What does a family give to a Grandma who isn't fond of the frivolous, who doesn't like attention, and who has more dish towels than any one person should ever need? This year, our family (I mean our large, extended family of 6 aunts/uncles, 4 spouses, 9 grand-kids, 4 spouses, and 6 great-grand-kids) decided to give Grandma the gift of memories. I thought you might get a kick out of my contribution. (Language warning!)
1. Me: “Grandma, I’m bored. There’s nothing to do.”
Grandma: “Go shit in a shoe.”
2. If you fall down and hurt your knee, your wrist, your dentures, or smash up your whole face… Get up and keep on walking.
3. Liquid dish soap is not to be used in a dishwasher. (Actually, that lesson may have been taught by my older cousin, at Grandma’s expense.)
4. Even in your eighties, you can still play chase with your great-grandchildren.
5. Never waste anything! Old cereal boxes can be cut down and used for holding spice jars. (Evidence of her frugality can be found throughout my kitchen today.)
6. Socks don’t come clean unless you scrub them by hand, in the sink, with bleach.
7. There is a special way of humming that soothes fussy babies. This method works for all babies throughout the generations.
8. You’re never too old to work hard!
9. Low German lullabies are often morbid.
10. You can be thrifty and generous at the same time.
11. Mennonite food. Mmmmmmm good!
12. Measuring ingredients is for the birds.
13. Aging causes you to confuse someone offering you a cup of tea with them asking if you need to go pee.
14. It’s always appropriate to stick your tongue out at the camera. No matter how grown-up you are.
15. Phone people on Sundays when it’s cheap.
16. Removing a full set of dentures and “smiling” frightens small children.
17. It is possible to conceive six children without ever allowing a man to touch you. ;-)
18. Butter goes on everything.