Wednesday, March 10, 2010

A Blazing Offering

I awoke to these words on my radio this morning...

...Let my whole life be
a blazing offering,
a light that shouts and sings
the greatness of our King!

Glory to God,
glory to God,
glory to God,

Take my life and let it be
all for You and for Your glory.
Take my life and let it be Yours...
(by Fee)

I was struck by the war that rages in soul every day.

My heart longs for every part of my life to belong to God and to be for His glory. I offer Him the junk in my life that He has redeemed, and I freely share what God has done for me and in me. Even as I sit in the midst of life's trials and turmoil, I know and expect that God will use the situation to bring glory to His name. (More often than not, it's this knowledge that brings me through to the other side.)

But when there are good times, times of relative peace, it can be so easy for me to forget who gets the glory. If life is steady and stable for long enough, my prideful heart begins to believe that I am self-made woman. I give thanks to God a little less, and think of "how well I'm doing" a little more.

I have struggled with depression off and on for years. If I track it in my life, I can see evidence easily as far back as fifth grade (that's about age 10 or 11). At it's worst - as it was for the year after Megan (almost 7) was born - I have been nearly incapable of functioning without medication. At it's best, the depression is manifested in my life as angry outbursts, irritability, short-temperedness, and hyper-emotionalism (essentially, an unending case of really bad PMS).

As I walked through the fog of post-partum depression almost seven years ago, I continually promised God that when He brought me out of the darkness I would not forget who rescued me. In seventh grade, as I lay on the floor convulsing, my body filled with a mixture of drugs from over 80 pills of unknown origin, I made that same promise. For the most part, I believe I have kept my word. If not for the love poured out on me by God the Father, the pursuit (of me and my life) by Jesus Christ, and the healing ministering of the Holy Spirit I have no doubt that I would still be in the pit.

Lately, though, I have been doing well. I began a low dose of medication shortly before we moved, as I am well aware that life change is one of the main triggers of depression. Even as I wrote those words, I felt a bit like patting myself on the back. Good job, Tyler. You're doing so well! And what foresight you had to prevent another bout of depression before it could get a grip on you. Way to go! All that hot air in my head starts crowding out the still, small voice that reminds me Who my Deliverer is...

If I do not learn to give God all the glory, even in the good times, I have little doubt that they will be short-lived. Not so much because pride deserves to be humbled (though I believe that it does). More so that God can keep me close to Him, loving Him, relying on Him, and giving Him glory and praise. So before the enemy fools me with all this baloney about "how well I'm doing," I will put myself back in my place - on my knees, looking up to the only One responsible for life's good times.

I thank You, Lord, for whispering to my heart and reminding me that a move could trip off depression in me. I praise You, Father, for the miracle of modern medicine - for doctors who care and medications to treat so many of our illnesses. I give You - and only You - Christ Jesus, the credit for this blessed state of peace in my life. Lord God, You heard my prayer (for just one good friend in this new home) and answered! Thank-you is so much less than You deserve, but I humbly offer it anyway. May my whole life be a blazing offering, all for You and for Your glory. Glory to God! Glory to God! Glory to God forever!


  1. this caught my eye because we just sang that song on Sunday! And your words - as I read more, oh honey - what beauty in your transparency. Thank you for sharing - and pointing back to Him!

    I'm in a Beth Moore bible study - Breaking Free. She writes, "one primary purpose of fiery trials is to surface the dross. We must recognize it to crucify it so God can skim off the impurity as it rises to the surface".

    I guess we think we're doing it - doing well - and it's God! Definitely - glory to God!!

  2. On our knees is such a good place to be, and this song seems like such a great fit for thinking about your husband's burden for Haiti and how the two of you might share it. Maybe God, in His great kindness, will weave your love for women's ministry and your hubby's love for Haiti together and give you a place to influence where the two are one.

    Praying peace for you tonight,


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