Friday, June 6, 2008

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. (blog carnival coming up)

* Read this one through to get to 'the point' - I'll be hosting a blog carnival on this topic in 2 weeks (Mr. Linky will be up on Friday, June 20 and stay up over the weekend).

I'm one of those people who doesn't really learn a concept until I've taught it to someone else. Take math, for example. You know all of those 'solve for x' equations? Not to toot my own horn, but I'm awesome at them! The reason - I give all the credit to my grade 10 girlfriend, Chrissie. She didn't get it. Trying to find 'x' made her crazy and frustrated, and brought tears on more than one occasion. So we hung out in the back row of math class and I showed her how to do it. Now it's stuck in my brain. More years later than I will ever admit, I can solve algebraic equations (much to the amazement of my nephew, whom I helped home/cyber school when he was in grade 8-9).

There's a new concept I was introduced to a while back, and though I 'get it,' I'm just not getting it. Know what I mean? While it makes total sense, I cannot seem to master the concept. So if you'll humour me while I teach this concept to you, I will be eternally grateful. (As will my loving husband.)

Not long ago, Pat and I joined a group of couples at our Church and worked through the 'Love and Respect' conference on DVD by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (click here to watch a trailer for the conference). Throughout the video sessions, Eggerichs kept returning to this scripture.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. ~ Ephesians 5:33

It's interesting that (through Paul) God gave husbands the directive to LOVE and gave wives the directive to RESPECT. We all know that men and women speak totally different languages, right? So it makes sense that we would find our value through different means. We women understand the language of love: hugs, kisses, tender words, thoughtful gestures, small (or large) gifts. Feeling loved by our husbands makes us feel needed in our marriages. Because these acts of love speak to our hearts, we naturally try to communicate this same love to our husbands. But this does not make him feel needed! Nope. I guess that's why God figured He'd better put it right there in scripture for us. In order to communicate our love to our husbands, we need to use the language of respect.

Am I making sense so far? (I'm hoping that my synopsis of what Eggerichs spent 6 hours teaching is enough to do it justice.) I totally GET that my man needs respect, that when I show him that I respect him he will thrive. Honestly, it makes sense. If Pat showers me with little romantic gestures, I positively glow! But here is where I get all tangled up...what speaks unconditional respect to my man? I'm sure I could say "honey, I respect you" in the same way I warm up to hear him tell me he loves me. But really, could we find a way to communicate respect that is a little less, um, cheesy?!

Okay, so here's where you all come in! I want good, concrete ideas. What do you do or say that shows your man that he's the thang in your life? How do you make him feel special, valued, necessary, even heroic? So start thinking about it now...I'll post a couple more times on this concept in the meantime...and I'll put Mr. Linky up on the 20th so we can all glean wisdom from one another's experience. (Though I only know of 2 men who blog, if any men want to participate - feel free! Just post on the things you do to show your sweetheart that she's LOVED.) And if you're not a blogger, you can still participate by commenting on the carnival post, okay?

FYI - I know I'm speaking about this in reference to how it applies to marriage, but I believe that this information can change the way we communicate with our children, our co-workers, and so on.

If you think you'd like to participate in this (or even if you probably won't but you think it's a good idea and you know someone else who might need help - like me - in this area), would you consider putting a link to this post in your sidebar? (I'd love to have a nice graphic button for you to put there, but I'm technically impaired. Maybe my web design girlfriend Louise can make me a button this weekend? LOL.)


  1. my dh and i one year tried something that i had read somewhere, we each wrote down things on little slips of paper that spoke love to us. things that the other did, or that we wished they did that we really appreciated, that kind of thing. then we put them in a mug and took one out a week. it was really interesting to see the things that the other picked. we definitely weren't speaking each others love language up to that point.

    i like to brag on him once sometimes, and w/in ear shot is even better. and i like to do little things, like leave him love notes that he finds in the morning when he gets up for work (since i am a bad wife and don't get up that early to take care of him...)

    and on a little different note, i hold myself back when i think he's not dealing w/ the kids right and wait to talk to him latter about it, or not at all. but that is a big deal to me, it is a way that i respect him.

  2. Great topic! My brother sent us the "Love & Respect" book for Christmas this year because they said it made a huge difference in their marriage (so huge in fact that they are now 'unexpectantly' expecting again - LOL!).
    I've only read a bit of it and I do understand the idea but had wondered the same thing -how can I show my dh real respect?
    I may not have time to join th carnival but I'll come back to check it out - sure to learn something on this one!

  3. This is a great idea and topic and I cant wait to hear what others have to say- I want some pratical things to do too!!! I will also be considering what pratical things I do- which is great because I will be more aware of my actions toward him.

  4. By the way... how is the WW going this week? STop by the live well wendnesday linky and add your progress. I agree, WW does work as long as you stay on program. I am also back on program hard and heavy. I am so tired of fooling around with the same darn few pounds.

  5. Aw...I would be honored to make you button! Unfortunately, I do not have the programs needed to create it at home :( Sorry.

  6. I just came to your blog via Nadine's blog... I'm excited to be finding bloggers who live close to me (we're in Airdrie)!

    I just wanted to say that I love this book, "Love and Respect." The Eggrich's actually came to Cochrane a few years ago and did a conference. We were able to attend a portion of it and it was so helpful! We now have the book and I reference it frequently. We've recently gotten into the "Crazy Cycle" again,:-(, so this carnival is perfect timing! I've never heard of a blog carnival before, but sounds like fun!

    God bless and try not to go crazy with all this rain!


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