Saturday, May 10, 2008

She Comes by it Honestly

My darlin' Abbey, she's got some issues. The child is forever in pain. "I stubbed my toe...I bonked my head...I bit my tongue...there's a big bruise on my shin...I whacked my funny bone." On and on it goes. Really, it's an unending saga.

My mom and I were commiserating with one of Abbey's most recent injuries - the result of tripping over her own feet and falling into a large, stationary object - and I was whisked back to another time and place.

...Summer, 1986ish, age 8ish...

We always took the most fun summer vacations! Drive from point A to point B, which are generally no less than a full day and night of travel apart, remain at point B for a few days, check out all the tourist-y things to do, drive from point B back to point A. (No stopping allowed while driving, so be prepared to eat and sleep in the backseat of the car. Pee breaks only when stopping for gas is necessary.)

This particular summer, we were headed to Kelowna, BC to visit relatives (it's hard to say if they were really related, as I called a number of my parents' adult friends 'Auntie' and 'Uncle'). This family had, get this, a guest cabin! And horses! Backing onto the mountains! Next door to a cherry orchard! And two little girls to boss around! An *only child's dream vacation. With the exception of the rooster that crowed at 5am...

Many fun moments stand out, but one day's memories dominate all thoughts of that vacation. Old MacDonald's Farm. There were few things that excited me as much as the prospect of this place! All sorts of fun and games, all day long...there was even a waterslide!

We started out the day at the petting zoo. I had great fun bottle feeding a little goat (is that a lamb?) and chasing after some bunnies. But the stinky petting pen couldn't hold my interest for long - across the way I spied a pony ride. Woohoo!

Round and round, slow and plodding, with the occasional prod by one of the workers to keep it moving - those Shetland ponies can be pretty stubborn, ya know. Following my turn I had the boredom pleasure of waiting for my cousin to finish his ride. To pass the time, I thought it would be lovely to pet one of those pretty little ponies who was waiting by the sidelines for her turn. Little did I know, this pony was resting after her turn (not excitedly awaiting her opportunity to carry another squirming child in endless circles). My gentle stroking proved too much for her, and sweet Bessy (truth be told, when I not-so-fondly recollect her, her name is 'b@#&!y Bessy') leaned forward and bit me. Yep, took a big chomp with her giant horse teeth. Right. On. My. Belly. "Moooooooooom!!!!!"

Mom rushed me to the concession to retrieve a band-aid because yes, the evil pony actually drew blood! We went around to the washroom (which is in back of the concession), stepped back from the door way momentarily to allow others to exit, then charged in head-first. Literally. Whack! Right on my noggin. There was a dastardly lovely hanging plant near the door to the bathroom, dangling at just the right height for young girls to meet it head-on (pun intended). "Owwwwwwwwww!!!!!"

So far, Old MacDonald's Farm was ranking about second on my list of life's worst experiences.

I did eventually recover from my injuries and re-joined the world of fun. We wandered around from one activity to the next, and though I had a headache and my tummy was throbbing, I made the best of it. I was looking back to my mom to tell her something (probably about how proud she should be of me because I didn't let a little rough patch ruin my whole day). On a side note, I cannot count the number of times my mom had warned me about the perils of walking and looking backwards to talk. Guess what - she was right - I tripped on a rock. Fell flat on my face. "Waaaaaaaa!!!!!" Are you beginning to sense a pattern?!

We ended our day with some fun in the pool. Did I mention there was a waterslide? I had band-aids on my tummy and knees, I had taken a good dose of Tylenol, and I was excited to cool off from the heat of the day. First thing first - down the slide. It's helpful to mention that it was a fairly long waterslide, but designed for smaller children - so it was slower-moving and landed in shallow water. If you've ever done any watersliding, you'll know that you can make a slow slide go faster by laying flat on your back, crossing your ankles, and crossing your arms on your chest. You'll also know that coming off a slide at that speed requires a bit of room in the pool. Did I mention the shallow landing? Oh yeah, you know me by now - my body skidded to a stop by scraping my hindquarters, back, and shoulder blades across the bottom of the shallow pool. "I want to go home!!!!!!!"

You will still find this day logged in the record books as 'Worst Day Ever In My Whole Life.'

I can honestly say that I've outgrown my clumsiness. Except when I need to use a very sharp knife. Or walk straight. Or duck under things. Or climb over things. Or drive around obstacles such as low fences. Totally outgrown it. My husband never feels the need to remind me to "be careful." Never. It's all good.

Oh dear! I must run! Abbey has just whacked her head while crawling under the table (no, I have no idea why she felt the need to do this). And in her effort to get out from under while keeping her eyes closed against the blinding pain she knocked over a chair. It fell across her back. And I think she may have sprained her ankle in the process! She really is my daughter...

* You may be confused by the reference to being an only child, knowing that I have a brother and a sister. They are not mine by birth, but we merged our families when I was 12. So I was a 'lonely only' until I inherited my sibs.


  1. OUCH! Oh my goodness. What a memory. UGH.

  2. God sure has abundantly blessed you with the ability to communicate!!! You are so funny!


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