Friday, February 26, 2010

Start Dating Again

I can't seem to put together a post this morning because all I can think about is that I get to go out on a date with a very good-looking guy (who I kinda have a crush on) tonight.

We live for date night. Well, I do! I think that there are times Pat would rather just stay home and veg out, but he indulges me. You know why I love it so? Date night refreshes me and strengthens our marriage.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of living our two different worlds, and simply crossing one another's paths at the end of each day. I'm home with the kids, doing the homemaker thing. He's out working, doing the breadwinner thing. And when the "work day" ends, we are both exhausted. I want to run away from homemaking and child-raising stuff and do something grown-up. He wants to turn his brain off and relax.

I am so thankful that Pat resists the urge to shut-down when he walks in the door and instead engages with us. Because I know how difficult it must be to walk in the door and be "on" immediately, I resist my urge to run away. But give us a couple weeks of this hard work, and we can begin to feel pretty disconnected as a couple.

Anyone else feeling this?

About two years ago we began a tradition of having a date night on payday weekends.

For me, date night provides the face-to-face interaction I need to feel emotionally fulfilled. It gives us both time to be together and talk about any family issues without being "on duty" or being continually interrupted.

(Mom, you may want to skip this next paragraph.)

As you know, foreplay for women has a lot to do with feeling emotionally satisfied. So for Pat, date night holds the promise that the date will continue once we get home.

Date night refuels us both, so that we have renewed energy and can continue with the hard work we both do.

Are you feeling disconnected with your hubby? Feel like you are not heard? Emotionally drained? Don't date in the bedroom as often as you think you should?

Try having a regular date night at least once per month, but ideally twice per month. I suggest getting out of the house if at all possible, to eliminate distractions and your own temptation to "just do this one thing." I would also suggest that you try having a scheduled weekly date night (or morning/ afternoon - whatever rocks your boat) as my new bloggy friend Kingdom Mama writes about here. Try dating your hubby for just a month and see if you don't feel a little bit more connected and not quite so emotionally drained.

Here's the thing. I know lots of my readers (like, three out of the five of you) have small children and tight finances. You're thinking, "We can't afford that! It's so hard to find a sitter!" along with various other reasons excuses. So I'd like for today to be a dialogue. If you have a creative suggestion on how to make a regular semi-monthly date night happen regardless of sitters and finances - please share! On Monday, I'll share some cool things that we (and other people we know) have done to work around these issues.


  1. I think your mother can handle the "foreplay" comment. We may be old, but we had fun, too! :)
    Your old tante.

  2. Kidswap! Its all about women supporting women. Thank goodness for aunties and girlfriends who like to go out too. I don't mind doing them a favour especially when it means I get a chance to go out (usually grocery shopping, but hey I'll take it) without 5 children in tow.

  3. Our solution: home date night...


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