I sat in my truck just around the corner, air conditioner turned to high, and prayed.
I had arrived nearly half an hour early for a job interview. I didn't know why I was there.
Over the years, I had applied for many jobs. Nothing. Several dozen resumes sent out with only one interview four years back. Mostly, I received no reply to my applications. I took that lack of response as guidance from God - a door being closed. Yet I continued to apply as I saw positions that interested me.
Sometimes I wondered if I was being disobedient by continuing to send out resumes every few months. But I didn't get that sense. And to be honest, with each resume emailed I was certain that I'd receive the same reply I'd been getting for years - a closed door.
So I sat outside that office building and prayed...
Lord, am I wasting their time by showing up for this interview? You have kept this door firmly closed for so long, and I've been okay with that. I've been needed at home, and there's the writing and speaking ministry...
Father, I don't think I can do this. What if they offer me the job? I'll need to figure out some part time childcare; I don't think my clingy little boy can handle that. I'll have to find time to still write and speak and take care of the house.
I don't know why I'm here, Lord. You've shut this door so many times. But for some reason, this door appears to be opening. I'm terrified at the thought of it. The changes, the adjustments, the expectations.
Please fill me with Your peace, help me to present myself and You well in this interview, and have Your will be done in my life and for this ministry.
The peace came just two breaths after I asked for it. My nerves calmed. My questions ceased. And I knew - it was in His hands.
I left the interview with a spring in my step. It was so comfortable. I felt so confident. And I believed even more in the importance of what the ministry does to draw people closer to Jesus.
I packed for vacation with a light heart. No worries, no anxiety, no waiting. I would be okay either way. No job offer - life would continue on as it had and that would be great. Job offer - things would change, and change is good for our growth.
Given the past history of applications and rejections, though, I secretly suspected that the job would be offered to someone else. I had settled in my heart that this was still my season to be at home full-time. I expected to return home to a voicemail message confirming my suspicions...
...to be continued...