Without Question



image courtesy of eslpod.com



I've been questioning God lately.

I'm not being completely honest here... I almost always question Him.

It's not that I don't trust God. Rather, I don't trust myself. I have doubts and second-guess what I think I've heard.

Here's the short version of my most recent example of questioning...

1. God tells us to move. We (Pat and I) both clearly sense that one of the reasons for the move is so that I can focus on building my writing and speaking ministry.
2. I do some things to build the ministry.
3. It seems to be growing more slowly than I had hoped or anticipated.
4. I wonder, "Did I hear right? Is this really what I'm supposed to be doing? Maybe there's something else I should be doing in the meantime."
5. I investigate a variety of career options. I apply for jobs. (Not that I ever intend to actually be a working mom, because I'm quite certain that my work in life will be a combination of motherhood and ministry. I'm just thinking of working in the meantime, while I wait for the ministry dream to become a reality.)
6. Doors close. No job for me.
7. I am left wondering where I went wrong and asking God questions.
8. As is His style with me, I sense God's reply holds a mixture of patience, chagrin, and sarcasm. "I never did tell you to apply for jobs, did I? So what exactly are you unclear about?"
9. I still wonder and worry.
10. God provides confirmation of His calling through two emails from magazine publishers.

I have an awareness that I am supposed to press on, yet a desire for something to happen now. Because God's plan doesn't seem to be fitting the same timeline as my plan, I question.

I know an amazing woman, Donna Jordan, who teaches with YWAM (Youth with a Mission) on hearing the voice of God (aka listening prayer). She asks God questions all the time, but she doesn't question Him. Once she has her answer, she trusts.

I was thinking how I'd like to be more like Donna. To be the kind of woman who knows that I know that I have been given clear direction from my Father, trusting Him for as long as it takes...without question.

The difference between Donna and I (besides the fact that she's a seasoned woman who's spent most of her adult life as a missionary and I'm a younger mom living in the comforts of a big house in the city) - she talks to God and listens to Him every. single. day. She is so familiar with His voice that there is little room for doubt.

If I want to be a woman who does not question my Daddy's instructions, I need to be absolutely and utterly familiar with the sound of His voice.

I recently heard Brad Jersak speak on listening to God, and he shared about a challenge that his wife took on. She added a few minutes to her daily quiet time to ask God one question and journal His answer. Every day. For forty days. It changed her relationship with her Abba forever.

I have decided to take up her challenge for this year's season of Lent - the 40 days where we prepare our hearts to truly celebrate Christ's sacrifice, His death and resurrection. According to my friend, Google, Lent begins on Ash Wednesday (March 9th this year) and ends on the Saturday of Easter weekend (April 23rd). If you're into math (fellow geeks unite!), you'll count 46 days. Also according to Google, the Sundays in Lent are not included in the 40-day count, as each Sabbath is considered a "mini-Easter" celebration.

During that time, I'd like to share some of my experiences with you. I'd love for some friends to join me and blog about their times of listening to God, too. I'll put up a linky and everything. On Thursdays, from March 10 - April 21, we can fellowship together over coffee and under our Father's love. Sometime between now and then, I'll come up with a catchy name and a button for our little series. (Now accepting applications for "catchy name developers" and "pro-bono blog button designers." *wink*)

Anyone else need a fresh word from God?

Would you care to join me on this Lenten journey of asking, listening, and writing it down?


It's important to mention one other person who has inspired my desire to seek out God's voice more intentionally, because she teaches me more about Him every time she writes... Sandy, thank you for always bringing us back to centre - back to God - at God Speaks Today. Your series 30 Days of Hearing God was a major inspiration for this unnamed series; your series God Speaks through the Storm is what brought me to your blog; and your current series, Freedom from Perfection is getting on my nerves (in a good way)! If we lived in the same zip code/ postal code, I can guarantee that you'd find me lurking on your porch angling for a coffee and a visit chalk full of wisdom and inspiration far more often than you'd like!

Sort-Of Obedience

My kids like to push most things to the limits, and obeying mom is no exception. They want to see how wide the boundaries are when it comes to listening, hearing, and doing. There are three favored tactics used for "stretching" obedience in our home.

The delay:

One phrase I am beginning to hear too much of is, "Just a minute!" Don't get me wrong, I'm not an irrational dictator - if someone asks for another minute (to finish what they're engaged in before doing the task I'm asking) I am usually happy to oblige. It's the assumption that another minute is always available that grates this momma's nerves.

The ignore:

Ignoring is really nothing more than another delay tactic, as obedience will be enforced eventually. Depending on which child I'm dealing with, ignoring may look like a complete "zone out" (for example, a particular adolescent in front of the TV, who is incapable of muttering a word in response while his favorite programming is on) or more like a distance issue, "I didn't hear you!"

I, on the other hand, am a fan of first-time obedience. The problem is actually making it happen. (By the way, I'm totally open to suggestions on how to actually make first-time obedience a reality!) If my walls could talk, they would likely repeat the refrain, "I shouldn't have to tell you fifteen times. Your job is to listen and obey the first time." (Yes, I tend to exaggerate.)

The partial:

Partial obedience can take the form be a job that gets half done, or done but not properly. Sometimes it's yet another version of the delay ("Yes, I was just doing it right now."). Most often, it looks like "optional" obedience. An example would be when I ask someone to "Do their jobs." They know what this means, they know the list of jobs for morning and evening. Yet they choose to only do one or two of those jobs, and when asked if they've done their jobs the answer is, "Yes." But with further digging the truth is uncovered.

While there are also instances of blatant disobedience (as in, "Don't color on the walls!" followed by blue and purple swirls marking the hallway - yes, real example), most times disobedience takes the form of sort-of obedience - the delay, the ignore, and the partial. And I don't believe that the intent behind sort-of obedience is truly to disobey and disregard what I'm asking so much as it is rooted in the desire to do good, but on their own terms, timeline, and in their own way.

I read a story today about disobedience...

God told King Saul (through the prophet Samuel) to "attack the Amalekites and totally destroy everything that belongs to them." Saul and his army did as they were commanded and attacked, but they "spared [King] Agag and the best of the sheep and the cattle..."

Saul wasn't trying to be disobedient. But God's way didn't totally make sense to him. I mean, why destroy all the good livestock?! Why not keep some for ourselves? And of course, some to offer up to the Lord. Saul was sort-of obedient.

God didn't see it that way.

Does the LORD delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices
as much as in obeying the voice of the LORD?
To obey is better than sacrifice,
and to heed is better than the fat of rams.

For rebellion is like the sin of divination,
and arrogance like the evil of idolatry.
Because you have rejected the word of the LORD,
He has rejected you...

~1 Samuel 15:22-23

Sort-of obedience is still disobedience. God calls it rebellion and arrogance and equates it to divination and idolatry. (If you recall, the first of the ten commandments is about idolatry - "...no other gods before Me.") Disobedience is that bad!

All this has got me thinking about my own areas of sort-of obedience...

How often to I hear the Lord tell me to do something - like reading the Word with the kids around the dinner table (or to stop doing something - like nagging my hubby about something that bugs me) - and I put it off? I'll start on Monday...

How often do I sense God calling me to make a big change or sacrifice - like getting rid of TV for a season - and I ignore Him? I didn't hear that right... That wasn't really God... Surely He didn't mean... (Oooh, that sounds familiar, doesn't it?!)

How often does He ask me to do a job for Him - like write a book - and I stop (or take an "extended break") before the work is complete? I think this much is good enough...

I think the first step in training my children to obey completely and immediately is probably for me to show them how it's done.

What about you? Is there something God has been calling you to do (or stop doing) that you've been only sort-of obedient in?