Thursday, August 6, 2009

Making the Turn-Around

I don't know about you, but in my life I find that there are a few particular sins that I tend to revisit over and over again. It's this never-ending cycle: sin, confess, be forgiven, do better, sin again...

One area that has been a huge struggle for me, for years, is anger towards my kids. It's so easy to slip into. Take yesterday for example... Life was great! I am pumped up and filled up from my weekend at She Speaks. I have been calm, patient, and firm in my discipline. We had two really great days. But yesterday something changed.

Maybe it was the rain, or the amount of time I spent at the computer, or maybe just a fluke - but let me tell you, these five kids were insane! Hyper, crazy, silly, loud, fun play inevitably turned into injury and tears. No matter how many times I calmly took those children aside and directed them to settle down, they would not stop. All that noise, the crying, and tattling - it got to me.

I completely lost my cool. Bellering at the top of my lungs, I directed five children toward their beds for some quiet time. When they argued, whined, and pleasded their cases I bellered some more. I pointed my finger toward the bedrooms, leaned in toward them, told them to "MOVE IT NOW" or risk the wrath of my raised hand coming down hard on their little tushies. I literally bit my tongue to keep from shouting "Shut up!" when more begging and apologizing came.

Right now, I am in pursuit of a personal spiritual revival. My heart is not content with a lukewarm, comfortable faith. As much as I dont want my world rocked, I really want God to rock my world! But I just don't know if He can work out a revival in this angry heart of mine...

Repentance is a prelude to revival.
~ Donna Jordan

According to Donna Jordan (a wise, Godly, humble woman) my revival will not be coming until I repent.

If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.
~Psalm 66:18

[S]he who conceals [her] sin does not prosper.
~ Proverbs 28:13

To repent is to turn away from sin. The act of confessing my sins and seeking forgiveness is not enough to bring about revival. I must put the sin out there and say, "Sin, you are taking me in this direction. I am going to leave you behind, turn around, and head in the completely opposite direction."

Last night, for the first time in a very long time, I was able to stop the momentum of the rage that was building in me. In my heart I said, "Anger, I will not go there with you tonight. Nuh-uh. You, my long-time companion, can go ahead and hop on your little train of emotional breakdown. But I won't be coming along. In fact, I am getting on this other train that's headed in the opposite direction. I'm taking a ride on the train of emotional self-control. Buh-bye!"

I released the kids from their time-outs, instructed them to get their rain boots and coats on, and let them be crazy outside (it lasted about fifteen minutes until all their teeth were chattering). They came in, feasted on their dinner of mini pizzas, and settled into their jammies with a movie.

I honestly can't think of a time in recent years where I have been able to make a turn-around like this. The pattern, as I said, is usually more like: lose it on the kids, weep with my guilt, seek forgiveness from God and kids, try to move on until the next time.

You know, I really wasn't even able to make that turn-around this time. But God. It strikes me that when I am submitted to His will in one area of my life, He makes the path of submission and repentance in other areas so much easier.

I'm sure it doesn't hurt that each time I crave nasty foods that are off-limits right now, I am praying that God remove the spirit of anger from me.

Bring on the revival!


  1. It's those two words "But God" that make all the difference.

    Rejoicing with you in your (His) victory!

  2. "But God"
    Really wonderful that he is enabling you to obey his will.

  3. I am so glad you have made a breakthrough! I get angry like you too and it is really hard. Kids would try the patience of a saint as they say!
    Love your blog!
    Collette xxx

  4. Sounds like a day in the life of ME (minus one child) and I KNOW what it is to deal with anger. That and food seem to be my most common struggles.
    Thank you for your honesty and I am so glad that God is teaching and growing you also - for you kids' sake as well as yours.


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