Lead Your Heart

"Follow your heart." We've all heard it before. But the effects I've seen of this heart following are all too often negative - divorce, broken families, adultery, broken trust.

The heart (the emotions) is a fickle thing. We tend to be motivated by what feels good, what makes us happy, by what we believe we deserve. I am so guilty of this! I frequently decide that I am not feeling loved enough by Pat. Maybe I even feel taken for granted. My heart begins to ache a little bit, and I follow it. I follow it right down the path of blame and accusation, dissatisfaction and criticism. Very soon, neither of us is "happy" in our marriage.

So where would we be if I kept on following my heart down that path? Probably in a state so miserable that divorcing and breaking our family apart would seem to be the only path back to happiness.

I believe it is healthier, wiser, and better for the heart if we choose to "lead our hearts." Like I said, emotions can change on a dime (they are not the best compass to follow). How much wiser would it be for us to direct our hearts (our emotions) in the way they should go?

What do I mean? I mean this - regardless of the feelings, we choose to act in ways that reflect what we want to be feeling. We choose to show love regardless of how loving (or not) we are feeling. Come back with me to the place where I'm feeling unloved or taken for granted. I don't have to follow my heart to the pit of despair. No way! I can make a choice, in that very moment, to lead my heart.

For me, leading my heart might look like doing something to show Pat that I love him (even though I am feeling unloved) - even better, doing something to show Pat that I respect him (more on love & respect here and here). It might be forgiving that my work has been taken for granted, and picking up the strewn laundry because I love him. It might look like clamping my mouth shut when all I really want to do is spew and vent how horrible I feel, and praying that God changes my heart (rather than praying that God changes my husband).

The funny thing I've noticed is that when I lead my heart, it doesn't take long before my emotions follow where I want them to go. The feelings of hurt and discontentment ease away. Loving thoughts and feelings work their way back in. I begin to feel "happier" and my actions reflect it. And more often than not, a chain reaction begins. Rather than ending up unhappy and divorced, we end up stronger and more committed.

In The Love Dare it says this: The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The Bible says that 'the heart is more deceitful than all else' (Jeremiah 17:9), and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment...The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse into the person you want them to be...The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling.

We each have a choice to make. Follow the heart and hope to heaven we find love and feel loved. Or lead the heart and choose to be love and show love.

On Relationships and Forgiveness

We are doing a series on Sunday mornings called "Be Transformed" based on the book of Ephesians and on the principles of Celebrate Recovery. This week's sermon was entitled, "Repairing Relationships." The verse for yesterday's sermon was:

Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
~ Ephesians 4:31-32 (TNIV)

If you have time to listen to the sermon, please do! In the course of the sermon, a couple shares their profound and powerful testimony of how God can restore broken-beyond-repair relationships. (To listen, look down the left sidebar on the church's website and simply click the play button.) Heck, after next week I would seriously recommend you get your hands on the whole series! (I hear we've entered the age of technology and you can now download sermons from iTunes. Someone more technical than I will need to explain how to get there. Maybe just try searching "CrossRoads Church" in the iTunes store...)


If you don't have the time to listen, I'll do my best to summarize the key points.


3 Reasons why we should forgive:

1. God has forgiven us. (I will never have to forgive anyone more than God has forgiven me.)

2. Resentment doesn't work. (Not forgiving makes me angry, resentful, isolated, bitter, lonely, miserable, difficult to be around, and just plain unhappy. Unforgiveness hurts me, but it doesn't actually hurt the person I am withholding forgiveness from at all.)

3. We are going to need forgiveness in the future. (Matthew 6:14-15 (WENT) says If you forgive others for the wrong things they have done, then your Father in heaven will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, your Father will not forgive you for the wrong things you have done.)


How to forgive:

1. Reveal our hurt. (Think of the people that have hurt me, how they've hurt me, and be honest with myself about it.)

2. Release the person that hurt us. (Whether they ask for it or not, for my sake and God's I release them/ forgive them for what they've done. God cannot do all His "good stuff" in my life if I am bound up by anger and hurt.)

3. Replace our hurt with God's peace. (I need to trust God to right the wrongs and serve justice, and ask Him to fill my heart with His peace.)


This sermon really struck a chord with me. I know that healthy relationships are the foundation of a happy life. They are the manifestation of a healthy walk with Christ. They are so important that God gave us a command about them: "The most important [commandment]," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." (Mark 12:29a, 30-31, TNIV)

Nothing is more important than our relationships with God and others. Yet I find myself constantly messing them up. It's so easy to let myself be hurt by something someone does or says, then carry that hurt around with me like a badge of honour. (Maybe it has to do with hormones and emotions...)

This past week, I have been pretty much bombarded with messages about forgiveness. In The Love Dare, in Esther: It's Tough Being a Woman, encountering a messy family relationship where unforgiveness dominates, this sermon. One thing I have learned is that if God keeps sending me the same message a hundred different ways, He's trying to get my attention. I guess I better settle in for some time with Him to hear what He is saying to me...

Lead Your Heart

"Follow your heart." We've all heard it before. But the effects I've seen of this heart following are all too often negative - divorce, broken families, adultery, broken trust.

The heart (the emotions) is a fickle thing. We tend to be motivated by what feels good, what makes us happy, by what we believe we deserve. I am so guilty of this! I frequently decide that I am not feeling loved enough by Pat. Maybe I even feel taken for granted. My heart begins to ache a little bit, and I follow it. I follow it right down the path of blame and accusation, dissatisfaction and criticism. Very soon, neither of us is "happy" in our marriage.

So where would we be if I kept on following my heart down that path? Probably in a state so miserable that divorcing and breaking our family apart would seem to be the only path back to happiness.

I believe it is healthier, wiser, and better for the heart if we choose to "lead our hearts." Like I said, emotions can change on a dime (they are not the best compass to follow). How much wiser would it be for us to direct our hearts (our emotions) in the way they should go?

What do I mean? I mean this - regardless of the feelings, we choose to act in ways that reflect what we want to be feeling. We choose to show love regardless of how loving (or not) we are feeling. Come back with me to the place where I'm feeling unloved or taken for granted. I don't have to follow my heart to the pit of despair. No way! I can make a choice, in that very moment, to lead my heart.

For me, leading my heart might look like doing something to show Pat that I love him (even though I am feeling unloved) - even better, doing something to show Pat that I respect him (more on love & respect here and here). It might be forgiving that my work has been taken for granted, and picking up the strewn laundry because I love him. It might look like clamping my mouth shut when all I really want to do is spew and vent how horrible I feel, and praying that God changes my heart (rather than praying that God changes my husband).

The funny thing I've noticed is that when I lead my heart, it doesn't take long before my emotions follow where I want them to go. The feelings of hurt and discontentment ease away. Loving thoughts and feelings work their way back in. I begin to feel "happier" and my actions reflect it. And more often than not, a chain reaction begins. Rather than ending up unhappy and divorced, we end up stronger and more committed.

In The Love Dare it says this: The world says to follow your heart, but if you are not leading it, then someone or something else is. The Bible says that 'the heart is more deceitful than all else' (Jeremiah 17:9), and it will always pursue that which feels right at the moment...The Love Dare journey is not a process of trying to change your spouse into the person you want them to be...The truth is, love is a decision and not just a feeling.

We each have a choice to make. Follow the heart and hope to heaven we find love and feel loved. Or lead the heart and choose to be love and show love.