Tuesday, August 30, 2011

The Crossroads

I am not generally an anxious person. I tend not to worry about things. Except for money, that is. For some reason tough money issues can plague my thoughts for hours upon hours. But I digress; that's an topic for another post. The point is, if I can't change it or have zero control over it, I usually won't fret about it.

Yesterday, I carried a massive knot in my stomach from the moment I woke. It didn't subside when I took 15 minutes to read a new novel. It wouldn't let go during small group fellowship. It's still there now. Thinking back, I didn't sleep well at all the night before last - I was probably all tied up in knots already.

The only word I can find to describe the emotion that is causing my discomfort is anxiety.

I am anxious about putting my baby in day care, when he still resisted preschool after 10 months of regular attendance.

I am anxious about the days where the older children may arrive home on the school bus slightly before I make it home after work.

I am anxious that I won't be able to hack the pressure of being Mommy and employee.

I am anxious that I'll get too busy and my writing and speaking opportunities will fritter away.

I am anxious about what to cook for dinner for the entire month of September.

As I write out my worries, I feel the knot in my gut my climbing up into the back of my throat.

I pause for a moment and wonder what this is all about. It's not like me to worry and fret. It's not like me to play the "what if" game. And when I bump into feelings and reactions that are just "not me," I remember that I have an enemy who likes to try and fill my head with lies. Lies with just enough truth behind them to be believable.

The father of lies wants me to worry that I can't do it... But I have a different Father, and my Daddy says something different.

The truth is, apart from Jesus, I can do nothing. (John 15:5)

The truth is, I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength. (Phil. 4:13)

The truth is, God has a good plan for me that involves hope and a future, not disaster. (Jer. 29:11)

The truth is, He didn't give me a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power and love. (2 Tim. 1:7)

So here I sit, hearing whispered lies yet knowing the truth. I'm at a crossroads, and I must choose. Will I believe the one who says I am weak, the one who predicts my failure, the one who wants me to walk through my days afraid? Or will I believe the One who loves me and has adopted me as His own child? (Eph. 1:5)

Whom will I believe?

And you - when you feel weak, afraid, weary, incompetent - whom will you believe?

I receive these words as a healing balm over my soul, and in turn pray them over you today...

I pray that out of His glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

~ Ephesians 3:16-21

4 comments:

  1. You are so right. You can do all things through Christ. With Him by your side, you can do this.

    And if this is not what you are meant to be doing, He will reveal that to you in time. If you feel that He has shown you that this is the direction that He wants you to take, then you have to follow in obedience and part of the blessing of that is that you will be able to "do it all".

    He is with you and will be with you as you start this new journey.

    P.S. We'll get the meals for September worry taken care of soon enough...don't worry!!!

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  2. God's timing never ceases to amaze me. Not even 10 minutes after posting a blog about feeling the ugliness of depression starting to seep back into my life, this e-mail pops into my inbox. Exactly what I needed to hear. Had tears welling in my eyes the entire time I read. Thanks.

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  3. The crockpot is your friend.

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  4. As I read the words from Casting Crowns, The Voice of Truth starting running through my head - take this as your mantra:

    Oh,what I would do to have
    the kind of faith it takes
    To climb out of this boat I'm in
    Onto the crashing waves
    To step out of my comfort zone
    Into the realm of the unknown
    Where Jesus is,
    And he's holding out his hand

    But the waves are calling out my name
    and they laugh at me
    Reminding me of all the times
    I've tried before and failed
    The waves they keep on telling me
    time and time again
    "Boy, you'll never win,
    You you'll never win

    But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
    the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
    and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
    Out of all the voices calling out to me
    I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

    Oh, what I would do
    to have the kind of strength it takes
    To stand before a giant
    with just a sling and a stone
    Surrounded by the sound
    of a thousand warriors
    shaking in their armor
    Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

    But the giant's calling out
    my name and he laughs at me
    Reminding me of all the times
    I've tried before and failed
    The giant keeps on telling me
    time and time again
    "Boy you'll never win,
    you'll never win."

    But the voice of truth tells me a different story
    the Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
    and the Voice of truth says "this is for My glory"
    Out of all the voices calling out to me
    I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

    But the stone was just the right size
    to put the giant on the ground
    and the waves they don't seem so high
    from on top of them looking down
    I will soar with the wings of eagles
    when I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
    singing over me

    But the Voice of truth tells me a different story
    The Voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
    And the Voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
    Out of all the voices calling out to me (calling out to me)
    I will choose to listen and believe (I will choose to listen and believe)
    I will choose to listen and believe the Voice of truth

    I will listen and believe
    I will listen and believe the Voice of truth
    I will listen and believe
    'Cause Jesus you are the Voice of truth
    And I will listen to you.. oh you are the Voice of truth

    Loving you...Frieda

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