Selfish

A lot of my prayer life is spent asking God about me. You know the prayers: What is your plan for me? Help me be a better wife/mother. Financial provision. Direction for the family.

I have spent months years praying that God show me clearly how many children we should have. (Not specifically, as in - how many? - but when was the right time to stop.) Then, when it seemed He gave some direction, I spent many more months asking Him to help me feel "settled" with it.

Over the years, I cannot count the times that we have found ourselves with time left in the month and no money left in the account. Each of those times, my prayer life launched into all-day conversations with the Lord.

Basically, my prayers tend to be quite selfish in nature. Me, me, me. Answer my prayer. Show me. Tell me. Guide me. Help me. Speak to ME!

I wonder what would happen if I became selfish for God? If I asked Him what He needs, what He wants, what He's passionate about...And then I allowed His desires to be the driving force behind my prayers?

The only thing I can imagine the Holy God being "selfish" for, is us. (Another way I've heard it said is that He is jealous for us, for our affections and devotion.) He wants His people to know Him and love Him, to be in a relationship with Him. God's desire for US is so strong that He allowed the murder of His Son to make an easier way for us to know Him.

Just think on that for a moment - God is jealous for YOU.

If I look at each person I encounter in my day as someone that He is jealous for, how would that change me? Would I be cranky on the phone with the telemarketer if I were cognizant of the fact that God WANTS her? If I were reflecting on how God DESIRES him, would I step back in shame/fear/disgust/sadness at the sight of the disheveled man, smelling of alcohol, on the sidewalk downtown?

But what if I take it even deeper into my heart? What would happen if I allowed God's Spirit to fill me with His passion for people? I would WANT them to know Him. My heart's DESIRE would be for them to discover His love. Our prayers are filled with the stuff of our hearts, so it stands to reason that my prayer life would take a dramatic turn. No more me, me, me.

Lord, hear and answer the telemarketer's prayer, so that she will know You.

Father, show the homeless man Your plan for his life, so that he will find hope in You.

Holy One, tell them about Your Son.

Majesty, guide them in Your ways.

Saviour, help them live for You.

I wonder... In the grand scheme of eternity, which of my prayers would really matter?