I am reading Exodus right now, and it's definitely one of my favourite parts of the Bible. As I read I can envision scenes from "The Prince of Egypt" playing in my mind. Of course, those images are overlapping with visions of Charleton Heston standing on the mountain, beard waving in the breeze, holding two tablets of stone in his arms.
Rather than allowing myself to be carried away by the story (as I usually am reading the great history laid out in the Old Testament), I am trying to take things more slowly - a couple chapters per day - in an effort to glean more wisdom from the pages. Today, I am reflecting on Moses' calling from God and his response. (Below is my paraphrase of the whole situation.)
- Moses sees a bush on fire that is not burning up. The bush (the Lord) speaks to Moses, telling him that he has been chosen by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt and into freedom.
- Moses says, "Who am I, that I should do this?"
- God reassures Moses that He will be with Moses the whole time.
- Moses asks, "Well, what if the Israelites don't believe You sent me?"
- God tells Moses to say "I AM sent me."
- Moses then asks, "Well, what if the Egyptians don't believe You sent me?"
- God gives Moses miraculous powers AND assures Moses that He will reach out His hand over Egypt and they will recognize the Lord.
- Then Moses tells God, "But God, I'm no good at public speaking!"
- God reassures Moses that He will put the words right in Moses' mouth.
- Next, Moses whines and asks God to pleeeeease send someone else.
Then the LORD's anger burned against Moses. (Exodus 4:14a)
By the time I arrived to that verse, my anger was burning against Moses! I was so annoyed with him, thinking, "Moses, you dufus. He is GOD! Stop questioning Him. Just do what He says and trust that He will lead you every step. Sheesh, dude!"
And then I felt a quiet question whisper in my heart. How much time do I waste questioning God and His call? How far do I push with my lack of faith and trust? Do I bring the Lord to a place of anger or frustration before I finally listen and obey?
I can think of two areas where I'm pretty sure I've provoked God's ire...
God called me to write this book at least a couple years before I wrote the post about it. Part of the writing, I'm sure, is for me and me alone. While there have been huge improvements in my struggle with anger, there continue to be days where I feel as though I've fallen right back to the beginning. I believe that God's full deliverance will come once I have finished what He asked me to do. I'm still (slowly, and at times barely) working on it.
When we moved, I had a strong sense of awareness that God was calling me to a new ministry. A shift of focus in my ministry to women. I think that God knew I would not be able to let go of WOW to do something new (but would instead try to do it all). We arrived here and I knew that I was supposed to make my ministry focus threefold: writing, speaking, and ministry consulting. That was eight months ago.
Man, I am burning in anger at myself! What happened to my desire to serve? When did I become such a wuss? Why in the world have I been holding off on doing what I believe God has called me to do? Fear. Insecurity. Loneliness. Laziness.
Taking the BLAST course has been instrumental in building my confidence in my calling and teaching me the practical steps to take in order to move forward. And signing up for She Speaks this year has given me the kick-start I desperately needed to actually take those steps. I am ready to stop annoying myself and God by acting like Moses. Instead, I want to be an Isaiah.
Here am I, Lord. Send me! (Isaiah 6:8b)
How about you? Is there an area in your life where you've been a Moses lately?
P.S. If you think BLAST will help you launch your speaking and writing ministry, Shannon is taking applications for the fall class now. If you sign up, let her know I referred you - I get a little discount on my course costs if you sign up because of me. :)