behind closed doors than I am out in public?
There's no magic formula, no points system, but if you found yourself answering "yes" to a few of those questions, it's probably time to get alone with God and ask Him if you have a problem with mommy anger.
And you know that hopeless, impossible thing? For the record, that's a lie. It's a big, fat, ugly lie that Satan wants us to believe so that we don't even try to overcome this struggle. Victory is possible. I believe it with everything in me. If I didn't, I wouldn't be out here on the World Wide Web (and hopefully, eventually in book format) publishing all my shortcomings for the world to see. The only way it's hopeless and impossible is if we try to do it on our own.
For nothing is impossible with God.
~ Luke 1:37 (NLT)
Related posts:
Seven Steps to Stop Anger in its Tracks
How to Help an Angry Mom
What to do When You Mess up
Why I'm Writing About my Anger
And if you happen to be a publisher, editor, agent, or friend of someone who is (*wink), check out the book proposal...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
How to be Superwoman (or not), part two
I'm still answering a question posed to me last week. If you haven't yet, go ahead and read part one. Then when you hop back here it won't seem as though I'm starting in the middle of a thought.
Step Three: Make time.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
We've all heard it said that people make time for what's important to them. It's true. Writing is important to me, so I tackle it early in the morning before doing much of anything else (besides getting the kids off to school). I won't even start a load of laundry before writing on my blog, because I know that I am far too easily distracted.
I used to give myself "Facebook time" while I ate my lunch, until I realized that I was allowing myself to waste an hour (or more) every day doing nothing! Instead, I now watch BLAST* teaching videos while I eat my lunch. (Just a note, on weekdays I don't eat lunch with the kids. I feed them, and once they're done and into quiet time/nap I sit down for mine.)
Not only do we need to make time for the important stuff and get rid of the time killers, we really need to allow ourselves to become okay with leaving some things undone (whether for today or forever). There are times when my house looks like a sty and I make the kids pull out the "cleanest" jeans from the dirty laundry pile. There are times when my desk looks like a hurricane victim and I will actually choose to throw away some things that could/should be done. I have only been parent helper at school once so far this year, and probably only two or three times last year (whereas some moms - the really good ones who I want to be like when I grow up - are there twice a month). And I have not placed a photo in an album since Megan's birth more than seven years ago. So yeah, I don't do it all! Not at all.
Step Four: Find your own super power.
Each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ~1 Corinthians 7:7b
Do not neglect your gift... ~1 Timothy 4:14a
I just need to say one more thing about how I get done all that I need to... It's all about personality and giftings! I like to be busy, I thrive on a full schedule, and I function best with my hands full. It's a fine balance between really busy and too busy, but I'd like to think I'm self-aware enough that I usually pick up on the signals that I'm doing too much fairly quickly.
The fact is, I'm a deadline girl and I always have been. Homework assignments, exams, pumping gas, waitressing - all were done best when I was under pressure. Recently, as my schedule began to fill up with Heart to Heart stuff and Logos society things, Pat told me he was excited - excited for me to finally be busy because he knew he'd be fed yummier meals in a tidier house, all while I was actually (finally) getting to work on my book.
Maybe it's not even that I thrive on being busy so much as I am too lazy to be allowed to be idle.
If you're not built like me, then you'll never be the kind of non-Superwoman I am. Each of us needs to find our own super powers. If you do best with the slow and steady method, that is your super power. Work with it. Embrace it. And for goodness sake, tell me how you always seem to be so calm, cool, and collected!
Lynne, Bobbie, does this answer your question? I know I didn't include a daily schedule for you Bobbie, but I'm hoping this gives a pretty clear picture. Does it? Thanks for asking! (I can feel my brain beginning to click again.)
* If you are pursuing a ministry in speaking and writing, and BLAST catches your interest - definitely DO IT! The learning has been invaluable. And if you register, make sure you let Shannon (Ethridge) know I sent you, and she'll give me a bit of a discount on my tuition. ;)
Step Three: Make time.
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. ~Ecclesiastes 3:1
We've all heard it said that people make time for what's important to them. It's true. Writing is important to me, so I tackle it early in the morning before doing much of anything else (besides getting the kids off to school). I won't even start a load of laundry before writing on my blog, because I know that I am far too easily distracted.
I used to give myself "Facebook time" while I ate my lunch, until I realized that I was allowing myself to waste an hour (or more) every day doing nothing! Instead, I now watch BLAST* teaching videos while I eat my lunch. (Just a note, on weekdays I don't eat lunch with the kids. I feed them, and once they're done and into quiet time/nap I sit down for mine.)
Not only do we need to make time for the important stuff and get rid of the time killers, we really need to allow ourselves to become okay with leaving some things undone (whether for today or forever). There are times when my house looks like a sty and I make the kids pull out the "cleanest" jeans from the dirty laundry pile. There are times when my desk looks like a hurricane victim and I will actually choose to throw away some things that could/should be done. I have only been parent helper at school once so far this year, and probably only two or three times last year (whereas some moms - the really good ones who I want to be like when I grow up - are there twice a month). And I have not placed a photo in an album since Megan's birth more than seven years ago. So yeah, I don't do it all! Not at all.
Step Four: Find your own super power.
Each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ~1 Corinthians 7:7b
Do not neglect your gift... ~1 Timothy 4:14a
I just need to say one more thing about how I get done all that I need to... It's all about personality and giftings! I like to be busy, I thrive on a full schedule, and I function best with my hands full. It's a fine balance between really busy and too busy, but I'd like to think I'm self-aware enough that I usually pick up on the signals that I'm doing too much fairly quickly.
The fact is, I'm a deadline girl and I always have been. Homework assignments, exams, pumping gas, waitressing - all were done best when I was under pressure. Recently, as my schedule began to fill up with Heart to Heart stuff and Logos society things, Pat told me he was excited - excited for me to finally be busy because he knew he'd be fed yummier meals in a tidier house, all while I was actually (finally) getting to work on my book.
Maybe it's not even that I thrive on being busy so much as I am too lazy to be allowed to be idle.
If you're not built like me, then you'll never be the kind of non-Superwoman I am. Each of us needs to find our own super powers. If you do best with the slow and steady method, that is your super power. Work with it. Embrace it. And for goodness sake, tell me how you always seem to be so calm, cool, and collected!
Lynne, Bobbie, does this answer your question? I know I didn't include a daily schedule for you Bobbie, but I'm hoping this gives a pretty clear picture. Does it? Thanks for asking! (I can feel my brain beginning to click again.)
* If you are pursuing a ministry in speaking and writing, and BLAST catches your interest - definitely DO IT! The learning has been invaluable. And if you register, make sure you let Shannon (Ethridge) know I sent you, and she'll give me a bit of a discount on my tuition. ;)
Monday, November 22, 2010
How to be Superwoman (or not), part one
In my Just Ask post last week, Lynne posed the question:
How do you get everything done for your family, not neglect your relationship with God, and find time to write too?
Bobbie's question was similar:
I have a general question but want specific answers.... How do you do it all? I mean, really, HOW do you do it all? What practical things do you do every day to fit in all that you've got going on? What does a few of your daily schedules look like? Do you use the crock pot to cook dinner a lot? Are you super organized? I need tips to be more productive in my own life!
So I figured it would be helpful share my four-step tutorial on How to be Superwoman (or not). Because I prefer to use more words than necessary, I'll split this into two posts. You'll thank me later.
Step One: Never neglect time with God.
I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your Word. ~Psalm 119:16
Okay, that's not to say that I never neglect time with God. But I shouldn't. And neither should you. Know what I mean?
In my world, experiencing quiet time cannot occur if children are awake. And given my bent toward complete and utter couch vegetation after they're tucked in for the evening, the twilight hours are ruled out. By process of elimination, I've found that my relationship with God is best fostered in the wee hours of the morning.
A number of years ago I started rising an hour before the kids so that I would have enough time for coffee, prayer, listening, Bible study, Bible reading, Scripture memory, and worship. No, I don't do all of those things every morning! But I do probably tackle each of them once or twice over a two-week period.
I also don't view my quiet time as my only time of day to be in relationship with the Lord. He and I converse throughout the day. If I'm unsure about making a certain purchase while out grocery shopping, I ask God. If I am running late for an appointment but make it on time anyway thanks to low traffic and lots of green lights, I thank Him. If I have six million things on my "to do" list that day, I ask God where to start, and what to do next all day. Whatever doesn't get done, I trust is something that He didn't need me to take care of that day.
If you ever hear me being frazzled, flustered, or stressed, you can pretty much be assured that I've forgotten step one. The tough thing for me is that all of my secrets are revealed in my writing. Although, the knowledge that you will be able to tell when I'm not in close fellowship with my Abba is a pretty good accountability tool!
Step Two: Schedule, schedule, schedule.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ~Proverbs 31:27
I like to feel organized. I didn't say that I am organized, but I like to feel as though I am. One thing that helps me is to schedule everything that I can.
Social life - While building friendships is very important to me (and also one thing God has called me to do), I tend to be very particular about how I make and take time to do so. If we're going to have coffee and a visit together, we will often email back and forth a few times to schedule a date and time - frequently up to two weeks away. But when I make these dates, I commit to myself to keep them (I really, really try not to cancel). Things like girls' night out, home parties, and so on only happen for me a couple times a year. It's worth saying that I have great friends who understand my priorities and my calling. I pray that they can say the same of me.
Marriage - I book a date night roughly every second weekend (on paydays). This has been an integral part of our marriage for several years. I also try to schedule my "work" during the day, so that my evenings are free to hang out with my man. I like to sit on the couch reading a good book next to him as he watches the hockey game. (Really, there is only so much hockey a girl can take! Even a Canadian one.)
Household duties - I used to try to get all my housework done on one day of the week. A grueling five-hour day of utter exhaustion. This house is too big for that, and the laundry far too demanding! We've recently begun doing the house cleaning as a family on the weekends, and I am really enjoying it! We tend to be homebodies on the weekends anyway, so it's not cutting into anything, and everyone seems to enjoy working together. I haven't fine-tuned the laundry thing yet, but so far it seems to be working well to simply toss in a load whenever I pass by the machines. The kids all put away their own laundry (well, put away is used very loosely).
When it comes to meals, I do best with a meal plan. Having a monthly meal plan helps me know what are the essential purchases, what meat to pull out of the freezer in the morning (or the night before), and how much prep time I'll need. Planning meals means I can decide which days require crock pot cooking in advance (activity nights) and which days I can do something bigger. I must confess that I have been lacking a meal plan for months now. The unfortunate solution has been too much eating out and too many dinners of kid fare (mini pizzas, grilled cheese sandwiches, etc.).
Family time - Busy or not, it's hard to get quality time together with a family of seven. So we try to get our time where we can... Family movie night, swimming, skating, walking the dog, going to the playground (neither of those last two really happens for 8 months of the year).
Pat and I also try to take individual dates with each child once or twice over the course of the school year. What works for me is to "blitz" them - I email Pat with four occasions (we don't really need to take Kai out yet) that all occur within two weeks. I try to combine our date nights with things that need to get done anyway. For example, I'll take someone for dinner and then we'll grocery shop together.
--------------------------
Pop back here tomorrow, and I'll conclude my answer to Lynne and Bobbie's question with steps three and four on How to be Superwoman (or not).
How do you get everything done for your family, not neglect your relationship with God, and find time to write too?
Bobbie's question was similar:
I have a general question but want specific answers.... How do you do it all? I mean, really, HOW do you do it all? What practical things do you do every day to fit in all that you've got going on? What does a few of your daily schedules look like? Do you use the crock pot to cook dinner a lot? Are you super organized? I need tips to be more productive in my own life!
So I figured it would be helpful share my four-step tutorial on How to be Superwoman (or not). Because I prefer to use more words than necessary, I'll split this into two posts. You'll thank me later.
Step One: Never neglect time with God.
I delight in Your decrees; I will not neglect Your Word. ~Psalm 119:16
Okay, that's not to say that I never neglect time with God. But I shouldn't. And neither should you. Know what I mean?
In my world, experiencing quiet time cannot occur if children are awake. And given my bent toward complete and utter couch vegetation after they're tucked in for the evening, the twilight hours are ruled out. By process of elimination, I've found that my relationship with God is best fostered in the wee hours of the morning.
A number of years ago I started rising an hour before the kids so that I would have enough time for coffee, prayer, listening, Bible study, Bible reading, Scripture memory, and worship. No, I don't do all of those things every morning! But I do probably tackle each of them once or twice over a two-week period.
I also don't view my quiet time as my only time of day to be in relationship with the Lord. He and I converse throughout the day. If I'm unsure about making a certain purchase while out grocery shopping, I ask God. If I am running late for an appointment but make it on time anyway thanks to low traffic and lots of green lights, I thank Him. If I have six million things on my "to do" list that day, I ask God where to start, and what to do next all day. Whatever doesn't get done, I trust is something that He didn't need me to take care of that day.
If you ever hear me being frazzled, flustered, or stressed, you can pretty much be assured that I've forgotten step one. The tough thing for me is that all of my secrets are revealed in my writing. Although, the knowledge that you will be able to tell when I'm not in close fellowship with my Abba is a pretty good accountability tool!
Step Two: Schedule, schedule, schedule.
She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. ~Proverbs 31:27
I like to feel organized. I didn't say that I am organized, but I like to feel as though I am. One thing that helps me is to schedule everything that I can.
Social life - While building friendships is very important to me (and also one thing God has called me to do), I tend to be very particular about how I make and take time to do so. If we're going to have coffee and a visit together, we will often email back and forth a few times to schedule a date and time - frequently up to two weeks away. But when I make these dates, I commit to myself to keep them (I really, really try not to cancel). Things like girls' night out, home parties, and so on only happen for me a couple times a year. It's worth saying that I have great friends who understand my priorities and my calling. I pray that they can say the same of me.
Marriage - I book a date night roughly every second weekend (on paydays). This has been an integral part of our marriage for several years. I also try to schedule my "work" during the day, so that my evenings are free to hang out with my man. I like to sit on the couch reading a good book next to him as he watches the hockey game. (Really, there is only so much hockey a girl can take! Even a Canadian one.)
Household duties - I used to try to get all my housework done on one day of the week. A grueling five-hour day of utter exhaustion. This house is too big for that, and the laundry far too demanding! We've recently begun doing the house cleaning as a family on the weekends, and I am really enjoying it! We tend to be homebodies on the weekends anyway, so it's not cutting into anything, and everyone seems to enjoy working together. I haven't fine-tuned the laundry thing yet, but so far it seems to be working well to simply toss in a load whenever I pass by the machines. The kids all put away their own laundry (well, put away is used very loosely).
When it comes to meals, I do best with a meal plan. Having a monthly meal plan helps me know what are the essential purchases, what meat to pull out of the freezer in the morning (or the night before), and how much prep time I'll need. Planning meals means I can decide which days require crock pot cooking in advance (activity nights) and which days I can do something bigger. I must confess that I have been lacking a meal plan for months now. The unfortunate solution has been too much eating out and too many dinners of kid fare (mini pizzas, grilled cheese sandwiches, etc.).
Family time - Busy or not, it's hard to get quality time together with a family of seven. So we try to get our time where we can... Family movie night, swimming, skating, walking the dog, going to the playground (neither of those last two really happens for 8 months of the year).
Pat and I also try to take individual dates with each child once or twice over the course of the school year. What works for me is to "blitz" them - I email Pat with four occasions (we don't really need to take Kai out yet) that all occur within two weeks. I try to combine our date nights with things that need to get done anyway. For example, I'll take someone for dinner and then we'll grocery shop together.
--------------------------
Pop back here tomorrow, and I'll conclude my answer to Lynne and Bobbie's question with steps three and four on How to be Superwoman (or not).
Friday, November 12, 2010
A Morning of Character-Building
I sometimes wonder why God saw fit to bless me with five children. Children who I feel utterly unequipped to raise, teach, train, and even love.
It's silly, but at moments like this, I wonder what Beth Moore would have done. Were her girls kind and gentle, always obedient and loving to one another? Maybe. I'm sure there are a few kids out there like that. But if they weren't, if they had sibling rivalry moments - where one child destroys another's artwork, and child two retaliates by kicking in the gut, and when reprimanded the first child is unrepentant and disrespectful to the mother (hypothetically, of course) - how did Beth deal with it?
My discipline strategy this morning was to send child one to the bedroom for half an hour of reflection, to be followed by a letter of apology. Once disrespected, the consequence was doubled to an hour in the room. Child two was sent for a time out and will also be writing a letter of apology.*
Here's the thing... I didn't lose it. No foul words escaped my lips, nothing I will later regret was spoken. While my voice was raised to be heard over the yelling of the disrespectful child, I would not consider what I did to be yelling. Essentially, dealing with this blowout was a victory for me. Yet, I feel far from victorious. Rather, I feel weary. Confused. At a loss.
There are mothers out there who are so good at this. They see it as a challenge and an adventure. Wouldn't one of those mothers be better? Better at this job? Better for these kids?
I know that these feelings and questions are unwarranted. I'm pretty sure that, no matter how Godly she is, Beth Moore probably felt some of these same things. In fact, if I weren't so darn sure that about 99% of mothers struggle to some degree, I wouldn't even dare to write about my own struggles. When I wonder if God made a mistake by entrusting me with the physical, spiritual, and emotional upbringing of five people, I know that I am believing lies whispered by the enemy.
As I push back against the liar, I make room for truth.
I cannot do this job in my own strength. That's why I so desperately need Jesus. With Him, in His strength, I can be a good mother for these children.
God doesn't make mistakes. Each one of those children was soul-matched with me, by the Creator of the Universe, for His good purposes.
Walking where God has called us isn't usually easy to do. Typically, it involves hard work and a high level of dependence on Him to help us.
Sometimes, parenting is less about raising our kids than it is about building our character.
I'm not sure why I wrote this today. I often need to write out life's experiences in order to process them and let them settle in my soul. But I'm also pretty sure I wrote it for you - one of you, two of you, more? Please don't worry about filling the comments with words of encouragement for me (I'm okay :)). But if you needed to hear about my morning, and if the truths God reminded me of are truths you needed to hear, please let me know (either in the comments or by email). Because I want to spend my day praying for you. And hey, feel free to do the same for me! A week off school is enough to undo even the most energetic of mothers.
* In the process of writing this post (which, incidentally, took nearly two hours!) I also asked each child to find a Bible verse that applied to the situation. That verse was not only to be written in the card, but also on an index card for memory work. Child 1 needed a bit of guidance (I pointed to a page and said, "Try reading in here.").
Child #1's verse: Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Child #2's verse: Jonathan and David became close friends. Jonathan loved David just as he love himself. ~1 Samuel 18:1
P.S. Now that it's all said and done, I am actually feeling a little victorious.
It's silly, but at moments like this, I wonder what Beth Moore would have done. Were her girls kind and gentle, always obedient and loving to one another? Maybe. I'm sure there are a few kids out there like that. But if they weren't, if they had sibling rivalry moments - where one child destroys another's artwork, and child two retaliates by kicking in the gut, and when reprimanded the first child is unrepentant and disrespectful to the mother (hypothetically, of course) - how did Beth deal with it?
My discipline strategy this morning was to send child one to the bedroom for half an hour of reflection, to be followed by a letter of apology. Once disrespected, the consequence was doubled to an hour in the room. Child two was sent for a time out and will also be writing a letter of apology.*
Here's the thing... I didn't lose it. No foul words escaped my lips, nothing I will later regret was spoken. While my voice was raised to be heard over the yelling of the disrespectful child, I would not consider what I did to be yelling. Essentially, dealing with this blowout was a victory for me. Yet, I feel far from victorious. Rather, I feel weary. Confused. At a loss.
There are mothers out there who are so good at this. They see it as a challenge and an adventure. Wouldn't one of those mothers be better? Better at this job? Better for these kids?
I know that these feelings and questions are unwarranted. I'm pretty sure that, no matter how Godly she is, Beth Moore probably felt some of these same things. In fact, if I weren't so darn sure that about 99% of mothers struggle to some degree, I wouldn't even dare to write about my own struggles. When I wonder if God made a mistake by entrusting me with the physical, spiritual, and emotional upbringing of five people, I know that I am believing lies whispered by the enemy.
As I push back against the liar, I make room for truth.
I cannot do this job in my own strength. That's why I so desperately need Jesus. With Him, in His strength, I can be a good mother for these children.
God doesn't make mistakes. Each one of those children was soul-matched with me, by the Creator of the Universe, for His good purposes.
Walking where God has called us isn't usually easy to do. Typically, it involves hard work and a high level of dependence on Him to help us.
Sometimes, parenting is less about raising our kids than it is about building our character.
I'm not sure why I wrote this today. I often need to write out life's experiences in order to process them and let them settle in my soul. But I'm also pretty sure I wrote it for you - one of you, two of you, more? Please don't worry about filling the comments with words of encouragement for me (I'm okay :)). But if you needed to hear about my morning, and if the truths God reminded me of are truths you needed to hear, please let me know (either in the comments or by email). Because I want to spend my day praying for you. And hey, feel free to do the same for me! A week off school is enough to undo even the most energetic of mothers.
* In the process of writing this post (which, incidentally, took nearly two hours!) I also asked each child to find a Bible verse that applied to the situation. That verse was not only to be written in the card, but also on an index card for memory work. Child 1 needed a bit of guidance (I pointed to a page and said, "Try reading in here.").
Child #1's verse: Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not want what belongs to others. It does not brag. It is not proud. It is not rude. It does not look out for its own interests. It does not easily become angry. It does not keep track of other people's wrongs. ~1 Corinthians 13:4-5
Child #2's verse: Jonathan and David became close friends. Jonathan loved David just as he love himself. ~1 Samuel 18:1
P.S. Now that it's all said and done, I am actually feeling a little victorious.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Attention!
Today is the Remembrance Day ceremony at Braeden's school (because next week is fall break). He received special permission from his CO (Commanding Officer) to wear his Air Cadets uniform to school for the ceremony. (One day I'll have to tell you how the whole Air Cadets idea came about and God's hand in it all. You'll probably have to remind me.)
Here is my young man in his dress uniform.
My mother's heart can barely handle all the pride and joy I feel when I admire my oldest child in his uniform. He's growing up. And he looks darn handsome doing it!
Here is my young man in his dress uniform.
ATTENTION!
AT EASE!
STAND EASY!
My mother's heart can barely handle all the pride and joy I feel when I admire my oldest child in his uniform. He's growing up. And he looks darn handsome doing it!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
This will make you feel better about yourself, I promise
First, if you're wondering where the next post in the Good Fruit series is, join the club! God has been showing me so much about love that I can't form a coherent thought on it yet. I'm praying that He and I can get it all worked out for tomorrow. Or maybe Monday...
Do you ever do something that makes you feel like the worst _______ (fill in the blank - mom, wife, friend, employee, ministry leader) in the world? If so, my Tuesday motherhood experience likely happened for the sole purpose of helping you feel better about yourself.
Tuesday was a special day for the girls - their first dance class of the season! The after-school plan was quite elaborate, but I was pretty impressed with my ability to sort out the scheduling details.
I began the day by informing Abbey (8) that she could not join the choir because Tuesday choir practice would overlap with dance classes. And there was no way I could be at Shea's (5) dance class AND be picking Abbey up from the school at the exact same time. The reason I had to deliver this news at 7am on Tuesday - because I had already told her she could join choir and signed the permission slip!
I felt well-prepared for the after-school insanity. We left the house at 3pm (Shea, Kai (3) and I). Leaving half an hour early turned out to be a very good move! Power was out in most of the town, traffic lights were not working, and it was the after-school hour. Needless to say, what should be a 10-minute drive took 22. But I arrived just in time to meet Abbey and Megan (7) at the local high school, where they transfer buses.
I was cheerful and smiling inside. After all, the sun was shining (finally!) and I had done it! I got them to dance class on time! Yes! (insert fist pump)
We sent Shea into her class and the rest of us hung out in the lobby. I mentally patted myself on the back for having the foresight to pack snacks, drinks, coloring supplies, and cars. My feet propped comfortably on a chair, I cracked the binding of a new book, thrilled at the prospect of whiling away the next 45 minutes in relative peace.
I don't exactly recall how it came up, but we were talking about Braeden (12) when it hit me - I forgot to leave a note at home to let him know where we were! First, I called home. Of course he won't answer, the power is out! Duh! Cordless phones don't work in power outages. Oh wait...He wouldn't be able to answer the phone regardless, because he can't get in the house - every single door is locked up tight!
(In the past, I had been leaving one door unlocked for those rare instances when Braeden's bus arrives and I'm not yet home. Yes, this decision was based in experience, thankyouverymuch. But last week, it seems I accidentally left the truck unlocked one night, and our GPS, portable DVD player, and B's PSP were all stolen. Since then, I have felt it wise to lock up all the time.)
I looked at my watch, 4:10pm. Shea's dance was scheduled to end in 20 min and then Abbey and Meg's class would begin. Braeden was scheduled to be dropped off at 3:45pm! I moved into not-quite-yet-frantic auto pilot.
"Girls," I looked at A & M, "Stay here. Be good. When Shea is done, bring her into your class with you. I'll be back." I looked to the small source of big noise, Mister Kai, and called to him, "Hurry up! Come with Mommy! We need to drive home quickly to get Braeden!" The drive home took 18 minutes, because they finally had police at the intersections directing traffic.
I whipped into the driveway and burst into the house calling Braeden's name! Of course he's not answering; he's not Caspar the Ghost and can't float through walls! Sheesh!
Kai stayed firmly trapped in his car seat screaming loud and proud his desire to be set free.
Our (brand new, just moved in last week) next door neighbor had not seen him, but she was kind enough to offer her home as a place of refuge for my son in the event of future negligence on my part. The sitter who lives down the street (and, incidentally, her mother - who is also Megan's teacher) also had not seen him.
Kai screamed on. At least I know where he is!
Breathe, Tyler, breathe. Think, think, think! I called the bus driver's home. No answer. I called the busing office - she'd get back to me. Two agonizing minutes later, as I paced the driveway around the truck and periodically said, "That's enough, Malakai. You have to stay in your seat." she called. The driver had taken B back on the bus when they discovered the locked door and couldn't reach me on the phone. She had one more child to drop off and would return with my son. Oh thank-you, Jesus!
As relief washed over me and the adrenaline slowed, it occurred to me that I had just left three little girls to their own devices at dance lessons. Another phone call as I confessed my complete incompetence to yet another person. Yes, they were safely in the studio.
After dropping B off, his bus driver very politely asked for my cell phone number (who can blame her?!), and I filled her in on the next door neighbor contingency plan. I did remember to let B know where we were going before Kai and I headed back to dance.
We arrived and retrieved Shea from the class, returning to our abandoned snack and coloring table. At 5:20, an influx of parents came through the door and headed down the hallway to wait for their dancing darlings. I opted to keep "loud and proud" out in the lobby for the sanity of every parental unit in the building. Ten minutes later two girls came running out.
Finally, we can just go home. What a day!
But wait, why do the girls look so unimpressed? They informed me, loudly and in front of numerous departing families, that parents were supposed to come in and watch at the end. Where was I???? I made humble apology and begged everyone to just get in the truck. The drive home took 6 minutes. Thank-you Lord that the power is back on. Oh darn, my dinner was in the oven on a timer. What am I going to serve now? Well, at least the TV would be working; that will keep everyone busy for a few minutes. I wonder what B did at home with no power? He was probably bored out of his mind, and couldn't even phone me to tell me! Nice job, Tyler. Mother of the year. Oh yes you are!
Please feel free to store this little gem in your memory banks and withdraw it at those precious moments when you feel the flames of humiliation climbing the back of your neck due to some incident of incompetence. Remember that while you are having a bad moment, at least you're not having a bad day in front of a dozen eye witnesses. Then you can smile and feel better about yourself at my expense. Yes, I am at your service.
Oh, did I mention that, as it turns out, dance lessons actually started last week?!
Do you ever do something that makes you feel like the worst _______ (fill in the blank - mom, wife, friend, employee, ministry leader) in the world? If so, my Tuesday motherhood experience likely happened for the sole purpose of helping you feel better about yourself.
Tuesday was a special day for the girls - their first dance class of the season! The after-school plan was quite elaborate, but I was pretty impressed with my ability to sort out the scheduling details.
I began the day by informing Abbey (8) that she could not join the choir because Tuesday choir practice would overlap with dance classes. And there was no way I could be at Shea's (5) dance class AND be picking Abbey up from the school at the exact same time. The reason I had to deliver this news at 7am on Tuesday - because I had already told her she could join choir and signed the permission slip!
I felt well-prepared for the after-school insanity. We left the house at 3pm (Shea, Kai (3) and I). Leaving half an hour early turned out to be a very good move! Power was out in most of the town, traffic lights were not working, and it was the after-school hour. Needless to say, what should be a 10-minute drive took 22. But I arrived just in time to meet Abbey and Megan (7) at the local high school, where they transfer buses.
I was cheerful and smiling inside. After all, the sun was shining (finally!) and I had done it! I got them to dance class on time! Yes! (insert fist pump)
We sent Shea into her class and the rest of us hung out in the lobby. I mentally patted myself on the back for having the foresight to pack snacks, drinks, coloring supplies, and cars. My feet propped comfortably on a chair, I cracked the binding of a new book, thrilled at the prospect of whiling away the next 45 minutes in relative peace.
I don't exactly recall how it came up, but we were talking about Braeden (12) when it hit me - I forgot to leave a note at home to let him know where we were! First, I called home. Of course he won't answer, the power is out! Duh! Cordless phones don't work in power outages. Oh wait...He wouldn't be able to answer the phone regardless, because he can't get in the house - every single door is locked up tight!
(In the past, I had been leaving one door unlocked for those rare instances when Braeden's bus arrives and I'm not yet home. Yes, this decision was based in experience, thankyouverymuch. But last week, it seems I accidentally left the truck unlocked one night, and our GPS, portable DVD player, and B's PSP were all stolen. Since then, I have felt it wise to lock up all the time.)
I looked at my watch, 4:10pm. Shea's dance was scheduled to end in 20 min and then Abbey and Meg's class would begin. Braeden was scheduled to be dropped off at 3:45pm! I moved into not-quite-yet-frantic auto pilot.
"Girls," I looked at A & M, "Stay here. Be good. When Shea is done, bring her into your class with you. I'll be back." I looked to the small source of big noise, Mister Kai, and called to him, "Hurry up! Come with Mommy! We need to drive home quickly to get Braeden!" The drive home took 18 minutes, because they finally had police at the intersections directing traffic.
I whipped into the driveway and burst into the house calling Braeden's name! Of course he's not answering; he's not Caspar the Ghost and can't float through walls! Sheesh!
Kai stayed firmly trapped in his car seat screaming loud and proud his desire to be set free.
Our (brand new, just moved in last week) next door neighbor had not seen him, but she was kind enough to offer her home as a place of refuge for my son in the event of future negligence on my part. The sitter who lives down the street (and, incidentally, her mother - who is also Megan's teacher) also had not seen him.
Kai screamed on. At least I know where he is!
Breathe, Tyler, breathe. Think, think, think! I called the bus driver's home. No answer. I called the busing office - she'd get back to me. Two agonizing minutes later, as I paced the driveway around the truck and periodically said, "That's enough, Malakai. You have to stay in your seat." she called. The driver had taken B back on the bus when they discovered the locked door and couldn't reach me on the phone. She had one more child to drop off and would return with my son. Oh thank-you, Jesus!
As relief washed over me and the adrenaline slowed, it occurred to me that I had just left three little girls to their own devices at dance lessons. Another phone call as I confessed my complete incompetence to yet another person. Yes, they were safely in the studio.
After dropping B off, his bus driver very politely asked for my cell phone number (who can blame her?!), and I filled her in on the next door neighbor contingency plan. I did remember to let B know where we were going before Kai and I headed back to dance.
We arrived and retrieved Shea from the class, returning to our abandoned snack and coloring table. At 5:20, an influx of parents came through the door and headed down the hallway to wait for their dancing darlings. I opted to keep "loud and proud" out in the lobby for the sanity of every parental unit in the building. Ten minutes later two girls came running out.
Finally, we can just go home. What a day!
But wait, why do the girls look so unimpressed? They informed me, loudly and in front of numerous departing families, that parents were supposed to come in and watch at the end. Where was I???? I made humble apology and begged everyone to just get in the truck. The drive home took 6 minutes. Thank-you Lord that the power is back on. Oh darn, my dinner was in the oven on a timer. What am I going to serve now? Well, at least the TV would be working; that will keep everyone busy for a few minutes. I wonder what B did at home with no power? He was probably bored out of his mind, and couldn't even phone me to tell me! Nice job, Tyler. Mother of the year. Oh yes you are!
Please feel free to store this little gem in your memory banks and withdraw it at those precious moments when you feel the flames of humiliation climbing the back of your neck due to some incident of incompetence. Remember that while you are having a bad moment, at least you're not having a bad day in front of a dozen eye witnesses. Then you can smile and feel better about yourself at my expense. Yes, I am at your service.
Oh, did I mention that, as it turns out, dance lessons actually started last week?!
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