Monday, May 23, 2011

Christianity hates women and so do I

I often reply to your comments via email. I like to engage in conversation with you and answer your questions. I enjoy the dialogue. Recently, I received a comment that requires a different response. In reply to that comment, I have crafted a brief monologue.

If you need to get some context before reading, the post that the comment appeared on is Never Say No.

The anonymous commenter said, Christianity is such a misogynistic religion and the women are so brainwashed to be a doormat to their husbands even to the point of humiliation. Ugh.

mi-sog-y-ny (mi-soj-uh-nee), noun - hatred, dislike, or mistrust of women

(Dear reader - this definition was more for my benefit than yours. I had to look it up to be sure of the meaning!)

courtesy of
 Here is my reply...

Dear Anonymous,

Taken out of context or read by an unbelieving reader, any words written by a Christian can be twisted around. (In fact, that's true of any written or spoken word.) It would appear that you have taken my words out of context - the contextual background being a shared faith in Christ.

The fact is, my post said NOTHING about being brainwashed, being a doormat, or being humiliated. My post was written from the perspective of a regular women in a regular marriage, and suggesting that we regular women have a CHOICE to make. We can choose to love our husbands in a way that makes them feel loved, or we can choose to reject them.

If a woman were in an abusive relationship, where her husband was asking her to participate in humiliating sexual acts, my advice would be quite different. I don't condone abuse and would never encourage a woman to stay in an abusive relationship, let alone to participate in anything that causes her to feel humiliated.

The assumption is that the average married woman feels no shame in making love with her husband. The assumption is that the average married woman desires to have a great (as opposed to average) marriage. The assumption is the average married Christian woman recognizes that, by focusing on changing her own negative patterns (rather than on wishing her husband would change his), she holds the power of change in her hands.

In fact, in taking control of her choices about their intimate relationship, the Christian wife is the complete opposite of brainwashed. She is fully in control, having more influence than ever over the state of their marital relationship. She is the opposite of a doormat. Doormats shrink away from challenges and let themselves be walked on, but she rises to the new challenge of improving her marriage by taking action. She is the opposite of humiliated. Rather, she now feels empowered and has a sense of pride.

As for Christianity being misogynistic, I'd say it's quite the opposite. The Christian faith doesn't say "hate women, degrade women, treat women as second class." The Christian faith preaches love - love for God and love for your neighbour. (I'll be the first to admit that most Christians are not perfect at this. Which is exactly why we stand in need of a Saviour to rescue us from our own evil nature.)

I would like to propose that the Christian faith is, in fact, pro-woman. The Bible is filled with accounts of strong, Godly women changing the world. Esther, Rahab, Mary, Ruth, to name a few. The gift that is given to us when God created us is difference - we are each unique. The world would have you convinced that everyone is the same (they use the word 'equal') and should be treated the same. The Bible, on the other hand, says that we are each unique and should be treated as such. I, for one, appreciate a faith system where I am recognized for me - my own unique strengths and abilities, my own genetic makeup - rather than assumed to be just the same as all the rest.

You, my anonymous friend, don't have to believe this. You don't have to agree with me. I won't be trying to force you, brainwash you, or humiliate you into accepting my faith. Christianity is a choice. Each one of us has the power to choose to believe or not. I would encourage you to exercise your right to choose. But, just as the woman who chooses to reject her husband's advances will remain sad, lonely, and unempowered in her marriage, those who choose to reject Christ will remain unhappy and dissatisfied in their lives.

Before I bid you farewell, I want to be clear that I will not argue my faith on this blog. I believe in Christ and anyone stopping by here can recognize that fact in an instant. You are free to disagree with me; however, insults will not be tolerated. If you feel such strong hatred for the things I believe, my suggestion to you would be to find another blog to read. I write here to encourage Christian women in their walks with God, to help them build their faith and to be the women, wives, and mothers God calls them to be. My purpose is not (and never will be) to debate Christianity.
As well, might I encourage you to put some credibility behind your opinions by not hiding behind the veil of anonymity? When a comment such as yours is posted anonymously, its intent is clearly to stir up dissension rather than to engage in conversation. I am open to having a conversation with you about my faith and how it differs from yours, but I am unwilling to engage in an insult-throwing exchange.
That said, for future reference, any anonymous comments that are disrespectful, contentious, or insulting will be deleted. As I said, my purpose here is not to debate, and my readers do not come here to be insulted by mysterious commenters. This is not to say I will delete comments that disagree with my point of view. If you have the courage to put your name beside your comment, and you have the ability to share your point of view without being denigrating, I am glad to engage in dialogue with you. I'm sure my readers will be, too.
While the comments on this post are open, and I am certainly expecting to see words left by those who disagree, let me reiterate that there is a way to disagree without being unkind or insulting. And those words left by real people with real names and faces will be treated with the respect due any person.
Thanks for hanging in there for my monologue. Now, let's let the conversation begin. :)
P.S. My statements about Christianity being freeing, about Christian wives having great power and influence, about making choices putting us in control - those are not ideas found in some book or simply Biblical platitudes. Those are factual truths evidenced in my own life.
Being treated as unique rather than 'equal' makes me feel free to be myself rather than trying to fit some mold.
Making choices about my sex life causes me to feel powerful, sexy, and much happier than I was when I allowed my emotions to decide for me.
And I feel more valued, appreciated, and necessary as a woman in the church than I ever have out in the workforce.
The only times I feel like a doormat, feel humiliated, or feel as though someone's trying to brainwash me is when I forget the truths I've learned and instead seek approval and affirmation from the rest of the world.
Perhaps that's just me? I don't know, let's ask the readers to weigh in...
Is your faith misogynistic, do you feel like a brainwashed and humiliated doormat?


  1. Well said! I loved the initial post, and I have great respect for how you responded to the negative comment.....great job!

  2. Dude, there's a reason why most of my friends are guys....they slug it out and are friends again the next day : ) No overthinking, no seeing things that aren't there. I know this is sooooo not PC or BC (bible correct haha) but peeps (AKA girls) seriously need to just chillax....Tyler if you're ever bored ask me about the boxing match I had once with at the time a girl I had much (and her too) to be angry about and how that took us from grudge holding angry girls to instant let go and civil and OK. It's not at all what you are talking about but may make you giggle : )

  3. Always so wise. We, as women, are often not in the "mood". Recognizing this in myself, very early in my marriage I committed to, on a very regular basis (maybe not quite every time), in response to my husband's overtures, to allow myself to get in the "mood". usually less than a few minutes, I would truly be enjoying him. Why make him feel rejected when we can mutually bless each other. I never felt like a doormat or brainwashed. I felt treasured!

    Blessings on your ministry!

  4. Tyler,

    As always, your gift with words in written form is beautifully presented. I love how mature, wise, realistic, and forgiving your words were. You couldn't be more right - Christianity isn't what makes me (as a women) feels unequal, inadequate, etc) it is listening to what is said to me by people and what the trends of the world dictate.

    Being a Christian and having this relationship with God, knowing He has already figured my mess out and I WILL have beauty from it, is what keeps me going and keeps me sane.

    Thank you for being you and thank you for how you handled this situation. Nothing is more ugly than a back and forth - no one wins.

  5. Tyler!! Well said!!

    One of the first things I thought was, "if your going to comment like that at least put your name behind it", and you explained that very good!!

    Also, I want to tell you... ever since Ive made the effort to not say "No." to my husband, our relationship is better, we're both happier, we get along better, and our sex life is waay better! Like you said too, he's not asking for it all the time!!

    Thank you for the wisdom that you have! This post was awesome! Jesus didnt let people walk all over him, and I applaud you for not letting people disrespect you or walk all over you! Way to Go, Sister.

    Blessings to you!

  6. Very well said. I always appreciate your insights! I love your Wifey Wednesdays. I have been away from Nick for a couple of weeks, so I haven't had a chance to try some of the tips you have mentioned, but I look forward to seeing how they can make our marriage that much better. Thank you!


  7. i also had an 'ugly' anonymous comment the other day, so i can certainly relate to this.

    it is sad that some people just don't understand what it means to be a christian and certainly a christian woman. i love your answer to them my friend.

  8. Tyler! You are amazing... good response to this person. He/she is so misled, and you just nailed out the truth so awesomely!

    Take care


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