This Is Why I Do It

When I started out writing this blog, I wasn't really sure what I was doing or why I was doing it.

There was a little resistant and rebellious part of me that didn't want to take up with this new fad. Only recently have I realized how this part of myself has been allowed to make far too many decisions on behalf of the whole me. Ultimately, I think the seeds of rebellion sprout up and take root in those of us who live under 'fear of rejection.' If we disqualify ourselves from the 'in crowd' by being opposite, they will have no opportunity to reject us, right?

Then there was the little competitive voice in my head telling me to do it, and do it better than everyone else. To be honest, this voice has always frightened me a bit, because it is the echo of 'fear of failure.' If being the best equals success, not being the best equals failure, right?

Deep with me, though, is another meaning. Something far greater than being out or fitting in, success or failure, rebellion or competition. This part of me, this deeper meaning, overrides my fears. This is the Holy Spirit within me, and He is my Counsellor. He leads me on the right path, tells me when to turn to the left or the right. For reasons I could not understand, I sensed the a nudging to go ahead and start a blog.

My mind tried to rationalize this heart nudge. Maybe God will use my blog to grow an amazing and wonderful ministry! (Whoa, back off competitive Tyler.) What if no one ever reads it? Maybe I've been getting prideful and God wants to humble me. (Ease up, insecure Tyler.)

Ultimately, my heart just told me to be me. Be real. Be open. Whether the Lord used what I wrote to bless and encourage others, or whether He used it to grow me. The end result isn't usually what matters with God. More often than not, He calls us to walk in obedience, and that's the real purpose. Not what will happen as a result, simply the fact that we are doing as He asks. So, I blogged.

Through this blogging thing, I have been blessed. No - I do not get 10,000 hits per day or 50 comments on every post. I'm not the best. The most beautiful thing about that is - I'm okay with it! A few people read what I write, they comment, I reply, and friendships are formed. I have emailed these new friends for advice on blogging, marriage, and child-raising. They have even emailed me for advice sometimes! (How crazy is that?!)

I may not be the most popular girl in the blogosphere, but a few people like me an think I'm doing an all right job. A couple of them even decided to 'award' me for my random ramblings. Really, a girl can't ask for anything better!

Here they are. I'll let you admire them for a little while before I prop them up on my mantle (kidding, I don't have a mantle). One of the special things about these awards is that they need to be passed on to other bloggers. Come back later today (after I've cleaned my bathrooms) to see who I'm passing them on to...

Here's what Bobbie quoted about the 'Arte y pico' award she sent my way: The award is given to those who inspire others with their creative energy and talents in writing, artwork, design or contributions to the blogging community. (And to the ones I am passing it onto, I would like to add.... just being generally inspiring women.) This award was created here.


And then Christie sent me the 'Brillante Weblog' award.


I know it's really just a couple girlfriends saying, "hey, I like readin' your stuff." I'm not on the Grammys or the Literary Guild Awards being honoured for my super-human blog amazingness. I think that's part of what makes it so special. It's just God's way of telling me, "see, I told you you should try it." I believe it was Andreas Cappellanus (thank-you Google) who said if out of all mankind one finds a single friend, [s]he has found something more precious than any treasure.