Friday, June 20, 2008

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. - weekend (or longer) blog carnival

I promised a blog carnival on the 20th, and darn it - I'm going to deliver!

Let's start with the rules (because I'm a rule following kind-of gal).
1. Write a post on your blog about how you show respect to your husband (see below for some questions you can answer if you're stuck for material).
2. Link your blog to Mr. Linky down below by clicking on the Mr. Linky box (please link directly to that specific post rather than your blog main page, so that it's easy for everyone to find). Don't forget to leave me a comment, so I know you're participating!
3. Somewhere in your blog post, link back to this post (so people know where to find the carnival). And, send your friends over - the more the merrier!
4. If you don't blog, feel free to participate by posting a nice lengthy comment. :)
5. Men can participate, too! Just post about what your wife does that makes you feel respected.
6. Even if you're not married, you can join in. It's about the difference in communication for men and women - everyone has experienced this! (Share some wisdom from co-workers, a couple you've observed, kids, and so on.)

If you want some background on the concept, visit this post or this one. The purpose is to learn from one another; glean some wisdom. To find ways to honour our hubbies without being cheesy. To learn from the mistakes of our sisters. To offer and find some good, concrete ideas. Mr. Linky will stick around all weekend. Maybe longer if I (sadly) get no participants.

What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life?
How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic?
What mistakes have you made that made your loved one feel crummy, unimportant, and disrespected?

So here's my contribution for ya...
In the book (mentioned previously), they coin the term 'The Crazy Cycle.' I'm sure I don't need to elaborate, but for the sake of completing this post... She (or I) feels unloved --> she reacts by acting disrespectful --> he feels disrespected --> he reacts by acting unloving --> and so on. We've all been there. The tricky part is getting out of the crazy cycle. Years ago, when our arguing could go on for hours, with each of us prepared to fight to the death in order to prove a point and be right, Pat and I came up with a silly idea (perhaps the idea really originated in some book somewhere, but whatever). Why not break up the moment with a humorous code word? We chose "pickle." Even now, if we're bickering and feel as if it's going nowhere but round and round, one of us will say (or holler) "PICKLE!" And bump - we're off the crazy cycle once again. Phew.

1. Bobbie
2. Mary@notbefore7
3. ME (heehee)
4. Snakes,Snails, and Puppydog Tails
5. Lucille (in comments)
6. Pegsy@Sharing Life With Peggy

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  1. I am participating... but I could not figure out how to link directly to that post- so just linked to my blog. I know... I cant follow rules, but I am not so computer savvy. I am looking froward to hearing from others and getting some practical tips. It was kind of difficult for me to think of how I show him respect. I asked him and he LAUGHED for a good long time... that cant be good.

  2. Going to go read Bobbies. I have mine written and will link up tonight.

  3. Without my own blog I'll add my comments here. My husband and I talked about this last night and we both struggled with coming up with concrete, specific examples on how I show respect to him. Not that he feels disrespected - he just couldn't describe what respect meant to him. We finally agreed that just being listened to makes him feel respected - me really hearing what he's saying. And me expressing appreciation for his contribution to our life - the one specific example we came up with was when we came home from Braeden's first soapbox race and I gave him a hug and told him what an awesome grandpa he was. He felt really valued and appreciated - that equals respect.

    To me, respecting my husand means honouring him. That means to uphold him - to hold him in high esteem. It means that even when I'm ticked off, hurt...(you know, all the stuff of married life) I don't bash him to others. Don't get me wrong - I do have support people in my life who have walked through some of life's valleys with me - but my general practice is to speak of my husband to others in a respectful manner. It's not something specific my husband can see but I've been told that that's a powerful testimony to how God wants us to treat our spouses.

  4. Thanks Mom. :) (aka Frieda)

  5. I'm on board! I made my post and think this is great!!!!

  6. Some of the ways I try to honor and respect my husband is by acknowledging his abilities, and he has many of them. He is a very talented guy in the handy man area, and I can completely trust him to do a great job. I like to brag about his good work right in front of him. And I love that he is the spiritual head of our home. I try to bless him by appreciating those things about him. Another area, is trying to be responsive even when I'm not feeling up to it....we women often are not "in the mood", but if we just give it a chance, we can easily "get in the mood". It can be so crucial to a man's ego to be honored and respected in this way.

  7. Very nice carnival - good to get different perspectives! In my house I boast about Daddy to the kids to remind them of how important he is. I never want our house to look like a sitcom, where the man's manhood is taken away by the wife in full view of the kids. Boasting about him with words is the most important way to show him repsect since it's what he saw his mother do for his father. And in the same sense, keeping my mouth shut can show him respect by putting his needs above my opinions.

  8. Can you leave Mr. Linky up for one more day? I really want to post, but won't have time until tomorrow evening. Taking the kids to the zoo tomorrow...

  9. There are some great comments in here!

    Mom - I have really been trying to take to heart the concept of honouring him. To speak well of him (and to him) in front of others. Just thinking about it has made me aware that I am too often putting in my 'two cents,' which I'm sure is making him feel disrespected.

    Lucille - Thanks for bringing 'it' up! I do think that being willing for our husbands (even when initially we may not feel 'in the mood') is a major way to communicate our love and respect for their needs. And words of appreciation is a recurring theme...

    Mom24 - I think you are so right! I haven't met a man who isn't puffed up by some good words of praise. We should all brag on our men more often!

    Pegsy - you bet! It'll stay here, but just move down the page a bit. :)


  10. O.K., I finally finished my respect post! I hope I did everything right...

    The zoo was great, btw, but I'm too tired to post about that tonight! If you ever come down here to visit the zoo, we'd love to go with you and get to know your family!


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