All That I Can Say

You know those times in your life where it's all you can do to function? Where you tell yourself over again, "just do the next thing...keep moving forward...don't stop moving," because if you dare to stop the feeling of what you're going through would simply crush you? Where the best prayer you can offer is simply, "please, God, please" - where more is utterly impossible?

It can be so easy to forget how those times feel. We experience life smoothly for a time, and the pain from the past fades. It's easy to feel frustrated with others who seem to be 'stuck' in a place of pain and heartache. Who seem to be 'losing their faith.' It's hard to remember that the difference between a time of stability and closeness with God and a time of echoing emptiness is one small event.

This is my confession - I have been callous, uncaring, and impatient. I have held pride in my heart, thinking that my faith is strong and I would not go down the path of doubt. I have forgotten that it was only last summer that I could barely pray, where the pain and confusion of what I thought God had promised and my reality were crushing my spirit.

I have not been a good friend. Rather than listening, loving, caring, and praying I have pushed, prodded, challenged, and judged. I told myself that 'iron sharpens iron' to justify my harsh attitude, but God (in His mercy) has reminded me that 'the greatest of these is love.'

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ~1Corinthians 13:1-3

My friends, I am sorry. Please forgive me. When you needed someone to listen, I preached. When you needed someone to understand, I judged. When you needed someone to pray for your broken heart, I prayed for my own agenda. I hurt you and pushed you away, and I was wrong. I can only hope that you will be willing to give me another chance to be the friend that you need.

This song was one of the things God used to show me how wrong I've been. It reminds me of those dark times, and all I can do is pray "please, God, please." My prayer is that it will touch that spot in your soul. (David Crowder actually does a much better job on this song, vocally, but I loved the scripture all wrapped up in this video.)