Messed Up

I am a spiritual mess.

Do you know that inner sense? The one that says, "God is doing some work here. Be ready." I'm feelin' it.

Have you ever felt all choked-up and teary-eyed at church, during Bible study, while listening to someone share, or during worship? It's this inexplicable feeling of being on the brink of sobbing. Mmmm-hmmmm. Every single time I walk through the church doors.

Do you sometimes feel as though there should be something you're hearing or learning from God that isn't quite getting through? Kinda like having a word on the tip of your tongue, but not being able to locate the word. Yup, you guessed it. I've got it.

Our women's group is studying Priscilla Shirer's Jonah: Navigating a Life Interrupted. Naturally, our discussions surround the life disruptions we are currently or have recently experienced. One woman's husband has decided to leave his long-time career in order to pursue farming. Another woman was surprised with an unexpected, late in life pregnancy. Cancer. Moving. Financial strain. Everyone's lives are rife with interruptions.

Except mine. I've got nothin'. My thoughts go back to a year and a half ago, when we felt God leading us to move. Now THAT was an interruption! Career change, school change, find a new church, give up a ministry, new house, new friends... Virtually every aspect of my life was cut short. But currently, everything is cool, mellow, settled, comfortable.

Uh-oh. I know what that word means. I remember... In my walk of faith, I long ago decided that comfortable would be a dirty word.

There are no current interruptions in my life. Except for that unsettling sense that God is working. And until I spoke these words aloud yesterday, I had no idea they were in my heart.

I don't want more change, further life alterations, additional upheaval! I can't take it. Not now. A season of rest is in order, surely. But God, we uprooted our whole family for You! Isn't that enough? What more could You possible want from me?

Oh dear. True, I'd rather not have any sort of interruption right now. But I'd rather have the security of knowing that I'm walking in obedience than the security of "sameness." I think.

I need God to change my heart. I need God to change my mind. I need to remember that it's not about me.


Maybe you can help a sister out. Why don't you tell me about your current life interruption (or as Priscilla calls it, "divine intervention"). Are you resisting? Or willing? Did you run at first, like Jonah, until God brought you back to where He needed you?