His Call

Have you ever felt God call you to do something impossible? Something that you know in your heart you are so ill-equipped to do that you are certain you will mess it up?

He has been asking me to do something for quite some time, and I have resisted. First, I ignored Him. Then I argued with Him. Next I submitted to Him, but with conditions. Now, though, I have finally realised that there is no escaping it. His call is irrevocable. And He is just going to keep reminding me until I finally fully submit and obey.

One of the steps in my obedience is to allow myself to be held accountable. I need encouragement to keep going, challenge to not give up, and feedback to do my best for Him. Which is why I am mustering up the courage to post about it here...

God wants me to write a book. A book about one of my worst, most shameful struggles. It's about anger - about being an angry mother - and the journey of getting out from under the control of that anger and allowing God to control it (and me).

The thing is, I am not free from this struggle. This book won't be about 'been there, done that, moved on, this is how.' Nope. Rather, it will be 'stuck in the muck of this repeat cycle of sin-confess-repent, follow me as God and I dig through the muck together, hoping and praying to come out the other side transformed.'

I think this is why I have resisted so long (years, really). I can't imagine a more humbling experience than putting in writing how short I fall at my most important job. But God is relentless, and no matter how much I resist He keeps after me, calling me to follow Him straight through this quicksand, trusting that I won't sink and drown.

I am asking for your help in this monumental task. Feel free to touch base with me and ask if I've been writing. Definitely feel free to cheer me on and give me pep talks. Please, pray for me - not only that I will keep on writing, but for protection for my family as I do so (each time I start on this, the enemy comes out in full force attempting to stir up my anger and make me feel even more inadequate).

The other way you can help me is by sharing your stories. I have heard enough older women say, "I was an angry young mother" to know that I am not alone. Yet at times I am convinced that I must be the only one out there that is like this. It would bless me if you would jump into the muck with me by sharing your experiences in the comments of this post (you are more than welcome to post as 'anonymous'). And I would humbly ask that, if you feel called, you send some of your readers my way to share their stories.

Please know that I may (or may not) choose to use some of your experiences in my writing. If you do comment here, whether you choose to remain anonymous or not, would you please add your age and your number of children? (I have a theory that's it's not just those of us who have a group of kids, but that moms of any age and any size family can struggle with anger towards their children.)

I am going to put a link in my sidebar to this post, and continue to gather the experiences of other mothers as I write. I assure you that not one of you who shares with me will pass by without my prayers, and my deep appreciation for reminding me (and other moms) that I am not alone.

Bless you,