My New Weight-Loss Program

Know someone who needs to lose a few pounds (like myself)? I have discovered an amazing solution! Try out the toddler two-step... (Now, you could be thinking, "what is she talking about, she doesn't have a toddler," and you'd be right - technically. But I do have an unusually active 7-month-old, whom I believe will graduate into the toddler realm in the next month or so. Sigh.)

Here, try out the dance with me...

Mommy tries to do something - anything. It could be productive (cook dinner, sweep, read a story to an older child) or less-than-productive (reading blogs, napping). I promise you, any activity will do. Right foot forward.

Baby disappears from sight, but remains within hearing range. So far, all noise and activity sound, well, noisy. Left foot forward.

Mommy gets engaged in her activity and the world around her disappears. Right foot to the side.

Mommy relishes the sweet sound of silence while she works. Left foot - wait a minute!

Shuffle, shuffle, both feet forward, faster now...

Baby is discovered engaging in a silent but dangerous activity, such as splashing in the toilet, pulling up to stand on objects that are not stationary, reaching for electrical cords with the intent of using them for a teether to bring in tooth #4, etc. Lift and step, back, back, one-two-three.

Baby is placed in a safe location with only baby-safe teething toys within range. Left foot to the side.

Mommy cautiously engages in activity - again. Right foot forward.

This fantastically fun toddler two-step continues throughout the day, keeping Mommy on her toes, limber and flexible. According to all the latest weight-loss gurus, this dance can burn between 500 and 1500 calories per day - probably depending on the gender and age of said toddler.

On a side note, this dance may also be used as an object lesson for teens on the merits of absitnence.